naelNY Posted June 9, 2008 Share Posted June 9, 2008 hi, i am new here. i am in my 20s and live in NYC area. my first romantic interest was with another male during high school, who was becoming sexually active. we became best friends but was pressured for sex, and the relationship ended because i didnt give in after years of platonic friendship. i find it interesting this forum has so many terminologies for different types of asexuals or similar identities. i am most easily described as a gay asexual, but everyday people cannot even comprehend that, which ends up getting labeled as simply gay. i happen to be an XYxx blood chimera, physically a male with lots of facial stubble, adams apple, etc, a basically normal penis and testes, normal testosterone levels etc, but also perhaps slightly more tender than average male nipple/chest, and also a shallow/narrow vaginal crease but without the presence of a uterus or ovaries. i do not consider myself intersex or hermaphoditic because the minor chimeratic xx dna is limited to my abdominal region and shallow vagina, lol, and i am a fertile male only. pseudohermaphroditic male? perhaps. anyway i wanted to inquire on virginity. i have come across lots of people in life and online that go through "PHASES" of what they are. this often upsets me. like a gay person who was previously promiscous suddenly announces they are asexual. or an omnivore who used to smoke/drink suddenly claims they are vegan and have a whole refined pallet of what do and don't eat and the reasons for it. but i always wonder for how long have you been this, esp beyond your teen years? i dunno, i think i am trying to predict how life will be in my 30s, + etc. will i still be a virgin? will i still call myself asexual gay? i want to have a family and kids, but have never found any romantic or sexual interest in a female, and have very very rarely been even slightly amorously interested in males. yet looking forward i don't desire to lose my virginity, but i do desire to lose my singleness. why is it so hard for asexuals to find someone else who is reliably (sp?) asexual. not that i have ever dated, because i'm always immersed in my hobbies, plus also dating seems to have a strong sexual overtone in our society which i avoid just like any other carnal temptation... sexual interest however infinitesimal, would be a shame to deny is not sometimes there at a subconscious level ie at least during sleep. thx 4 listening &/or ur advice, nael Link to post Share on other sites
DougN Posted June 9, 2008 Share Posted June 9, 2008 Well, I'm a 20-year old, virgin, predominantly homo-romantic asexual. I want a relationship, not interested at all in kids though (possibly even less than in sex). Whether I will ever have on is another story entirely. But I suspect you are looking for responses from older, more experienced people, so I'm probably not of much help! Link to post Share on other sites
Islander9 Posted June 9, 2008 Share Posted June 9, 2008 Kia ora - 61yrold virgin (as though it matters - tho' it does to me, because I would kill anyone who attempted rape) annnd - happy with it! Link to post Share on other sites
Sammie Posted June 9, 2008 Share Posted June 9, 2008 Close-to-20-year-old virgin. And not planning to change that. However, I do get phases of all some of stuff. Its a human thing. I can't help it. I've been dead-serious about all sorts of things (like Wicca, o my, why was I ever into that?) and 2 years later I thought 'why did that ever make sence'? I don't think asexuality is a phase, but I really can't be sure. I'm trying not to plan my future me to much. I'm asexual NOW, that's all that matters. Link to post Share on other sites
GreyCloud Posted June 9, 2008 Share Posted June 9, 2008 21 year old non virgin. I was 14 or 15 the first time I had sex, it wasn't a big deal though. Link to post Share on other sites
ThePieMaker Posted June 9, 2008 Share Posted June 9, 2008 Almost a 19 year old asexy virgin. No plans on changing, although I do accept the idea that I might not be asexual and one day the sexuality will kick in, though I hope it doesn't. I like being this way. Link to post Share on other sites
Blueflare Posted June 9, 2008 Share Posted June 9, 2008 18 years old and a virgin, planning on staying that way. Link to post Share on other sites
JustJudy Posted June 9, 2008 Share Posted June 9, 2008 I'm a 51 yr old mother of a 27 yr old so I'm definetly not a virgin. I knew I was different as a kid but I tried to be like everyone else, I was very promiscuous and as long as the sex was random it wasn't so bad, just as long as I never had to see the person again. After my 2nd marriage ended when I was 38 I knew I could no longer pretend to be a sexual person although I tried to by being drunk for the following 10 years, I don't recommend this. People do change, and sorry if this upsets you, I wouldn't want to be the same in all ways at 51 that I was at 20 that would be quite boring to me as I like change. Yes I am basically the same person that I was at 20, but I no longer eat beef because it no longer tastes good to me, I used to love to drink wine and now even the thought makes me nauseated, I used to love sleeping until noon now I love watching the sun rise; I was very shy at 20 and insecure. now I am still quiet but not shy and definetly not insecure-people change that is life. Link to post Share on other sites
emmarainbow Posted June 9, 2008 Share Posted June 9, 2008 I'm 19, virgin, asexual and all. I'll be surprised if I stop being asexual. I won't be if I stop being a virgin. If I can give/receive some pleasure through sex, I'll probably have sex at some point. *shrugs* Link to post Share on other sites
Hayley Posted June 9, 2008 Share Posted June 9, 2008 19 year-old asexual, not a virgin. Sex really doesn't have much importance to me, I have it to make sexual partners happy or to help them feel close to me. I've noticed in the past week that I'm developing a very very mild physical enjoyment but mentally it does nothing for me. I have an indifferent outlook on most things but primarily romantic and sexual matters. And, welcome to AVEN. :) Link to post Share on other sites
lisa was here Posted June 9, 2008 Share Posted June 9, 2008 Virgin. I can love, just sex is a weird concept for me/not important to me. I hope one day to try it, but I don't thats going to happen for a while...if at all. Oh well. Going be difficult to convince this guy to go out with me; 'lets go out but not have sex! :lol: ' 'umm, no, fuck off' Link to post Share on other sites
dir egal Posted June 9, 2008 Share Posted June 9, 2008 21.... virgin.... :) Link to post Share on other sites
brontide Posted June 9, 2008 Share Posted June 9, 2008 If things change and I suddenly develop sexual feelings, I'll act on those feelings. But until then (if that ever happens)...asexual, a virgin and happy about it. But things do change. I'm not saying that I expect my sexuality to change, but I won't be completely surprised/freaked out/in denial if it does. Sometimes I can't imagine being any different in ten years than I am now, but so many things can happen in ten years. It's better to embrace the change rather than cling to old labels if they don't apply anymore. There's no shame in changing...it's part of life, as other posters have pointed out. Link to post Share on other sites
Forensic Posted June 9, 2008 Share Posted June 9, 2008 23... asexual... nonvirgin. Only been with one partner... and never enjoyed it. In a way I wish I was a virgin, but on the other hand, I have bypassed the 'once you try it, you'll like it' part. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Fosco Posted June 9, 2008 Share Posted June 9, 2008 I'm the extra virgin olive oil type. 19, male. Link to post Share on other sites
Mageru Posted June 9, 2008 Share Posted June 9, 2008 22 (very nearly 23) year old virgin here. I wouldn't be terribly upset if I was to remain a virgin for a long time to come. At the moment I have no interest in sex at all (despite the fact that I'm sort of seeing someone at the moment) Link to post Share on other sites
Elroy Posted June 9, 2008 Share Posted June 9, 2008 25 year old virgin here, and will likely remain so for quite awhile. Link to post Share on other sites
jcortese Posted June 10, 2008 Share Posted June 10, 2008 42, not a virgin although I had it four times in the space of two days about twenty years ago and recall lying there thinking, "What the hell is the point with this?" and feeling somewhat annoyed because this Wonderful Transcendent Feeling that was supposed to just sort of happen on its own never materialized. I felt like I'd been sold a bill of goods, and pretty much figured, "Welp, so much for that. Where'd I leave my book?" Link to post Share on other sites
thylacine Posted June 10, 2008 Share Posted June 10, 2008 "i dunno, i think i am trying to predict how life will be in my 30s, + etc. will i still be a virgin? will i still call myself asexual gay? i want to have a family and kids, but have never found any romantic or sexual interest in a female, and have very very rarely been even slightly amorously interested in males. yet looking forward i don't desire to lose my virginity, but i do desire to lose my singleness." You know... you can always adopt. And JCortese... thank you for reminding me why I'm glad I never bothered! Link to post Share on other sites
Shockwave Posted June 10, 2008 Share Posted June 10, 2008 36, non-virgin. I can enjoy it but I don't need it or necessarily want it. Link to post Share on other sites
Anti-stud Posted June 10, 2008 Share Posted June 10, 2008 23 almost 24 and still a virgin Man, time flies...I'm gettin' OLD! Link to post Share on other sites
Dame du Lac Posted June 10, 2008 Share Posted June 10, 2008 Well, sexuality can be more or less fluid in people. And people have sex for lots of reasons other than being sexually attracted to a person. If you want to have a wife and family but don't feel attractive to women you may have to look at alternative ways of achieving that. Personally, I had a one night stand a few years back. I may or may not have sex again for pleasure and I intend to have it for procreative reasons. I also experienced sexual attraction quite frequently upto my mid-teens but have realised that most of the attraction and fantasy I experienced in my 20s wasn't very sexual at all. For a long time sexual attraction has happened only rarely to me. I don't worry about it though; if I walked out the door tomorrow and bumped into someone of either sex and fell deeply in love and was sexually attracted to them (and it was reciprocated) I think I'd go for it. And sexuality isn't really comparable to eating steak for years then becoming vegan. That's more like being sexually active and then becoming celibate. You might still want the steak (or sex) but you now have reasons for giving it up completely regardless of what you want. Link to post Share on other sites
Rix Posted June 10, 2008 Share Posted June 10, 2008 I'm a virgin as in i haven't had intercourse. So i depends on peoples definition of virginity. Link to post Share on other sites
Grai Posted June 10, 2008 Share Posted June 10, 2008 19 year-old asexual, not a virgin. Sex really doesn't have much importance to me, I have it to make sexual partners happy or to help them feel close to me. Wow, talk about thinking I was reading my own words! So.. there's my answer too... Link to post Share on other sites
Ewwies Posted June 11, 2008 Share Posted June 11, 2008 i am a non-virgin... but have only had it to please the other person... but i am now very capable of saying NO! Link to post Share on other sites
peep Posted June 11, 2008 Share Posted June 11, 2008 Sex really doesn't have much importance to me, I have it to make sexual partners happy or to help them feel close to me. I've noticed in the past week that I'm developing a very very mild physical enjoyment but mentally it does nothing for me. Same here. Most partners seem to find sex important for bonding, and it makes me feel good to do nice things for a partner. Still, I would prefer that we bond over ice cream instead. ;) I am capable of a great deal of physical enjoyment once aroused. It's the basic motivation and craving for sex that is missing for me. Like you say, mentally it does nothing. Link to post Share on other sites
waterbear Posted June 11, 2008 Share Posted June 11, 2008 26-year old virgin. My virginity is independent of my asexuality; I'll remain a virgin unless I get married to someone who desires sex. Given my willingness to make the sacrifices necessary for a relationship is declining as I age the odds are favorable that I'll be a virgin through this life. As with the OP the prospect of remaining a virgin wasn't as difficult to accept as the prospect of remaining alone, however I'm coming to appreciate the freedom of detachment. Link to post Share on other sites
milapalcynsky Posted June 11, 2008 Share Posted June 11, 2008 I'm 24, asexual and a virgin. I don't know if I'll always be asexual, but I guess I have been so far in my life. I had a cool prof who said that he wasn't ready for sex until he was 35, so it just goes to show that anything is possible. Link to post Share on other sites
andrew_w Posted June 11, 2008 Share Posted June 11, 2008 I'm an asexual who hasn't had sex (and doesn't plan to unless something changes), but I don't feel that the concept of virginity applies to me. I'm just asexual. Link to post Share on other sites
HD Ready Posted June 11, 2008 Share Posted June 11, 2008 25 year old virgin and asexual here. I don't care if I do or don't have sex Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.