isabella Posted March 26, 2004 Share Posted March 26, 2004 Hello everyone, I am 31 years old, and I have never had intercourse, though in my late teens and early 20's, I "fooled around" a bit. I do not have any desire to have sex. The times that I did fool around were just my trying to fit in. I was once in love with a man a few years ago, but I did not desire sex with him. It was a fantasy type love because he was not in love with me; in fact, he was a married man, so I just fantasized about closeness with him. I thought that if I would ever want to have sex with anyone, I would have made an exception for him. Besides him, I have always been more emotionally comfortable with forming close bonds with women. I have had very few male friends but many female friends. This has made me question whether I am a lesbian. I am just unsure about my sexuality. Asexuality seems to describe me because although I feel comfortable forming close emotional with women, I don't think about having sex with them - maybe just cuddling. To complicate this even further, I have a fetish, meaning that I can get turned on and derive sexual pleasure, but not from traditional physical/sexual relations with another person. The fetish was something that I have denied but am now starting to accept. I am wondering if there are any other asexuals who are on this board who have a sexual fetish as well. I don't necessarily want to know what the fetish is, but I just want to find out if anyone shares the combination of asexuality and a fetish. Link to post Share on other sites
Live R Perfect Posted March 26, 2004 Share Posted March 26, 2004 Welcome to AVEN, Isabella :D I answer to your question: I have no fetishes that I am aware of, but who knows what I might discover about myself in the future?! Link to post Share on other sites
Carsonspire Posted March 26, 2004 Share Posted March 26, 2004 Welcome, Isabella! I don't have any fetishes, but I am also closer to other women than I am with men. Link to post Share on other sites
junie99 Posted March 27, 2004 Share Posted March 27, 2004 Welcome to AVEN, Isabella! I don't have any fetishes either. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted March 27, 2004 Share Posted March 27, 2004 Welcome to AVEN! I don't have any fetishes, myself. Link to post Share on other sites
mindlife Posted March 27, 2004 Share Posted March 27, 2004 Welcome to AVEN. I boast no fetishes. Link to post Share on other sites
fluffy_hime Posted March 27, 2004 Share Posted March 27, 2004 Welcome Isabella! It was a fantasy type love because he was not in love with me; in fact, he was a married man, so I just fantasized about closeness with him. I hear you on this! My a-crushes (the few I've had) tend to be on people unattainable for one reason or another. In the past I think this was mainly to avoid the prospect of physical intimacy, which I was very uncomfortable with. Now that I know myself a little better, I don't imagine it will be much of an issue. I think it's entirely possible to have a fetish and be asexual. If you read the FAQs, you'll see there are types of asexuals who have a sex drive of some sort, just not the wish to participate with another person. I don't think I have any...but I guess it depends how you define "fetish." What's yours? Link to post Share on other sites
Cate Perfect Posted March 27, 2004 Share Posted March 27, 2004 I hear you on this! My a-crushes (the few I've had) tend to be on people unattainable for one reason or another. In the past I think this was mainly to avoid the prospect of physical intimacy, which I was very uncomfortable with. Me, too! Welcome to the board. Um...fetish-wise. It is possible to have a fetish and still be asexual. I have one. It's not very interesting, but it's there. I used to be uncomfortable with it, but now just look at it as one of my quirky things. Cate Link to post Share on other sites
Icarus Posted March 27, 2004 Share Posted March 27, 2004 Welcome to AVEN :) I am wondering if there are any other asexuals who are on this board who have a sexual fetish as well. I don't necessarily want to know what the fetish is, but I just want to find out if anyone shares the combination of asexuality and a fetish. There are some things I can get erotic stimulation from in certain contexts. And I entertain them at times, so that could be called a fetish for all intents. So......yes. Link to post Share on other sites
isabella Posted March 27, 2004 Author Share Posted March 27, 2004 Thank you all for welcoming me. I appreciate it. I am still a bit shy about sharing what my fetish is. There is a whole internet forum for it with about the same number of members as this one. It is a bit unusual. I'm pretty sure that I can still be asexual and have this fetish. I can get turned on by something that people do, but it is an action that has nothing to do with sex, and most people would view it as neutral, neither positive nor negative. This is only an example - not what my fetish really is, but it is something a little bit similar. Hypothetically, it would be that I get an erotic charge out of seeing someone bite his or her lower lip. Does not involve sex or genitalia. I don't even have to have physical contact with the person. It doesn't even have to be someone I know. Most people would not even notice someone doing this, only I would due to the fetish. Link to post Share on other sites
Cate Perfect Posted March 27, 2004 Share Posted March 27, 2004 That's interesting. Mine is the same way in that it has nothing to do with sex whatsoever and most people would just think, 'What does THAT do for you?' Cate Link to post Share on other sites
fluffy_hime Posted March 27, 2004 Share Posted March 27, 2004 Oh c'mon Isabella, NOW I'm curious! PM me then! Pleeeeeeease. Link to post Share on other sites
Gorax Posted March 27, 2004 Share Posted March 27, 2004 Welcome, Isabella! I won't ask what this fetish it. I'll be the polite one, while everyone else asks instead, so I'll get to know anyway :D Link to post Share on other sites
happygrl Posted March 27, 2004 Share Posted March 27, 2004 Welcome isabella! I think I might know what your fetish is, because I have a fetish that sounds very similar to what you describe. As you posted, it is something that other people would find neutral, but I find stimulating. Not to the point that I want to have sex with the person in question, but it does arouse certain feelings. And I'm not tellin' either! Link to post Share on other sites
fluffy_hime Posted March 27, 2004 Share Posted March 27, 2004 Welcome, Isabella!I won't ask what this fetish it. I'll be the polite one, while everyone else asks instead, so I'll get to know anyway :D : p Link to post Share on other sites
IT Posted March 27, 2004 Share Posted March 27, 2004 Hi Isabella This is a very interesting thread that you have started here. Very brave I have a little fetish that I am not prepared to discuss at this time, but I am a man who in the past has enjoyed french-kissing and oral sex with women, although I haven't done oral sex for a few years and haven't french-kissed a woman for just over a year. I find a lot of women very attractive but even though I have no desire to get an erection under usual sexual circumstances I can still find plenty of things to masterbate over in my mind. The good thing about finding this site is a few weeks ago is that it gives me confidence to find a loving and romantic relationship without the pressure of having to 'get it up' at bedtime and filling a big void in my life in the process. Link to post Share on other sites
mindlife Posted March 27, 2004 Share Posted March 27, 2004 All this talk about fetishes reminds me of a nice time in my life. I was going to the Department of Defense Information School, working on a degree in Applied Journalism there. I was taking photography, and I was put in a dark room with a partner the other girls were drooling over. He was a young Marine sergeant, and very handsome. He was married with a baby daughter and rode a motorcycle. When the girls in my class found out he was with me, they all envied me. They said, "God, what would I give to have that man as a partner in a darkroom!" I just couldn't understand it. To me, he was a good and trustworthy friend, and very helpful. There was a substance we used to use on the film before we developed it called photo-flo. Photo-flo smells like the soda pop of the angels or something. Really really good. My partner swore, "You're probably getting addicted to that stuff!" We both joked a lot about it. If you get a chance take a few whiffs of photo-flo. That was perhaps the closest to a fetish I ever came. Link to post Share on other sites
----------- Posted March 28, 2004 Share Posted March 28, 2004 hiya and welcome! I'm fetished. I'm crazy fetished. It pisses me off sometimes too, because it's so out there. I only have that one, and it's shared with a numerous amount of people around the world, but it's a wierd one >< Link to post Share on other sites
ac.r Posted March 28, 2004 Share Posted March 28, 2004 I have a fetish too, something that gets me off instead of what's *supposed to* work. I don't like it and I tried for quite a while to make it go away but as that's not happening, I guess I have to accept it.. Link to post Share on other sites
isabella Posted March 28, 2004 Author Share Posted March 28, 2004 Yes, I tried to get rid of my fetish too in the past, but I think that turns out to be just as difficult as trying to stop being asexual. So, I think that it has to be accepted in the same way as we accept our asexuality. a.c.r. - have you tried to see if there is an internet forum for those who share your fetish? It could be quite interesting, if you felt like exploring. DrumUltimA - Well, if your fetish is shared by many, it can't be too odd. In the internet forum for my fetish, there are only about as many members as there are here. I am not sure how that compares to your fetish. Link to post Share on other sites
----------- Posted March 28, 2004 Share Posted March 28, 2004 DrumUltimA - Well, if your fetish is shared by many, it can't be too odd. In the internet forum for my fetish, there are only about as many members as there are here. I am not sure how that compares to your fetish. well it's one where you can find plenty of outlets to satisfy it, but telling someone would make them go "...ew" Link to post Share on other sites
Cate Perfect Posted March 29, 2004 Share Posted March 29, 2004 I've looked for a forum or group for mine and couldn't find any. I wonder if that means I win a prize... By the way, I think this is the best intro thread ever, isabella. I love knowing that other asexuals have fetishes. I don't even care what they are, just knowing people have them makes me happy. Asexuals with Fetishes...now THAT'S an eye-catching title. :D Cate Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted March 29, 2004 Share Posted March 29, 2004 Okay, everyone's hinting that they have wacky fetishes, but no one will spill. So here goes. I, personally, am really into watching people bleed. Why, I have no clue whatsoever. In fact, it sorta makes me sound like some psycho serial killer in waiting, but I can assure you I'll never act it out in real life. :shock: Yes, I said in my previous post that I had none. But that's because I figured, "16 year olds shouldn't have fetishes! And this one is so wrong!" I'm cowardly. Link to post Share on other sites
Davey Posted March 29, 2004 Share Posted March 29, 2004 Tressa, isn't a fetish sexual in nature? Indeed, isn't a fetish something which becomes necessary for arousal? Is watching people bleed really like that for you? It's interesting, sure - but sexual? Do fetishes have an age bracket? And what's wrong with watching people bleed? :twisted: :twisted: :twisted: --davidey Link to post Share on other sites
Cate Perfect Posted March 29, 2004 Share Posted March 29, 2004 2. object of obsession: an object, idea, or activity that somebody is irrationally obsessed with or attached to make a fetish of neatness That's one of the definitions from Encarta. I'll fess up...I'm a pageist. I've said so in another post somewhere. It's basically the urge to be a servant ('page') to an older woman. Gratification is making her happy in a non-sexual way. Cate Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted March 29, 2004 Share Posted March 29, 2004 What's wrong with watching people bleed? Most people would look at you like you need to be put away. As for it causing arousal, well, I don't quite know what it does for me, but it's not the normal reaction people get. Link to post Share on other sites
Cate Perfect Posted March 29, 2004 Share Posted March 29, 2004 Do you mean like profuse bleeding or papercut bleeding? Do you just find it captivating...'I can't look away.' That sort of thing? Cate Link to post Share on other sites
Jayann Posted March 29, 2004 Share Posted March 29, 2004 Tressa, I know someone like that. I don't find it distressing. Also, I don't think fetishes have to be sexual. In my mind, they just have to be things appear unusually attractive to an individual. Many are sexual in nature, that's true, but I don't think it's necessary. But they're probably things society would like to call "deviant" for whatever reason. I don't necessarily think these things are deviant. But my opinion rarely reflects that of society, so... Link to post Share on other sites
Davey Posted March 29, 2004 Share Posted March 29, 2004 Ah. Isn't that just like me to pick one definition and then use it to my advantage.. :? Pageist. Not something I've heard of.. what do you call the urge to have a servant who is a younger woman? And Tressa.. what's wrong with having people look at you like you need to be put away? :roll: --davidey Link to post Share on other sites
Cate Perfect Posted March 29, 2004 Share Posted March 29, 2004 Underscore: I don't know, I've never wanted a younger woman as a servant. :) If you were sexual I'd probably say 'Normal', but as you're not...I don't know. Tressa: You fine. As long as you're not planning on going out and makingpeople bleed so you can watch then there's nothing to worry about. And if anyone tells you differently then just say, 'Yeah, well you should see the bunch of freaks I hang out with online!' Julie: I like your definition. 'Things that appear unusually attractive to an individual' that's perfect. Cate Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.