Jump to content

Dating Sites


ghosts

Recommended Posts

I'm so glad I found this thread! Yay!

I can see that sharing life with the right person could be better than being alone but I have no idea how to get to that point as alone just isn't bad to me, but dating is.

I 100% relate to this.

My thoughts exactly. Except that I do feel lonely on occasion (but not lonely enough to get serious about the dating process).

And this.

Hmm... could it be that asexual dating sites are too little too late?

How do you mean?

I can also relate to the posts above - I would like to have a partner and a companion to share my life with, but I hate the idea of dating sites. Also I'm nowadays very suspicious about people on the Internet - hate this social media culture even though I am on Facebook etc.

I know what you mean. Also, I find the idea of meeting someone from the internet difficult - I need a carer with me all the time (I'm physically disabled) and most of the carers who know I on-line date have point blank refused to take me to a date when I did want to meet someone.

I've now set 'asexual' as an interest on Plenty of Fish in the hopes of making it easier for us to find each other!

Admittedly it's been years since I was on POF, but how do you set an interest?

I'm not sure if it's dysphoria, PTSD, how annoying I find most folks, or a combination of all of the above but every time someone expressed any interest in me it felt fake, pointless, silly, and boring.

I don't have dysphoria or PTSD but I can relate. I've had a few men say they were interested. I was pleased when men did show interest in me as Asexuality and my Disability are right at the top of my OKCupid profile, BUT, on talking to most of these men I found that they assumed I would magically fall over myself with a new and untapped sexual desire for them. :huh: :huh: :huh: :huh:

That said I made out better (or at least made the most friends) on pof.

Maybe I'm on the wrong site then!

Link to post
Share on other sites

HeidiUK, you type your interests (separated by commas) on your profile page (in the edit profile section). Hope that helps :)

Link to post
Share on other sites

Just yesterday I decided to check out profiles of asexual men... anywhere in the world. It was hilarious to find all these pics of topless men showing their muscles, their tatoos and their "sexyness" in general. I wondered if they even knew they were in a dating site... for asexuals! LOL !! =)

The website was asexual dating btw.

Well; asexuals can have aesthetic attraction too, without necessarily being sexually aroused, right?

Link to post
Share on other sites

HeidiUK, you type your interests (separated by commas) on your profile page (in the edit profile section). Hope that helps :)

Thank you!

Are you having any luck?

Link to post
Share on other sites

I've now switched sites to POF and much prefer it :)

Link to post
Share on other sites

I've now switched sites to POF and much prefer it :)

Good Luck Heidi :)

Link to post
Share on other sites
DragonflytotheMoon

Are there any poly ace dating sites? The women I know that are bi, aren't even demi, let alone, ace. As far as I'm aware. Of course, I'm just coming to understand & recognize this about myself, so, some of them may turn out to be as well. I'd prefer to be with someone who is more ace. I don't want to have to worry about someone wanting to swing, have a threesome or hookup. My relationship with them is separate from what i have with my husband (who is also demi ace).

Link to post
Share on other sites

I found one or two poly ace women on OK Cupid- unfortunately if you're set as asexual for some reason OK Cupid automatically matches you with people listed as poly, which was a bit annoying to me, as I'm not poly :) However, might be extremely useful for you GypsyButterfly :)

Link to post
Share on other sites
DragonflytotheMoon

I found one or two poly ace women on OK Cupid- unfortunately if you're set as asexual for some reason OK Cupid automatically matches you with people listed as poly, which was a bit annoying to me, as I'm not poly :) However, might be extremely useful for you GypsyButterfly :)

Hi, AC. I've used OKC in the past, but, didn't have success. I think, one of the main reasons being, not that many women are within two hours of me. Also, I listed myself as bi or pan. I just recently came to the understanding I'm demi ace & it's liberating. I know some bi poly women (in other states) & whether it's just for them or they're sharing with their husband, sex will come into play at some point. If it felt right within the relationship, then, maybe. Even then, I'd prefer affection. I don't want to get into a relationship where the person would, definitely, be expecting sex at some point. I will still check & see.

Link to post
Share on other sites
Good Luck Heidi :)

Why thank you and the same to you! :cake:

Are there any poly ace dating sites? The women I know that are bi, aren't even demi, let alone, ace. As far as I'm aware. Of course, I'm just coming to understand & recognize this about myself, so, some of them may turn out to be as well. I'd prefer to be with someone who is more ace. I don't want to have to worry about someone wanting to swing, have a threesome or hookup. My relationship with them is separate from what i have with my husband (who is also demi ace).

You could try AceBook? That seems quite popular. Also, when I last checked there was a poly group within it that seemed to have a high number of members :)

---

I've now deleted POF, I wasn't getting any interest and am on Acebook. Of the 3 guys I have messaged all three replied. I am so not used to that. I don't know how to feel. But for once in my life I'm not dreading the part where they all want sex. :D

Link to post
Share on other sites
Siimo van der fietspad

I've had something approaching a flurry of interest since checking acebook more regularly and uploading a picture. Some of these just want to chat, which is fine, but I have a much improved opinion of the site in terms of successfully connecting with people. I'm slightly surprised it generates matches with eighteen-year-olds...a little bit young for me. Still a pretty small proportion of the potential ace community is on there I reckon.

Link to post
Share on other sites

I've had something approaching a flurry of interest since checking acebook more regularly and uploading a picture. Some of these just want to chat, which is fine, but I have a much improved opinion of the site in terms of successfully connecting with people. I'm slightly surprised it generates matches with eighteen-year-olds...a little bit young for me. Still a pretty small proportion of the potential ace community is on there I reckon.

When I've used Acebook it's been matching based on location only- no interests/age/preference detail, unfortunately. There's very little information on people's profiles so I find it impossible to know whether or not I'll have anything in common with a person- and the photos are usually too small (and can't be clicked on for full versions) to really judge whether I find someone attractive or not. More pics, bigger pics, and detailed profile information would make that site more usable for me, but as it stands, it doesn't fulfill my requirements from dating site :)

Link to post
Share on other sites
Siimo van der fietspad

Agree. Too many people don't bother to include enough info to judge character or interests. Too many people don't even have a profile picture...

Link to post
Share on other sites
DragonflytotheMoon
Good Luck Heidi :)

Why thank you and the same to you! :cake:

Are there any poly ace dating sites? The women I know that are bi, aren't even demi, let alone, ace. As far as I'm aware. Of course, I'm just coming to understand & recognize this about myself, so, some of them may turn out to be as well. I'd prefer to be with someone who is more ace. I don't want to have to worry about someone wanting to swing, have a threesome or hookup. My relationship with them is separate from what i have with my husband (who is also demi ace).

You could try AceBook? That seems quite popular. Also, when I last checked there was a poly group within it that seemed to have a high number of members :)

---

I've now deleted POF, I wasn't getting any interest and am on Acebook. Of the 3 guys I have messaged all three replied. I am so not used to that. I don't know how to feel. But for once in my life I'm not dreading the part where they all want sex. :D

Hi, Heidi. I'll have to check that out. Thanks for the recommendation. Right now, I would just like some friends. I don't have that many local ones. It's nice to have someone to meet for coffee/tea, from time to time.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Really? You seem to be an expert on all things dating sites related. 🙄

Link to post
Share on other sites

Can anyone can tell more about this acebook?

Acebook is a very basic, bare-bones social network site. It has forums which seem quite active, but I haven't been on them. You create a basic profile (name, age, orientation, gender, looking for), there's a box for 'additional information' which you can put what you want in to (but many don't fill out much) and you can upload a small picture (which displays small, you can't click on it to make it bigger). You can search people by age, location, etc, or they can search you, and there's a messaging system. Messages disappear after... 30 days I think? Even if you haven't read them. You can request email notification when you have a message. It's not really a dating site so much as a fairly basic directory of aces...

Link to post
Share on other sites
SorryNotSorry

Hmm... could it be that asexual dating sites are too little too late?

How do you mean?

Most of the men I know, who used to want to date, gave up trying---asexual or not. That's why in only a couple of years, dating sites have gone from being mostly men to being mostly women. The guys took the hint and left.

Now, TBH if women who want to date men ever decide to make the first move, and approach men, great!!! I may be all for it, but unfortunately about 90% of women will not do this, because a Sleeping Beauty mentality keeps them believing that "it'll just happen someday", which in plain English, means "the lucky guy will use his ESP to home in on me like a kamikaze homing in on an Allied aircraft carrier".

I don't know any men who claim to have ESP, and I most certainly don't have it. That's why being hetero, male, and lonely sucks, especially when you're socially inept and not very social by nature. Then the question of whether introverted/socially inept men can be good lovers is moot.

Unless, of course, the female posters to this thread have been talking this entire time about wanting to meet other women as romantic partners... in that case, go for it.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Can anyone can tell more about this acebook?

Acebook is a very basic, bare-bones social network site. It has forums which seem quite active, but I haven't been on them. You create a basic profile (name, age, orientation, gender, looking for), there's a box for 'additional information' which you can put what you want in to (but many don't fill out much) and you can upload a small picture (which displays small, you can't click on it to make it bigger). You can search people by age, location, etc, or they can search you, and there's a messaging system. Messages disappear after... 30 days I think? Even if you haven't read them. You can request email notification when you have a message. It's not really a dating site so much as a fairly basic directory of aces...

Thanks for your help, its very interesting ;) :)

Link to post
Share on other sites

Hmm... could it be that asexual dating sites are too little too late?

How do you mean?

Most of the men I know, who used to want to date, gave up trying---asexual or not. That's why in only a couple of years, dating sites have gone from being mostly men to being mostly women. The guys took the hint and left.

Now, TBH if women who want to date men ever decide to make the first move, and approach men, great!!! I may be all for it, but unfortunately about 90% of women will not do this, because a Sleeping Beauty mentality keeps them believing that "it'll just happen someday", which in plain English, means "the lucky guy will use his ESP to home in on me like a kamikaze homing in on an Allied aircraft carrier".

Having been on them for a couple of years that hasn't been my experience. There are a wide variety of guys on the two I've been using (Plenty of Fish and OK Cupid), some of whom I've become friends with (but that haven't been right for me to date, personally). Most of the messages I send out when I message them first get ignored, and I ignore probably 90% of the messages I get (usually from people who clearly haven't read my profile) I think it's just a case of playing the numbers until you get a response from someone you like.

Link to post
Share on other sites
DragonflytotheMoon

Is it, acebook.com? I keep getting, this site can't be reached. As for OKC, there aren't that many people near me (within two hours on there). I'm not sure about POF. I choose married, which I am & get kicked. I put separated, but, mention in about me that I'm married & get kicked again. I mean, it's immediate. Like someone is closely monitoring. Why have married as a relationship status, if, it's not acceptable? Though, we do have a poly arrangement, all relationships are separate & I'm really just looking for friends. As a demi (romantic), I need to get to know the person, at least, a little to be sure I'd want something more than friendship.

Link to post
Share on other sites

I can't understand why specific dating sites exist. Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I have to only like asexual folk. Say I love a girl who turns out to be a lesbian, doesn't mean I love her any less.

Link to post
Share on other sites

I can't understand why specific dating sites exist. Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I have to only like asexual folk. Say I love a girl who turns out to be a lesbian, doesn't mean I love her any less.

Well I should imagine it's because the point of dating sites is to filter out incompatible people in order to find people who will date each other. For example if you're male there's nothing to stop you falling for a lesbian, but the chances are she's not going to be interested in a male, so it doesn't bother to show you lesbians knowing they're not going to be interested in you. The site isn't for you to find people to fall in love with. The sites are so we can introduce ourselves to people who seem like compatible dates.

Link to post
Share on other sites
SorryNotSorry

Have dating sites EVER been more about love and less about "playing the game"???

Link to post
Share on other sites
WhenSummersGone

Have dating sites EVER been more about love and less about "playing the game"???

In my experience no, or I just only attract guys who want to play games. I've tried a lot of free dating sites and apps since high school. I'm on Match but haven't paid for it so maybe that's different.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Is it, acebook.com? I keep getting, this site can't be reached. As for OKC, there aren't that many people near me (within two hours on there). I'm not sure about POF. I choose married, which I am & get kicked. I put separated, but, mention in about me that I'm married & get kicked again. I mean, it's immediate. Like someone is closely monitoring. Why have married as a relationship status, if, it's not acceptable? Though, we do have a poly arrangement, all relationships are separate & I'm really just looking for friends. As a demi (romantic), I need to get to know the person, at least, a little to be sure I'd want something more than friendship.

It's http://www.ace-book.net/they have almost 30000 members now

Link to post
Share on other sites
Squirrel Combat

Well, I just deleted my account on Acebook. I got so tired of meeting people through a screen. The only trouble with meeting girls in real person is that you don't know whether they're single or not at first meeting.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Has anyone else tried Asexual Match? I seem to be the only person with a photo! Most people list no info at all in their profiles. Tried asking a couple of people to chat...no response at all.

Link to post
Share on other sites
DragonflytotheMoon

Is it, acebook.com? I keep getting, this site can't be reached. As for OKC, there aren't that many people near me (within two hours on there). I'm not sure about POF. I choose married, which I am & get kicked. I put separated, but, mention in about me that I'm married & get kicked again. I mean, it's immediate. Like someone is closely monitoring. Why have married as a relationship status, if, it's not acceptable? Though, we do have a poly arrangement, all relationships are separate & I'm really just looking for friends. As a demi (romantic), I need to get to know the person, at least, a little to be sure I'd want something more than friendship.

It's http://www.ace-book.net/they have almost 30000 members now

Thanks, Martini. I had found that the other day. I did signup. Unfortunately, as is usually the case, there aren't that many people within two hours of me & those that are, haven't been on in several months.

Link to post
Share on other sites
Siimo van der fietspad

I was getting a bit disillusioned with Acebook - would have some conversations that would fizzle out after a few messages, with several days in between them - but I've recently been chatting to somebody more regularly (I made the initial contact). In fact we've switched to using email as we both found the site's messaging inconvenient. We're now at the stage of using nicknames and sharing more personal stories, and I made a major win by introducing her to my favourite band, whom she absolutely loved. So I'm now starting to wonder if this might start leading somewhere further...she is only about an hour away and we seem to be on the same wavelength (although she's not on AVEN).

Link to post
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

Guest
This topic is now closed to further replies.
×
×
  • Create New...