thecynicalromantic Posted December 25, 2008 Share Posted December 25, 2008 Hey, there are guys out there that think they can 'fix' lesbians. *Most* people know better than to try, but unfortunately not all... >.<I also think trying to "make" someone fall in love with you is morally reprehensible, regardless of gender and/or sexual orientation of any of the parties involved. Absolutely. The sad thing is, many people actually think it's morally "good" to try to force themselves upon lesbians or asexuals because "they need to learn to appreciate penises!". That's the main reason that I'm careful about selecting people to let them know that I'm A. It's amazing the amount of " You mean you are playing hard to get! I will keep on annoying you into worshiping my crotch!" Then there's the inevitable ego hurt about what a horrible person I am for not falling in love with them the moment they demanded it. Huh. Yeah, like even if we were straight, that sort of self-importance wouldn't be a total turn-off. >.< Link to post Share on other sites
Pentachromacy Posted January 15, 2009 Share Posted January 15, 2009 It is in the realm of possibility. Link to post Share on other sites
littlenothing Posted January 15, 2009 Share Posted January 15, 2009 What an interesting question! Here's what this aromantic asexual thinks on the subject: Romanticism is a manner of thinking or behaving. Falling in love and being in love are states of being. You can do this romantically, pragmatically, fearfully, or even giddily. Truly being in love is a kindred connection between two spirits. How you express this is different for each individual. Romanticism often fades, true love deepens. Ask your married friends ... are they as romantically inclined as when they first met? I bet you they're not. Ask them if their love for each other is the same as when they first fell in love ... again, I bet you it's not. Of course, it could have soured ... and you might then have to work at getting your foot out of your mouth. =o) I don't look for someone to fall in love with ... I look for someone who is truly kindred. Someone whose soul will mesh with my own. But then, I'm on the outside looking in at love .... what do I know???? =o) Link to post Share on other sites
metalgirl2045 Posted January 15, 2009 Share Posted January 15, 2009 I know aromantics who don't want any sort of thing like that. That kind of situation is what I would call grey-aromantic. It's known that love has 2 different stages, the first of which only lasts 6-18 months. I woulnd't say that someone who gets the second but not the first is totally aromantic. Getting to know someone for a long time and falling deeply in love with them without the passion at the startsounds a little like demiromantic since no-one has defined primary and secondary romantic attraction yet (as far as I know). Link to post Share on other sites
Pripyat Posted January 20, 2009 Share Posted January 20, 2009 That depends on your definition of 'love'. Being asexual/aromantic and never really feeling anything beyond close friendships, I suppose I'll never know, but then again anything's possible. But still, your definition of love can be different from mine and we all express it differently. Doesn't hurt to stay open to possibilities, but at this point I'm not really expecting anything to change for me. Link to post Share on other sites
spinelli Posted January 20, 2009 Share Posted January 20, 2009 I suppose that depends on what being "in love" means. Some people say it means having sexual feelings for someone. Others say it means having romantic feelings for someone. And still others think it means having a deep and abiding affection for someone that isn't necessarily sexual or romantic. If you use the third meaning then I would say yes, an aromantic person can fall in love. Oh, I always thought I was a romantic asexual because my idea of falling in love consisted on your third description. Maybe I'm an aromantic asexual afterall :o Well, or maybe I'll just quit the labels and be "Just Me". Link to post Share on other sites
spinelli Posted January 20, 2009 Share Posted January 20, 2009 What an interesting question! Here's what this aromantic asexual thinks on the subject:I don't look for someone to fall in love with ... I look for someone who is truly kindred. Someone whose soul will mesh with my own. That was beautifully put. Link to post Share on other sites
mary_russell Posted January 20, 2009 Share Posted January 20, 2009 I don't understand the question. Really. I classify myself as aromantic, and I don't understand the concept of falling in love (no matter how it happens to be defined). I also don't understand crushes or how people develop them. I think there's a poll somewhere about whether people would rather have a partner or a best friend, and I had a discussion with one of my (sexual) friends because I simply didn't see a difference. I mean, if you're not physical, then...? Bless him, he tried to explain. It probably made sense too. Just not to me. I love my friends. I love some friends more than others. That's all I've ever known. I like it that way. It's comfortable. Sometimes I wish I COULD understand, but meh. I'll stick to what I know, like chemistry and calculus. It just makes much more sense! :lol: Link to post Share on other sites
Alphawolf Posted January 28, 2009 Share Posted January 28, 2009 To me this seems like a contradiction. The definition I know for "aromantic" is "someone who does not experience romantic attraction". Falling in love is having a romantic attraction to someone else. This is just my opinion though. Link to post Share on other sites
metalgirl2045 Posted January 28, 2009 Share Posted January 28, 2009 To me this seems like a contradiction. The definition I know for "aromantic" is "someone who does not experience romantic attraction". Falling in love is having a romantic attraction to someone else. This is just my opinion though. Agreed totally. Link to post Share on other sites
purple_froggy_05 Posted February 28, 2009 Share Posted February 28, 2009 Well i guess a question I would need to ask is are you aromantic or romantic asexual. I can't really help in the aromntic but my girl friend informed me before we started to go out that she was romantic asexual and what all of it ment. Its been 4 months now. We started with a great friendship and everyday it gets better. However I do believe that anyone can fall in love and that its up to them how. see I'm not asexual and I have had to answer her the question of " what does love feel like "? The only way that I can explain it was this. love is knowing that you can't live without them, that you would die with out them, and you would die for them... but thats even if i know what love is.... Link to post Share on other sites
Strange@ttracter Posted March 8, 2009 Share Posted March 8, 2009 I definetly think it is possible for an asexual or aromantic person to fall in love becuause love can be such an abstract concept. It can cover so many different types of relationship. Sometimes a meeting of intellects can be love. Link to post Share on other sites
metalgirl2045 Posted March 8, 2009 Share Posted March 8, 2009 Here's something that might make my defintion of aromatic asexual clearer. Would you ever want the sort of interaction with someone which could reasonably be considered inappropriate if the other person was in a monogamous relationship? If the answer if yes, definitely not aromatic. Family style love would be OK, but to "fall in love" implies romantic love. I would say it's possible for an aromatic to love people but to to fall in love because "fall in love" needs to be taken as a phrase in its usual meaning as a phrase rather than the individual words. Just because the individual words don't imply romantic love doesn't mean the whole phrase doesn't (sorry for the clunky explanation, I'm no linguist and don't know the concise technical terms). Link to post Share on other sites
ThePieMaker Posted March 8, 2009 Share Posted March 8, 2009 I think it's possible. It may not look like love to the rest of the world, but I don't think romantic attraction is necessary to fall in love. Link to post Share on other sites
SecretSaucer Posted March 8, 2009 Share Posted March 8, 2009 Aren't there aromantic sexual people too? I've always thought it'd be possible for them to fall in love, but they're just not interested in searching for an S.O. all the time. I'm not personally interested in figuring out whether I'm aromantic or not. I don't want to be in a relationship right now because I don't know anyone I'd want one with, but if I did meet someone I felt strongly about, I'd certainly consider being (asexually) more than friends. And I think I'd be fine if that never happened as well. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest member25959 Posted March 8, 2009 Share Posted March 8, 2009 Well. as an aromantic (solo) i don't feel that i would ever love someone, i don't really see the point. I feel that i would just be happier with a casual friendship Link to post Share on other sites
Ninny Posted March 21, 2009 Share Posted March 21, 2009 Humm interesting! :) Well before I knew of asexuality I defined myself as, well, "normal", I did however have an inkling that I wasn't romantically inclined. I had a boyfriend and the love I felt for him, when looking back, is very much akin to the love I feel for my parents. Very strong with a desire to make them happy and be with them always. If I develop an aromantic "crush" I find it to be much along the lines of hero-worship full of " " feelings. I guess if I somehow found myself in a relationship (as in being a couple) with that person feelings of love would develop. But as what others have said: it depends on your definition of "love" :) Link to post Share on other sites
AFlyingPiglet Posted March 26, 2009 Share Posted March 26, 2009 Can an aromantic fall in love? I don't know. As others have said it depends upon definitions of aromantic and in love etc. I identify as Aromantic - I've always been open to the idea of falling in love with someone, but as yet it hasn't happened and I'm not actively looking for a romantic relationship but just enjoying lots of different relationships with different people. In the past I have felt pressure to fall in love and find someone special as I wanted to feel "normal" (whatever that means). If I do ever fall in love, it will be a totally unplanned thing as I am just letting life happen - I can't make myself feel things after all - I've tried that in the past and failed in flying colours! I have a really good friend who is more than a friend. He now lives further away, but we are still really great friends. If I had been an outsider looking in, I would have said we were an "item" in the romantic sense of the word. I love him SO much, he is more than a friend but I just don't fancy him and feel no sexual or romantic attraction towards him at all. When he first moved away I wondered if I was "in love" with him but then when we met up again I knew the answer was "No". Then we went our seperate ways and again I wondered (again) if I was in love with him. When we met up again I knew the answer was "NO". I Loved the idea of being in love with him but whenever we met up, I realised that although I love him incredibly deeply, I don't feel romantically attracted to him. My feelings were so strong that it took me about year to work out whether I was in love with him or not. I decided eventually that if I didn't know whether I was in love with him or not then I wasn't, because if I was, I would know. I would definitely share hugs with him (as I'm into hugs with friends) but I would cringe at the thought of kissing him. I have nothing against kissing, just not with him as I'm not "in love" with him. I would say that my relationship with him is extremely intimate (in an emotional and spiritual level) in a way I haven't experienced with anyone else. What I do believe is that Aromantics have and can experience deep feelings (including Love) and emotions and passions. Sometimes Aromantics can be viewed as being cold and aloof (maybe sometimes some are - and that's OK), but we are human like everyone else and we come in all shapes and sizes! Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.