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How do you know when someone is sexually attracted to you?


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#1 Trix

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Posted 31 October 2008 - 07:10 PM

So here's something I've often had trouble discerning: how do you know when someone is sexually attracted to you? As different from, they just like you a lot? Especially if the relationship is already somewhat physical? And I'm kind of embarrassed to ask something awkward like, "You know, I've been wondering if you were sexually attracted to me?" Because I tell myself that if they are, I should already know, and if they aren't, they will be scandalized at the suggestion LOL and will withdraw affection. I guess what leads me to suspect it in the first place, is a kind of yearning look in their eyes, or sighs when touched in a certain way. The thing is I'm very easily quite physically affectionate and tender with people I like and care about and I just don't know where that magic line is where something becomes sexual for people. And right now I just want to act from whatever I authentically feel like, because I don't hold myself responsible for how other people react to it. But I do wonder about your experience and how have you been able to see what is going on, and how you have been able to come clean in ambiguous situations?

#2 Rayne

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Posted 31 October 2008 - 07:41 PM

Mm, how do i know when someones attracted to me? Usually when they try to kiss me. And i try to run away :P. Prior to that im oblivious. And even looking back, i couldn't tell you a single sign because i never notice enough to put it to memory i guess. Sorry i have no answer ^^

#3 Maxx1128

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Posted 31 October 2008 - 08:29 PM

Some girl made a growling sound at me in the hallway today, but it might have been my two-face costume or something. I guess that's a sign.
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#4 carried in bags

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Posted 31 October 2008 - 10:30 PM

its tricky isnt it. im never sure if they 'fancy' me or just feel sorry for me. i got to that stage with a girl...and a guy. even tho i told them i was asexual, they thought i was...just winding them up. i let them both suck me off to proove it didnt do anything for me. but that was a messy case and wouldnt recomend it.

in all, i dont know when anyone is phsicly attracted to me. if they are then thats lovely, but id want them to know it would be nothing more than a sexy cuddle. if you dont want to have sex - dont. thats where i have gone wrong.
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#5 Nt.

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Posted 31 October 2008 - 10:57 PM

The 'Kinky Wink' ;)

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#6 Shockwave

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Posted 01 November 2008 - 03:20 AM

If they pin you up against the wall and start whispering dirty things in your ear then it's likely.

#7 Sally

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Posted 01 November 2008 - 03:33 AM

I remember years ago -- actually not that long ago -- their eyes would get weird and they'd stop listening to what you were saying and just kind of emote silently. You could sense vibrations in the air. Very creepy.

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#8 Guest_kos_*

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Posted 09 November 2008 - 09:41 PM

Many things can hint a sexual interest but the way the person sees you is what shatters the ambiguity. This stare has depth, is intense, it's like something is boiling inside the starer; the starer seems like a different person, in fact, to me, it seems like the starer becomes a bit depersonalised and the person being stared becomes something like a lambchop for the starer.

#9 Vita

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Posted 09 November 2008 - 11:35 PM

The best way to find out is by having a discussion about it. Looks/stares, movements, sighs, flirtatious comments - they can all be mis-interpreted. We tend to hear and see, or not hear and see, what we want in order to suit us and our feelings at the time.

#10 you*hear*but*do*you*listen

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Posted 09 November 2008 - 11:46 PM

Many things can hint a sexual interest but the way the person sees you is what shatters the ambiguity. This stare has depth, is intense, it's like something is boiling inside the starer; the starer seems like a different person, in fact, to me, it seems like the starer becomes a bit depersonalised and the person being stared becomes something like a lambchop for the starer.


YES. IT'S TERRIFYING.
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#11 Kurai-Tenshi_Niks

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Posted 10 November 2008 - 01:29 AM

For me, it's usually something like:
"Wanna' fk babehh?"
Normally uttered by drunkards though..

However, outside the realm of drunkness, theres a range of "come on" signals that you
should probably learn..

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Stewie Griffin: Oh, I don't know, Olivia. Uh, maybe we are in a sexless marriage. We have yet to have sex.
Olivia: Do you even know what sex is?
Stewie Griffin: That's not the point, don't change the... it's a kind of cake?


#12 < retired >

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Posted 10 November 2008 - 03:05 AM

I was driving down the road with a young lady in the passenger seat, and she spontaneously grabbed my crotch. She said, "OK?" I was too shocked to say anything other than "OK." :rolleyes:

#13 square peg

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Posted 10 November 2008 - 08:51 AM

Many things can hint a sexual interest but the way the person sees you is what shatters the ambiguity. This stare has depth, is intense, it's like something is boiling inside the starer; the starer seems like a different person, in fact, to me, it seems like the starer becomes a bit depersonalised and the person being stared becomes something like a lambchop for the starer.

Spot on! That look creeps me out a LOT, even if it's from someone I know well and have a romantic crush on. :(

#14 Stitch

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Posted 10 November 2008 - 11:13 AM

For me, it's usually something like:
"Wanna' fk babehh?"
Normally uttered by drunkards though..


Haha, I did giggle, too familiar around my town's pubs.

However, outside the realm of drunkness, theres a range of "come on" signals that you
should probably learn..


Definitely. I wound up with a 30 year old drunken Londoner sticking his tongue down my throat a while back after I was being polite and trying to direct him to the pub his friends were at. How rude :)

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#15 Kurai-Tenshi_Niks

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Posted 10 November 2008 - 12:01 PM

Definitely. I wound up with a 30 year old drunken Londoner sticking his tongue down my throat a while back after I was being polite and trying to direct him to the pub his friends were at. How rude :)


Poor thing :[
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Stewie Griffin: That's not the point, don't change the... it's a kind of cake?


#16 Puriday

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Posted 10 November 2008 - 12:16 PM

The 'Kinky Wink' ;)

:lol: :lol: :lol: Haha, yeah what Fish said.

On a serious note however, I'm absolutely oblivious to it all!!!


#17 cait

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Posted 10 November 2008 - 02:58 PM

I have come to harbor a resentful, probably inaccurate and very broad view of how to know when someone is sexually attracted to me.

If there is a sexual male, and he tries to talk to me, he's sexually attracted to me. Frankly, most people don't talk to me, and I don't talk to them. So the whole talking to me thing gives me a pretty clear view into the intentions. Also if I'm at a party and they touch my leg or repeatedly say my name I'm pretty sure that's a sign too. And pretty much I've learned that a straight sexual guy never just likes you, generally sexual feelings are the most initial reaction they generate for a woman (even if they claim otherwise, or don't think so because they are sexually repressed).
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Posted 14 November 2008 - 01:13 AM

Another ancient memory: I was sitting on the couch next to a completely platonic friend watching TV in her apartment. She suddenly rolled over onto my lap and thrust her tongue deeply into my mouth. Ugh. :( I like kissing - and even French kissing - as much as the next guy, but I really need to gradually work up to that level of engagement. After extricating myself from her embrace, I carefully explained that I just wanted to be friends. Our relationship was always a bit awkward after that. :mellow:

#19 bjornthebountyhunter

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Posted 14 November 2008 - 05:16 AM

Depends if you are guy or a girl. If you are a girl and a guy likes you then it will be pretty obvious. If you are a guy a girl can be pretty shy around you and you can even mistakenly think she doesn't like you. If you are at a bar it can be seen in the eyes because a girl will be more "out there", it's kind of a shine in the eyes. Sometimes girls will act dumb around me thinking this is attractive because I am masculine, but this is sooooo annoying to me.
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#20 Peach

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Posted 14 November 2008 - 01:35 PM

I am oblivious to it. I only know if I'm told/shown!
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#21 you*hear*but*do*you*listen

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Posted 14 November 2008 - 03:38 PM

I am oblivious to it. I only know if I'm told/shown!


High five! Yay being oblivious!!

The sad thing is I don't have an excuse like a learning disability for being oblivious; I'm just either very thick or under the hopeful delusion that the rest of the world is asexual. *repeatedly whacks self in the face with a textbook*
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#22 Peach

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Posted 14 November 2008 - 03:41 PM

I am oblivious to it. I only know if I'm told/shown!


High five! Yay being oblivious!!

The sad thing is I don't have an excuse like a learning disability for being oblivious; I'm just either very thick or under the hopeful delusion that the rest of the world is asexual. *repeatedly whacks self in the face with a textbook*

Hehe, I don't have an excuse either! You're not alone :D
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#23 Beardless

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Posted 14 November 2008 - 03:42 PM

I'm usually pretty oblivious, but there's a being who I'm worried is thinking I'm leading him on, and is enjoying it. He's pretty awesome, and I wouldn't want to lose his friendship. I wouldn't mind being considered his sig. oth., but he'd probably be expecting more from it than I'm prepared to offer.
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#24 mabooza

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Posted 15 November 2008 - 11:49 PM

Sometimes its pretty obvious, for example once a group of girls stopped at the traffic lights next to me, and started beeping their horn and whistling, but other times it can be a bit more grey. I find it much easier to tell with strangers actually, another example with strangers is when you catch someone staring at you and then they quickly look away and go bright red. With friend its much more difficult, I am never sure if it is just a really good friendship or if they find me attractive.

#25 Matt

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Posted 15 November 2008 - 11:57 PM

As far as I know no-one actually has - which means either I am extremely unattractive or oblivious
Well there was that one girl when I was 12 or 13, who I didn't think was being serious until I found this sight, at which point I realised that was a possibility

#26 Matt

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Posted 15 November 2008 - 11:58 PM

(Accidental Double Post)

#27 Asexydragon

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Posted 16 November 2008 - 05:34 AM

The sad thing is I don't have an excuse like a learning disability for being oblivious; I'm just either very thick or under the hopeful delusion that the rest of the world is asexual. *repeatedly whacks self in the face with a textbook*


I'm pretty hopeless too, but I can use Aspergers as my excuse. I'm not a very affectionate person at all, so a little bit of affection to someone else, would be seen as a lot of affection to me. Being so overly sensitive to affection, I'm often coming away confused, thinking something happened when it didn't. Like, one time I was talking to this girl in the tea room where I work and she suddenly looked away and started grinning sort of self-consciously. (And no, I hadn't' said something stupid!) I think it may have been something funny in the newspaper she was reading simultaneously. I just don't know. Gah! I find myself so swamped in confusion when I'm trying to read body language. I'm too conscious about it, I can't really read it without thinking unless it's really blatant.
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#28 Lekzs

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Posted 16 November 2008 - 12:13 PM

I am oblivious to it. I only know if I'm told/shown!


High five! Yay being oblivious!!

The sad thing is I don't have an excuse like a learning disability for being oblivious; I'm just either very thick or under the hopeful delusion that the rest of the world is asexual. *repeatedly whacks self in the face with a textbook*

Hehe, I don't have an excuse either! You're not alone :D


Definitely not alone; I'm really oblivious to it too without a reason.
I know I've told this story before, but I managed to be completely oblivious to, or completely misinterpret, a friend's romantic/sexual advances for at least three years, though it may be as many as five. Of course, they may not have doing anything to let me know, so I may not be as oblivious as I think; the only thing I remember was their trying to constantly be alone with me, which I mistook for a selfish attempt to split up my group of friends (whom I thought they hated).
They explicitly told me a year after I last saw them (though we had been keeping in touch).

#29 rosalie

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Posted 18 November 2008 - 07:36 AM

I am very clueless about that too.
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#30 skenasis

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Posted 18 November 2008 - 01:51 PM

Add another person to the "completely oblivious" list.

I find, when out in public, catcalls and passing cars beeping to be good indicators. And for the ladies who play pool...when a guy will suddenly and mysteriously be in a perfect spot to stare at your ass without you being able to see it every time you're making a shot, that's also a bit of a giveaway. Though if you're as oblivious as I am, it may take other people watching the game taking the piss out of them for it for you to notice.

Then there's always the creepies feel it absolutely necessary to make lewd comments when you wear clothing that just happens to show off your assets very well (since, if you're like me, you do your utmost to not attract that kind of attention). Worse is when you actually know said creepies and have to see them on a regular basis.

With friends....depending both on their personality and other friends, it can be either extremely easy or extremely difficult. For example: one friend who I see every week at re-enactment seems to have made a habit of loudly and unashamedly expressing how attractive he finds me at every given opportunity (and sometimes, when it's completely unrelated to the conversation at hand). On the other hand, one who I only found out likes me the night before last (and only admitted it within my hearing range because he was put in a situation where it would have come out not matter what he did), claims to have done so from the moment we met - and we've been friends for a few months now. Yet another who likes me, I know about because mutual friends like to make fun of him for it on a regular basis.
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