__AJ__

Are all women asexual?

43 posts in this topic

Something doesnt make sense to me. waaa baaa doo dum ditty!!!

what do you all think?

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I think many women are just as sexual as men. In my human sexuality course, we looked at experiments where it was found that both women and men are just as likely to initiate sex, and each were just as likely to refuse it from their partner as well.

That being said, I think each go about it in a different way depending upon the circumstances. Perhaps women aren't as interested in sex with strangers. However, I do know women who are, and are very motivated in seeking a partner.

I think a lot of it also has to do with gender roles. Women possibly feel like they must be pursued and can't be the initiator in a relationship, because that is the "male role". Just because they don't initiate, does not mean that they don't want it, whether that be in a relationship or outside of it.

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Heh, trust me, women can be every bit as lecherous as men.

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Im mostly going on my own personal experience. All my co-workers are women right now, and their attitude toward sex seems to be the same as mine. They dont seem interested in it. I remember these guys came in the store, and were hitting on all the women there. They were saying things like "wanna have sex" "wanna party, baby."

All the women reacted the same, they politely rejected them, just like how i would if i was them.

They never talk about sex like how my guy friends do either. They dont brag about getting laid or anything, they never even bring it up! which is exactly how i am

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Yes, but those are a select few women. I think it's too difficult to try to take that small sample and expand it to the entire female population. Again, it doesn't mean that they aren't interested in sex at all... they probably just don't like the idea of being picked up by strangers, maybe they weren't interested in those specific men who came into work, or maybe they didn't think it was appropriate considering the situation of being in a professional workspace.

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Something doesnt make sense to me. If women are lustful for sex, why arent they going around trying to get it like how guys do??

I did an experiment, I put pictures of an attractive male and an attractive female on a site. And the female got lots of different guys sending messages, some were quite straight to the point about wanting sex, others appeared more into small talk. The male got no messages.

I see and hear about the same thing going on in person with people

And times have changed, and women seem to be admired for being independant, so why arent alot of women going around trying to get different people to have sex, like how alot of guys do?

They say that they only enjoy the sex when its with someone whom they love and trust. So do they like the sex or do they like the love and trust? do they simply love the guy so much that they like making him happy with sex??

It just seems odd for someone to say they're sexual and then not be persuing it. Its like someone saying they like chocolate and then going to the store and saying "Im just gona stand around here and wait for someone to give me chocolate, but im only gona eat the chocolate if I love and trust that person."

so is it just the love and care they're after?? are all women asexual??

women do all of these things. many are probably a bit more quiet about it compared to men because there is still a stigma attached to women being open with their sexuality.

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Society is sexist and expects women not to visibly seek sex, and pressures them to seek romantic relationships of a sort where sex might later occur instead. Growing up in our society, many women proceed to do exactly that.

Personally I think this is a fine thing that society really ought to expect of men, too.

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You clearly don't hang out with enough fangirls. Girls are less allowed to be like that, but believe me that they are. Girls that are clearly out for sex are labeled with all sort of unpleasant words, so they aren't going to obviously be like that. But they definitely are. Just look at fanfic written by girls. Just look at romantic novels. Aimed at girls and filled with sex.

http://www.thedevilspanties.com/d/20020221.html

20020221.gif

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I imagine there are number of things wrong with your little experiment. Far more men may have come across your site, the picture of the woman might have been have been more attractive to the men than the picture of the man was to the women, etc.

There are some social issues as well to why the male picture would have gotten fewer responses. One is that the dangerousness of strange men is very strongly emphasized to women, but no one bothers to say a strange female can be dangerous. Another is that women are highly socially conditioned and pressured into not expressing sexual feelings, often even to the point they won't be honest with a partner. If they are not they are given lables like slut, whore, easy, etc. Many women are also still more comfortable with accepting sexual advances than making them, as well.

There is a wonderful, very sexual woman I know online who is a good friend of mine. She and some of her friends make mods (modifications) of a game that sexualize men (compared to the many that sexualize women), and they are constantly getting slack and openly attacked for it and are even called gay, as many people assume they are men. One of her friends recently quit for a short while because she couldn't put up with it anymore, despite a thick skin. This shows pretty well how women's sexual feelings are treated, I think.

As for my own feelings towards sex, as a sexual woman, I would only have sex with men I cared about deeply. I'm not concerned about whether or not I would be with them forever, they could be a very good friend. I simply am not attracted towards people I do not know very well. The interest does not develop whatsoever. I'd get entirely bored if I tried it. Sexual interest for me is a very, very mental thing and almost not at all physical. It is very hard to enjoy sex in that manner if you do not know who you are having sex with, and I mean this on a deep, intimate level, not just a name. Besides, the best sex, in my opinion, comes from a close relationship anyways, as you know each other better, what you like, and communication is greater.

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My roommate would be highly offended if you insinuated such a thing to her... she outdoes most men I know.

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Something doesnt make sense to me. If women are lustful for sex, why arent they going around trying to get it like how guys do??

I did an experiment, I put pictures of an attractive male and an attractive female on a site. And the female got lots of different guys sending messages, some were quite straight to the point about wanting sex, others appeared more into small talk. The male got no messages.

I see and hear about the same thing going on in person with people

And times have changed, and women seem to be admired for being independant, so why arent alot of women going around trying to get different people to have sex, like how alot of guys do?

They say that they only enjoy the sex when its with someone whom they love and trust. So do they like the sex or do they like the love and trust? do they simply love the guy so much that they like making him happy with sex??

It just seems odd for someone to say they're sexual and then not be persuing it. Its like someone saying they like chocolate and then going to the store and saying "Im just gona stand around here and wait for someone to give me chocolate, but im only gona eat the chocolate if I love and trust that person."

It's not odd at all. Where do people get the idea that all sexuals are raving, foaming-at-the-mouth beasts who only think about sex and can't function unless they get it at least 5 times a day?

I can think of any number of reasons this situation could happen. As xStella pointed out, a lot of women don't like to be the initiator. You may have misjudged the picture; just because you think it was an attractive guy doesn't mean other women will agree with you. Plus, I think more women tend to be a little more wary of picking up strangers on the Internet. It's a bit more dangerous for a girl, you know, so I wouldn't think a lot of women would just drop some random guy a line asking to meet up for a one-night stand over the Internet. If that's what they're looking for, they can get that just as well at the local bar. And finally, as it seems like everyone and their grandmother always points out, women and men have different views about sex, with women tending to value the emotional intimacy of the act more than the physical aspect.

Im mostly going on my own personal experience. All my co-workers are women right now, and their attitude toward sex seems to be the same as mine. They dont seem interested in it. I remember these guys came in the store, and were hitting on all the women there. They were saying things like "wanna have sex" "wanna party, baby."

All the women reacted the same, they politely rejected them, just like how i would if i was them.

They never talk about sex like how my guy friends do either. They dont brag about getting laid or anything, they never even bring it up! which is exactly how i am

Heh, you need to broaden your experience a bit, perhaps. ;) Go to college, and hang out with a bunch of girls there. Then you'll see that girls can be just as horny as men. Incidentally, are you a guy? 'Cause the reason you might not be hearing this is that a lot of girls aren't going to discuss their sexual conquests with a member of the opposite sex. Though it doesn't seem like a lot of guys do that, either. Sex talk seems to happen mostly in groups where only members of the same sex are present. And also not in professional settings, like at work.

Incidentally, there was a study done not too long ago which found that when looking at sexual photographs, women are actually more likely than men to focus on the genitals. (You can read a summary of it here).

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I don't think it is possible for all women to be asexual. Just like how not all men are extremely sexual.

It varies, depending on the individual. I do agree that MORE men than women seem to be interested/engage in sexual activities. Or so it appears in today's society, on the surface anyway. But this could be due to the stigma associated with sexually liberated women. I.e. men are 'studs' or 'players' whilst women are dubbed 'hos', 'sluts', 'skanks'. We live in a sexist society, what can I say? :rolleyes:

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I suggest a follow-up experiment: get a female screen name and start interacting with men at an online dating site. I have personally never done this, but every woman I've ever talked to about it has reported a similar experience. Lots of men will contact you, and be subtly rude and disrespectful to you. They'll ignore the preferences expressed in your profile and write to you you even though they're 20 years older than you or married or otherwise not what you requested. If you tell them you're not interested in them, they will try to guilt trip you. A lot of them won't bother with basic spelling, grammar, or politeness. They certainly won't respond to what's in your profile rather than sending you a generic message. Basically, they'll treat you like a sex-dispensing video game rather than a person. And you know, enough men have behaved like this toward me in real life that I am not at all surprised that it happens online. (Not all men, of course. Adorable non-pushy guys who stick up for women whey they're being harassed, I love you very much.) If you're a woman, being constantly hit on in this obnoxious manner is extremely fatiguing, and it makes you almost completely uninterested in approaching men you don't know for sex. Why bother, when there's such a high likelihood that they're just going to treat you like crap?

Of course, none of this prevents women from

  1. hitting on men in a more selective way,
  2. enjoying sex once we've got a partner, or
  3. having pervy conversations about men when you're not around.

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Two comments:

1: A lot of the comments in this thread are similar to comments in the infamous thread critical of the behavior of sexual males. In that thread a number of the male posters were more critical of the behavior of other males than the female posters because males don't behave the same when females are present. From what I can tell in that case what's fake and what's real is unknowable, however I relate to those who trusted their own observations over that of others, one should note the limitations of one's own observations but it's self-evident that within context one's own observations are more trustworthy than those of someone else.

In this case it seems that females don't behave the same around men as they do around other females. While I personally don't believe that many females are asexual, I'm again sympathetic to those who believe they are do to their own experiences as one should favor one's own experiences over what other people say. It's possible that getting to know more females in different social contexts would provide different experiences but also possible that it'd simply reinforce existing views.

2: There's a difference between initiating sex and initiating a relationship. I can't say anything on initiation of sex as I keep myself away from social environments where people would be soliciting sex and have (to my knowledge) never been solicited for sex. However, my experience has been that men are more likely to initiate a romantic relationship, and this is taking into account that I probably don't detect female flirting as well as male flirting. Even with this I wouldn't say females are asexual, it simply means that men are more socially aggressive in pursuing romantic relationships. However, females are more aggressive in pursuing romantic relationships in how they dress, even the more conservative female dressing habits are more sexual in nature than typical dressing habits of males.

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Or to put it another way, I like chocolate, but I'm not willing to put up with blatant disrespect for chocolate.

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i've known enough women who were quite interested in sex - even some of them who were more particular about WHO they had sex with, it didn't mean they didn't like sex, it just meant they were more particular on the context than a lot of guys, though it isn't exactly like all sexual men i know would just have sex with anyone.

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If you think women are all asexual...just take a look at Sex and the City haha

I never watch that show myself (the title itself puts me off it anyway), but the fact that there is an entire show devoted to stories about 4 women and their sex lives really does show that women can be as sexual as men in today's society. Or the 'liberated' ones anyway.

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I'd always assumed when I was younger something along those lines of the OP's hypothesis based on what TV etc. told me about men and women and their relative horniness. In fact, I admired women for it and despised men in general to a degree for what they were pulling. This assumption went to the extent of me believing that lesbian relationships were the purest... and most likely celibate.

I know better now.

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Well, if you want to think about it in a strictly biological sense, women have a greater imperitive not to sleep about and lose a caregiver to their child... and men have a need to spread their seed about. 'course most of that has nothing to do with modern society due to control methods.

But women have more to lose if they have a child without knowing the father than the father does if he doesn't know the mother.

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I disagree with the OP's experiment and think the OP is totally out of it because he probably didn't go on a sex site, if he read the profiles of people on a sex site, then it would seem that women are very sexual, but they are also even more pickier on who they have sex with. For example, some guys will have women throwing themselves on them, while other guys don't get to see that side and then think that women are asexual.

My guess is that either the photo wasn't all that attractive from the guy. I've gone on plentyoffish and noticed that muscular, atheletic studly men have girls literally throwing themselves on them online when I see the amount of 'favourites' they have, while sure, I don't even get replies let alone women initiating anything there. I've given up on online dating since February this year. However, this to me shows me that the picture you chose of that guy wasn't attractive enough to get women to throw themselves on him and that's why the experiment was fundamentally flawed.

You can have a 5/10 woman receiving as much attention as a 10/10 guy. So if you take a 5/10 guy and a 5/10 girl and say similar levels of attractiveness, I would say your experiment is absolutely flawed. Women know exactly who to throw themselves on to, and that pics of the guy must have been average. He'd have to be like a ripped, altheltic stud with deep blue eyes, good height, blond hair, then it would sound more like a 10/10 guy, then try the experiment out again.

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You can have a 5/10 woman receiving as much attention as a 10/10 guy. So if you take a 5/10 guy and a 5/10 girl and say similar levels of attractiveness, I would say your experiment is absolutely flawed. Women know exactly who to throw themselves on to, and that pics of the guy must have been average. He'd have to be like a ripped, altheltic stud with deep blue eyes, good height, blond hair, then it would sound more like a 10/10 guy, then try the experiment out again.

Errr...yuck. My tastes in men are the total opposite of the stereotype (not that I wouldn't date someone who I didn't find physically attractive, I hardly care about looks as it is). It is my theory that women aren't into the stereotype as men think, and the same is probably true for men. Maybe I am wrong, but it is at least true that everyone has their own tastes.

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Something doesnt make sense to me. If women are lustful for sex, why arent they going around trying to get it like how guys do??

Simple. They go around trying to get it like how WOMEN do. You're using the male standard of sexuality to judge women by, saying that unless women act like men, they aren't sexual because male behavior defines what sexuality is.

"Lustful" or "sexual" doesn't mean "male," you know. Women can be just as sexual as men ... but not EXACTLY THE SAME WAY men are. I like curry, and I know people who like barbecued ribs. An appetite for ribs doesn't DEFINE hunger.

If my female friends are any indication, once they have reliable birth control, they will run your ass down on the way to a potential sex partner.

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Something doesnt make sense to me. If women are lustful for sex, why arent they going around trying to get it like how guys do??

Perhaps you know women with manners.

I did an experiment, I put pictures of an attractive male and an attractive female on a site. And the female got lots of different guys sending messages, some were quite straight to the point about wanting sex, others appeared more into small talk. The male got no messages.

One thing that would keep me off the sites is people doing shit like this. But I agree about the replies you get ANYwhere. The penpal sites I've been on, myspace and some other places I get horny messages from guys. There are some sites where I have listed myself as lesbian and I STILL get horny replies from guys and nothing from women. (Not that I would appreciate them either but they seem to have more manners.) I guess there's always the possibility that some of those 'horny guys' are just some lesbians being assholes and posing as the opposite sex but I don't answer them regardless.

And times have changed, and women seem to be admired for being independant, so why arent alot of women going around trying to get different people to have sex, like how alot of guys do?

I guess it's because women worked a long and hard fight to overcome being seen as just a pair of tits and a twat, why would they evolve backwards?

It just seems odd for someone to say they're sexual and then not be persuing it.

Just because they're not pursuing it with you and sharing all the details with you (again, it's a matter of manners which perhaps they've GOT) doesn't mean they're not pursuing it.

Its like someone saying they like chocolate and then going to the store and saying "Im just gona stand around here and wait for someone to give me chocolate, but im only gona eat the chocolate if I love and trust that person."

Oh Christ, another food analogy but okay, I'll play. Not, it's not like waiting around for the right person to eat the chocolate, it's more like not waiting at the Wal-Mart candy counter but going into Purdy's instead. I can stand all day at the Wal-Mart candy section and not drool a drop (and I am a HUGE sugar pig!) 'coz all their chocolate is the half-waxed packaged stuff. I don't look forward to post Valentine/post Easter sales there because it's shitty chocolate. So perhaps it's not that they don't want the sex (just a reminder that I'm not into comparing sex to foodstuffs) they're just not going to hang around the Wal-Mart candy section (i.e. people they're not interested in), rather they're going to head to Purdy's (people they ARE interested in).

so is it just the love and care they're after?? are all women asexual??

Can't speak for all women but that's bang on with me.

Im mostly going on my own personal experience. All my co-workers are women right now, and their attitude toward sex seems to be the same as mine. They dont seem interested in it. I remember these guys came in the store, and were hitting on all the women there. They were saying things like "wanna have sex" "wanna party, baby."

All the women reacted the same, they politely rejected them, just like how i would if i was them.

Where the hell do you WORK? I'm afraid if guys came into the store and said shit like that to me, there would be no polite rejection, there would be bodily harm and the police would be called...and harassment charges WOULD be laid.

They never talk about sex like how my guy friends do either. They dont brag about getting laid or anything, they never even bring it up! which is exactly how i am

I think that could be back to the thing called manners. They either don't discuss it at all, don't discuss it in mixed company or just don't want to discuss it around you. I would be thankful.

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I think this idea of women not seeking sex is wrong, women seek sex probably just as much as men, they're just more subtle about it.

Women are not all asexual.

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I know for a fact some women are veyr sexual and love it. I don't know how many times I've seen hall-mates come home with jet another hot guy that they're going to ditch the next day. Some girls go through several one-nights a day. I've known one girl who had 5 different sex-dates in a day! seriously!!! And she loved it. So all women asexual? not possible!

What is possible is that men are just a bit more sexual then women or more likely: pursuing it more because of social expectations. Result: a women can get what she's after more easily. She doesn't need to go online or do other desperate things to find sex. A women looking for a guy for sex is quite likely to find it. As a result, women pursuing sex are less visible, because they don't have to do the desperate things some guys do for sex.

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a lot of my female friends are more lustful than my male friends

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Seriously, women? They do the lust. Reallyreally.

Even my mum does. My friends at uni really do. And they do do the random sex. It's just less socially acceptable for the ladies, alas.

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I guess i've been around different women than you have.

I've been around some women, that were just as aggressive if not more, than men, when it came down to getting sex. I've straight out had women walk up to me, and tell me what they'd do to me if they were alone with me amongst other things I won't mention.

On the flipside, i've been around the other type of sexual women. The type that are "Freaks in the sheets, but ladies in the streets". Those are the types of women, that men tend to respect more.

If you're open about how much you love sex, and are openly aggressive about it, you'll be labelled a whore or a slut. Better yet, you'll be labelled as easy, as well.

In society, women are taught to keep their sexual urges on a low key level. It's not feminine to chase men. You have to let a man chase you. Playing hard to get, or teasing, is considered sexy. Giving it up easily, or not even allowing men to chase, is considered trashy.

Possibly why you won't see too many women trying to get sex as openly and as aggressively as men do.

Odds are, most women you notice that do, are extremely slutty, dirty, desperate and not the type of women you want to be getting involved with, anyways. Well, unless you want STDs.

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In society, women are taught to keep their sexual urges on a low key level. It's not feminine to chase men. You have to let a man chase you. Playing hard to get, or teasing, is considered sexy. Giving it up easily, or not even allowing men to chase, is considered trashy.

Possibly why you won't see too many women trying to get sex as openly and as aggressively as men do.

Odds are, most women you notice that do, are extremely slutty, dirty, desperate and not the type of women you want to be getting involved with, anyways. Well, unless you want STDs.

I'm not sure exactly what you mean here, but I smell a double standard. I don't play masculine/feminine games, and I've certainly pursued men before. This doesn't mean that I am slutty, dirty, or desperate; in fact, I'm pretty picky. Just to clarify, this doesn't mean that I would walk up to you cold and start talking sexy talk. That's rude and ineffective, and I'm happy to shun anybody who does it, male or female. But I was the one who asked my husband out on a date, and I've certainly asked boyfriends back to my apartment. That's not called "being slutty"; it's called "knowing what you want and going after it in an intelligent way".

I apologize if that's not what you meant by "aggressive". I just encounter way too many guys who object to anything other than total sexual passivity from a woman, so what I just said was partly in case any of them were reading.

One more thought: it just occurred to me that a lot of the "sexual" behaviors that are supposed to be all hyper-masculine aren't actually all that conducive to having sex. Walking up to someone you don't know on the street and making sexual remarks to them? Not a great way to get them into bed. Having sexual conversations with your male buddies? Unless you're having sex with your male buddies, this is more about male bonding than it is about getting yourself into a position to have actual sex. (I mentioned pervy female conversations above, but I grant the same is true of them.) Attempting to have casual sex rather than partnered sex? First, you get laid a lot more frequently when you're with a partner, and second, why is someone considered more sexual if they can't sustain sexual desire for one person for a long period of time?

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society makes it ok for men to be "pimps and women to be hoes"

trust me i know many guys who were not ready for sex whose girlfriends pressured them

i know many very promiscuous females. so there are nymphos on both sides of the sex aisle lol

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