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How do you know when someone is sexually attracted to you?


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SlightlyMetaphysical
I was driving down the road with a young lady in the passenger seat, and she spontaneously grabbed my crotch. She said, "OK?" I was too shocked to say anything other than "OK." :rolleyes:

My god. If that had been me, there would have been a car crash, and she'd have got us both killed.

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I just always assume when someone likes me that it's just as innocent as when I fancy someone, cause that's all I know. Also, I wonder HOW anyone could find me sexually attractive. That's just weird. I can kind of understand maybe why someone would think I'm cute or something... but sexually attractive? It doesn't even cross my mind. I certainly don't try, in fact I try hard to NOT be seen like that.

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you*hear*but*do*you*listen
I just always assume when someone likes me that it's just as innocent as when I fancy someone, cause that's all I know. Also, I wonder HOW anyone could find me sexually attractive. That's just weird. I can kind of understand maybe why someone would think I'm cute or something... but sexually attractive? It doesn't even cross my mind. I certainly don't try, in fact I try hard to NOT be seen like that.

Yeah, I dress in a way that's quite modest and you'd think would deflect sexual attraction. I also find it hard to believe that anyone who attempts to deflect sexual attraction could be found attractive, but apparently the perviest of the pervs just use their imaginations. *shudder* One of these pervs insisted that I should wear "more flattering" clothes. Ugh. Nice euphemism, asshole.

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  • 2 weeks later...
BalladOfJayne

The way I tell I'm being flirted with is how pissed off I'm getting. I have a few friends who literally only communicate through flirting, and I'm more than fine being around them. It's just who they are. Actually, they're some of my favourite people to hang out with because they're so much fun and completely the opposite of me. People who are interested in me and actively make the effort to flirt drive me up the wall. As soon as they start, I get disproportionately angry and have no idea why until I realize that their intelligence level has just dropped by half. To me, flirty comes across as being willfully stupid.

So far as out and out sexual attraction is concerned, I'm a pro at picking that out, since I only ever have variants of the same experience. I even have an easy-to-remember checklist:

1. Are they (pick one or more):

-Drunk?

-Disproportionately older than me by at least 25 years?

-Homeless?

2. Are they doing one or more of the following?

- Trying not to fall over?

- Falling over?

- Looking at my chest?

- Shouting, "Yur FUCKin' GORGess...SO hawt..."

- Requesting to have sex with me?

Every. Damn. Time....I'm the luckiest girl in the world! <_<

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interesting question. i've wondered about it myself before. so i took the liberty of asking other male students at my campus.

and here are the results (for males, anyway): form my observations, i have come to the conclusion that males feel sexual attraction all the time. to anyone that fits their type. Steve, a friend of mine in one of my classes, told me he doesn't care as long as the girl has a good body.

i know what constitutes as a good body, but the one thing i don't understand is why some people only care about the body.

EDIT: by the way, i myself am a male so i doubt the people i asked answered wrongly out of politeness.

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Yay oblivious club! Personaly I have never noticed anyone who appears to be atracted to me. I only remember one non family member ever saying something blatantly out loud.

It was at my summer job where I worked as an outdoor pool lifeguard. I personaly don't like the sun very much so my typical uniform for the job was longsleeve shirt, conservitive one peice, bulky uniform tank top, shorts, sunglasses and a giant tilly hat. (the typical uniform was swim suits particularly bicinis for the girls and the uniform shirt which would be removed as often as possible.) One day when there was thunder and lighting one of my co-workers who was very nice but as an extrem sexual, constantly bewildered by me, offered to give me a makeover. I was board so I let her. When she was almost done one of my male co-workers walked in and said "Wow, Vermeulen's HOT!" in a very suprised tone.

Other than that I sometimes worry that my best friend who is male might feel that way about me as he is a self described 'man whore' but I think our relationship is more brother/sister I am where he goes for advice on how to pursue other females. last night he told me that if anyone ever made me cry I had to come to him and point out the guilty person, he would then kick that person's ass. It was so cute, like the twin brother I never had.

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WakingDreamer

I know when I tell my mom about how my day went. Once in a while she'll facepalm and say, "Honey, that guy was hitting on you." At which point I go "Oh? ...Oh. That's nice. Well, anyway, like I was saying..."

Honestly, I won't notice otherwise.

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  • 2 weeks later...
vashsunglasses

I'm another oblivious one.

I went through school thinking nobody was interested in me... come to find out, I left a trail of broken hearts behind me.

Whoops! :lol:

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Hm... usually I can tell at the point they start buying/getting me drinks while looking particularly eager. Note that this is not to be confused with me demanding requesting to be brought drinks by a person looking eager to not further piss me off. Oh, also I good sign is when they randomly feel me up. That actually happens... more than you'd think? I swear my body is like the freakin tree of knowledge and I'm surrounded by a bunch of rather masculine Eves.

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Many things can hint a sexual interest but the way the person sees you is what shatters the ambiguity. This stare has depth, is intense, it's like something is boiling inside the starer; the starer seems like a different person, in fact, to me, it seems like the starer becomes a bit depersonalised and the person being stared becomes something like a lambchop for the starer.

Lambchop for the starer, that is great!

:)

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I'm mostly oblivious. The one date I've been on I didn't realize she thought it was a date. She asked me out and I thought it was just to pay me back for helping her move). Another time a co-worker said I had "nice pants" and I wondered if it was suggesting something.

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I'm getting much better at realising when someone's into me just by reading their body language, although I do have a hard time differentiating between physical attraction and sexual attraction.

Possible signs of sexual attraction from my experience:

+ Placing their hand on or stroking your thigh when you are sitting near each other.

+ That lustful look/stare that others have previously mentioned - the expression in their eyes is unmistakably different to their usual gaze.

+ Kissing the air whilst looking at you.

+ Winking and wearing a mischievous smile.

+ Saying something that will draw your attention to their lips, boobs, crotch etc, such as "I kiss sensuously". The tone of their voice is important too, not just what is said.

Or maybe they are just signs of physical attraction? Or both? Sexuals often don't separate the different types of attraction like asexuals do.

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Many things can hint a sexual interest but the way the person sees you is what shatters the ambiguity. This stare has depth, is intense, it's like something is boiling inside the starer; the starer seems like a different person, in fact, to me, it seems like the starer becomes a bit depersonalised and the person being stared becomes something like a lambchop for the starer.

OBJECTION!

As a demi who's developed a whole freaking fantasy from being unexpectedly stared at by the only object of her desire, I have to ask a couple of things here.

How do you know if someone's a starer and not just freaked out by you?

I know when I tell my mom about how my day went. Once in a while she'll facepalm and say, "Honey, that guy was hitting on you." At which point I go "Oh? ...Oh. That's nice. Well, anyway, like I was saying..."

My mom keeps on claiming things like this for years and years and she keeps on saying how it's IMPOSSIBLE that guys don't look at me. Well, if one was interested in me for the past almost-twenty-six years, I assume I would know?! :blink:

I'd just quote beloved Ralph Wiggum here...it'll be a slightly modified quote, though.

"Me fail physical attraction? That's UMPOSSIBLE."

Bless Ralph.

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Many things can hint a sexual interest but the way the person sees you is what shatters the ambiguity. This stare has depth, is intense, it's like something is boiling inside the starer; the starer seems like a different person, in fact, to me, it seems like the starer becomes a bit depersonalised and the person being stared becomes something like a lambchop for the starer.

OBJECTION!

As a demi who's developed a whole freaking fantasy from being unexpectedly stared at by the only object of her desire, I have to ask a couple of things here.

How do you know if someone's a starer and not just freaked out by you?

Just to add to this, I've been accused of staring at people who I hadn't even noticed the presence of.
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As a demi who's developed a whole freaking fantasy from being unexpectedly stared at by the only object of her desire, I have to ask a couple of things here.

How do you know if someone's a starer and not just freaked out by you?

When a person scares me I won't even look at any part of them.

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I'm kind of embarrassed to ask something awkward like, "You know, I've been wondering if you were sexually attracted to me?" Because I tell myself that if they are, I should already know, and if they aren't, they will be scandalized at the suggestion LOL and will withdraw affection.
I am oblivious to it. I only know if I'm told/shown!

I think a more serious answer is: you have to have clear communication. This is the only way that I *know* that an asexual relationship will work for me, whether I'm with a sexual or asexual person, is communication. No two people like exactly the same thing. Just recently I started hanging out with this (sexual) guy, and even though it was awkward, I had to be very open and honest with him. You have to be open and honest. No one can be *expected* to know what's in a person's mind. So, like Jade said, you can only know if someone tells you or completely overtly makes it obvious (ala French kiss, like some of the anecdotes).

Seriously, the cornerstone of any relationship -- sexual, asexual, or one of each -- is communication. If you're embarrassed to communicate with the person you've got to consider that first, because an open dialog has to happen before boundaries (such as "let's agree to be monogamous" or "let's agree to be polyamorous" or "let's agree to have sex at these times but not at these times" or "let's never have sex") can exist. Communication leads to boundaries, and boundaries are what makes a relationship *healthy*.

(I feel so preachy, and I'm sorry, but this is like my number one problem with every relationship I've ever had, and I've learned that I can't just be embarrassed to feel something -- I either figure out how to say it out loud, or I figure out what's stopping me.)

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I think a more serious answer is: you have to have clear communication. This is the only way that I *know* that an asexual relationship will work for me, whether I'm with a sexual or asexual person, is communication. No two people like exactly the same thing. Just recently I started hanging out with this (sexual) guy, and even though it was awkward, I had to be very open and honest with him. You have to be open and honest. No one can be *expected* to know what's in a person's mind. So, like Jade said, you can only know if someone tells you or completely overtly makes it obvious (ala French kiss, like some of the anecdotes).

Yup, thanks, that's kind of where I have been headed too. So I don't take it as preachy at all. Now I do feel uncomfortable just sitting someone down and reciting a disclaimer for hanging out with me - so I'm finding more indirect and natural ways to introduce the same topic, leading to the same information being communicated.

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Now I do feel uncomfortable just sitting someone down and reciting a disclaimer for hanging out with me - so I'm finding more indirect and natural ways to introduce the same topic, leading to the same information being communicated.

Put it on a t-shirt.

"To hang out with me you must observe the following rules:"

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Now I do feel uncomfortable just sitting someone down and reciting a disclaimer for hanging out with me - so I'm finding more indirect and natural ways to introduce the same topic, leading to the same information being communicated.

Put it on a t-shirt.

"To hang out with me you must observe the following rules:"

I might have often wanted to have an easy way to achieve immediate understanding with people around this subject. And in frustration, I've wished for something like a T-shirt. But in real life, I don't want to build relationships by outlining rules ahead of time. I don't believe in rules.

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  • 2 weeks later...
Many things can hint a sexual interest but the way the person sees you is what shatters the ambiguity. This stare has depth, is intense, it's like something is boiling inside the starer; the starer seems like a different person, in fact, to me, it seems like the starer becomes a bit depersonalised and the person being stared becomes something like a lambchop for the starer.

OBJECTION!

As a demi who's developed a whole freaking fantasy from being unexpectedly stared at by the only object of her desire, I have to ask a couple of things here.

How do you know if someone's a starer and not just freaked out by you?

You're in a restaurant, a waitor is coming toward you, looking at you, holding a knife.

How do you know that he probably thinks that you need the knife for your meal and that he is not coming to slaughter you?

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Knowing if someone is interested in you is something you have to find out by your own methods; there isn't really a way of telling if they like you by simply sitting back and waiting to see if they flat-out say it. What I generally do is firstly, if she is in a group, I'll speak with the other members of the group. Attractive girls are used to people coming up to them and chatting them up; so by paying attention to her friends, you're going to gain her interest more than saying "you're hot", because she'll think "thank you, next". If she's at all interested, she'll probably try to win your attention from the group. There's a lot of hints that she is interested; touching her hair, touching your arm, squinting her eyes a little (when someone does this they are generally trying to figure out something about you, they are paying attention to you and showing interest in you as a person), cocking the head a little to the side (this is subconsciously a sign of thought towards the person one is looking at also). You just have to know what to look out for.

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cocking the head a little to the side

Although I'd probably construe this as more 'ahh, bless' - like she feels sorry for me. i.e. ISN'T attracted to me.

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Although I'd probably construe this as more 'ahh, bless' - like she feels sorry for me. i.e. ISN'T attracted to me.

It depends how someone is doing it. It depends how someone is doing anything really - which shows how poor the art of writing is in getting things like this across. If she's scrunching her shoulers up saying "awww bless" then she's probably patronising, yeah. But if you know what to look for, the subconscious with all it's lovely body signals speaks more than words.

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So here's something I've often had trouble discerning: how do you know when someone is sexually attracted to you? As different from, they just like you a lot? Especially if the relationship is already somewhat physical? And I'm kind of embarrassed to ask something awkward like, "You know, I've been wondering if you were sexually attracted to me?" Because I tell myself that if they are, I should already know, and if they aren't, they will be scandalized at the suggestion LOL and will withdraw affection. I guess what leads me to suspect it in the first place, is a kind of yearning look in their eyes, or sighs when touched in a certain way. The thing is I'm very easily quite physically affectionate and tender with people I like and care about and I just don't know where that magic line is where something becomes sexual for people. And right now I just want to act from whatever I authentically feel like, because I don't hold myself responsible for how other people react to it. But I do wonder about your experience and how have you been able to see what is going on, and how you have been able to come clean in ambiguous situations?

I think someone gazing at me means they're attracted to me. There's a girl that's always nervous and kinda awkward around me, so she *might* be attracted to me, kinda hard to tell though. If a woman starts grooming herself in my presence, then I think she's trying to get my attention and may be attracted to me

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you*hear*but*do*you*listen

There have been a few people mentioning staring, and others saying that the stare could be non-sexual or even unintentional. While this is true, I keep remembering Sally's claim that the I-want-you-sexually stare makes the object of the staring feel like a lamb chop--a claim I COMPLETELY agree with. So to all of you saying a stare is not necessarily an indication, you're right, it's not. It's that particular hungry stare that makes you feel like a mouse before the yawning maw of a python that makes you want to piss your pants and run like there's an anthropophagous flame monster after you that indicates sexual attraction. Well, that's your reaction if you don't return the feelings, anyway. It's probably rather exciting if you do return the feelings and catch someone staring at you like that, but I personally have felt like the mouse, will always feel like the mouse, and never want to feel like the mouse again. *sHUddeR*

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In my experience, there's no way of telling when people in general are sexually attracted to you. Some are really overt, but even that's not a sure sign because it's possible to be very sexually aggressive towards someone you're not actually attracted to. Power, loneliness, etc. can motivate that sort of thing just as much as sexual attraction can.

It's like I asked a friend: "[x] rubbed my chest last night. What does that mean?" My friend responded: "It probably meant she wanted to rub somebody's chest right then. I wouldn't take it personally."

And words don't really do it either. Someone who claims they're sexually attracted to you, or not sexually attracted to you, can be lying or confused about their feelings. If you don't know them well enough to trust them, their words won't necessarily mean very much.

IMHO, it makes sense to build that bedrock of trust before getting too emotionally invested in someone's sexual attraction.

Cheers,

TH

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I just always assume when someone likes me that it's just as innocent as when I fancy someone, cause that's all I know. Also, I wonder HOW anyone could find me sexually attractive. That's just weird. I can kind of understand maybe why someone would think I'm cute or something... but sexually attractive? It doesn't even cross my mind. I certainly don't try, in fact I try hard to NOT be seen like that.

Everything here is exactly how I feel. Especially that first sentence... oh, if only it was so.

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