SorryNotSorry Posted December 4, 2015 Share Posted December 4, 2015 Well, someone's bitter... >.> I've seen the truth and it ain't pretty. Link to post Share on other sites
BobRossRules Posted December 6, 2015 Share Posted December 6, 2015 I'm on both asexualitic and acebook. I'm not very active on those sites, however. AVEN defiantly has more options for communication and forum discussions, and I tend to hang out here more. Acebook has better member search options, for instance age and location, etc. Thus, I use acebook primarily for PMing. I can't speak for asexualitic, as I never use it. When I first signed up, it seemed that members were pretty much the same across most asexual dating sites that have been posted/listed on this thread. I've tried OkC and PoF, and lurked on match.com, but since I am NOT interested in dating a sexual person, it was way too limiting. Plus, I was sick of having to justify my orientation. It almost appeared that I was seen as a "challenge" by the people who PMed me that they could change my mind and convince me somehow that I would be interested in sex with them. Yuck. I quickly deleted my profile!! Link to post Share on other sites
Drolemag Posted December 15, 2015 Share Posted December 15, 2015 I've tried asexualitic and acebook. From my experience, on asexualitic there is almost no one active in my area and age group. With acebook I've messaged a number of females. Either I don't get a reply or I get one reply but then the conversation ends with them never logging back on the the site. Link to post Share on other sites
BobRossRules Posted December 16, 2015 Share Posted December 16, 2015 I've tried asexualitic and acebook. From my experience, on asexualitic there is almost no one active in my area and age group. With acebook I've messaged a number of females. Either I don't get a reply or I get one reply but then the conversation ends with them never logging back on the the site. I get that too sometimes on Acebook. I’m more shy, so it’s hard to initiate a PM. I’ve only done it a few times and with folks I think I might have something in common with such as a place where I lived (or visited) or perhaps a hobby. I’m not looking to get married, but I just want to make a few friends. Although there are a lot of people registered, not everyone is active. I PM’d someone, and realized later that they have not been active for over a year – so I did not get a response. I’m good about responding to everyone, but there have been a few where the initiation was almost too brief such as ‘sup? Umm…how do you respond to that? I did with: not much…you? Then I got a reply back asking how I was today (or something to that effect). So I didn't respond – since it was basically the same question….(sorry I wasn’t trying to be a jerk!! ) I will respond or keep the conversation going if I’m asked some questions about myself, interests, or something of that nature. If I PM someone and I get responses back, but they don’t ask me questions or in some way don’t prompt the conversation for a response (as to keep it going), I feel a little self-conscious because I’m not sure how to keep the conversation going myself. I may respond with another question to attempt to get it going again, but that doesn’t always work. Then I back off for fear of being too creepy. I don’t know….I’m not real good at this sort of thing and I feel kinda awkward. I’m much more comfortable here on AVEN. I get a better sense of who people are and who I may have something in common with from their posts or maybe how they respond to mine. I just discovered that you can PM someone on AVEN. But as I noted in a prior post, you can’t really search for other members based on age or anything. I’ve backed off of Acebook. If someone PMs me though, I get an email notification and I will login. If the person you are PMing is not logging on, they should still get an email notification. Anyway….good luck!! Link to post Share on other sites
ePickle Posted December 21, 2015 Share Posted December 21, 2015 Hey all - this is my first post! I've been reading through this forum and this thread. So many of you are so supportive, helpful, and open, and I've learnt so much already. It has helped me to come to terms with a lot of how I feel so, thank you :) I've recently come out of a 2 year relationship with a lovely guy with whom I still maintain a good friendship with. Incidentally we met on OK Cupid so it can work, but not without time or patience. I went on plenty of rubbish dates, messaged people as a woman with no reply, had plenty of messages from people I'd rather not have... it took me over a year before I met someone. So my advice is, try but know that results aren't immediate. But also I guess that I was seeking a sexual relationship at the time so that does change things. I've come to realise that I'm not all that interested in sex, one of the reasons for my relationship breakdown. Since discovering asexuality and this site/forum, I've started to identify most with greysexuality - occasional pangs, but nothing to suit your average man in an over sexualised society. I do want to meet someone and be in a monogamous, romantic relationship with no sexual pressure and I'd like to try OLD again to meet someone. It seems like OKC would be a good place to start. Looking at previous posts about OKC it's great that they've started offering asexual options but it seems hard to identify yourself as grey. Is this something that you just have to take the time to identify to people you get chatting to? Link to post Share on other sites
Tercy Posted December 21, 2015 Share Posted December 21, 2015 Hey all - this is my first post! I've been reading through this forum and this thread. So many of you are so supportive, helpful, and open, and I've learnt so much already. It has helped me to come to terms with a lot of how I feel so, thank you :) I've recently come out of a 2 year relationship with a lovely guy with whom I still maintain a good friendship with. Incidentally we met on OK Cupid so it can work, but not without time or patience. I went on plenty of rubbish dates, messaged people as a woman with no reply, had plenty of messages from people I'd rather not have... it took me over a year before I met someone. So my advice is, try but know that results aren't immediate. But also I guess that I was seeking a sexual relationship at the time so that does change things. I've come to realise that I'm not all that interested in sex, one of the reasons for my relationship breakdown. Since discovering asexuality and this site/forum, I've started to identify most with greysexuality - occasional pangs, but nothing to suit your average man in an over sexualised society. I do want to meet someone and be in a monogamous, romantic relationship with no sexual pressure and I'd like to try OLD again to meet someone. It seems like OKC would be a good place to start. Looking at previous posts about OKC it's great that they've started offering asexual options but it seems hard to identify yourself as grey. Is this something that you just have to take the time to identify to people you get chatting to? How much are the folks over at OkCupid paying you? Link to post Share on other sites
ePickle Posted December 21, 2015 Share Posted December 21, 2015 Uhoh, you sussed me out ;) I guess I've just had a good experience! Link to post Share on other sites
booksoversex Posted December 22, 2015 Share Posted December 22, 2015 It seems to be easier when you're living in the US. Those sites seem to have mainly American profiles. Link to post Share on other sites
Frigid Pink Posted December 22, 2015 Share Posted December 22, 2015 It also seems like people mostly want to commiserate and aren't that interested in hearing positive stories. Link to post Share on other sites
SorryNotSorry Posted December 25, 2015 Share Posted December 25, 2015 Hey all - this is my first post! I've been reading through this forum and this thread. So many of you are so supportive, helpful, and open, and I've learnt so much already. It has helped me to come to terms with a lot of how I feel so, thank you :) I've recently come out of a 2 year relationship with a lovely guy with whom I still maintain a good friendship with. Incidentally we met on OK Cupid so it can work, but not without time or patience. I went on plenty of rubbish dates, messaged people as a woman with no reply, had plenty of messages from people I'd rather not have... it took me over a year before I met someone. So my advice is, try but know that results aren't immediate. But also I guess that I was seeking a sexual relationship at the time so that does change things. I've come to realise that I'm not all that interested in sex, one of the reasons for my relationship breakdown. Since discovering asexuality and this site/forum, I've started to identify most with greysexuality - occasional pangs, but nothing to suit your average man in an over sexualised society. I do want to meet someone and be in a monogamous, romantic relationship with no sexual pressure and I'd like to try OLD again to meet someone. It seems like OKC would be a good place to start. Looking at previous posts about OKC it's great that they've started offering asexual options but it seems hard to identify yourself as grey. Is this something that you just have to take the time to identify to people you get chatting to? How much are the folks over at OkCupid paying you? HEY---you stole my line! Grrrr! Link to post Share on other sites
WhenSummersGone Posted December 27, 2015 Share Posted December 27, 2015 Well I joined OkCupid again because I was sick of not, at least, trying to date and I have found 2 guys that I like so far. I just need to find some time to meet them lol. Therapy has helped me not take things personally so I'm really hoping it goes well this time. Link to post Share on other sites
SorryNotSorry Posted December 30, 2015 Share Posted December 30, 2015 Have any of you ever lurked on any of those boards (PoF forums, ConnectingSingles, Loveshack.org, and others)? The people on there don't sound so much lonely as they do mean-spirited. If you're an asexual who comes out on those boards, you'll get hollered at and told to GTFO. Is that really what you want? Link to post Share on other sites
henpen82 Posted December 31, 2015 Share Posted December 31, 2015 This has probably come up before - so sorry if this sounds like a broken record - but what are peoples opinions on whether to state or not state their sexuality/behavior on dating sites? Personally I feel I should put it out there - as I'd feel dishonest waiting until intimacy happens before dropping the a-bomb.... also I wouldn't want the rejection at that stage if they weren't compatible. But I'm also really nervous about not getting many responses from people not understanding! Link to post Share on other sites
andreas1033 Posted December 31, 2015 Share Posted December 31, 2015 I have never joined a dating site and never will. But my view on your question, is you should be fair with the other person. Most people want sexual relationships, and if you know you absolutely do not, you should say it on the site. But at the end of the day thats upto you. You should remember how the other person feels. Its normal for sexual people to want to have sex. Like its normal for asexuals to not want sex. I just think if you do join those sites, at least be honest on that question. Like how many times do you see, a person get into a relationship, and then say how can i now tell them i am asexual. Personally i think you should be upfront, and do not think the other person isn't normal for wanting something you do not. Thats what they want and you do not want it. I am staying alone all my life, and will never be joining any dating site. But i am just saying what my view on it is. Link to post Share on other sites
WinterWanderer Posted December 31, 2015 Share Posted December 31, 2015 I looked at AceBook, but there weren't many active members in my area. I actually liked OKCupid a little bit. Their asexual option is a nice nod to our community. I looked at AceBook, but there weren't many active members in my area. I actually liked OKCupid a little bit. Their asexual option is a nice nod to our community. Link to post Share on other sites
sara89 Posted January 1, 2016 Share Posted January 1, 2016 I agree with andreas, we should be open about it. But I'm also really nervous about not getting many responses from people not understanding! Quality above quantity. I think otherwise a lot of responses are only a waste of time. Link to post Share on other sites
Stargazer365 Posted January 1, 2016 Share Posted January 1, 2016 This has probably come up before - so sorry if this sounds like a broken record - but what are peoples opinions on whether to state or not state their sexuality/behavior on dating sites? Personally I feel I should put it out there - as I'd feel dishonest waiting until intimacy happens before dropping the a-bomb.... also I wouldn't want the rejection at that stage if they weren't compatible. But I'm also really nervous about not getting many responses from people not understanding! I've been thinking about this myself. For me, I'm leaning more towards putting it up on my profile. I'd rather have it out in the open and have less people responding. At least I know with the fewer people, they are hopefully looking for the same type of relationship as me. If I don't put it there, I'd hate to get into a relationship with someone and then have to tell them I'm asexual. I couldn't do that to myself or to them. Link to post Share on other sites
WhenSummersGone Posted January 5, 2016 Share Posted January 5, 2016 OkCupid Update (and rant): I just joined a couple of weeks ago and I already want to quit again, and maybe for good when I do. I don't know what experiences women are having with men on there but mine hasn't been good. Weirdos, creeps and perverts. It's like if YouTube had a dating section. Link to post Share on other sites
marauders Posted January 7, 2016 Share Posted January 7, 2016 OkCupid Update (and rant): I just joined a couple of weeks ago and I already want to quit again, and maybe for good when I do. I don't know what experiences women are having with men on there but mine hasn't been good. Weirdos, creeps and perverts. It's like if YouTube had a dating section. I had a very, very similar experience. I think that I made it just about three and a half weeks before I deleted my OkCupid profile entirely. I kept getting creepy messages and couldn't take it anymore. :( Link to post Share on other sites
Frigid Pink Posted January 7, 2016 Share Posted January 7, 2016 OkCupid Update (and rant): I just joined a couple of weeks ago and I already want to quit again, and maybe for good when I do. I don't know what experiences women are having with men on there but mine hasn't been good. Weirdos, creeps and perverts. It's like if YouTube had a dating section. OkCupid Update (and rant): I just joined a couple of weeks ago and I already want to quit again, and maybe for good when I do. I don't know what experiences women are having with men on there but mine hasn't been good. Weirdos, creeps and perverts. It's like if YouTube had a dating section. I had a very, very similar experience. I think that I made it just about three and a half weeks before I deleted my OkCupid profile entirely. I kept getting creepy messages and couldn't take it anymore. :( I'd respond "not interested" and block them. Link to post Share on other sites
Salted Karamel Posted January 9, 2016 Share Posted January 9, 2016 Hmm, I recently heard that OkCupid has options now for demisexual, etc. and I've been thinking about giving it another try. I think I did once a few years ago, before I realized I was demi... didn't really talk to anyone because, um, I was demi. But with a dating site profile that allows that to be stated up front, I'm hoping I might be able to get a better experience out of it this time? Of course I'm expecting to run into a lot of guys who just say "hey" to anyone—playing the "numbers game"—and who don't understand what "demisexual" means at all (or, worse, they might just see the "sexual" part and think it's some kinky thing), but I'm thinking maybe if I specify somewhere in my profile that they should approach me with a certain topic or a certain phrase then I can just ignore everyone who just says "hey" because they didn't read my profile. I guess I'm just wondering if anyone has had any luck with OkC's new ace spectrum orientation options, or what the general experience has been re: people trying to combat you on your orientation. Do people uninterested in dating aces just stay away from aces for the most part, do they try to "convert" you, etc.? Link to post Share on other sites
KanoEvey Posted January 9, 2016 Share Posted January 9, 2016 I'm actually on OkCupid, and I'm listed as Asexual. It could just be how I've set my preferences, but I haven't had any negative experiences. I got nervous the first time I used it and deleted it, but I've been back on it for about a week, and I've said right up front that I'm ace, not looking for sex, and that I'm looking for friends more than anything. I've mostly been chatting with other women and trans folks, so I haven't had to deal with the typical macho-testosterone straight guys. Now, my roommate, on the other hand, has had a very negative experience on OkCupid, but she was looking for guys, and I'm sure most folks are well aware of how women are treated on dating sites. She kept a tally of how many times she was harassed and ended up blocking five different people within 6 hours. Now, my roommate and I were looking for very different kinds of people. In my experience, though, OkCupid is alright if you're very up-front with what you're looking for. State very clearly--and I mean within the first 10 words of your "About Me" section--what you are and are not looking for. The only time I've had someone initiate a conversation with me because I'm ace is because she is looking for a relationship with little to no sex, so being ace was a major selling point. I haven't had anyone trying to say "oh baby, I can change your mind" or anything else sleazy like that. Don't expect people to read your entire profile before messaging you, so make sure you put what you want right up front. I've tried AceBook, but it's just not as widely used. I've talked with maybe 4 people, but the conversation dies so fast since we both forget to login to respond to messages. Link to post Share on other sites
Stargazer365 Posted January 10, 2016 Share Posted January 10, 2016 I was a little hesitant about putting my profile up on OKCupid since I keep hearing about all the bad messages, but I did it. I've had my profile there for about a week and have had a positive response so far. I, of course, chose the asexual option for sexual orientation. In the last section (I can't remember what it was asking) I reiterated that I'm asexual and said I'm looking for a nonsexual relationship only. I've had a lot of likes and just a few of the standard "hi" messages. My very first message was from a guy in my city who said he found asexuality fascinating and wanted to know more about it. We've had a very intellectual conversation over the past week on what asexuality is and isn't and my experiences with it. Being new to asexuality myself, I was a little intimidated in explaining it to him, but the conversation has been really positive. I don't know if he is just interested in what asexuality is or if he's interested in me, but so far so good. If nothing comes of it, at least I can say now one more person knows what asexuality is. Link to post Share on other sites
WhenSummersGone Posted January 11, 2016 Share Posted January 11, 2016 OkCupid Update (and rant): I just joined a couple of weeks ago and I already want to quit again, and maybe for good when I do. I don't know what experiences women are having with men on there but mine hasn't been good. Weirdos, creeps and perverts. It's like if YouTube had a dating section. OkCupid Update (and rant): I just joined a couple of weeks ago and I already want to quit again, and maybe for good when I do. I don't know what experiences women are having with men on there but mine hasn't been good. Weirdos, creeps and perverts. It's like if YouTube had a dating section. I had a very, very similar experience. I think that I made it just about three and a half weeks before I deleted my OkCupid profile entirely. I kept getting creepy messages and couldn't take it anymore. :( I'd respond "not interested" and block them. After awhile it just got exhausting for me so I'm taking a break. In some cases the guys got weirder the more I talked to them. Link to post Share on other sites
oskietje Posted January 11, 2016 Share Posted January 11, 2016 After awhile it just got exhausting for me so I'm taking a break. In some cases the guys got weirder the more I talked to them. After 5 minutes in the dating world it's exhausting, I'd say... Link to post Share on other sites
tase Posted January 11, 2016 Share Posted January 11, 2016 A brief summary of my last couple of months. Joined OKC-no matter that I checked asexual as my orientation, I ran into 6 o7 great connection situations, only the be immediately dismissed once I verified my asexuality. Apparently it was missed in my orientation as well as my profile. So I made the fact much more prevalent in my profile, and I don't even receive visits anymore. I imagine the situation may even be more difficult for females with all the creepy guys out there. I then went back an tried to put my energy with acebook. Zero matches for my age group and location. I widened my location preferences and was at minimum getting responses and having some meaningful conversations. On NYE day morning, I recd a message from my closest connection that she had found somebody. It really stung for a minute or two, but dissected her message. She found a guy willing to overlook her asexuality and they met and things seem to be going ok. So I noticed her success came from a site called Plenty of Fish. (I must admit I'm not sure if it's geared towards older members, I just can't recall), but anyway I joined. It does $15.99 I believe. I know it is not geared towards asexuals, so why am I even mentioning it? Well with this site you have to write a few words in a caption line. This caption accompanies every profile picture - so no excuse for anyone to miss it. And of course there is the normal profile where obviously you can mention your asexuality again. My caption or blurb as I called it is "If your not looking for sex" I was shocked at the responses I received, some mean and just to make fun, some with genuine curiosity, and several that understood completely. Therefore the subject can be discussed from message one, no confusion. Again why all this narrative? We I made instant connections with not one, but two local women that both understood asexuality and agreed to meet in person. Within, actually less than a week I have already been on three very successful dates, with more planned for this week. (I just received another unsolicited message while typing this post). So I now know of two asexuals both male and female that have found success with Plenty of Fish. I wish everyone who is looking for some type of companionship all the luck in the world. There are posts all over the place within the last two weeks that I quit, I was done trying, and sick of being hurt, but amazing reversal of fortune took place. Who knows if either of the relationships will lead to anything, but I truly had a wonderful last 4 days and wish that for anyone. Thanks for your time. Hang in there. ;) Link to post Share on other sites
Autumn Season Posted January 11, 2016 Share Posted January 11, 2016 Tase's story is awesome and I hope many others will find somebody interesting, be it on PoF or somewhere else. Still I have to say that I have had a bad experience with PoF. I found the people there to be more aggressive than on Okc. The time I spent there was more stressful than anything else. Then again this has got to do with my preference for gentle men. Link to post Share on other sites
tase Posted January 11, 2016 Share Posted January 11, 2016 Autumn-I can only imagine how different and possibly disgusting these experience can be for females. I wish there was something I could do to stop pigs from spamming women as they do. Perhaps some of the women are viewing me as a breath of fresh air, I don't know. There is this poor lady who has had such bad experiences that she seriously asked me if I was a serial killer. I wish that you and everybody are able to connect with someone out there that may end up the person of your dreams. Link to post Share on other sites
Autumn Season Posted January 11, 2016 Share Posted January 11, 2016 Autumn-I can only imagine how different and possibly disgusting these experience can be for females. I wish there was something I could do to stop pigs from spamming women as they do. Perhaps some of the women are viewing me as a breath of fresh air, I don't know. You might be right. I know that I'm always happy when I meet people like you with whom a sensible and friendly conversation is possible. I always have to hold back from "complimenting" the nice conversation partners. Because what I would praise them for is basic common sense. So I would end up saying something which sounds like "Thanks for not being an asshole" and this is not really the best compliment one could ask for. There is this poor lady who has had such bad experiences that she seriously asked me if I was a serial killer. So suspicious, haha. She must have thought you are too good to be true. I wish that you and everybody are able to connect with someone out there that may end up the person of your dreams. Thank you! :) Link to post Share on other sites
Siimo van der fietspad Posted January 11, 2016 Share Posted January 11, 2016 I signed up on Acebook yesterday out of curiosity and lost interest within an hour. Hundreds of women, sure, but only about twenty within reasonable distance of me, over half hadn't logged in for the past six months to a year, the others not my type. More than a few had no picture. And the whole thing just reminded me of a used car website. i think meetups and folks here on AVEN are the better choices to connect with others. Not really that desperate to date either. It feels unnatural. Link to post Share on other sites
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