blue fish Posted June 24, 2008 Share Posted June 24, 2008 I'm still a virgin and can't see that changing anytime soon. I'm quite happy to stay that way, although I do worry about being able to maintain a relationship as an asexual. Link to post Share on other sites
newgirl Posted June 25, 2008 Share Posted June 25, 2008 25 year old virgin and asexual here. I don't care if I do or don't have sex I was a virgin until I was 50 and now I'm not and that surprised me more than anyone!!!! I did it because I love him very much, but I don't get much out of it, except knowing that it feels nice for him. He has even suggested we don't do it because he says I don't get much out of it, and so he can't get that much out of it either, but surprisingly for me I want to keep trying in case things improve. He says I am not at all like other women he has slept with. Bug, I have a curious question for you ,It's VERY clear you're only having intercourse with this man just to PLEASE and KEEP him. My question is do you think your relationship can survive without intercourse. I think it's interesting how asexual will have intercourse with sexual people just hoping things will change but I never see any asexual who dates or marry sexual people asking these people to compromise their intercourse desire.Why does an asexual feel the need to go with the flow when it comes to sexual people? Are asexual that afraid of being alone that bad? Link to post Share on other sites
emmarainbow Posted June 26, 2008 Share Posted June 26, 2008 25 year old virgin and asexual here. I don't care if I do or don't have sex I was a virgin until I was 50 and now I'm not and that surprised me more than anyone!!!! I did it because I love him very much, but I don't get much out of it, except knowing that it feels nice for him. He has even suggested we don't do it because he says I don't get much out of it, and so he can't get that much out of it either, but surprisingly for me I want to keep trying in case things improve. He says I am not at all like other women he has slept with. Bug, I have a curious question for you ,It's VERY clear you're only having intercourse with this man just to PLEASE and KEEP him. My question is do you think your relationship can survive without intercourse. I think it's interesting how asexual will have intercourse with sexual people just hoping things will change but I never see any asexual who dates or marry sexual people asking these people to compromise their intercourse desire.Why does an asexual feel the need to go with the flow when it comes to sexual people? Are asexual that afraid of being alone that bad? Ever consider that she likes pleasing him? She hardly sounds put-upon... anyway, I can't answer for her, so I'll answer for me. Just because I would have sex doesn't mean I'm too weak to stand up for myself, to demand that I have no sex k thanx. I don't care one way or the other for it - I can take it or leave it. Why shouldn't I have sex if that's what I want to do, please my partner? I wouldn't ask someone to compromise their desires for me (well, I can't do it every day, but you know what mean...) because I enjoy physical closeness and I *wouldn't mind* having sex. I'm not suggesting some ase people don't find themselves in situations they feel uncomfortable with and hope they can become more sexual, but I don't like the insinuation that *all* ase people who have sex are weak/manipulated/trying to become sexual. Some of us just don't care. Like I said, if I or my partner can get pleasure from it, and neither of us feels uncomfortable, why shouldn't I have sex? Link to post Share on other sites
newgirl Posted June 26, 2008 Share Posted June 26, 2008 Bug quote: " I don't get much out of it , except knowing that it feels nice for him." (Sex or intercourse) emmarainbow, This quote sounds like an ASEXUAL woman only PLEASING her sexual man and NOT herself. This isn't an asexual woman getting her needs met but ONLY making sure her man SEXUAL needs get met. A medium to high sexual man is going to say everything alright in the bedroom but in the back of his mind, this man wants some type of sex. Bottomline: My question to SOME asexual people in a long term relationship with sexual people, Can your relationship survive without sex(intercourse or oral sex) or your sexual partner having outside sex with another person. I mostly see asexual people compromising in the relationship but sexual people , NO Link to post Share on other sites
Samarkand Posted June 26, 2008 Share Posted June 26, 2008 My question to SOME asexual people in a long term relationship with sexual people, Can your relationship survive without sex(intercourse or oral sex) or your sexual partner having outside sex with another person. I mostly see asexual people compromising in the relationship but sexual people , NO I never compromise. I have a "take it or leave it" approach. I've had relationships with sexual people before and when they start to ask for it, I always broke it off when it's clear that they wouldn't have it any other way. I'm antisexual to a small extent and I don't want to compromise my beliefs and principles. I prefer to remain celibate and if a person who claims to love me cannot get that then sorry, it's better if we remain friends. I read somewhere that love is about sacrifices. Whose sacrifice? They can have sex with whoever they want to, but if it is only my body that they want, then sorry I am nobody's conquest. I've had excuses that it will make us closer. How much closer do we have to get before we reach an alright level of love? Must I be consumed by the other person due to his/her need to have me fully? Is that what it's meant by sacrifice? It's not a popular view and I'm aware that I may be seen as selfish. This is how I lead my life however, and I'll have it no other way. Link to post Share on other sites
kiwi b Posted June 26, 2008 Share Posted June 26, 2008 28 yrs old virgin. married-never consumated now divoreced I allow nature to tell my story. not me. If Nature says this is not my time to have sex then I won't pressure it. If nature says I have asexaul love to give then I am asexaul. :D Link to post Share on other sites
adv11182 Posted June 27, 2008 Share Posted June 27, 2008 26- married for 6 yrs and have a kid, so yes i am a V...hahahahaha no but really not im not. i havent had sex in 2yrs and find it wonderful. the only reason i ever did was for a few reasons. 1.cause thats what ppl do. 2. my bf/husband wanted it. 3. to see if i was crazy for not wanting sex. 4. to see if i really didnt like it. i cant say i will never have sex again. cause you never know what tomorrow will bring! Link to post Share on other sites
ghosts Posted June 27, 2008 Share Posted June 27, 2008 My question to SOME asexual people in a long term relationship with sexual people, Can your relationship survive without sex(intercourse or oral sex) or your sexual partner having outside sex with another person. I mostly see asexual people compromising in the relationship but sexual people , NO Well, I'm an asexual in a sexual, open relationship, but I don't really see where the compromising comes in... It's just our preference. Link to post Share on other sites
Flying Hazels Posted June 28, 2008 Share Posted June 28, 2008 For me, the relationship problem of asexual with sexual has never been a problem, since only one of my girlfriends told me she didn't want sex and quite frankly I supported her choice, I found it interesting since she isn't asexual, I am the asexual one. But, I'm not turned on by women, nor men, but I find it interesting, what I do find amusing for me. Is really in some ways wanting to be female. I get along with girls so well, and I'm not sexually attracted to them or males. Although I am romantically attracted to a girl, but, I think in place of being sexually attracted to women I'm more influenced by women and females in general. I role model myself after guys also but, Mostly women despite the fact that I'm a guy. Link to post Share on other sites
Chuguru Posted June 29, 2008 Share Posted June 29, 2008 22 years old. Virgin. I have a feeling that if I ever did it, I would end up just laying there getting distracted my some blinking light or something. Link to post Share on other sites
PrairieGhost Posted June 29, 2008 Share Posted June 29, 2008 I'm not a virgin, but I didn't go through "phases" about my asexuality, either. Granted, I didn't understand for a long time that I was what I was, but I always knew deep down that I had no real interest in sex beyond simple curiosity. Wasn't curious enough to lose my virginity before I was 18 though, and while I'm sexually active now, it's not because I've suddenly become sexual. Rather, I'm an indifferent asexual, and my boyfriend is a sexual, so we've worked out a compromise to ensure a healthy relationship. Lots of people go through "phases"--it's part of the journey of self-discovery. Not everyone is born knowing everything about themselves, and a lot of people have to bumble around for a while to figure out what works for them. Link to post Share on other sites
Juniperberry Posted July 3, 2008 Share Posted July 3, 2008 21 year old asexual virgin. (although I got very close one time, partly curiosity, mostly because I loved someone and wanted them to be happy) But for the several other billion women on the planet all of them are welcome to be only my friend and never anything more than that and I enjoy being best friends with girls. Parents most of the time think I am trying to date their daughter, but, no I'm just their friend and it's really fun!!!! HAHA! Seriously this line just made my day. Why are there not 100 more like you living in my city? Guys never want to be "just friends" with me, which is why I don't have any guy friends except one who is happily engaged and a few who are homosexuals. Link to post Share on other sites
Flying Hazels Posted July 3, 2008 Share Posted July 3, 2008 21 year old asexual virgin. (although I got very close one time, partly curiosity, mostly because I loved someone and wanted them to be happy)But for the several other billion women on the planet all of them are welcome to be only my friend and never anything more than that and I enjoy being best friends with girls. Parents most of the time think I am trying to date their daughter, but, no I'm just their friend and it's really fun!!!! HAHA! Seriously this line just made my day. Why are there not 100 more like you living in my city? Guys never want to be "just friends" with me, which is why I don't have any guy friends except one who is happily engaged and a few who are homosexuals. Besides my asexuality, I have a pretty strict irreverseable policy, so I'll be your friend! I wouldn't say other men should rolemodel themselves after me, but, they should definitely develop an understanding for this friendship rule. Link to post Share on other sites
M.x..e Posted July 3, 2008 Share Posted July 3, 2008 21 year old asexual virgin. (although I got very close one time, partly curiosity, mostly because I loved someone and wanted them to be happy)But for the several other billion women on the planet all of them are welcome to be only my friend and never anything more than that and I enjoy being best friends with girls. Parents most of the time think I am trying to date their daughter, but, no I'm just their friend and it's really fun!!!! HAHA! Seriously this line just made my day. Why are there not 100 more like you living in my city? Guys never want to be "just friends" with me, which is why I don't have any guy friends except one who is happily engaged and a few who are homosexuals. I wanted to be "just friend" with a girl, that I really loved and still love, but I have been denied... Anyway, I'm a schizophrenic megalomaniac so I've got myselves for friends. Link to post Share on other sites
Throne Eins Posted July 3, 2008 Share Posted July 3, 2008 I'm a 27-year-old virgin and don't ever see that changing. Admittedly, part of me is kind of curious about it since everyone (well, except us!) seems to see it as the most intense experience you can have, but I wouldn't be able to get past the physical pain. Though I've never been in a relationship and don't see that changing, either. I cherish my freedom. I love hugs, though! :D Link to post Share on other sites
qecantilles Posted July 3, 2008 Share Posted July 3, 2008 This actually a hard question for me. The answer is yes, technically a virgin. Although I have done everything else sexually that you CAN do without actually having sex. I think IF I could ever be seduced, and actually ENJOY sex, I may become a sexual. So far, however, I have seen it as a chore. Link to post Share on other sites
Elf people Posted July 10, 2008 Share Posted July 10, 2008 Wow I feel old, I'm approaching 30 here. 27 year old going on 28 and a virgin. On the one hand, virginity is independent of my asexuality as I think virginity is a loaded term. I have never been in a lasting relationship and never had anyone interested in me sexually or romantically to begin with. I was once a romantic but I guess the asexuality part remained and the romantic part of me sort of died, maybe with the prospect of turning 30... In the unlikely scenario that someone ever became interested in me, I could not get beyond the revulsion and endure that amount of pain anyhow. So perhaps I'll break the Guinness record of being an 80 year old virgin one day:) Link to post Share on other sites
Starscream Posted July 10, 2008 Share Posted July 10, 2008 I'm 27 and a non-virgin. The last sexual experience I had was in April this year, and I was stoic and disgusted by every minute of it. I still don't know why I did it, I think maybe I wanted to know if I would enjoy it this time around, but like all the other times, it was unpleasent and found no joy or stimulation in any part of it. I don't think I'll ever do it again. I consider myself straight, as guys are the onlys ones I've been with. I am usually very hostile and apprehensive with both sexes as I have a hard time trusting anyone, but somehow I still am able to make some really good friends, just as long as they don't try to start any kind of romance or future relationship with me that would end up leading to sex. I guess what I'm trying to say is that I'm not interested in having a relationship. All I really want are friends. Link to post Share on other sites
asexysjsfan Posted July 10, 2008 Share Posted July 10, 2008 I'm very very antisexual with regards to myself... I am a virgin and I will never compromise that. For some reason I just can't even stand the thought of it, and the only time I did kind of come close to it was giving oral sex, and I threw up for a half-hour afterwards. To be honest, I'm not remotely attracted to males, I'm emotionally attracted to females, but I'm slightly repulsed by the female body... so I have no idea what I am... I'm asexual :D. Link to post Share on other sites
kusan38 Posted July 10, 2008 Share Posted July 10, 2008 I'm 22 (23 at the end of July) and a virgin. I'd be happy as a virgin for the rest of my life. That doesn't mean I don't want a platonic partner, but sex means nothing to me. Link to post Share on other sites
allthecoolkidshaveit Posted July 14, 2008 Share Posted July 14, 2008 I'm a virgin and intend to remain that way. Any sexual activity on my part would come at the cost of my self-worth. Link to post Share on other sites
EIito Posted July 15, 2008 Share Posted July 15, 2008 I have a curious question for you ,It's VERY clear you're only having intercourse with this man just to PLEASE and KEEP him. My question is do you think your relationship can survive without intercourse. I think it's interesting how asexualS will have intercourse with sexual people just hoping things will change but I never see any asexual who dates or marry sexual people asking these people to compromise their intercourse desire.Why does an asexual feel the need to go with the flow when it comes to sexual people? Are asexualS that afraid of being alone that bad? Compromise involves both sides. I mean, you can't say the asexual should never compromise just like you can't say sexuals *do* never compromise. The compromise on the part of the sexual is the amount of activity going on (or it could be that they do it with someone else, if the relationship is sexually open); NOT abstaining from it entirely. That's not compromise; it's a contingency. It's fine if an asexual wants to be in a relationship with a sexual with the stipulation that they never have sex, but that's not called compromise. Nothing wrong with that, just don't call it what it's not. And even though you didn't ask the top question of me, no, I don't think my relationship would survive with a complete lack of intercourse, nor should it have to survive without it to be considered valid, non-superficial, successful or any other number of things someone may wish me to prove just to prove their own point. Link to post Share on other sites
vampyr Posted July 15, 2008 Share Posted July 15, 2008 21 year old non virgin. last time i actually had sex was years ago though. tried to last year, but couldn't do it. thinking about trying again with my current boy . . . but i'm not sure i'll be able to Link to post Share on other sites
jon3094 Posted July 16, 2008 Share Posted July 16, 2008 34 and still a virgin. Link to post Share on other sites
naelNY Posted July 17, 2008 Author Share Posted July 17, 2008 great sigh of relief! now i don't feel so alone, so "old" to "still" be a virgin. yesterday my closest female cousin told me she always has know i'm gay since childhood and she loves me like a brother. she immediately proceded to ask if i am dominant or submissive "in bed" as if there is an orientation. i think society, the world, in general likes to dichotomize everything as if we are limited to binary thought process. i mean, like good versus evil. male versus female. black versus white. dem versus rep. even though obviously theres more inbetween. anyway i told her i don't mind her asking anything about my life at all, but that the answer might shock her. she said so tell me anyway. so i told her how i've never had sex, that i've always been asexual, i may be attracted to men but i have never felt interested in having sex with anyone! she said she didnt believe me, like 10 times over. i asked her if anything i did in the past made her assume otherwise? i explained how i have never dated, never been in a bar nor club, never been around her holding hands with anyone or kissing, etc... then her friend went on to talk about how life is short, and how gay men like d$%k. i explained i may be gay but not homosexual obviously i have not been craving "d#@k" or anything sexual otherwise i would be having some long time by now. she was explaining how she has a husband and a kid and is supposedly "straight" but how she let "bitches" go down on her sometimes but when it comes down to what she likes, she loves penises and told me how gay people of all people should enjoy performing fellatio.... blah...blah... anyway i tried not to let such ghetto talk bother me but i didnt even bother explaining anything more cuz it was late and i hade to leave. anyway its comforting to hear there are so many other virgin asexuals in their 20s 30s i don't feel so alone like before. Link to post Share on other sites
annieannb Posted July 17, 2008 Share Posted July 17, 2008 24yr old virgin, happy to be and I don't care if other people (sexual people) have a problem with it it's not their life. I can't see myself having sex in the future but as some of you have said you never know what may happen and it's best never to say never. Link to post Share on other sites
newgirl Posted July 17, 2008 Share Posted July 17, 2008 I have a curious question for you ,It's VERY clear you're only having intercourse with this man just to PLEASE and KEEP him. My question is do you think your relationship can survive without intercourse. I think it's interesting how asexualS will have intercourse with sexual people just hoping things will change but I never see any asexual who dates or marry sexual people asking these people to compromise their intercourse desire.Why does an asexual feel the need to go with the flow when it comes to sexual people? Are asexualS that afraid of being alone that bad? Compromise involves both sides. I mean, you can't say the asexual should never compromise just like you can't say sexuals *do* never compromise. The compromise on the part of the sexual is the amount of activity going on (or it could be that they do it with someone else, if the relationship is sexually open); NOT abstaining from it entirely. That's not compromise; it's a contingency. It's fine if an asexual wants to be in a relationship with a sexual with the stipulation that they never have sex, but that's not called compromise. Nothing wrong with that, just don't call it what it's not. And even though you didn't ask the top question of me, no, I don't think my relationship would survive with a complete lack of intercourse, nor should it have to survive without it to be considered valid, non-superficial, successful or any other number of things someone may wish me to prove just to prove their own point. My point is not about the typical compromise debate BUT proving AGAIN that asexual HAS no choice but to compromise in an asexual/sexual relationship. SOME asexuals make it seem asexual/sexual relationship can survive without THIS compromise. We all know without some type of outercourse or intercourse no middle or high sex drive sexual is staying in a relationship with an asexual person. Another point I'll say it again ,Why is the asexual almost alway compromising and not the sexual. Not having intercourse but outercourse (no anal/oral sex) is one compromise but why does some asexual have to compromise and not the sexual. Some asexual are having intercourse just to keep the sexual. Link to post Share on other sites
Dame du Lac Posted July 17, 2008 Share Posted July 17, 2008 newgirl - you've used the term "outercourse" here before. Do you mean sexual activity that stops short of oral/anal/vaginal sex or are you talking about non-sexual physical contact? I have to say that as someone who just isn't bothered about sex, I would not have a problem having sex with someone I was in a relationship with. Having chosen to have a one-night stand in the past (admittedly, not realising until long afterwards that I may not be very sexual) I can't in all honesty say that having sex would be a compromise. It would just be another pleasurable activity. It would be my low sex drive rather than my general lack of sexual attraction that would limit how often I had sex with someone. Maybe the reason we don't get people posting on AVEN how their partner chooses to forgo sex to remain with them is because their sexual partners are not unhappy with the situation and there is no reason to search out a community like this for advice? Link to post Share on other sites
wired Posted July 18, 2008 Share Posted July 18, 2008 I am a virgin asexual. I've gotten up to the point of actually being naked on somebody's bed and then backing out at the last minute. It was not pleasant. I felt as if I was letting the other person down, I felt pretty inadequate, but at the same time I knew I was making the right choice. I wasn't uncomfortable with the idea of being intimate with another person. I cared about this guy and I still do, even though I had to ultimately end the relationship. It was just that I didn't want to have sex. I still cannot explain why. Mentally, I'm comfortable with the idea of sex. I know that sex is a big part of life and that it isn't going to cause me any harm to do it. Except it will cause me harm, because I personally just do not feel inclined to do it. I have some of the most sexually promiscuous/active friends around, and good on them. They're doing what they enjoy. I guess I'm lucky in that they accept me for who I am and can understand if I'm not the same way. I could remain a virgin for the rest of my life and not care. I won't feel like I've missed out on anything. Sex is enjoyable if you're a sexual person. If you're not, well... no harm done, right? Link to post Share on other sites
MyOhMy Posted July 18, 2008 Share Posted July 18, 2008 (off topic)hi there, i love this site, and after reading some of the topics, you the users on here, looks like very interesting people. (on topic)I am 25 years old, and not a virgin. The most of my teenage years, I thought there was some sexual activity that would "press my button", so I tried lots of different stuff. When i was 19 I had had enough and I have not done it since and don't plan on doing it again. Link to post Share on other sites
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