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Prefers Pie

Wow. What's that about?

I have a friend whom I can see heading in that direction. I knew her husband first, and have much more in common with him, but I do consider her a friend, too. But she is starting to pull the same thing your friend's wife is; after eight years, she has started asking me leading/pushy questions every time I'm over:

"So, are you seeing anybody yet?"

"Why not?"

"You should. . ."

"I have a friend. . ."

I have yet to show up to dinner to find and "extra" person at the table, but I think it's coming. I don't think I can head it off without outing myself. Gosh, I don't even know if that would stop it. :(

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Shockwave

I've had a few people try that on me too. Unfortunately, I don't have any success stories about making it stop while still maintaining the friendship.

I do find it amusing though.

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Mr. Ten Below

The thing to do is simply tell people that your sex life or lack thereof is not their business. It could even be seen as insulting to assume that you would need their help if you were interested.

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I've had it but not as bad as you. Mainly it's my male friends telling me how wonderful sex is and how much I'd enjoy it if I just tried. One friend (my closest friend actually) said: "Once you have sex and get an orgasm that splits you apart, sex will be everything you want!" My response: "EWWWWW!!!! No thank you!!!"

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Splits... you... apart?

I think I'll go take photos of flowers instead.

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zero desire

It's pretty funny, but most people leave me alone about it. It's probably because I go into long stories whenever the topic comes up that I need to get laid. Just tell a long, sad story about how sex doesn't seem right, and waiting is working best, and how sometimes we all get sad about something. Continue the long, sad story with accounts of how friends are better than lovers, add that if others are finding love, that's great for them and that you won't get in the way of other people having the sex that makes them who they are.

Signs of initial success are if the other people clam up or even better if they start to yawn. Long, sad stories will get you where you need to be!

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underscore

Sorry to hear that. :cake:

I have friends that do that to other people. Not quite to the point of a forced introduction at a dinner party, but other, lesser levels of matchmaker are there (the constant prodding to meet someone, sentences like "Hey, I just found x on Facebook, and she likes y, just like you, so you guys should meet!"). It struck me as really odd when I first saw it. I couldn't get an explanation (short of the fact that they didn't think it was demeaning), but they seemed to be amused by the whole process. I'm not really sure what to make of that.

It strikes me as a curious dichotomy between caring and condescension, somewhat like a relative who won't believe that you can be gay and wants to find you the right girl so you'll be happy like they are. Only, for whatever reason, people seem to find it harder to believe that a person can be asexual/single and happy than that they can be gay.

If my friends feel that it is their duty to get me laid, they don't take it very seriously. Perhaps they're aware of how I'd view such meddling. Perhaps I'm not sending that subtle "get me laid" signal. Or maybe they feel that I'm a reasonable steward of my own happiness. In any case, I'm happy that they don't, and reading AVEN makes me appreciate that more.

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My roommate set me up with my last boyfriend. Then she planned dates for us... Then she broke us up for us! :D

She was sooo confused by our 'relationship'. :lol:

(relationship = ooo anime! ooo (insert geek joke here!) )

Bwahahaha!

She gets it now, I think.

I'm waiting for her to ask me to go to the doctor (again, she's mentioned it before) to have my hormones checked...

Perhaps talk to your friend's wife and explain that if you wanted a relationship you certainly wouldn't want it to be with someone quite like that... (you don't have to commit to actually starting a relationship) and maybe she'll stop dragging in Floozy number 8 on Drink number 2?

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I don't think I can head it off without outing myself. Gosh, I don't even know if that would stop it. :(

There's a good chance THAT won't stop it either, it'll just make it a more urgent challenge to people to find you someone. One thing is for certain, if you should end up somewhere and it's obvious that they set you up with someone, do NOT let them away with it a second time. Let them know on no uncertain terms that you didn't appreciate it and if they do it again, they're only going to embarrass themselves. If they muck up again, make a lot of noise about it (in the presence of your friends AND the other person they set you up with) and leave.

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Luckily I've never had to deal with that, but I guess I'd either ask them not to do it or just put up with it until they give up...

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wow, nope never had that happen infact whilst a few of my friends have been set up by other friends no one has ever tried it with me!!! I suppose it's because i never moan about not having a boyfriend.

You should tell this girl that you are actually in love with her and since shes married to your best friend you have decided to live your life alone and vowed to never love again!!!

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bURR kEEF
wow, nope never had that happen infact whilst a few of my friends have been set up by other friends no one has ever tried it with me!!! I suppose it's because i never moan about not having a boyfriend.

You should tell this girl that you are actually in love with her and since shes married to your best friend you have decided to live your life alone and vowed to never love again!!!

Ha! I like it.

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golden lady

I would love for a friend to help me get laid. That would be cool. Where do I sign up?? :P

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I would love for a friend to help me get laid. That would be cool. Where do I sign up?? :P

Not on Aven....

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bURR kEEF
I would love for a friend to help me get laid. That would be cool. Where do I sign up?? :P

I can give you her number. It's a 1-900 number. You ready to pay for it?

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thylacine

In college, a person told me I deserved a "good rape" to "fix my problem." This person was a professor who got too close to students, and should be fired. But I didn't want to cause problems and affect my grades.

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Ugh, I hate it when friends have annoying partners/spouses. By the way, what has your friend been doing while his wife pressures you to have sex? Can you ask him to tell her that this sort of thing isn't OK? He's your friend; he ought to be sticking up for you.

If you felt passive-aggressive, I suppose you could try to convince the wife to consume some bizarre food item every time she tried to convince you to have sex. Vegemite-and-banana sandwiches, maybe?

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oneofthesun

One of the benefits of being trans is nobody tries to set me up. Even my mom gave up on me getting a partner after I transitioned. Hell, I even once bet a friend that they wouldn't be able to find me a date. They wouldn't take the bet. But I guess I shouldn't gloat...

But my advice is to just hang in there. This woman will give up eventually.

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...to consume some bizarre food item every time she tried to convince you to have sex. Vegemite-and-banana sandwiches, maybe?

Vegemite and banana sandwiches are bizarre?? Oops. :unsure:

What I find truly bizarre is inviting miscellaneous strangers, who act whorish, over to your house for a dinner party. Bizarre I tell you ... very, very bizarre!

Lucinda :)

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My best friend is a much warmer person than me and has a large group of friends that I don't know, she often says things like "x likes sci-fi you'd really get on" or "x reminds me of you, you should meet him". I don't know what response she is expecting from me but shje knows that if she ever set me up with any of these guys then I wouldn't speak to her for a long time if ever again.

You should put your foot down, as someone above suggested the most effective response next time might be just to walk out and leave her to explain herself.

Meg x

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AVENCakes
My friend, the husband has explained to me that some of the girls are just some random people that she meets in a grocery store who seem just whorish enough for me. What?!

Ok... I'd be so freaked out if I got married and had a wife that did this. Inviting strangers into their house? That's just a bad idea. I get the feeling this guy has got very little control over his wife (not like abusive control, but if there was mutual respect he'd probably be more able to get her to chill out over this or at least stop bringing over whorish strangers).

I've never had this, closest was the two kids at my table in math passing notes about how they needed to get the guy a girl. Oy.

Can you meet up with just your friend and not her?

One of the benefits of being trans is nobody tries to set me up. Even my mom gave up on me getting a partner after I transitioned. Hell, I even once bet a friend that they wouldn't be able to find me a date. They wouldn't take the bet. But I guess I shouldn't gloat...

As a romantic trans guy, that's more depressing than optimistic. :/

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In college, a person told me I deserved a "good rape" to "fix my problem." This person was a professor who got too close to students, and should be fired. But I didn't want to cause problems and affect my grades.

OK, now that's disturbing. Did anyone else complain about him? Because I'd have my doubts about letting someone who says stuff like that meet other people, let alone teach them...

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Lekzýs

Thankfully I've never had any friends do this, but I know I would find it extremely frustrating if I were in your situation. Then again, I'd probably tell them on no uncertain terms that I wasn't happy with their behaviour, and then refuse to speak to them again until they apologised and assured me there wouldn't be a reoccurance of such behaviour.

...Maybe that's why I never keep friends for that long. :unsure:

As a romantic trans guy, that's more depressing than optimistic. :/

I'd have to agree there, sadly (though I'm a romantic genderless/androgynous/gender-fluid person). Ah well, I just try (but mainly fail, I admit) to remain optimistic that I'll find someone in the end.

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thylacine

"OK, now that's disturbing. Did anyone else complain about him? Because I'd have my doubts about letting someone who says stuff like that meet other people, let alone teach them..." It was a her, not a him. She was one of these profs who gets "too close" to students, if yah know what I mean... she is like, 'are you getting enough sex?' like it's any of her biz. Told her I don't sleep around. She's like, 'you just need someone to jump you' -- sick, ain't it? Teachers should not cross certain boundaries, and that's just it. Some people have boundary problems... She talked trash with students, thinking she was cool. She was a good finance professor, because she was good at finance, but her interpersonal skills s-cked.

As to this person's friend's wife... she sounds like she has a very low class unbringing to talk such filth, and to invite "whorish" people over to meet this one, and etc. This is a low class individual. If I was married to a person like that, I'd be embarassed.

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AVENCakes
As a romantic trans guy, that's more depressing than optimistic. :/

I'd have to agree there, sadly (though I'm a romantic genderless/androgynous/gender-fluid person). Ah well, I just try (but mainly fail, I admit) to remain optimistic that I'll find someone in the end.

I think I'm a bit more gender-fluid than I'd care to admit, but I'd be MUCH happier with a male body- so I'm sticking iwht transguy until post-transition. I'll figure out what to call myself then. ^^

Yeah... it's hard to be optimistic about that stuff. We'd have to find an asexual that's okay with our transgenderism (is that a word?) and that we're both romantically attracted to. Or a sexual that doesn't mind celibacy (definitely in my case, not sure about you)- but sexual/asexual seems to almost never work out. :/

As to this person's friend's wife... she sounds like she has a very low class unbringing to talk such filth, and to invite "whorish" people over to meet this one, and etc. This is a low class individual. If I was married to a person like that, I'd be embarassed.

I'd be embarrassed to be friends with her. That guy must really love her to've gotten married. That or she changed after they got married, it happens.

I'd say "low class" so much as ill mannered more readily, though. Low class sounds like poor, but a poor family can instill values and manners while an "upper class" wealthy family can let their kids get away with murder because daddy's always there to give htem everything they want and bail them out. Not saying either does, just saying class isn't really indicative of, um, yeah... Shutting up now.

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I've had friends tell me I need to get laid when I've had a bad day. But not to the point they actually set me up

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My friends would never do this to me. Or rather, not to me but the guy, because he's the one who would come out of it worse off. Even though I only heard of asexuality recently, I've never hidden the fact that I don't like being hit on or that I don't like sex. Those of my friends who have gone clubbing with me have seen me in my cold turning-down-unwanted-nitwits mode, so I think to save the guy, they'd never make me see anyone. :rolleyes:

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