Cornfuzzled Posted April 21, 2008 Share Posted April 21, 2008 just wondering if other asexuals here enjoy sexual acts not because they feel good to them but because they enjoy knowing the other person is feeling pleasure? for me, this is definitely the case, but usually only if i'm playing an active role. if I'm being passive then I start feeling more like that person's slave/toy rather than as a "good Samaritan (lol)" if I have an active role let me know Link to post Share on other sites
Hallucigenia Posted April 21, 2008 Share Posted April 21, 2008 I can think of at least two people here who fit that description. They enjoy sexual giving, but not sexual recieving. If you aren't sexually attracted to people at all, then you are asexual. A minority of asexuals can enjoy some kinds of sex for other reasons besides attraction, and giving the other person pleasure is one possible reason. Some of these asexuals prefer to call themselves gray-A (as in "gray area") to distinguish them from asexuals who are not interested in sex at all. Others simply identify as asexual and explain the details when necessary. Link to post Share on other sites
SlightlyMetaphysical Posted April 21, 2008 Share Posted April 21, 2008 I think I might fit that description, sort of. But, as a 17-year-old virgin, I'm nowhere near fully aware of my own sexuality. So I'm going on my guesses of what I might like and not like. Link to post Share on other sites
Hayley Posted April 21, 2008 Share Posted April 21, 2008 That's me in a nutshell, Cornfuzzled. I don't get any real arousal or sexual pleasure from sexual acts but find that I can even really enjoy it if the other person is getting pleasure. I like making people I care for happy, I consider this an extension of that. Link to post Share on other sites
GreyCloud Posted April 21, 2008 Share Posted April 21, 2008 Me too. I love giving pleasure to my girlfriend. For me it's not only about making her happy but also about appreciating the female body. Link to post Share on other sites
PatrickOOOMazing Posted April 22, 2008 Share Posted April 22, 2008 my friends call me stone, which as i understand it, means to enjoy (the idea of) giving pleasure, while obviously wanting none of that sort of attention for myself.. though im glad for the definition of gray-a, which makes alot of sense, but i never managed to put it all together i would have to agree with greycloud for the appreciation aspect, but i feel the same when viewing greek marble sculptures so im not sure the appreciation is a sexual thing or purely an aesthetic thing on my behalf Link to post Share on other sites
Forensic Posted April 22, 2008 Share Posted April 22, 2008 I like making people happy... so it's some amount of consolation at least... Link to post Share on other sites
Nonz16 Posted April 22, 2008 Share Posted April 22, 2008 no i don't i just don't like bodies in the sexual sense at all Link to post Share on other sites
Shockwave Posted April 22, 2008 Share Posted April 22, 2008 What happens if two people get together who both get pleasure from pleasing their partners? Link to post Share on other sites
Cornfuzzled Posted April 22, 2008 Author Share Posted April 22, 2008 What happens if two people get together who both get pleasure from pleasing their partners? if both are asexual then neither would get pleasure from sexual acts and since there is no pleasure from sex there's no pleasure from sexually pleasuring your partner either i'm sure they would still enjoy pleasuring each other in whatever ways they each found pleasurable, but if your partner doesn't enjoy sex and you want to pleasure them, then sex wouldn't be on the list Link to post Share on other sites
Shockwave Posted April 22, 2008 Share Posted April 22, 2008 What happens if two people get together who both get pleasure from pleasing their partners? if both are asexual then neither would get pleasure from sexual acts and since there is no pleasure from sex there's no pleasure from sexually pleasuring your partner either i'm sure they would still enjoy pleasuring each other in whatever ways they each found pleasurable, but if your partner doesn't enjoy sex and you want to pleasure them, then sex wouldn't be on the list *coughs* I'm asexual and I can get physical pleasure from sexual acts, I just don't experience sexual attraction. Nor do I think of sex as necessary to any relationship, it's just one of those things I've done before. Link to post Share on other sites
PrairieGhost Posted April 23, 2008 Share Posted April 23, 2008 I am an asexual with a sexual partner, and as such, compromises must be made. However, that is not to say the pleasure is one-sided. There is emotional pleasure for me for many reasons, and yes, one of them is knowing that I am pleasing the man I love. There is also some physical pleasure for me, but unlike my boyfriend, I don't feel the need to experience that pleasure on a regular basis. Link to post Share on other sites
zero desire Posted April 23, 2008 Share Posted April 23, 2008 What happens if two people get together who both get pleasure from pleasing their partners? if both are asexual then neither would get pleasure from sexual acts and since there is no pleasure from sex there's no pleasure from sexually pleasuring your partner either I agree a little more with Shockwave. The philosophy behind doing things strictly for other people's pleasure gets a little hazy. Performing sexual or physical actions in a spirit of charity leads down a rocky road. Having said that, I fit in the hazy category a bit. It's fun to see other people feeling good, even if you don't require something similar in return. Some would call it saintly. Link to post Share on other sites
Shinnok Posted April 23, 2008 Share Posted April 23, 2008 Being demisexual, I probably would enjoy giving and receiving the sexual pleasure. Though I'm more or less celibate rather than demisexual, I don't think I'd compromise to much if it meant like the whole relationship to them then I'd say forget it because with my luck they're probably only involved with me just because they want sex so I wouldn't compromise with them. Only if they would kind of like to have sex then maybe...MAYBE I'd compromise, only if it wasn't a humungous deal to them *mad mispell* Link to post Share on other sites
auttie_gurlie Posted April 26, 2008 Share Posted April 26, 2008 "good Samaritan (lol)" Haha!! I really liked that line =) Though I have found no personal pleasure from making out (I'm a virgin, and would like to remain so forever), I do enjoy making the guy happy. Link to post Share on other sites
misspetals Posted May 24, 2008 Share Posted May 24, 2008 just wondering if other asexuals here enjoy sexual acts not because they feel good to them but because they enjoy knowing the other person is feeling pleasure?for me, this is definitely the case, but usually only if i'm playing an active role. if I'm being passive then I start feeling more like that person's slave/toy rather than as a "good Samaritan (lol)" if I have an active role let me know I do not experience sexual desire often, but when someone does strike my fancy, I do get pleasure (emotionally and physically) from pleasuring him. Link to post Share on other sites
Friday Posted May 25, 2008 Share Posted May 25, 2008 What happens if two people get together who both get pleasure from pleasing their partners? They EXPLODE!!! Link to post Share on other sites
sockmonster Posted May 29, 2008 Share Posted May 29, 2008 What happens if two people get together who both get pleasure from pleasing their partners? They EXPLODE!!! Can get rather messy, I understand. Link to post Share on other sites
Shinnok Posted May 29, 2008 Share Posted May 29, 2008 What happens if two people get together who both get pleasure from pleasing their partners? They EXPLODE!!! Can get rather messy, I understand. o_0 lol Link to post Share on other sites
Fench Posted May 31, 2008 Share Posted May 31, 2008 I had boyfriend and we were having sex, but it wasn't plesure to me (I didn't know about asexuality then). I felt like a sex toy. Sometimes I thought I have to be the active, but I couldn't do that - I had a blokade. I tried to give him pleasure, but I was the one who was suffering. So, I don't feel pleasure just because he has it. Link to post Share on other sites
Placebo Posted June 1, 2008 Share Posted June 1, 2008 I think I probably count. Not that sex is physically painful to me--sometimes it actually feels OK--but what I enjoy more is the effect it has on my friend, it's a beautiful thing to watch. Link to post Share on other sites
spinneret Posted June 3, 2008 Share Posted June 3, 2008 Mmhm, I get a lot out of sexually pleasing my partner. My partner's also someone who gets pleasure from pleasing others, which means putting a lot of effort into making it feel good for me. Annnnnnd it does, so. . .good all around. I do not feel like a Good Samaritan or like I'm being used, because while the pleasure's a bit different it's quite mutual. What happens if two people get together who both get pleasure from pleasing their partners? Lots of good feedback loops. I'm happy because you're happy because I'm making you feel good because you're making me feel good because I'm happy because you're happy. . . It just takes something to get it started. Link to post Share on other sites
confused in US Posted June 5, 2008 Share Posted June 5, 2008 What happens if two people get together who both get pleasure from pleasing their partners? if both are asexual then neither would get pleasure from sexual acts and since there is no pleasure from sex there's no pleasure from sexually pleasuring your partner either i'm sure they would still enjoy pleasuring each other in whatever ways they each found pleasurable, but if your partner doesn't enjoy sex and you want to pleasure them, then sex wouldn't be on the list *coughs* I'm asexual and I can get physical pleasure from sexual acts, I just don't experience sexual attraction. Nor do I think of sex as necessary to any relationship, it's just one of those things I've done before. Thank you so much for your post. I first started exploring this website when I discovered asexuality a few years ago and almost died of happiness to learn I was "normal." (Or as normal as anyone can be, hence the quotes). However, I have been having much confusion because my boyfriend "introduced" me to sex and I actually enjoy it. Though a strong part of enjoying it is pleasing him, I actually physically enjoy it. I suppose I wasn't surprised by the enjoyment, but still felt that I do not desire sex or find myself sexually attracted to people, despite enjoying the act and ?loving my boyfriend. I was hugely stressing about wtf that makes me and returned to this website for support. Good to know I am back in the "normal" category and can continue to remain a proud asexual. Remaining question: do you tell your partner that you are asexual? If so how? What reactions have people gotten? (I know this conversation should have occurred with the BF earlier, but what can I say, I am flawed.) Link to post Share on other sites
Shockwave Posted June 5, 2008 Share Posted June 5, 2008 First, you're welcome. Second, if sex isn't interfering with your relationship with him I see no pressing reason to tell him you're asexual. If you feel it would be a good idea for him to know this aspect of you, it may be best to start by explaining how you feel about sex (perhaps beginning with the fact that you do enjoy it before telling him that you don't find it necessary) and then later introduce the term asexual into the conversation. If you begin with the word and then give the explanation you may confuse him for a bit and/or get a reaction you may not like. Personally, I have never gotten a reaction worse than mild disbelief but I know others here have gotten some that were quite hurtful or frustrating. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Seashore_Sunset Posted June 6, 2008 Share Posted June 6, 2008 I am asexual, yet romantic. I have been attracted to very few people in my life and I always wanted intimacy with him, but not necessarily sex. I am single however, I do enjoy the idea of pleasuring my partner. I believe these acts are part of intimacy becuase they are limited to a single, special individual. Of being single I am only speaking in an if/then senario. But sex is a case by case basis for each couple to decide of course. Link to post Share on other sites
141822 Posted June 11, 2008 Share Posted June 11, 2008 *raises hand* I like pleasuring my partner but I'm not interested in being pleasured myself. I see it as no more different than doing anything else for someone that they might enjoy. Love the good samaritan comment lol. Link to post Share on other sites
Placebo Posted June 13, 2008 Share Posted June 13, 2008 Remaining question: do you tell your partner that you are asexual? If so how? What reactions have people gotten? (I know this conversation should have occurred with the BF earlier, but what can I say, I am flawed.) I told mine, but not necessarily for reasons relating to actually having sex, more because it is easier to understand me in the context of a sexuality. Sometimes I sort of "misspeak" various sexual and/or romantic cues because I'm asexual/aromantic. Rather than having this being interpreted as "I'm not into you," or "I don't like you that way," it was easier for me to explain that I interpret and respond to things differently. Link to post Share on other sites
ZombieSlayer54 Posted June 13, 2008 Share Posted June 13, 2008 Considerably, I enjoy it when people around me are happy. That being said, if I eventually find someone who is sexual and I care enough about so as to put myself out in such ways, I would be willing to engage in sexual acts just to see them happy, even if it disgusts or weirds me out. As of yet, I have not found someone who fits that description. Link to post Share on other sites
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