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What does "Dating" mean these days?


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#1 Jazmin

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Posted 20 May 2008 - 08:53 AM

I'm pretty clueless when it comes to stuff about relationships and dating.

So I'm just wondering, what do you reckon constitutes "dating" for young people (late teens-twenties) in our society these days?

Is it possible to be 'dating' someone sexual, without them expecting sex? Is hugging, kissing, etc considered adequate for some people? Or am I just deluding myself in an over-sexed society? :blink: Would the majority of people think that if you dated them, this implies you would want to have sex with them during the actual dating process (ie. before marriage)?

(Personally, I always just assumed dating meant getting to know the person better as a person, spending time hanging out with them, and so on)

#2 scamper

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Posted 20 May 2008 - 12:39 PM

It's always tough to generalize about these things, but I would say that probably the "majority" of people DO expect or assume that dating will eventually lead to sex. However, a good chunk of that "majority" probably also share the opinion that dating should be about getting to know another person, and would be ok if that didn't include sex.

My hunch about this, based only on personal experience, is that there are lots of people out there who would be open to the idea of dating without sex if you're pretty straightforward with them about what you want / need / expect. I think everyone (or almost everyone) assumes that dating will include sex because it's the norm in our society, media, etc- but not because they themselves would never date without sex. Does that make sense?

#3 scamper

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Posted 20 May 2008 - 12:41 PM

Oh, just a quick afterthought - I think that for many people it would probably also make a significant difference to know whether "no sex" was a rule for the dating phase, but would change in marriage, or whether it's something that would continue forever. I think that abstaining before marriage is still something that lots of people believe in or at least understand as a personal choice, probably more than they understand (or are aware of the existence of) asexuality.

#4 Shockwave

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Posted 20 May 2008 - 03:10 PM

A lot of it depends on where you live, I think. It has been a long time since I lived outside of Utah-pia so I don't know how things are done out in the real world. Here, however, premarital sex is still frowned upon.

That may be a big part of the reason there are so few out asexuals here.

#5 genwiz314

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Posted 20 May 2008 - 03:32 PM

I haven't had much experience with this either, outside of what I've observed (this was in High School mind you so it could be a bit skewed) it seemed to me that the first few "dates" were about getting to know the person, but after that sex was expected and fair game. Of course, I personally think there is more of a spectrum of what "dating" actually is. Where, at one end, some think of it as a way to get to know a person while, on the other end, it's just something you have to do before the sex starts.

(Again this is just my experience in podunk Mattoon, IL and I imagine there will be more variety on that spectrum [if I'm right at all] in larger areas)
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#6 jr1

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Posted 20 May 2008 - 06:44 PM

people have been conditioned to "prove" they love each other by having sex

#7 scamper

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Posted 20 May 2008 - 11:27 PM

I think a lot of people have probably also been conditioned to expect it from a partner / dating situation without the love.

#8 waterbear

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Posted 21 May 2008 - 03:16 AM

I knew some people who preferred the wording "courting" to "dating" possibly because they perceived the later as implying sexual activity, although that may also have been because those people weren't interested in casual dating.

For my part I don't see dating as implying sexual activity of any sort, indeed outside of the mutually recognized context for associating with one another the relationship need not be different from a close friendship.

#9 I am Sasquatch

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Posted 21 May 2008 - 04:48 AM

(Personally, I always just assumed dating meant getting to know the person better as a person, spending time hanging out with them, and so on)


That's pretty much how I saw it all at first, I still wish it was like that. Of couse, now I'm at uni and relationships for most of the sexual people I know who are dating consider it with sex in mind. That's kinda why I avoid 'dates' these days.
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#10 bbctv

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Posted 21 May 2008 - 05:59 AM

i'd argue that it means completely different things to different people - i don't even know many people who use the term 'date' or 'dating.' i'd argue it occurs whenever both parties agree that they are in a relationship. given that i had a female friend i spent about 2-5 hours with every day for in excess of a year and i was STILL trying to figure out a way to tell her i was interested and when i finally DID she was surprised, i think something explicit has to be said...
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#11 GarboFour

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Posted 21 May 2008 - 10:38 AM

people have been conditioned to "prove" they love each other by having sex


I've got the same question as Jazmin's. And if Jr1 gets it right about the fact, that would be so wrong and so disappointing...

#12 reptilelover

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Posted 21 May 2008 - 05:19 PM

Hmm... I’d say it definitely does. But then again, my knowledge in this dating stuff comes primarily from movies/magazines/online dating articles. According to these sources sex is not necessary on the first date, but “sucking face” sort of kiss is. Sex comes into play at about date number 3 or 4.

Also, just in case you are wondering who should pay on the first date – it seems that there is a bit of a debate on this, but mostly the gist of things is that the male should pay because the female already invests a lot of money in things like bikini waxing, blow dry (whatever that is), lingerie, manicure, Pilates exc. :blink:

Also if your date is more then 10 minutes late you are supposed to become nervous and start changing your outfits like crazy and then when he finally comes he is supposed to catch you mid-dressing and you are supposed to accuse him that everything is his fault…

As for the guys, you are not supposed to ask the lady if she had a good time because that apparently is the sign of being insecure/clingy… :huh:

( :o :blink: :blink: *one completely horrified reptilelover* - the result of reading one of the yahoo dating articles…)

#13 scamper

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Posted 21 May 2008 - 07:02 PM

^ Haha!

That is pretty much exactly how the movies make it seem.


My own, potentially controversial P.O.V. on this topic is that even though I don't think sex should ever be expected as part of dating, and even though I believe people should always talk about their expectations with each other before assuming what the other person wants or needs ... when it comes to my own life, I prefer to have sex quite early on in a relationship. It's not because I'm too horny to wait. It's just because as a very sexual person, for me sexual compatibility is a huuuuge deciding factor in whether to continue pursuing a romantic relationship with someone. I isn't the #1 factor, but it can be a dealbreaker, so why not figure it out sooner rather than later?

#14 98slbrookes98

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Posted 21 September 2008 - 06:14 PM

I have always believed that sex is a choice. People choose sex because they like it but if they do not, they don't need to choose it. I remember when I was 9 and fell romantically for a girl in the same year as me, my friends asked me when I told them at ten, "would you jump into bed with her?" and I said "No". I said I wanted to be romantic - hold hands, hug, kiss on the lips, date but without the sex but if when we were both seventeen, if she wanted sex I would try my best to compromie. I just didn't have a name for romance without sex - not unrtil I discovered asexuality at seventeen. Even when I was a child I was fine with people being gay but I didn't know that there was anyone like myself who didn't want sex with anyone. No, dating doesn't imply sex but sexuals who date might expect the relationship that came from dating to include sex unless you ake it clear that you don't want it.
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#15 Joshua

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Posted 21 September 2008 - 06:46 PM

I have no experience of dating, but at work I sit in an office with 13 other girls. They are always talking about their love lives and their quests for finding a perfect man. Yes, the term dating does mean sex, and sex is expected by the 2nd date at the latest. The girls don't like that, they rather get to know the man, but the men seem to want to have sex from the moment go.

One of the girls met up with a man she met on Match.com. They'd had e-mail and telephone conversations for about a week before meeting for dinner at a restaurant. After the main course, the waitress brought the dessert menu, to which the guy said "We don't need these dessert menus - we're going back to mine and having each other for dessert". The girl was disturbed but not surprised. They guy meant it.

Based on what I've heard, for women dating means getting to know the individual, for men, it's sex.

#16 Szacsoka

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Posted 21 September 2008 - 07:47 PM

Sexual: dating->sex in same day/night
Asexual: dating->enjoy the other person and enjoy the life (in my mind)
Sorry for my english :)

#17 Joshua

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Posted 21 September 2008 - 07:53 PM

Sexual: dating->sex in same day/night
Asexual: dating->enjoy the other person and enjoy the life (in my mind)


I agree. Asexuals I guess consider the person as a whole and the characteristics of the person, whereas (some) voracious, sex-hungry sexual males are after one thing and one thing only.

#18 Teagan KGB

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Posted 21 September 2008 - 09:41 PM

Sexual: dating->sex in same day/night
Asexual: dating->enjoy the other person and enjoy the life (in my mind)


I agree. Asexuals I guess consider the person as a whole and the characteristics of the person, whereas (some) voracious, sex-hungry sexual males are after one thing and one thing only.


There are females like this too. I've known several......
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#19 jianna

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Posted 21 September 2008 - 10:53 PM

It seems to me that when sex becomes expected with dating depends alot on who it is. Some people might be ok with it on the first or second date whereas there are others who go alot longer. I've never been much into dating, and even before I realized what asexuality was I was hesitant to get into it because I didn't want the person I was dating to expect more from me than I wanted to give.

Most of my sexual friends are "serial monogamists" so they don't have much experience in that department either, so I can't even really ask them.

#20 HD Ready

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Posted 24 September 2008 - 06:45 AM

I always thought dating was what you did with someone you fancied as part of a "getting to know each other" stage. After the dating period you then decided that yes you'd be bf and gf or no.... and go your own ways.

Once you where together for a period of time then you'd do the nasty.....

#21 Guest_disjointed_*

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Posted 24 September 2008 - 07:36 AM

I always thought dating was what you did with someone you fancied as part of a "getting to know each other" stage. After the dating period you then decided that yes you'd be bf and gf or no.... and go your own ways.

Once you where together for a period of time then you'd do the nasty.....



is that the moving in together and discovering her teeth are like stars???? they come out at night ?

#22 HD Ready

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Posted 24 September 2008 - 07:50 AM

I always thought dating was what you did with someone you fancied as part of a "getting to know each other" stage. After the dating period you then decided that yes you'd be bf and gf or no.... and go your own ways.

Once you where together for a period of time then you'd do the nasty.....



is that the moving in together and discovering her teeth are like stars???? they come out at night ?


:unsure: :blink:

#23 BrokenButterfly

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Posted 24 September 2008 - 12:50 PM

I'm pretty clueless when it comes to stuff about relationships and dating.

So I'm just wondering, what do you reckon constitutes "dating" for young people (late teens-twenties) in our society these days?

Is it possible to be 'dating' someone sexual, without them expecting sex? Is hugging, kissing, etc considered adequate for some people? Or am I just deluding myself in an over-sexed society? :blink: Would the majority of people think that if you dated them, this implies you would want to have sex with them during the actual dating process (ie. before marriage)?

(Personally, I always just assumed dating meant getting to know the person better as a person, spending time hanging out with them, and so on)


I think after about 3 or 4 "dates" them a good percentage believes it should include sex. It's a pretty silly concept if you ask me.




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