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ghosts

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Okay cool.....yeah I seem to only be attracting girls who I don't find to be nice looking....just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I don't have preferences and standards.....

I highly recommend this article:

http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/the-trouble-with-being-blinded-by-appearance-in-dating-relationships/

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I'd second what Frigid Pink said.

I have a cousin who so totally prioritized physical appearance, that she turned down a lot of men who were good people because they didn't fit her mental image of "The Ideal Man."

When she found such a man, she desperately clung to him, even though he was quite a butthead. Eventually, she lost her job because she was stalking him after they broke up.

And all along, she has been quite incapable of love, because she's so focused on what pleases her ego, not her heart.

Now, I agree it is a matter of degree though. If you don't find someone aesthetically pleasing, or at least OK looking, a romantic relationship won't work out. Of course, I'd be puzzled why it would matter if you're both asexual and aromantic (i.e. touch averse), but I don't know if the latter is true.

If you're worried what other people would think, why do you care?

One woman I would have loved to be with (she is a great person, possibly even asexual, and there was genuine chemistry between us, but has a serious boyfriend who treats her very well) weighed over 250 pounds, but it didn't matter to me. The chemistry was there, and she was a great person. Strangely, chemistry does NOT mean the person has to be remotely conventionally attractive.

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Finally plucked up the nerve to use OkCupid, but it only gives me straight, bi, or gay as my orientation options?

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Finally plucked up the nerve to use OkCupid, but it only gives me straight, bi, or gay as my orientation options?

They didn't make all the sexual orientations available for everyone yet. They are just doing a trial with a group of its members. Once they find out what works well for the site and programming they'll opening up to everyone apparently.

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Because I want someone who isn't overweight....that isn't attractive looking to me. If I want to cuddle with a girl I'd rather her be pleasing to look at.

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Finally plucked up the nerve to use OkCupid, but it only gives me straight, bi, or gay as my orientation options?

They didn't make all the sexual orientations available for everyone yet. They are just doing a trial with a group of its members. Once they find out what works well for the site and programming they'll opening up to everyone apparently.
Ah, I see. Thanks!
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Just email them...they will let you join!

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Ok going back to the acebook site... Is it primarily strictly for dating like right away... Or is it like for friendships that could potentially become more? Because I'm not looking for anything like that, but becoming really good friends with any kind of potentially more is really important. Basically can you be searching for great friendships on this site.. or is it strictly dating and everyone there is looking to date people? Also how social is it? Thanks in advance!

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Ok going back to the acebook site... Is it primarily strictly for dating like right away... Or is it like for friendships that could potentially become more? Because I'm not looking for anything like that, but becoming really good friends with any kind of potentially more is really important. Basically can you be searching for great friendships on this site.. or is it strictly dating and everyone there is looking to date people? Also how social is it? Thanks in advance!

There are a few people that are strictly looking for relationships, but the huge majority of people just want to make friends and see how it goes from there.

I encountered one person who was strictly into relationships for about 25 who were looking to just talk and make friends.

If people are strictly looking for friends they'll most likely only have "just pals" (and neither male/female/other in their looking for field)...

Go and see for yourself, I haven't been there in a bit myself, but it usually was a great place to find friends :)

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Ok going back to the acebook site... Is it primarily strictly for dating like right away... Or is it like for friendships that could potentially become more? Because I'm not looking for anything like that, but becoming really good friends with any kind of potentially more is really important. Basically can you be searching for great friendships on this site.. or is it strictly dating and everyone there is looking to date people? Also how social is it? Thanks in advance!

There are a few people that are strictly looking for relationships, but the huge majority of people just want to make friends and see how it goes from there.

I encountered one person who was strictly into relationships for about 25 who were looking to just talk and make friends.

If people are strictly looking for friends they'll most likely only have "just pals" (and neither male/female/other in their looking for field)...

Go and see for yourself, I haven't been there in a bit myself, but it usually was a great place to find friends :)

Thank you for the info. :) I will most definitely go and poke around a bit. :cake:

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Is the acebook site down I can't find it ? Does anyone have a link.

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Highly impressed with the number of local users to me. But how do I even start a relationship? I just don't get people most of the time.

I guess you don't have to try and start a relationship, just see if there are people you might enjoy as friends and start up from there?

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Update: I joined AceBook! If anyone cares to, I can be found here. Of course you have to be reg'd for the link to work.. I think.

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  • 2 weeks later...
SorryNotSorry

Because I want someone who isn't overweight....that isn't attractive looking to me. If I want to cuddle with a girl I'd rather her be pleasing to look at.

You seem to have had better luck than I've had. I'm not looking for a living Barbie doll (far from it!), but the only women I seem to attract are obese, with kids and a serious international travel fetish... nope.

I'd be better off buying a mannequin.

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Holy crap, wasn't this whole debate on appearance and dating settled in another thread already?

If you've got certain standards for aesthetics that's fine, but if you're unwilling to compromise while simultaneously complaining about the your lack of success that's just asinine.

Okay cool.....yeah I seem to only be attracting girls who I don't find to be nice looking....just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I don't have preferences and standards.....

I highly recommend this article:

http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/the-trouble-with-being-blinded-by-appearance-in-dating-relationships/

That was a good read.
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crazypimpernelfan

I'm stickying this thread with a list of personals sites that might be of interest to asexuals. Also, I'm stealing this list & descriptions from the wiki (thanks Hallu!). So without further ado...Acebook - Formerly (?) A-Date; is a free dating site for asexuals, including integrated forums and chat software. Affectionate Friends is "a different kind of dating site", made for people (not necessarily asexuals) who want to share time and affection without worrying about sex or commitment. Asexual Pals is an informal introduction service that brings together asexual and celibate people for romantic and platonic relationships.Asexualitic describes itself as "the first free dating site for asexual people", although technically it was released after the creation of A-Date, which is also free.Celibate Passions is a dating and networking site for celibate people looking for platonic relationships. It comes with chat, message boards, and email. Platonic Partners is a website celebrating celibate, platonic relationships, and allowing users to meet other like-minded people without the stresses of having to sexually perform. They are asexual-friendly and come with health resources and a newsletter.

I'd like to join Asexual Pals, but apparently it's down at the moment?

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I tried plentyoffish, and quickly got some hits- then when I updated my profile to say no sex before marriage (figuring that's more socially acceptable than just saying no sex) my account suddenly got deleted.

Thanks for the above list, I'm so excited to check them out!!

thats crazy i can't believe they deleted it

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I tried plentyoffish, and quickly got some hits- then when I updated my profile to say no sex before marriage (figuring that's more socially acceptable than just saying no sex) my account suddenly got deleted.

Thanks for the above list, I'm so excited to check them out!!

thats crazy i can't believe they deleted it

POF, among many other "free" sites are notorious for hook-ups and NSA encounters. Most of those sites are just a shade better than trolling for love in the "casual encounters" section of Craigslist.

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Okcupid has added all kinds of new options, pansexual, asexual, sapio-sexual, demi-sexual, and allows for any combination of factors, like straight asexual sapiosexual, etc. Finally.

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Okcupid has added all kinds of new options, pansexual, asexual, sapio-sexual, demi-sexual, and allows for any combination of factors, like straight asexual sapiosexual, etc. Finally.

I joined okcupid a while back but had to delete due to the massive messages i was recieving about hookups and one night stands, granted i hadn't specified i was asexual then but that alone made me delete my account, i think i will try it again. I

just joined Acebook and only had 3 people in my local area, 2 of whom have not visited the site since 2010.

Lets see how okcupid goes......

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Hi guys! Is ace-book mainly American? I guess I can still join and find online friends but I'd really love to meet people from South Africa too.

The South African thread at the Meetup Mart has been abandoned :unsure:

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Yeah I met a really cool girl on OKC....I'd say everyone should give it a shot.

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  • 2 weeks later...
hawaiianjessie

So I've tried all of these sites and most make you pay to talk to people. And pof is a good site but most guys on there want sex. I recently became asexual. I'm attracted to men and for the longest time I felt I had to have sex with that person to love me. And when I did have sex It felt wrong. And never knew why I felt like that. I live in hawaii so the dating pool is really small from what these sites are saying. Is there anything else I can do to find a guy that understands me?

So I've tried all of these sites and most make you pay to talk to people. And pof is a good site but most guys on there want sex. I recently became asexual. I'm attracted to men and for the longest time I felt I had to have sex with that person to love me. And when I did have sex It felt wrong. And never knew why I felt like that. I live in hawaii so the dating pool is really small from what these sites are saying. Is there anything else I can do to find a guy that understands me?

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If you use okcupid as a woman, just ignore the inbox from strangers, they're probably just sex apes, and choose and approach on your own.

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