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Jealousy


Guest Heligan

Jealousy  

  1. 1. Are you sexual or asexual and do you get jealous or not?

    • Asexual: get jealous
      75
    • Asexual: never been jealous
      50
    • Sexual: get jealous
      4
    • Sexual: never been jealous
      0

This poll is closed to new votes


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Guest Heligan

I have been doing an Open Uni philosophy course.

The current book is 'Emotions' in this book jealousy keeps on coming up; and its causing me to confront one of my idoconcracies I dont think Ive ever been jealous; this is if I am understanding the term correctly.

It seems to be a combination of anger, fear and some x-factor. Causing you to prefer it that no-one has the object of your desire if you cant have it yourself.

Now I really dont get this, and in 38 years I have never experienced it. I get being hurt, angry... but not this 'if I cant have it, no-one can bit'. I mean what possible difference can it make who gets things you cant have. You cant have it, end of!

Apparently my thinking is not normal, and almost unbelievable if reactions Im getting to questions about 'what is jealousy' is anything to go by.

So I wondered if its connected (at all) to asexuality. If there is any, I dunno... component to it; thats about 'being desirable'...Im wondering if its driven by sexual ego.

So Im going to set up a poll. See what you all have to say.

If like me you havent always been asexual (or sexual) just go with what you are now.

If there are any interesting differences since you sexuality changed that would be interesting to know. But it certainly hasnt made any difference with me.

If you have any comments about envy (which I cant see point of either) or anything else... feel free.

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I voted sexual and jealous, but jealousy is very rare for me. But I couldn't honestly say I don't feel it, because on the rare occasion that I do, I feel it VERY strongly. For me, it's not so much caring about who has things I can't have, but more about things that I could have, or (way, way worse) did have in the past, but don't anymore. And more than fear or anger, I think for me at least it's fueled by bitterness. Haven't felt that way for a long time though. And I think you're on track with the idea of jealousy being connected to sexual ego - I only ever really got jealous if someone I wanted chose someone I thought wasn't as good for them as I was.

I also don't get envy, and am not much one for regret, either. I tend to think first, then act, so I've done little that I've regretted, but even when I look back and think "that was a dumb thing to do" or "that didn't work out like I planned" I figure that if could go back in time I'd only make the same choices anyway (to me the fact that I chose what I did is sort of proof of that) so what's the point of regret?

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I'm asexual and have never been jealous. I can't imagine it, but if my SO moved on to another relationship, I would be very hurt but would want her to be happy. :(

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Angelica Soprano

It's all related to 'obsessiveness' and 'possessiveness' and as pointless as a tantrum in the sweet shop. People want to 'own' others, and react when it all goes wrong. Also, a natural chimpy emotion, but not very attractive personality trait, if it's uncontrollable.

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I think envy manifests into jealousy. I have always been envious of things that I cannot have. When I see that the grass is greener on the other side, I get jealous. Jealousy is anger, envy, sadness all together.

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Asexual and admittedly prone to bouts of jealousy, and envy. I find it very easy to control that sort of reaction though so I know I'm not as extreme as a lot of people, I never let it get to the point of being possessive with people or objects. I can understand why people would but it doesn't get you anywhere.

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I'm asexual (and aromantic), and I've been jealous, although only once (it lasted about a month before I dealt with it, in a positive way). It wasn't so much "if I can't have it, no one can" as "if you weren't around, I would have it". It was making me act like a bitch, so I really resolved to put it behind me.

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I didn't vote. I have experienced jealousy in the past but don't anymore, there's no option for that.

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Asexual and never jealous.

Not jealous of guys I like with other girls.

Not jealous of people having things I don't.

Not envious, but happy for people. I admire them for the good traits they have.

I look up to them, I am not angry at them for being better than me at something.

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Oh boy, do I get jealous, and it's made my life miserable before. It's so hard to see all my friends getting boyfriends when I have so much trouble. I hardly ever get crushes, but when I do they are huge ones. It just seems unfair.

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not jealous, even in situations where i think it would fit. i think i too easily reconcile myself to whatever circumstances i find myself in. i don't THINK i'm a fatalist.

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I'm asexual, and I get jealous on occasion, sometimes quite badly.

I'm much more prone to envy though.

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EDIT:

OK, could someone please explain this to me? I used to think jealousy and envy were the same thing as in the following examples:

"Mmm, those fries look good, and I'm hungry."

"It's frustrating barely being able to make ends meet. There's too large a gap between the rich and the poor in this country."

"See those people talking over there? I kinda wish I had someone to talk to right now."

Now wikipedia says jealousy is about romantic relationships and it involves something you already have.

So is this jealousy? "I don't know why he has a beautiful girlfriend. I'm better looking than him and also a more caring person." Wikipedia would say "no" because it is about something you DON'T have, rather than something you DO have.

Is this jealousy? "I'm afraid someone's going to break into the house and steal my expensive necklace, so I'll lock it in the safe." According to wikipedia, the answer is "no", because it involves a thing rather than a person.

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People use the terms interchangeably quite a bit and many don't know that there is a difference between them, according to the dictionary. And neither one of them necessarily has anything to do with romance. To put it simply:

Jealousy means being protective of something you already have.

Envy means wanting something someone else has.

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SlightlyMetaphysical

I've been a tad envious on occasion, but never realyl jealous. I'm far too pragmatic with my emotions.

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Sexual...jealous/envious. I get it when I'm totally nuts about some girl, yet she's either with someone else, or considers being with me for awhile but eventually decides to go with someone else. The second one is worse. >_< It usually makes me so angry that I have so go scream into a pillow a couple times, and endure a month or two of slight depressedness. Usually I end up not feeling too fond of the 'someone else' either.

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Guest Heligan
EDIT:

OK, could someone please explain this to me? I used to think jealousy and envy were the same thing as in the following examples:

"Mmm, those fries look good, and I'm hungry."

"It's frustrating barely being able to make ends meet. There's too large a gap between the rich and the poor in this country."

"See those people talking over there? I kinda wish I had someone to talk to right now."

Now wikipedia says jealousy is about romantic relationships and it involves something you already have.

So is this jealousy? "I don't know why he has a beautiful girlfriend. I'm better looking than him and also a more caring person." Wikipedia would say "no" because it is about something you DON'T have, rather than something you DO have.

Is this jealousy? "I'm afraid someone's going to break into the house and steal my expensive necklace, so I'll lock it in the safe." According to wikipedia, the answer is "no", because it involves a thing rather than a person.

Yeah its confusing; I mean you could be hungry already, go to a resturant and order... while you are waiting someone else gets their meal... and you think 'thats smells great' does that make you envious? I dont think it does. It was this train of thought that made me wonder if I do experience envy under some defintions. But as I see it if its something you want anyway...the fact someone else has it is irrelevant. Its wanting something simply because someone else has it that smacks more of envy to me.

Say your neighbour buys a new car; you hadnt thought about getting a new car; but now you are obsessed by wanting one. Even that doesnt involve wanting to be them, or have their car though...(maybe you hadnt known about this type of car until you saw it in your neighbours possession- does that make a difference?) so Im not even sure about that. I suppose a kid only wanting a toy if someone else has it, is that envy or jealousy?

My mother has a nice/ pathetic story about me and my sister in this vein. She is two years younger than me, so when she was very little always wanted what I was playing with for herself. She didnt want to play with it, with me; she just wanted it. So apparently I used to give it to her... go off and find something else to play with... she of course then wanted that... so I gave it to her. You see how stupid this is, eventually I figured out that it was not great to give in to her craziness all the time.. but apparently it took a while!

The course Im doing is equally as confused as we are; about jealousy.. when it starts to dissect it.

One of the authors says its irrational because it involvces thinking of a person as a possession, and as an independent person who has violated our 'rights'. This is claimed because we do not feel jealous if a possession is stolen from us (unless we are very small children).

Then there is a whole bit about moral rights and obligations, none of which to me seems to prompt the feeling of jealousy, just anger, sadness and disappointment in the other person. I dont generally hate people for leaving me (I tend to feel shocked that they would want to - ego issue there lol) then just try to understand...

I have a friend who feels jealousy, she says its a physical sensation in the stomach.

As for ownership and jealousy; maybe some people convoince themselves that they 'own' people that they dont 'own', allowing them to feel emotrions that they shouldnt feel if they correctly understood who 'owns' what. The fact that you can never 'own' another person messes this up a bit. Maybe its not 'own' exactly but 'commitment' or 'agreement' or 'done deal' type thing.

I suppose you could feel envious that some got the job you wanted. I think I would just feel embarassed if I knew who it was who beat me to a job... maybe envy is about social standing. And jealousy about some kind of territorial 'mate' attitude.

Oh territory... I would be angry if some stranger took to parking in my drive without asking. I dont drive and hardly ever have visitors... is this about respect or some sort of primative territory thing. 'Get off my land!!'

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People use the terms interchangeably quite a bit and many don't know that there is a difference between them, according to the dictionary. And neither one of them necessarily has anything to do with romance. To put it simply:

Jealousy means being protective of something you already have.

Envy means wanting something someone else has.

Oh, well I've learned something new today! Thanks!

Asexual and jealous/envious. Though I see nothing wrong with it for me most of the times. Envy makes me strive for better things.

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Puzzle_chick

I'm asexual and have been jealous...but it's not like I'm SUPER jealous either, and it happens rarely. Just on occassion, only a mild type of it. (Maybe envious is a better word?) For example: if I had really, really hoped I'd get to do something with someone and we had vague plans, and then that person randomly canceled to do something with someone else, stating that our plans were never set in stone, I'd feel let down, and probably rather jealous of whoever they're with. Also, sometimes I feel jealous of my online friends' real-life friends, because I'm frustrated that I have to be so far away, and those people get to be right there by their side. I think that's a sort of jealousy, because I wish I got to be them.

I've never experienced the weird jealousy that makes people like...go beat other people up or accuse perfectly innocent people of horrible crimes something. Never ever felt anything like that. Just a bit sometimes if I'm feeling let down or helpless.

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  • 3 months later...

People have gotta stop making check-box polls when they don't mean to.

Jealous, yes. But not in a plotty-plotty kind of way - I can't be bothered expending the effort.

Actually, I'm not that sure what jealousy is.

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Jealous, envious, self-protective, obsessive, compulsive, a total bitch in fact. I admire those who are not any of those things but can't see me reaching that nirvana anytime soon. Not pleasant emotions but indeed, we are chimps.

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Wow, I guess I've just learned the definition between envy and jealous as well.

I don't know if I've been jealous then. I probably have at one point.

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potentialsurvivor

I have been quietly jealous in the past, usually the response of a significant other expressing their longing for another in some document that I should never have read (and had no business reading).

Generally though, I don't care about who the person of my affections spends their time with, as long as I don't have to spend time with those other people *curmudgeons professionally*

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