Incredibly Ace Moments

[you*hear*but*do*you*listen]

4) Pretty much every day in high school and middle school. There are so many new words that mean stuff I don't know. Like aflac, chode (ugh, i almost threw up at that one) and a million more that I just stopped caring. I like living in my own little head and having the highest grades...

I similarly became oblivious to the real world and focused on kicking academic ass (I had either the 3rd or 4th highest GPA in my high school).

And I still don't know what those two words mean. I hate the whole not-knowing-what-words-mean issue. Example from when I was eating in the dining hall with some friends:

Friend: I'm a linguistics major and I have this shirt that says "Everyone loves a cunning linguist," but I don't have the guts to wear it.

Me: Why not?

Friend: "Cunning linguist?"

Me: Why is that bad?

Friend: *some word that sounds like "cunning linguist" that I can't remember*

Me: Still not getting it.

Friend: Oral sex?

Me: WHAT!?!?

*the entire table laughs*

[jenrummy]

I love this thread! My entire life is an ace moment, basically. Unfortunately, I get all the jokes, but I always end up unintentionally saying things that could be seen as sexual, I suppose. I get constant grief from my friends for having a dirty mind. Oh well. The most asexy moment that I remember happened yesterday. A couple of my friends and I were hanging out (they're both sexual, and currently seeing people), and they were talking about their boyfriends. The conversation went WAY too far for me - I completely shut down - blushed bright red, put my hands over my ears, and curled into a ball. They could not stop laughing at me.

Oh, and I was watching the Matrix with one of these friends last night. She was talking about how "beautiful" Keanu Reeves is - but how disappointed she was that he's not more ripped in the movie. My reply: Umm....I guess. *awkward silence*

[Fayiirah]

This happened in cooking class about three years ago...

Boy 1 to Boy 2: The legal consenting age for two people under 18 to have sex is now 14. OH YEAH!

Me: *thinking* Who would want to do THAT? Especially at 14...

Boy 2: Umm, yeah... *uncomfortable laugh*

Then this happened a few minutes later...

Me to Boy 1: Hey! Give me my pencil back and quit banging it against the counter!

Boy 1: Ewwww. You're gross! Pervert! *laugh*

Me: Wha...? *confusion*

Boy 1: Have your pencil back. God knows what you do with it. Eww.

Me: *still confused*

I didn't get it until a year later when my friend told me what "banging" meant.

This happened when I was about 11.

Friend: And this stuff here is to make "down there" smell nice for the boys.

Me: Umm... Okay? *thinking* Who would want that? It's not like anybody's ever going to be close enough to smell there. Who would want to smell there, anyway? Who would even want to be close to there? *confusion*

[SourJane]

4) Pretty much every day in high school and middle school. There are so many new words that mean stuff I don't know. Like aflac, chode (ugh, i almost threw up at that one) and a million more that I just stopped caring. I like living in my own little head and having the highest grades...

I similarly became oblivious to the real world and focused on kicking academic ass (I had either the 3rd or 4th highest GPA in my high school).

And I still don't know what those two words mean. I hate the whole not-knowing-what-words-mean issue. Example from when I was eating in the dining hall with some friends:

Friend: I'm a linguistics major and I have this shirt that says "Everyone loves a cunning linguist," but I don't have the guts to wear it.

Me: Why not?

Friend: "Cunning linguist?"

Me: Why is that bad?

Friend: *some word that sounds like "cunning linguist" that I can't remember*

Me: Still not getting it.

Friend: Oral sex?

Me: WHAT!?!?

*the entire table laughs*

That's "cunnilingus" or to place one's mouth on a female's sexual organs. Female version of "fellatio."

[beltane]

My moment is whenever someone says they are "horny". I have no idea what it's like. Is it like, a throbbing, burning thing (in which case I don't want to feel it!) or is it more like when I really want to eat Pop Tarts?

That said, I still have a great appreciation for attractive men (and women, for that matter), so I'm inclined to enjoy Wolverine without his shirt. And the Winchesters. And muscle cars.

[knoxroxmysox]

Here's one:

I'm currently taking a Human Origins class (AnthroSoc) at my college, and one of the required books is all about "Our Inner Ape" (comparing us to chimps and bonobos). There's a whole chapter on sex, only mitigated (sort of) by the fact that they're animals (sort of). Well, at one point, the author is drawing conclusions about humans and the emphasis on purity and virginity and loyalty (non-adultery), and he describes the physical design of the chastity belt. This is something I've always been rather confused about, ever since seeing "Robin Hood: Men in Tights" in my youth. And when he described it, I literally, verbally went "Ohhhhh..." in realization/understanding.

So, my asexual moment was finally learning about about the structure and design of chastity belts in a book almost exclusively about chimpanzees.

Of course, the author of that book also describes all human pair-bonding (and I think all pair-bonding in all of nature), and marriage in particular as "a sex-for-food deal between a man and a woman with children attached." I get to disagree with that on many, many levels. As a primatologist, I think he has a tendency to oversimplify when it comes to humans.

[SourJane]

Wait... what? What was the big "Ohhh!" about?

[kabukikoo]

I always kick a lot of ass at Never Have I Ever.

Me too... but I hate that game! Every time it's my turn I try hard to think of something, anything, not sexually related. Never have I ever been to Europe. And ten fingers... they're games that you almost don't want to win because they make you stick out like a sore thumb...

ugh I hate the never have I ever game as well... also the truth or dare. It sucks because everyone judges completely during those and I always hoped that I wouldn't get asked to say or do something crazy.

I always win Never Have I Ever...

As for Truth or Dare, once, I was with a few friends on a soccer field at night playing it, and I made the best dares, with laughter and fun times being had by all (We were all female.):

"Throw your glasses out randomly and then find them again." Five minutes of hand-crawling searchery and giggles ensued.

"Lie down... now roll all the way across the field." The game was then cut short in favor of finding new ways to make ourselves dizzy - spinning, tumbling, rolling, cartwheels.

Writing them out, they sound kinda lame... but when you're with friends, it's funny...

Once, some people came over and played The Nervous Game, in my room. Yeah creepy. I didn't participate, but I learned a valuable lesson about sexuals and the human mind from observation.

What's The Nervous Game?

[mary_russell]

I didn't think I had one until one just occurred to me: my sister's bachelorette party. Yeah, going to bars and flirting with guys. I'm all about that. :P

Before we left her apartment, she and her friends were talking about sex (I was technically in the conversation, but obviously had little to contribute). At one point her most irritating friend started talking about how she would never let her boyfriend "enter her back door." I think it took me a full year to finally have that particular epiphany, and I sort of wish I never did. My immediate afterthought was, "People do that?! wtf?!"

And I think in high school one of my friends mentioned my lack of interest in dating. I said something about not being interested in guys. She giggled and said I shouldn't repeat that. Didn't get that one either.

[mary_russell]

And did I mention that we were expected to carry straws shaped like penises around to all the bars? Classy, right? I conveniently "lost" mine before we left...

[SpirallingSnowy]

I've always been able to pretend to be fully sexual. I've always understood all the sex jokes, I've always been able to identify someone I "like", etc. I don't really enjoy sex scenes in movies but I definitely enjoy hot guys in movies. I know how sexuals are supposed to act. I'm just fairly certain I'm not one... it's very weird.

Im like this mostly.

But i have rather sexual friends, whom i can usually keep up with and sometimes push the boundaries with and they dont even think of me as asexual.

Regularly though they make a sexual innuendo comment that goes over my head, or imply something i hadnt even considered and i would be like.... "oh god*headdesk*" lol

What i dont do well is read peoples body language well, I can never tell is someone is really into me or just a good friend... for eg. The other day i was hanging out with my friend Tim, whom is very sexual and hasnt gotten "any" in a while and so is rather sexually frustrated, and ive tried to be nice and not flirt with him...... and we were watching House MD, and there was this cute 17 yr old character on it and he got so frustrated and hid his head in my lap so he didnt have to watch......and then proceeded to hit on me...... :S. See and although sex doesnt bother me, and sometimes is even fun, i was all smart assey and said "should of asked me a week ago" cos i had asked a guy out a few days before that..... Really should of worked it out before then...... lol......

( even though admittedly in oct/nov i had been hitting on him but he was interested in a friend, and this is before i had known him this well and had known he was very sexual......)

Best asexual moment though would of been i was hanging out with said boyf at the time about 4yrs ago, and we were at a party with some friends, and at the time getting rather stoned... and someone put on porn and i was laughing at it and said " why watch something when you lot can go do it yourselves???" then went outside to get more stoned. and then to bed..... lol....

Boyfriends have gotten frustrated at me when i havent gotten the hint they wanted sex, or said friend whom i really liked used to take me on drives and it took me months to work out it was a booty call........

Or it took me 5yrs to work out that someone was in love with me.

My fave moment recently was that my bestfriend Lonney ( who is a bisexual and engaged to a awesome dude called Ben) told a friend that was helping them move in their new house and was going to see me, that i was asexual and not to make too many sexual innuendo comments cos it might make me feel uncomfy, and warned me he was going to be there and hoped he wouldnt make me feel uncomfy. I was very touched :)

[kabukikoo]

I think my subconscious tells people I'm asexual. Like the other night, I had a dream that I was having an affair with someone. I don't think we actually did anything though, if we did my dream blanked out every time those times came on, and it just seemed like we were forbidden best friends.

I have another one. When I was in Jr. High, my oldest friend had become very sexually orientated. She sent me this picture online that said, "Need a Beaver Cleaning?" I didn't respond because I knew it was something along those lines if she had sent it to me. Didn't find out what it meant til about two years later.

[RainbowJoy]

My epiphany was very public... when I was about 17 I was in a cafe with a few male friends. One of them was showing me videos on his cellphone. I saw one called "blonde_F***" and thinking it was some kind of hilarious blonde joke video I asked enthusiastically if we could watch it.

As soon as it started I let out this horrified scream and everyone was looking at us :redface: Until that day I always thought it was only weirdos who watched those kind of videos.

[Shortass Lady]

This facebok conversation with a friend happened in the past couple of days. It starts with her status update:

JS Is in the dole office .its all very sad. 10:22am - Comment

AN at 1:54pm January 14

Feel for ya!!

JS at 3:36pm January 14 via Facebook Mobile

Ur all hands.;-)

*Shortass Lady* at 7:22pm January 14

Been there, done that, join the club!

AN at 10:57pm January 14

I dont't know what you guys mean ;)

JS at 11:37pm January 14 via Facebook Mobile

SL. So much for the aSexual lol;-)

*Shortass Lady* at 11:11pm January 15

Yeh I see now what I inadvertently implied, oops! lol. I must be a raging nympho in an asexual's body ;)

Yep, I was talking about the dole office, and they were making sexual innuendoes! This I did not realise until JS gave me a hint :lol: I'm usually fairly normal in my ability to spot innuendoes too!

[that_american_kid]

anthropology class this morning...

We're talking about how very little is instinctual, including our methods of having sex. (Not *that* we reproduce, but what positions we use to do it.) My professor, sounding like he was going on a rant, said "People think it's natural to eat this way, pee this way, screw this way..."

And I thought to myself, "Well, they only make so many types of screwdriv- oh. That kind of 'screw'. Hmm."

[Maxx1128]

A funny one happened to me about fifteen minutes ago. My sister randomly called me in when I was gathering some laundry, and she asked if I would sleep with a woman even if she was ugly. Of course, she was unaware of my asexyness. I just told her I'd tell our dog, and he'd relay my message back to her, and scurried to the laundry room before they asked me again.

I'm hopeful they won't confront me again later...

[intrikate88]

Hilarious thread, loving it!

My absolutely asexiest moment came after a drunken (birthday) evening with three of my friends, where, after we were all extremely sloshed, L. (snuggling with her boyfriend T. on the couch) suggested that M. and I, who were fooling around with the foozball table, play strip foozball. I am not an easily embarrassed person generally and I just don't really feel that my body is sexual (which led to sooo many talks with parents when growing up about what "messages" I was sending... I'm not sending any damn messages, I don't understand, my telegraph station is a coffeeshop, leave me alone, parents) so clothes started being removed. I won the game! ...but only because I had one more hairpin than M. had sock.

After this, L. and T. went home, and since I was too drunk to drive, I stayed at M.'s and we kept on drinking. He expressed concerns on the size of his manhood in the cool of that autumn night. I shrugged and told him he looked "adequately male" since I'd seen it but.. I mean, who cares? I know people care about that sort of thing? It's just an appendage, and one that seems as if it would be rather inconvenient, to me. He then proceeded to compliment the impressiveness of my bosom, which I didn't particularly care about as I'm unfortunately aware of its impressiveness, but I suppose it was kind of him. After a bit, he went to his bed (I had to push him there) and I went to sleep on his futon, and I thought nothing more about it than that I'd had a fun night with friends.

Then a few days later, L. asked me expectantly if I'd gotten laid. I stared at her in absolute consternation, wondering where/when/how on earth something like that might have happened. "On your birthday? After we left?" she prompted. "Oh!" I said. "Oh. OH. No, I didn't- I, um, wouldn't. But thanks for your concern."

At first I was a little offended, but really.... LOL. Usually I get insinuations a little faster, since I do understand the nature of sexuality, just not ever as it applies to me! I'm one of the best out of my friends at picking up innuendos, but that, really, is just a result of being a fourth-year English major and loving multiple meanings of words too much.

[Des]

[Friend: I'm a linguistics major and I have this shirt that says "Everyone loves a cunning linguist," but I don't have the guts to wear it.

I have had an idea for about 8 years for a t-shirt and I still haven't had the guts to go make it. It says "Batteries are a girl's best friend." Maybe not an ace shirt, but definitely a shirt that says we don't need anybody else.

"People think it's natural to eat this way, pee this way, screw this way..."

And I thought to myself, "Well, they only make so many types of screwdriv- oh. That kind of 'screw'. Hmm."

This made me laugh so hard!

[you*hear*but*do*you*listen]

[Friend: I'm a linguistics major and I have this shirt that says "Everyone loves a cunning linguist," but I don't have the guts to wear it.

I have had an idea for about 8 years for a t-shirt and I still haven't had the guts to go make it. It says "Batteries are a girl's best friend." Maybe not an ace shirt, but definitely a shirt that says we don't need anybody else.

Des, was it you who also had the idea for the T-shirt that said "Who would Jesus do? Nobody! Asexuals win!" because I would probably wear that.

[theflyingclubcup]

Me: *confiding* You know, yesterday I walked in on Girl 1 and Boy 17 kissing behind the stairwell in the south wing!

Girl 12: Oh, she told me about that. They weren't kissing. They were doing *drops voice* other stuff.

Me: Oh, so I didn't interrupt anything? Thank goodness!

[theflyingclubcup]

I love this thread! My entire life is an ace moment, basically. Unfortunately, I get all the jokes, but I always end up unintentionally saying things that could be seen as sexual, I suppose. I get constant grief from my friends for having a dirty mind. Oh well. The most asexy moment that I remember happened yesterday. A couple of my friends and I were hanging out (they're both sexual, and currently seeing people), and they were talking about their boyfriends. The conversation went WAY too far for me - I completely shut down - blushed bright red, put my hands over my ears, and curled into a ball. They could not stop laughing at me.

That's exactly me with my sexual friends. I'm afraid I'm far too good at inserting "That's what she said!" at malaprop times - and then they just keep going... *shudders*

Luckily, I've lassoed a really sheltered celibate girl to sit at our table and all my friends feel guilty talking dirty when she's around. That way, I can eat my lunch without puking often. ^^

[Dhraconus]

I have to say I love this thread. Though as I've been reading through I was thinking to myself I'm one of those who gets most sex jokes, and in fact I regularly entertain myself by saying things in a way that it could be construed in a sexual way because I like watching people's reactions.

And then I read this:

It isn't me, but I found it on "Bash", which shows logs of IRC chatrooms.

* Porter is now known as PorterWITHGIRLFRIENDWHOISHOT

<Strayed> he shot his girlfriend?

I read it and thought "why the heck would someone make that their username, A) it's cruel, B) that's really not something you want to be bragging about, and C) it's illegal...."

Then I read the second line and thought, "wait, this is supposed to be funny for some reason.... Oh..."

[Valentyne]

I was at meal hall with some friends and one of the girls had a banana, and she was eating in what was apparently a provocative way, and her boy friend was groaning. I can usually figure out when people are thinking about such things, given their reactions. When she finished her banana I decided I wanted mine, because, well, I like bananas. So I started to peal it, he looked at me and said "Oh no." I thought, oh, he's thinking of phallic symbols, if it isn't that shape anymore he won't think about it like that. So I started to slice my banana. Wrong idea, he whimpered and almost started to cry. My friend gave me a high five. I didn't mean to make it worse, I was trying to make it better, and it just exploded in my face...I do that a lot. ...my friends are perverts....

[you*hear*but*do*you*listen]

I was at meal hall with some friends and one of the girls had a banana, and she was eating in what was apparently a provocative way, and her boy friend was groaning. I can usually figure out when people are thinking about such things, given their reactions. When she finished her banana I decided I wanted mine, because, well, I like bananas. So I started to peal it, he looked at me and said "Oh no." I thought, oh, he's thinking of phallic symbols, if it isn't that shape anymore he won't think about it like that. So I started to slice my banana. Wrong idea, he whimpered and almost started to cry. My friend gave me a high five. I didn't mean to make it worse, I was trying to make it better, and it just exploded in my face...I do that a lot. ...my friends are perverts....

OOH! BANANA STORY!

So there was this one kid with whom I went on two pity dates because his mom had just died when he asked me out. He thought his Y chromosome made it acceptable to act like a complete perv; I had to smack him a couple of times. He kept finding me during lunchtime despite the fact that nobody at the table (myself included) liked him, but I allowed it because one of my other friends at my table was always insulting him in clever/funny ways. Anyway, I was eating a banana one day and he told me he didn't like bananas because he thought "their shape was inappropriate." I told him something like he shouldn't be prejudiced against the poor banana for the way it was shaped, and did he not like starfruit because it was shaped oddly? Whenever I ate bananas after that, I sliced them up as viciously as I could. Watching his face while I did this was HILARIOUS.

[Pentachromacy]

I was at meal hall with some friends and one of the girls had a banana, and she was eating in what was apparently a provocative way, and her boy friend was groaning. I can usually figure out when people are thinking about such things, given their reactions. When she finished her banana I decided I wanted mine, because, well, I like bananas. So I started to peal it, he looked at me and said "Oh no." I thought, oh, he's thinking of phallic symbols, if it isn't that shape anymore he won't think about it like that. So I started to slice my banana. Wrong idea, he whimpered and almost started to cry. My friend gave me a high five. I didn't mean to make it worse, I was trying to make it better, and it just exploded in my face...I do that a lot. ...my friends are perverts....

OOH! BANANA STORY!

So there was this one kid with whom I went on two pity dates because his mom had just died when he asked me out. He thought his Y chromosome made it acceptable to act like a complete perv; I had to smack him a couple of times. He kept finding me during lunchtime despite the fact that nobody at the table (myself included) liked him, but I allowed it because one of my other friends at my table was always insulting him in clever/funny ways. Anyway, I was eating a banana one day and he told me he didn't like bananas because he thought "their shape was inappropriate." I told him something like he shouldn't be prejudiced against the poor banana for the way it was shaped, and did he not like starfruit because it was shaped oddly? Whenever I ate bananas after that, I sliced them up as viciously as I could. Watching his face while I did this was HILARIOUS.

:lol: That's great.

[crazychick18]

When I had to go out with a boy for 4 monthes to go to prom so my grandma could see me go, I would dodge him at all costs, while keeping him just close enough to last till prom. If he just had to take me out I would set my phone alarm to go off as soon as we got back in the car and pretend to answer it and say I had to go see my dad so he wouldnt try to kiss me or get frisky. I made it 4 monthes without even making out with him! lol

[jenrummy]

I love this thread! My entire life is an ace moment, basically. Unfortunately, I get all the jokes, but I always end up unintentionally saying things that could be seen as sexual, I suppose. I get constant grief from my friends for having a dirty mind. Oh well. The most asexy moment that I remember happened yesterday. A couple of my friends and I were hanging out (they're both sexual, and currently seeing people), and they were talking about their boyfriends. The conversation went WAY too far for me - I completely shut down - blushed bright red, put my hands over my ears, and curled into a ball. They could not stop laughing at me.

That's exactly me with my sexual friends. I'm afraid I'm far too good at inserting "That's what she said!" at malaprop times - and then they just keep going... *shudders*

Luckily, I've lassoed a really sheltered celibate girl to sit at our table and all my friends feel guilty talking dirty when she's around. That way, I can eat my lunch without puking often. ^^

Wow, excellent work there! I despise the "That's what she said!" phenomenon. As if 18 and 19 year olds didn't talk about sex enough, now it's become socially acceptable to insinuate sexual activity in every innocent situation. I'm glad you've found a "shield" to sit with you at lunch - I don't really know anyone like that, other than myself...and no one listens to me when I start trying to change the subject. :/

When I had to go out with a boy for 4 monthes to go to prom so my grandma could see me go, I would dodge him at all costs, while keeping him just close enough to last till prom. If he just had to take me out I would set my phone alarm to go off as soon as we got back in the car and pretend to answer it and say I had to go see my dad so he wouldnt try to kiss me or get frisky. I made it 4 monthes without even making out with him! lol

I'm very impressed with your strategy, crazychick. That took some real creativity - I'm not sure I would have thought of setting my phone alarm! ^^ The poor guy must have been so frustrated!!

[Aimeendfire]

There was this really muscular 'hot' guy in my geology class. One day he came in with a sleeveless shirt to show off his muscles and my first thought was..OMG aren't you cold..I'm freezing..haven't you heard of sleeves..I don't want to see that. The girl next to me was staring him and squeezing his muscles while I was dying inside.

[Feylin]

The last day of school before exams, I was in the caf, which was cleared out except for a few people studying. Suddenly, a girl from my photography class called over and asked what asexuality was. I kind of sat there going "umm" for minute while trying to figure out how she knew I was ace before I realized she was talking about biology class. Oops.

[ThePieMaker]

The last day of school before exams, I was in the caf, which was cleared out except for a few people studying. Suddenly, a girl from my photography class called over and asked what asexuality was. I kind of sat there going "umm" for minute while trying to figure out how she knew I was ace before I realized she was talking about biology class. Oops.

Hahaha, that's amazing.

P.S. I LOVE your avatar.

Reminds me of when I was in bio last semester. One segment we obviously go over asexual reproduction and we had lab to go along with class with a separate lab book. Well the title of one segment had the word asexual in it, so I scribbled out the 'a' and 'l' and turned the 'u' into a 'y' to make it 'asexy' while my lab partners looked on with confused and slightly worried expressions. At the time, I had completely forgot that we were going to have to turn in our lab books to our professor I wonder if he noticed...