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Okay....all the girls I find are not attractive to me....the ones who are are not into the same things I like. I just think it is impossible for me to find anyone who will ever fulfill my needs.

I don't think any one person will fulfill all our needs.

Maybe re-evaluate your values:

http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/understanding-your-core-values-in-relationships-no-theyre-not-your-common-interests/

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Is it just a US thing that people on dating sites aren't really serious about meeting someone online?

I'm sure that applies to some people everywhere.

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I just want a girl to sit with me on a roof and watch sunsets.....

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My counselor specifically warned me not to go through OLD sites. Why? First of all, she's the one who told me I'm asexual, and in most cases people who use those expect sex. Secondly, her concern was that, yes I love myself a lot more than I ever have, and I've done amazing work on myself, but still have emotional issues to work on before I'd be ready for a relationship. What she said was "When you are ready, the right woman will come into your life. You're trying too hard." I'm just glad I'm making lots of progress on that front :-)

As for the "You must love yourself before anyone else loves you," what that's saying, in my opinion, is you can't, on an emotional level, expect a partner to complete you/bring you happiness. If you're waiting for that, you'll always end up being unhappy once the initial euphoria wears off, and what's more you'll probably blame the other person. The fact is any really good relationship is 95% a close, sincere friendship --- it's not fundamentally different, just has some different interactions, but if you have very close friends, it's strongly similar.

That is where romantic movies REALLY do people a huge disservice. They love to show two people with major issues who magically Make Each Other Whole and Complete. When the truth is NOBODY can complete you, but you. But that doesn't make a fun narrative so it doesn't get into the movies.

So those of us who are single and looking, just do the work on being happy, complete individuals first. Change the narrative in your head that judges you or expects you to wait to be truly happy until you have a partner. You have that power, I promise. Nobody else does.

Sorry if almost all of my post was OT to the thread.

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I read a couple articles today that OkCupid is testing a beta version that will include more sexuality and gender options. Asexuality is supposed to be one of them!

Not sure it will make a huge difference but hopefully this will lead to other sites making these changes as well. Don't know when this will be launched but something to watch for.

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I am on OKC and using asexual as my orientation..... So far it has yielded no new results.

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I have 'asexual' as my orientation on Okcupid. I feel like most people don't look at the orientations if you already come up on their feed, or would just get confused by it. The orientation wouldn't change your results very much since only a select group of people have the option to change it.

I always have great results with people on okCupid :wub: Guys are delightful, but I'm a rare ace. I'm open to sexual relations and I'm EXTREMELY proactive in finding a significant other. I message people all the time :ph34r:.

Anywho, don't give up!

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WhenSummersGone

I'm sorry if this is the wrong place to ask this but does anyone know how to block someone on OkCupid?

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try "settings" then "hidden users" and add them there :)

As for OKCupid, i'm on there, using the new orientation system. The options are...

  • Straight
  • Gay
  • Bisexual
  • Asexual
  • Demisexual
  • Heteroflexible
  • Homoflexible
  • Lesbian
  • Pansexual
  • Queer
  • Questioning
  • Sapiosexual

This will NOT stop others of different orientations finding and messaging you, however it will allow you to specifically search for ONLY one orientation (or a mix) letting you get the right results for nearby. Sure, it means you'll mostly be making the "first message" move, but at least you'll know you'll be messaging people that identify with your own orientation

Either way hope myself and everyone searching for someone finds what they're looking for, this is just one more tool for people to utilize :)

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Does everyone post their photo on dating sites.?

It seems to be the normal thing to do but I don't really see the point, I mean I'd rather get to know someone not based on how someone looks but all run of the dating site members seem to have big issues with contacting someone who hasn't posted a mug shot.

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some you HAVE to post a photo of yourself (see POF) i know what you mean about getting to know the person first, however i can understand the "no suprises" aspect of knowing what someone looks like. The picture of me on OKCupid is actually like the only picture of me that exists since i was 9 years old, after that i refused to have pictures or video taken.

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WhenSummersGone

try "settings" then "hidden users" and add them there :)

Thank you! :)

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Think I'll give a couple of these a try. When I'm feeing braver :)

Think I'll give a couple of these a try. When I'm feeing braver :)

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More Scottish people :) I think you should Eggs, it doesn't take bravery to make a profile, you can make one, set your sexuality and then do nothing about it, answer no messages (you will get some from sexuals, just vet them) don't send any, just have it up and be able to look around until you're confortable to start searching.

Best of luck Eggs

From a fellow Scot (insert kilt/haggis/stereotypical sheep joke here)

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okay go to your profile then

changingorientationstep1_zpsb847a6ba.png


then

changingorientationstep2_zps3b10a28b.png


then pick, as shown, more options, then click your preferred options, hope this helps :)

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that's pretty weird, mind you they did just roll it out last month, maybe it's still beta testing and you won't get it till it rolls out fully, if so, that sucks :(

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Send a message and ask for it.....they gave it to me!

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Send a message and ask for it.....they gave it to me!

Oh thanks, I'll do that! .. I'm not even looking for a relationship, I'm already in one haha. I'm just there looking for friends and I feel that my profile is too well done to delete lol. I have to say I'm bi at the moment though so I get a lot of men and women who don't read my profile (because I say im asexual in it) messaging me for all kinds of dodgy things lol. If I could have 'asexual' beside my username, that'd make things a lot easier!

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  • 2 weeks later...

I made one friend through OKC, I am happy with this new being able to ad Demi as people can google that etc if they don't know,

but I'm still getting harassed randomly from people, even though I've clearly stated not to message me if you're after sex or whatever, generally all by people conforming to a particular race stereotype that saddens me that they are pretty much making it true =/

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SorryNotSorry

Oh cool!

Now I can be totally ignored by even MORE women!!!

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I don't know if anyone brought this up yet, but has anyone had complications with asexualitic.com recently? I use the Google Chrome as a browser and every time I try to go onto that site it stops me saying "This site ahead contains malware". Uhhhh, I feel like I shouldn't go on it then >.>

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https://www.okcupid.com/match?filter1=0,63&filter2=76,8&filter3=2,18,99&filter4=1,1&locid=0&timekey=1&fromWhoOnline=0&mygender=&update_prefs=1&sort_type=0&sa=1&count=18

You can search okcupid without being a member.

Using all of these options below by following the link above.

Then you can get an idea if there's any Aces in your vicinity or if its worth taking that leap and joining :P

  • Straight
  • Gay
  • Bisexual
  • Asexual
  • Demisexual
  • Heteroflexible
  • Homoflexible
  • Lesbian
  • Pansexual
  • Queer
  • Questioning
  • Sapiosexual
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How do I tell someone I have no interest in them because they are too big for me in a polite way?

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How do I tell someone I have no interest in them because they are too big for me in a polite way?

...I didn't know people were that choosy, but okay dokey. Just let her know that you aren't interested.

"I think you're a really nice girl, but I don't think we would work in a relationship. I hope you find what you're looking for." If you agree with all of that, you could put something like that.

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How do I tell someone I have no interest in them because they are too big for me in a polite way?

Just tell them you're not interested- you don't have to tell them the reasons.

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Okay cool.....yeah I seem to only be attracting girls who I don't find to be nice looking....just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I don't have preferences and standards.....

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