Dating Sites

[SorryNotSorry]

If you use okcupid as a woman, just ignore the inbox from strangers, they're probably just sex apes, and choose and approach on your own.

B-b-b-but---it's against the rules for a woman to make the first move! The gods will be angry!

(OTOH, "sex apes"---LOL! Pretty accurate, though.)

[marki]

Girls making the first move made me meet a truly cool person!

[Someone Else]

A lot of asexuals will probably just be overjoyed to be meeting like-minded others, without necessarily even needing "anything to come of it." Okcupid's population is just so vast at the moment that it's going to even be able to out-specialize the specialized dating sites.

[CaptainPugwash]

I've been asexual all my adult life. Only recently did I feel the pang of lonliness to such a degree I decided that I had to try and change it or face the misery of being one of those male cat spinster people. Which may or may not still happen.

Basically I went looking for a decent site but soon found out most were paid memberships and not very appealing. So guess what!? I built my own. ( with some help)

Take a look if you like ...its 100% free! Value any feedback.

https://asexualitysingles.com/

[SorryNotSorry]

I've been asexual all my adult life. Only recently did I feel the pang of lonliness to such a degree I decided that I had to try and change it or face the misery of being one of those male cat spinster people. Which may or may not still happen.

Basically I went looking for a decent site but soon found out most were paid memberships and not very appealing. So guess what!? I built my own. ( with some help)

Take a look if you like ...its 100% free! Value any feedback.

https://asexualitysingles.com/

I predict the paid-site cartel will very soon try to buy you out, or, failing that, force you to close down.

[CaptainPugwash]

I've been asexual all my adult life. Only recently did I feel the pang of lonliness to such a degree I decided that I had to try and change it or face the misery of being one of those male cat spinster people. Which may or may not still happen.

Basically I went looking for a decent site but soon found out most were paid memberships and not very appealing. So guess what!? I built my own. ( with some help)

Take a look if you like ...its 100% free! Value any feedback.

https://asexualitysingles.com/

I predict the paid-site cartel will very soon try to buy you out, or, failing that, force you to close down.

[SorryNotSorry]

This evening I got an e-mail which strongly suggests the dating industry's monopoly is starting to slip in more ways than one.

A company whose paid speed dating events I've attended on and off for about a year now has a policy of giving you a free spot at an event if no one picked you at the last event you paid for. I.e., you get one freebie for each dud.

Well, in this evening's e-mail, the company has apparently started getting the message that the men are tired of getting rejected... the company is giving away TWO FREE SPOTS (in big bold red letters) to its February 25 event!!! I'll go, just to tell the women that asexuality is real. I have a better chance of finding a snowman in the Sahara than actually meeting a woman who's asexual AND having her fall madly in love with me at a corporate-sponsored speed dating event.

A few days ago, I got an e-mail from the same company, practically pleading that they need event organizers! But y'know, a little over a year ago, I looked into that, and after having read through their manual, I decided it's more trouble than it's worth. Organizing your own group on Meetup OTOH gives you total flexibility.

BTW member #16, an asexual woman, was admitted to my meetup group this evening... this is one of the reasons the dating industry is in decline, though you wouldn't know it from the propaganda they've been cranking out and the number of talking heads they've been sending forth.

Small, upstart sites are easy for the dating rackets to muscle in on. Meetup groups are a little tougher proposition, however.

[funnyhousemate]

Quite frankly I don't believe I can find a match on dating sites of any kind, for a variety of reasons. However it's hard in real life too, so I'm giving it a try. I set up a profile at OkCupid and would love your comments on it. Is it at least comprehensible?

http://www.okcupid.com/profile/funnyhousemate?cf=search_overlay

[Agape]

Quite frankly I don't believe I can find a match on dating sites of any kind, for a variety of reasons. However it's hard in real life too, so I'm giving it a try. I set up a profile at OkCupid and would love your comments on it. Is it at least comprehensible?

http://www.okcupid.com/profile/funnyhousemate?cf=search_overlay

Comprehensible, but kind of a wall of text. Think about breaking up the about me section up a bit. Even just a bit of whitespace will help make it WAY easier to read.

[SorryNotSorry]

Quite frankly I don't believe I can find a match on dating sites of any kind, for a variety of reasons. However it's hard in real life too, so I'm giving it a try. I set up a profile at OkCupid and would love your comments on it. Is it at least comprehensible?

http://www.okcupid.com/profile/funnyhousemate?cf=search_overlay

Me primitive! Me want see pics! Seriously, even if you don't look like a supermodel, put a couple pics of yourself on your profile.

Agape is right, too much text will bore most men or scare them off (even the brainy ones who enjoy reading).

I agree it's difficult in real life too, but the key is to know what your relationship needs are, and then attend meetups with people who share your interests. Being female, it will be easier for you... providing you're reasonably attractive, you'll likely just need to stand around and wait to get picked. This is something that rarely happens if you're male.

Now FWIW, I too have a profile on OKC... I'm not too worried about my snarky sense of humor scaring women off online, I'm much more vested in meetups than in OLD...

http://www.okcupid.com/profile/Roaster1967?cf=profile

[funnyhousemate]

Quite frankly I don't believe I can find a match on dating sites of any kind, for a variety of reasons. However it's hard in real life too, so I'm giving it a try. I set up a profile at OkCupid and would love your comments on it. Is it at least comprehensible?

http://www.okcupid.com/profile/funnyhousemate?cf=search_overlay

Comprehensible, but kind of a wall of text. Think about breaking up the about me section up a bit. Even just a bit of whitespace will help make it WAY easier to read.

Thank you, I'll follow your suggestion!

[funnyhousemate]

Quite frankly I don't believe I can find a match on dating sites of any kind, for a variety of reasons. However it's hard in real life too, so I'm giving it a try. I set up a profile at OkCupid and would love your comments on it. Is it at least comprehensible?

http://www.okcupid.com/profile/funnyhousemate?cf=search_overlay

Me primitive! Me want see pics! Seriously, even if you don't look like a supermodel, put a couple pics of yourself on your profile.

Agape is right, too much text will bore most men or scare them off (even the brainy ones who enjoy reading).

I agree it's difficult in real life too, but the key is to know what your relationship needs are, and then attend meetups with people who share your interests. Being female, it will be easier for you... providing you're reasonably attractive, you'll likely just need to stand around and wait to get picked. This is something that rarely happens if you're male.

Now FWIW, I too have a profile on OKC... I'm not too worried about my snarky sense of humor scaring women off online, I'm much more vested in meetups than in OLD...

http://www.okcupid.com/profile/Roaster1967?cf=profile

Actually I'm not looking for men... that would be relatively easy as you said.

And I'm not looking for a date either, which is why I don't feel obligated to post a pic of myself online. Plus I'd like to connect with a person willing to read a profile before jumping to conclusions. Happy to video chat though!

[marki]

I agree about the wall of text thing. I just checked your profile out and it is a lot of text. I originally made mine with a lot of text explaining what I was and what I didn't want but I changed things up because I felt like it was making it hard for me to attract any attention. Simplicity is really key I feel like with profiles because most people don't have an attention span that allows them to focus on reading a giant string of text.

As for the photo suggestions, as a guy I can personally say that the girl who I met on OKC didn't have a photo, and after she messaged me and we chatted I was totally fine with going on my first date without seeing her, and only going off of her description. Turns out she is cute, and my thought process is that if a girl doesn't want to put on a photo it means one of two things. 1, she is very attractive and doesn't want all the horrible dudes just trying to bang message her, or maybe she is afraid a camera will steal her soul. I don't like having to post photos of myself, but I did.

[SorryNotSorry]

^^Marki is right about the wall of text,^^ but OTOH don't go too far in the other direction by using Cookie Monster English. You don't want to attract dimwits.

[AceMesa]

I think including the graphic is great, but I'd say photo as well. Even if not the lead, so someone might know you are real?

Then again, I can't say I've had great luck with the dating sites. So I do question my own opinion here.

[Barylambda]

It seems that OK Cupid seems to be the place to go. I am on POF but get so paranoid about who I am dealing with. I have had women provide me their phone numbers on POF. I am too afraid to dial them because it seems like a scam for telemarketers to get your number. But, if POF is a hook-up site, I can understand why I haven't had a date from it yet since I am not looking for a hook-up. To be honest, for being in my early 40's, I am pretty physically fit and active and should have at least a little more success at finding someone online than I am. I guess I can try OKC and see what happens. BTW, what is the status of Acebook?

[DarkNekoJin]

I only used POF briefly, and was taken back by the misstreatment of users I ran into. It was at a tme before I even considered the fact I was asexual, and sense then abandoned the account. Rarely even bother trying to test the waters with it. OK Cupid seems to be by go to site for years, before and after discovering I was asexual. Get the losers from time to time being well, losers. However, what's the block buttom gonna hurt in that case? I have found a large amount of friends, from that site, but far as a potentual partner, none so far.

I haven't tried those oter site, but if they're slow or whatever the case may be. would it even be worth the time?

[UncommonOtaku]

I don't even bother with eharmony, because of their racist methods of operations. In the past, I would keep getting matches with totally wrong sorts of people.

You're just wasting your money with eharmony, be warned.

[marki]

So can I ask you all 2 questions?

Is it common for people to look at a potential dates Facebook/twitter/blogs/ internet profiles before dating them?

I've been shocked at my friends because they were googling people and looking at all that type of stuff before they would go out with someone. To me that seems really creepy and stalkerish but I've had many men and women tell me that is something they do and it seems to be the norm.

[Commander Meg]

Frankly I think most of the sites truly dedicated to asexual dating are either dead or inactive. OKCupid isn't a bad option, since you can now put asexuality as an orientation, but then again you gotta watch out for the unsavory people...

[Ricecream-man]

So can I ask you all 2 questions?

Is it common for people to look at a potential dates Facebook/twitter/blogs/ internet profiles before dating them?

I've been shocked at my friends because they were googling people and looking at all that type of stuff before they would go out with someone. To me that seems really creepy and stalkerish but I've had many men and women tell me that is something they do and it seems to be the norm.

Common? Yes. Right? I'd say no.

That's another facet of today's dating that I really don't like. It shouldn't be normal to creep on people like that. I feel like it's a bad start to a possible relationship. That activity seems based more on trust issues and insecurities than anything IMHO.

[funnyhousemate]

Ok, here are my latest thoughts on OkC and, more generally, online dating.

The balance of my few-weeks trial on OkC is as follows:

-I received an average of 15 visits per day, was messaged a total of 2 times;

-a girl asked me out right away, refusing videochat, and after a while she deleted her profile;
-a girl replied to my first message asking if I want to buy her a flat in London;
-I chatted once with a girl who just couldn't believe I don't watch Disney films and then vanished;
-2 or 3 other girls replied to my messages for a couple of times, out of dozens of original messages I sent out;

-the vast majority of women seeking women appear to be located in the US, regardless of their orientation.

So it's pretty simple: in my case, OkC and online "dating" in general doesn't work. Let me give you a few reasons for that:

#1: Most members are looking for a hookup, no matter what they state in their profile;

#2: Most women don't really want to meet anybody, just to boost their self-esteem or have fun online;

#3: The ones who are willing to meet in person, most of the times only want someone local;

#4: There's often a huge discrepancy between what people say in their profile and how they are really like; be that the result of cheating or simply bad self-assessment;

#5: Browsing profiles cuts off 95% of useful information, as you can only see pictures (real? recent?) and types on a screen, but you don't interact with a real person; no motion, no eye contact, no voice, no reactions, no "sensing";

#6: The matching algorythm is ludicrous: most of the questions are irrelevant, many important questions are not asked, many users skip or don't reply accurately, I even got a 71% enemy rate with a user for not matching only 2 questions out of dozens, whereas I got over 90% compatibility rate with users for whom I have no interest at all. Really, OkC redactors show no competence in either psychology or statistics;

#7: Many people resort to online dating because they are too shy or introverted for real life encounters, or have many sorts of different problems, but this reflects on their behaviour online too;

#8: Much attention is given to one's preference in books, films, and food, when in fact these are usually not the factors that decide compatibility (bar for purely intellectual attraction, which is uncommon);

#9: A sizeable part of the users join dating sites because they are to some degree addicted to the internet (geeky, nerdy types) and extremely reluctant to set it aside to dive in the real world;

#10: Not only women usually don't message first, they usually don't reply to messages either. There appears to be very little interest in connecting with other asexuals or lesbians;

#11: The major part of the game is always about men chasing women. Within that large pool I see things happening, whereas the number of women interested in meeting women, in any way, is small, and it becomes tiny when you state upfront that sex is not your motive.

#12: Expectations are often not realistic, I read names of actresses or fictional characters mentioned as ideal encounters.

I may go on, but you get the gist. I'd say especially reason #5 is the fundamental one that makes online dating a joke.

So that's how online "dating" works for me -or rather, doesn't. It's usually said that the internet is especially useful when you are part of a sexual minority, however it seems to me that such approach overestimates the importance of sexuality. In other words, if I ever wish to connect with a person it's because I like her, not because she is asexual or lesbian or bi.

Probably my best option is rather to ignore the orientation factor and just look for friendships in real life. Luckily I'm an extravert so my only trouble is finding the occasion to spend time together.

[Frigid Pink]

I think some of the arguments against online dating can be applied to offline dating as well. I also think it's best to use online dating as an additional way to meet new people and potential romantic partners vs. the only way to meet them.

Also, I think it's best to converse over the phone before meeting someone in person because that will give an even better opportunity to get to know someone and have a more fluid conversation than online messages alone.

Ultimately, I think people have unrealistic expectations about online dating and dating, in general, as there are many people out there with their own preferences and motivations for dating and we're not entitled to anyone's interest or attention. If someone isn't interested in me romantically or otherwise, then I accept that and move on to someone else. If I think they're rude or silly, or disagree with their preferences or motivations, then I accept them as they are, decide they're someone I'm not interested in, and move on. It doesn't really matter what other people do or how they are because I can decide to direct my interest elsewhere if I dislike what they do or how they are.

As an "asexual," most people probably are looking for a different type of romantic relationship than me, however, I don't (and didn't) let that deter me from meeting new people (online and offline) and dating some of them. Just because someone is the same sexual orientation as me doesn't necessarily mean we're romantically compatible. Likewise, just because someone is a different sexual orientation than me doesn't necessarily mean we're not romantically compatible. If I'm interested in someone, then I pursue that interest until I discover a major incompatibility (sexual or otherwise).

[Mulan]

Ok, here are my latest thoughts on OkC and, more generally, online dating.

The balance of my few-weeks trial on OkC is as follows:

-I received an average of 15 visits per day, was messaged a total of 2 times;

-a girl asked me out right away, refusing videochat, and after a while she deleted her profile;

-a girl replied to my first message asking if I want to buy her a flat in London;

-I chatted once with a girl who just couldn't believe I don't watch Disney films and then vanished;

-2 or 3 other girls replied to my messages for a couple of times, out of dozens of original messages I sent out;

-the vast majority of women seeking women appear to be located in the US, regardless of their orientation.

So it's pretty simple: in my case, OkC and online "dating" in general doesn't work. Let me give you a few reasons for that:

#1: Most members are looking for a hookup, no matter what they state in their profile;

#2: Most women don't really want to meet anybody, just to boost their self-esteem or have fun online;

#3: The ones who are willing to meet in person, most of the times only want someone local;

#4: There's often a huge discrepancy between what people say in their profile and how they are really like; be that the result of cheating or simply bad self-assessment;

#5: Browsing profiles cuts off 95% of useful information, as you can only see pictures (real? recent?) and types on a screen, but you don't interact with a real person; no motion, no eye contact, no voice, no reactions, no "sensing";

#6: The matching algorythm is ludicrous: most of the questions are irrelevant, many important questions are not asked, many users skip or don't reply accurately, I even got a 71% enemy rate with a user for not matching only 2 questions out of dozens, whereas I got over 90% compatibility rate with users for whom I have no interest at all. Really, OkC redactors show no competence in either psychology or statistics;

#7: Many people resort to online dating because they are too shy or introverted for real life encounters, or have many sorts of different problems, but this reflects on their behaviour online too;

#8: Much attention is given to one's preference in books, films, and food, when in fact these are usually not the factors that decide compatibility (bar for purely intellectual attraction, which is uncommon);

#9: A sizeable part of the users join dating sites because they are to some degree addicted to the internet (geeky, nerdy types) and extremely reluctant to set it aside to dive in the real world;

#10: Not only women usually don't message first, they usually don't reply to messages either. There appears to be very little interest in connecting with other asexuals or lesbians;

#11: The major part of the game is always about men chasing women. Within that large pool I see things happening, whereas the number of women interested in meeting women, in any way, is small, and it becomes tiny when you state upfront that sex is not your motive.

#12: Expectations are often not realistic, I read names of actresses or fictional characters mentioned as ideal encounters.

I may go on, but you get the gist. I'd say especially reason #5 is the fundamental one that makes online dating a joke.

So that's how online "dating" works for me -or rather, doesn't. It's usually said that the internet is especially useful when you are part of a sexual minority, however it seems to me that such approach overestimates the importance of sexuality. In other words, if I ever wish to connect with a person it's because I like her, not because she is asexual or lesbian or bi.

Probably my best option is rather to ignore the orientation factor and just look for friendships in real life. Luckily I'm an extravert so my only trouble is finding the occasion to spend time together.

Lol, will you buy me a flat in London? This cracked me up.

The thing I realised, with OkCupid, is the asexual males of my age group are very rare - or maybe they are just not out. I had five in my search find... Two of them gays and others hadn't logged in a long time. I tried writing to an asexual girl for friendship but got no response. There were other one liner messages from guys whose mails I didnt bother opening. I met a cool guy there, not asexual, but as time passed by, things became stale and we don't correspond with each other now .

I guess, like you said, offline dating is better.

[funnyhousemate]

...Lol, "will you buy me a flat in London?" This cracked me up. ...

Haha, I promise you, exactly those words. XD

Frankly, I used to think I'm weird but now I've revaluated my position.

[Ricecream-man]

-a girl asked me out right away, refusing videochat, and after a while she deleted her profile;

#3: The ones who are willing to meet in person, most of the times only want someone local;

These two stuck out the most. As someone who enjoys actually talking to someone and reading facial expressions conversation is important to me in any form of relationship friendship or otherwise. To be adamantly against it to me shows that you're not looking for an actual relationship but either an ego boost or some sort of escape from your current life.

#3 I can't blame them for that one. Nobody really wants to travel.

I'm surprised that you've found someone willing to meet in person in the first place. During the short time I was on there everyone seemed terrified of the concept. Online is online and there's no mixing involved. I never felt more old fashioned. I had a girl who accused me of having ulterior motives when I asked to meet in a person. She knew I was asexual, and also I was asking if she wanted to meet at one of the more crowded Starbucks in town at 1 in the afternoon. I don't get it.

housemate, I disagree with you on the orientation thing from a relationship perspective just because there are expectations people have and sex is one of them these days. From a friendship perspective I agree that it doesn't matter at all

[Frigid Pink]

I'm surprised that you've found someone willing to meet in person in the first place. During the short time I was on there everyone seemed terrified of the concept.

I prefer to speak over the phone before I meet up in person with someone I met online. It gives me a chance to get to know the person a little better and see if we can have a fluid conversation together. I didn't initially do that with everyone and I feel like my dating experiences significantly improved once I changed that aspect of things.

[Ricecream-man]

I'm surprised that you've found someone willing to meet in person in the first place. During the short time I was on there everyone seemed terrified of the concept.

I prefer to speak over the phone before I meet up in person with someone I met online. It gives me a chance to get to know the person a little better and see if we can have a fluid conversation together. I didn't initially do that with everyone and I feel like my dating experiences significantly improved once I changed that aspect of things.

Oh of course. I agree with you on that. Having a verbal conversation via phone/video/voice chat is a must for me as well. I wouldn't want to go out of my way to meet someone just to find out that we can't hold a decent conversation together.

[funnyhousemate]

@Ricecream-man

You made me laugh. No mixing involved, haha!

Well that girl asked me out but I actually don't know whether she really meant it, as she deleted her profile soon afterwards. Anyway I wouldn't have gone without at least talking on the phone.

After a few messages I usually ask for videochatting, which seems equally terrifying to many though. XD In fact I haven't managed to videochat with anyone from OkC.

I see your point about the relevance of orientation. See, the connection I would like is somewhere in between friendship and romance, so there is perhaps room for flexibility on their side. At any rate, I have no better choice. :)

[Ricecream-man]

@Ricecream-man

You made me laugh. No mixing involved, haha!

Well that girl asked me out but I actually don't know whether she really meant it, as she deleted her profile soon afterwards. Anyway I wouldn't have gone without at least talking on the phone.

After a few messages I usually ask for videochatting, which seems equally terrifying to many though. XD In fact I haven't managed to videochat with anyone from OkC.

I see your point about the relevance of orientation. See, the connection I would like is somewhere in between friendship and romance, so there is perhaps room for flexibility on their side. At any rate, I have no better choice. :)

Happy to hear it. :P

Yup, I never understood that. It's like video/meeting makes things too real for some people.

Yet, Tinder hookups with people you've just met are completely normal... My face when it comes to these things sometimes.