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so are u a Virgin or Non-Virgin Asexual?


naelNY

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I'll even have sex if it makes the other person happy, but I prefer not to.

Wow, I hope I won't sound rude but it is my opinion that if you don't prefer something, you really shouldn't even consider compromising. That is, unless you really feel that such a sacrifice is worth it.

Please, try to enlighten me; why is it necessary or could be considered a good thing to please some other person's needs if you don't meet them yourself in the first place? Just curious :)

PS. Call me egocentric if you feel that is appropriate :D

I notice a lot of asexual in asexual/sexual relationship doing this type of "compromise,I think it's sad . I can understand if you like some type of touching but if you don't, how sad.

It is a tad rude to be honest...well to me anyway.

Being asexual means you have no desire to have sex, not that you are repulsed by it. Many asexuals, myself included, are simply indifferent to the idea. We have no desire to have it but doing so (for whatever reason) isnt that much of a problem and is certainly not a massive 'sacrifice' in any way shape or form. You'll find asexuals who ARE replused by sex or physical conbtact are not the ones having these terrible compromising relationships you struggle to even comprehend.

All relationships require some form of compromise and to me at least, having sex when you have no desire to is just another form of this. Being willing to have sex now and then is a worthy price to pay if it means your number of potential partners dramatically increase and hense you have a much greater chance of a long term and fulfilling relationship. If youre never willing to compromise about anything then i think forming any sort of valuable relationship (with anyone) will be nearly impossible. If the compromise (whatever it happens to be) is too great then dont do it, but if its acceptable (provided the return is worth it) then what the hell.

Let me explain. I'm mostly indifferent to physical contact, and it rarely causes me to feel anything at all, whether negative or positive. However, if I can sense that another person is trying to get close to me, an act that is emphasized by touching, I feel repulsed. I do not seek relationships in the first place, just like an asexual person has no desire for sex due to the lack of sexual attraction directed towards another person, I don't experience a want or need for getting emotionally close to anyone. I am struggling to understand the need for physical or emotional intimacy that many, if not most, people report to have. I'd be happy to explain how I feel too in the case that the aromantic orientation is not understood. :D

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*raises hand* 22-year-old virgin here! *retracts hand*

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Lord Dandylion

Almost 19-yr old, non-virgin.

Although I suppose I'm somewhere in between demi-sexual and asexual, I lean a LOT more towards ace, and I think most of my sexual experiences had to do with my inability to say no to someone I loved that much, especially since at the beginning, I thought I wanted a lot more physically than I ended up actually wanting and didn't want to end up seeming like a tease, etc. (Although I suggested a no-sex-no-makeout period at one point, and he looked almost horrified, lol)

I identify as ace because at the end of it, I often curled up in the fetal position/didn't want to move/spent too long in the bathroom/took an immediate shower, but there were a couple of times when, at the end, I felt good about it. :/ I think that's why I go with ace over grey-A, haha

As for whether or not I would have sex again, I'd probably have to say yes, only because I want to be a mother (and am somewhat indifferent to sex) and could totally see myself doing it for that purpose, though there are other options for parenthood :)

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  • 2 weeks later...

16, almost 17, and a virgin

I never been in a relationship, never kissed a guy, but I did kiss two girls as practice :mellow: ... I would get "crushes" on guys but then if they like me back, I would sudenly not like them, maybe they were just squishes then.

I want to say I'll have sex in the future but if I don't change I probably won't. The thought of making out is nasty.. it looks nasty, sounds nasty, taste wierd/disguisting, feels wierd.... I think small pecks are cute, if it's not done too much... and hugs are amazing

*sigh* I'm so going to die a virgin.... I don't even like when guys touch me. :rolleyes:

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I'll even have sex if it makes the other person happy, but I prefer not to.

Wow, I hope I won't sound rude but it is my opinion that if you don't prefer something, you really shouldn't even consider compromising. That is, unless you really feel that such a sacrifice is worth it.

Please, try to enlighten me; why is it necessary or could be considered a good thing to please some other person's needs if you don't meet them yourself in the first place? Just curious :)

PS. Call me egocentric if you feel that is appropriate :D

Haha, it's just me. I'm extremely non-confrontational in real life and I have this strange problem of being unable to say no to people. I fear anger, confrontation, and awkwardness so I kind of just let people do and say whatever they want to me :blush: Actually, you'll find this really sad. I misspoke before. It's not even if I really care about the other person...it's my fear of making them angry. My last boyfriend (a-hole who I truly did not care for) sort of ignored me when I said I didn't really want to do 'it' and he just had his way anyway. I was afraid to say no I guess and he was...er....a bit aggressive.

And since I'm a self-sexual type person who quite enjoys the fantasy of sex, I just have this hope that I'll enjoy it with the right somebody someday. (Jeeze, I annoy myself when I say that!)

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geek-in-a-half-shell

19 year old virgin, somewhat homo-romantic.

Damn proud of being a virgin too. :3

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Virgin @ 32 :)

happy as a clam.

<edited the lengthy entry and will post it on the welcome thread>

-

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I'll even have sex if it makes the other person happy, but I prefer not to.

Wow, I hope I won't sound rude but it is my opinion that if you don't prefer something, you really shouldn't even consider compromising. That is, unless you really feel that such a sacrifice is worth it.

Please, try to enlighten me; why is it necessary or could be considered a good thing to please some other person's needs if you don't meet them yourself in the first place? Just curious :)

PS. Call me egocentric if you feel that is appropriate :D

Haha, it's just me. I'm extremely non-confrontational in real life and I have this strange problem of being unable to say no to people. I fear anger, confrontation, and awkwardness so I kind of just let people do and say whatever they want to me :blush: Actually, you'll find this really sad. I misspoke before. It's not even if I really care about the other person...it's my fear of making them angry. My last boyfriend (a-hole who I truly did not care for) sort of ignored me when I said I didn't really want to do 'it' and he just had his way anyway. I was afraid to say no I guess and he was...er....a bit aggressive.

And since I'm a self-sexual type person who quite enjoys the fantasy of sex, I just have this hope that I'll enjoy it with the right somebody someday. (Jeeze, I annoy myself when I say that!)

Mmm. I agree to a degree. It's not good to be truly confrontational for its own sake. But always be ready to stand up for your own opinion which you should never be afraid to voice out. If someone disagrees with your opinion, so what? At that point you're not being confrontational but simply honest and respective of the other person by letting them know where you stand. In my humble opinion, in real life I can't respect people who are afraid to speak their mind regardless of consequences. Afterall, it's just an opinion that we are talking about here.

You know what's good? Why not develop a bit of indifference. It would shield your sensitive side for not being hurt when you bluntly tell people how you really feel. On top of that, you could rest your conscience too, I think :)

About the point of sexuality, well, I'm with you there. I think it might be wise to eventually give up and conform with the social norms though. At least it would make your life easier since then you'd belong to the majority (as in having partnerships): less raised eyebrows that is :D They do say that sexuality is a fluid thing that can change in time. Yeah, maybe with an understanding partner I could learn to like things that I don't like now, who knows. But for now I'm not tempted by sex so such experiments will have to wait.

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20, non-virgin. Then again, my hymen didn't break (if I even had one), so... maybe I am a virgin, who knows XD

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ihatemyusername

I just turned 20 nearly a week ago, still a virgin. To be honest, I did feel quite weirded out about it with the build up to being 20, and still not doing this thing that society says you must do before a certain age (18 is the "cut-off" off point, beyond that it gets weird apparently) in order to be classed as normal or whatever. I mean I've never really had this over whelming urge to have sex, usually only to the point where I thought I'd just do it just to get it over and done with. It's not that I haven't had opportunities, and I've had girlfriends, and I've done the "basic" sexual stuff (I'm not too big on the non-sex sexual stuff either). There was also this thing, that if I was to "lose my virginity" to someone, it would be to the right person, which if you think about it, the whole "losing your virginity to someone" thing is a bit creepy, as if that someone had a part of you, lol, so I thought it would have to be with someone I really liked, though in retrospect, the first time you have sex, is just the first time you have sex I guess.

I think I've came to terms with the fact that I'm just asexual, and I think I've always known it, just never really been too open about it to myself really. I won't let "being a virgin past 20" define me as a person.

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To be honest, I did feel quite weirded out about it with the build up to being 20, and still not doing this thing that society says you must do before a certain age (18 is the "cut-off" off point, beyond that it gets weird apparently) in order to be classed as normal or whatever.

I just turned 21 last Sunday and I can totally relate to feeling a little weird about being a virgin right now - I haven't done anything remotely sexual, I haven't even kissed anyone. XD

Aside from occasionally feeling self-conscious when my friends have long conversations about sex or when people I don't know very well assume I have more experience than I do, it doesn't bother me that I'm such a complete virgin. I've just never been interested enough in someone (who was also interested in me) to consider being in a romantic relationship. That said, if I did ever find myself in a relationship and it was long-term enough for me to fully relax with that person, I wouldn't rule out trying sex or sexual things to figure out what my boundaries are. I'm kind of repulsed by sex but I don't know if I could get over it without trying, I guess.

So I'm a virgin who may or may not remain a virgin, and it doesn't really bother me either way. ^_^

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16 years old, extra virgin. :D I've held hands non-romantically. I dunno, I probably won't stay one forever, and I don't think I care either way.

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Sleeping Beauty

21 years old virgin with a purity commitment :cake:

I started wondering about my sexuality because according to what the other people always say it seemed to me to be too easy to honour it, I didn't even get the temptation.

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Then again, my hymen didn't break (if I even had one),

I'm glad you don't live in... certain societies. I've heard that when this happens, on consummating a marriage, it's assumed that the woman was not a virgin previously, which can often put her life in severe danger. :evil:

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*killer*queen*

I'm a 28yr old virgin. I don't feel one way or another about it, it just is. I have never dated, mostly because I just don't see why I need to. I'm happy on my own. I'm rarely lonely. Also because in this day and age, dating seems to imply that there WILL be sex at some point. No thank you. I have felt this way for years despite all the people telling me I should date.

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25. Technically, I am a virgin. But as I am my own sex life, I don't consider myself one.

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WhenSummersGone

24 and Non-virgin. I had to experience a period of time in my life to realize that I just didn't desire sex. I was doing it for all the wrong reasons such as no self respect or to get attention or even because everyone else was was doing it and I felt that that is what couples/people do. I do not consider myself a sexual person. I do not actively go out looking for sex every night and haven't been for the past 3 years at least. I do not consider myself celibate because I am not holding off on anything and I'm not waiting either. I'm just not attracted to having sex nor the idea of it

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Close-to-20-year-old virgin. And not planning to change that.

However, I do get phases of all some of stuff. Its a human thing. I can't help it. I've been dead-serious about all sorts of things (like Wicca, o my, why was I ever into that?) and 2 years later I thought 'why did that ever make sence'?

I don't think asexuality is a phase, but I really can't be sure. I'm trying not to plan my future me to much. I'm asexual NOW, that's all that matters.

Yeah, I did Satanism a bit in highschool. I've decided to just not be embarrassed about things I did back then. I do plenty of embarrassing things now without them. Plus, a lot of people have done a lot worse. At least I didn't sleep with everyone. Can you imagine going to a school reunion and seeing everyone you ever slept with?

Also- 20 year old virgin with bets by my friends as to when that will change

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Ankhetperue

19, almost 20, non-virgin. I have dated one person. I never enjoyed sex but I thought I would get used to it. I was never really that interested in sex to begin with. It's always been sort of an abstract idea to me. Everyone else enjoys it so I assumed I was supposed to as well.

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I'm a 22 non-virgin asexual. It took having sex to make me realize I wasn't it to it. I thought maybe if i tried it I would like it... i didn't.

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Bug quote:

" I don't get much out of it , except knowing that it feels nice for him." (Sex or intercourse)

emmarainbow,

This quote sounds like an ASEXUAL woman only PLEASING her sexual man and NOT herself. This isn't an asexual woman getting her needs met but ONLY making sure her man SEXUAL needs get met. A medium to high sexual man is going to say everything alright in the bedroom but in the back of his mind, this man wants some type of sex.

Bottomline:

My question to SOME asexual people in a long term relationship with sexual people, Can your relationship survive without sex(intercourse or oral sex) or your sexual partner having outside sex with another person. I mostly see asexual people compromising in the relationship but sexual people , NO

this is not true.

I was in a realationship when I first found out I wasn't sexual and we never had sex afterwords but I did help him out sometimes with my hands because I loved making him happy. He didn't ask me to do this often because he was really worried to make me uncomfortable but I wasn't! I found him to be very beautiful and very brave showing all his feelings and needs to me although he knew I would feel nothing in return.

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About the virgin thins, I am not, it took a lot of alcohol and many years to force myself into having sex and I won't recommend it at all. That doesn't mean all experiences was bad. I did never feel very much sexual but I had a few laughs and some very interesting storys. I met a lot of different people and I discovered how naked a person that enjoys sex is. It's actually both facinating and a bit scary. I guess they have no choise but I still can't not admire them being so open and naked in front of another person.

but they are also blind because very few seemed to realize I wasn't feeling anything at all

so yes, for almost a year of my life I was drinking, having sex with a lot of people and smoking. No I have realized this wasn't at all good for me so I am mostly vegan, don't smoke and use very little alcohol. I was doing all those things and abusing myself to prove I was all "normal" but I ended up being a freak, I'm much more normal now when I'm not so eager on trying to prove myself. I am very open about my diagnoses and has been about my asexuality as wall although I didn't think I was because I masturbate.

that's me LOL

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