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about asexuality and fetishes and me, a newbie


isabella

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Hello everyone,

I am 31 years old, and I have never had intercourse, though in my late teens and early 20's, I "fooled around" a bit. I do not have any desire to have sex. The times that I did fool around were just my trying to fit in.

I was once in love with a man a few years ago, but I did not desire sex with him. It was a fantasy type love because he was not in love with me; in fact, he was a married man, so I just fantasized about closeness with him. I thought that if I would ever want to have sex with anyone, I would have made an exception for him.

Besides him, I have always been more emotionally comfortable with forming close bonds with women. I have had very few male friends but many female friends. This has made me question whether I am a lesbian. I am just unsure about my sexuality. Asexuality seems to describe me because although I feel comfortable forming close emotional with women, I don't think about having sex with them - maybe just cuddling.

To complicate this even further, I have a fetish, meaning that I can get turned on and derive sexual pleasure, but not from traditional physical/sexual relations with another person. The fetish was something that I have denied but am now starting to accept.

I am wondering if there are any other asexuals who are on this board who have a sexual fetish as well. I don't necessarily want to know what the fetish is, but I just want to find out if anyone shares the combination of asexuality and a fetish.

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Live R Perfect

Welcome to AVEN, Isabella :D

I answer to your question: I have no fetishes that I am aware of, but who knows what I might discover about myself in the future?! :wink:

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Carsonspire

Welcome, Isabella!

I don't have any fetishes, but I am also closer to other women than I am with men.

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fluffy_hime

Welcome Isabella!

It was a fantasy type love because he was not in love with me; in fact, he was a married man, so I just fantasized about closeness with him.

I hear you on this! My a-crushes (the few I've had) tend to be on people unattainable for one reason or another. In the past I think this was mainly to avoid the prospect of physical intimacy, which I was very uncomfortable with. Now that I know myself a little better, I don't imagine it will be much of an issue.

I think it's entirely possible to have a fetish and be asexual. If you read the FAQs, you'll see there are types of asexuals who have a sex drive of some sort, just not the wish to participate with another person. I don't think I have any...but I guess it depends how you define "fetish." What's yours?

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Cate Perfect
I hear you on this! My a-crushes (the few I've had) tend to be on people unattainable for one reason or another. In the past I think this was mainly to avoid the prospect of physical intimacy, which I was very uncomfortable with.

Me, too!

Welcome to the board. Um...fetish-wise. It is possible to have a fetish and still be asexual. I have one. It's not very interesting, but it's there. I used to be uncomfortable with it, but now just look at it as one of my quirky things.

Cate

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Welcome to AVEN :)

I am wondering if there are any other asexuals who are on this board who have a sexual fetish as well. I don't necessarily want to know what the fetish is, but I just want to find out if anyone shares the combination of asexuality and a fetish.

There are some things I can get erotic stimulation from in certain contexts. And I entertain them at times, so that could be called a fetish for all intents. So......yes.

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Thank you all for welcoming me. I appreciate it.

I am still a bit shy about sharing what my fetish is. There is a whole internet forum for it with about the same number of members as this one. It is a bit unusual. I'm pretty sure that I can still be asexual and have this fetish.

I can get turned on by something that people do, but it is an action that has nothing to do with sex, and most people would view it as neutral, neither positive nor negative. This is only an example - not what my fetish really is, but it is something a little bit similar. Hypothetically, it would be that I get an erotic charge out of seeing someone bite his or her lower lip. Does not involve sex or genitalia. I don't even have to have physical contact with the person. It doesn't even have to be someone I know. Most people would not even notice someone doing this, only I would due to the fetish.

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Cate Perfect

That's interesting. Mine is the same way in that it has nothing to do with sex whatsoever and most people would just think, 'What does THAT do for you?'

Cate

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Welcome, Isabella!

I won't ask what this fetish it. I'll be the polite one, while everyone else asks instead, so I'll get to know anyway :D

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Welcome isabella! I think I might know what your fetish is, because I have a fetish that sounds very similar to what you describe. As you posted, it is something that other people would find neutral, but I find stimulating. Not to the point that I want to have sex with the person in question, but it does arouse certain feelings. And I'm not tellin' either! :wink:

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fluffy_hime
Welcome, Isabella!

I won't ask what this fetish it. I'll be the polite one, while everyone else asks instead, so I'll get to know anyway :D

: p

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Hi Isabella

This is a very interesting thread that you have started here. Very brave

I have a little fetish that I am not prepared to discuss at this time, but I am a man who in the past has enjoyed french-kissing and oral sex with women, although I haven't done oral sex for a few years and haven't french-kissed a woman for just over a year.

I find a lot of women very attractive but even though I have no desire to get an erection under usual sexual circumstances I can still find plenty of things to masterbate over in my mind.

The good thing about finding this site is a few weeks ago is that it gives me confidence to find a loving and romantic relationship without the pressure of having to 'get it up' at bedtime and filling a big void in my life in the process.

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All this talk about fetishes reminds me of a nice time in my life. I was going to the Department of Defense Information School, working on a degree in Applied Journalism there. I was taking photography, and I was put in a dark room with a partner the other girls were drooling over.

He was a young Marine sergeant, and very handsome. He was married with a baby daughter and rode a motorcycle. When the girls in my class found out he was with me, they all envied me. They said, "God, what would I give to have that man as a partner in a darkroom!" I just couldn't understand it. To me, he was a good and trustworthy friend, and very helpful.

There was a substance we used to use on the film before we developed it called photo-flo. Photo-flo smells like the soda pop of the angels or something. Really really good. My partner swore, "You're probably getting addicted to that stuff!" We both joked a lot about it. If you get a chance take a few whiffs of photo-flo. That was perhaps the closest to a fetish I ever came.

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hiya and welcome!

I'm fetished. I'm crazy fetished. It pisses me off sometimes too, because it's so out there. I only have that one, and it's shared with a numerous amount of people around the world, but it's a wierd one ><

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I have a fetish too, something that gets me off instead of what's *supposed to* work.

I don't like it and I tried for quite a while to make it go away but as that's not happening, I guess I have to accept it..

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Yes, I tried to get rid of my fetish too in the past, but I think that turns out to be just as difficult as trying to stop being asexual. So, I think that it has to be accepted in the same way as we accept our asexuality.

a.c.r. - have you tried to see if there is an internet forum for those who share your fetish? It could be quite interesting, if you felt like exploring.

DrumUltimA - Well, if your fetish is shared by many, it can't be too odd. In the internet forum for my fetish, there are only about as many members as there are here. I am not sure how that compares to your fetish.

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DrumUltimA - Well, if your fetish is shared by many, it can't be too odd. In the internet forum for my fetish, there are only about as many members as there are here. I am not sure how that compares to your fetish.

well it's one where you can find plenty of outlets to satisfy it, but telling someone would make them go "...ew"

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Cate Perfect

I've looked for a forum or group for mine and couldn't find any. I wonder if that means I win a prize...

By the way, I think this is the best intro thread ever, isabella. I love knowing that other asexuals have fetishes. I don't even care what they are, just knowing people have them makes me happy.

Asexuals with Fetishes...now THAT'S an eye-catching title. :D

Cate

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Okay, everyone's hinting that they have wacky fetishes, but no one will spill. So here goes. I, personally, am really into watching people bleed. Why, I have no clue whatsoever. In fact, it sorta makes me sound like some psycho serial killer in waiting, but I can assure you I'll never act it out in real life. :shock:

Yes, I said in my previous post that I had none. But that's because I figured, "16 year olds shouldn't have fetishes! And this one is so wrong!" I'm cowardly.

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Tressa, isn't a fetish sexual in nature? Indeed, isn't a fetish something which becomes necessary for arousal? Is watching people bleed really like that for you? It's interesting, sure - but sexual? Do fetishes have an age bracket? And what's wrong with watching people bleed? :twisted: :twisted: :twisted:

--davidey

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Cate Perfect

2. object of obsession: an object, idea, or activity that somebody is irrationally obsessed with or attached to

make a fetish of neatness

That's one of the definitions from Encarta.

I'll fess up...I'm a pageist. I've said so in another post somewhere. It's basically the urge to be a servant ('page') to an older woman. Gratification is making her happy in a non-sexual way.

Cate

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What's wrong with watching people bleed? Most people would look at you like you need to be put away. As for it causing arousal, well, I don't quite know what it does for me, but it's not the normal reaction people get.

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Cate Perfect

Do you mean like profuse bleeding or papercut bleeding?

Do you just find it captivating...'I can't look away.' That sort of thing?

Cate

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Tressa, I know someone like that. I don't find it distressing.

Also, I don't think fetishes have to be sexual. In my mind, they just have to be things appear unusually attractive to an individual. Many are sexual in nature, that's true, but I don't think it's necessary. But they're probably things society would like to call "deviant" for whatever reason.

I don't necessarily think these things are deviant. But my opinion rarely reflects that of society, so...

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Ah. Isn't that just like me to pick one definition and then use it to my advantage.. :?

Pageist. Not something I've heard of.. what do you call the urge to have a servant who is a younger woman?

And Tressa.. what's wrong with having people look at you like you need to be put away? :roll:

--davidey

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Cate Perfect

Underscore: I don't know, I've never wanted a younger woman as a servant. :) If you were sexual I'd probably say 'Normal', but as you're not...I don't know.

Tressa: You fine. As long as you're not planning on going out and makingpeople bleed so you can watch then there's nothing to worry about. And if anyone tells you differently then just say, 'Yeah, well you should see the bunch of freaks I hang out with online!'

Julie: I like your definition. 'Things that appear unusually attractive to an individual' that's perfect.

Cate

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