Does anyone totally not date at all?

[Gatto]

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[boots]

I have never really dated (whatever that really is). I used to wonder what made arranging to go somewhere with someone in the evening into "going out with" someone. Until the first time a bloke tried to kiss me. Yuck! Didn't want to do that again! And the idea of kissing with a girl was equally revolting. Made me very isolated and reluctant to make any new relationships.

I was always hoping to find someone I could have a commiment of some sort with, enjoy being with, including going out to places with, without that turning into "going out" with them. When I met my husband I thought I had found that person, but ......... (start of extremely long story).

By the way, is "going out with" the British equivalent for American"dating" or is that just me not even knowing the terminology for these alien rituals? I can't remember my friends (or even my daughter's friends today) using the term "dating" in talking about their boyfriends.

[Sally]

"Dating" in the US usually means you're sleeping with someone. We also use "going out with", also meaning sex implied.

Yuck.

[Tamarinda]

The last time I dated, was about 10 years ago. At that time, I had joined a dating club. I attended a ballet performance with some guy, for whom I felt absolutely nothing. I haven't dated since. Part of it, is the heavy emphasis placed upon sex, by our society. It spoils any interest I might have in dating, because everyone seems to think that a date is just a prelude to the bedroom.

No one seems interested in the slow, leisurely pleasure of getting to know someone. Or having one or two real friends, instead of a string of meaningless and demeaning sexual encounters. :roll:

[epicure]

I don't really date. I've had two long-term relationships - one was a disaster, as the person I was dating made up for my disinterest in sex with his voracity, and the other is now a friend, after a long time of explaining that it was not him I was not disinterested in, but sexual intimacy.

I do not intend to enter into any future relationship where my situation is not fully understood. As for casual dating, I've accidentally gone on some dates (why is it that when someone asks me to dinner, it's not just for enjoyable food and conversation), but I've learned from that! Again, nothing since then where it wasn't abundantly clear that I only want food out of it. (They can pay if they want but I'm not interested in anything beyond that! :) )

For now, the only date I'm interested is the one that grows on trees and tastes like heaven. I'd be perfectly happy being single, but I wouldn't shy away from a relationship if it was with another person who wanted (and didn't want) the same things out of it that I do.

[Calla_Lily]

I'd love to date (an asexual man) but have no clue how to find one; I'm pretty sure there are none in Ohio. So, I don't date because why bother? Eventually the guy would want sex.

[mackat5]

Calla_Lily:

If the idea wouldn't offend you, make friends with some gay men. They are great fun to be with, and when they want sex, they wouldn't want YOU! I do very much enjoy my times with my gay friends. I'll be up in Chicago for Christmas with a very dear friend(gay).

[Calla_Lily]

hi mac, i do have gay male friends and you're right, they're awesome! the thing is, all of them have partners, some have adopted kids, so they're pretty busy. when i do get to spend time with them, i feel i have the best of both worlds: male companionship and no pressure for sex!! the 'will and grace sitcom arrangement' always appealed to me...

[RekrabMot]

I've never been on what I would call a date. I've been invited around for a meal (and accepted) twice by two 'admirers'. One was when I was 25 by a girl I used to work with and still went to my church. The other was by a homosexual chap I met whilst running a fireworks display (and we had mutual friends). In both cases I left shortly after the meal.

I do go to my local "dodgy" nightclub fairly often. I say dodgy because its not the local gay bar and it simply attracts a lot of lesbians because it is run by two lesbians. Gay men turn up a lot as do local students since it is close to the local Uni. Typically its 2/3 gay and 1/3 straight.

[Zerick]

For now, the only date I'm interested is the one that grows on trees and tastes like heaven.

That is a great quote!

[Ryan Pawz]

So, Ive had one relationship. It lasted like 6 months. The girl wanted to make out every 10 minuets. I told her no every ten minuets. I dont date now because I'm pretty sure most girls will just be sex maniacs, and I want no part in it.

This is not to say I wouldn't want to date, but how would I feel about putting a sexual through forced celibacy?

Anyway, just go out and have fun, its the best!

[pinkfizzie]

I would love to go on some dates as long as they are asexual. I think I out out do not bother me vibes thus I od not even get asked. PLus finding an asexual date is like winning the lotttery. Never will happen.

[Islander9]

The only dates I've had were in the other people's (female, male, gay. straight, others) heads - I truly thought & think that we're there for the show/event/exhibition/whatever because I'm me and I'm obviously me...

[Orpheus]

I use to not date at all adn it was cool, untill I went on vacation to visist my family, adn then came hoem to my big empty house and realized i was bored out of my mind there by myself and that that was NOT how I wanted to spend the rest of my life.

[nytangel]

I have been on one real date in my life, it was a very uncomfortable half hour. I think I am affraid to date because I don't want guys to think that it is going to lead somewhere that I have no intention of taking it. And yes I realize that there are guys that don't believe that a twenty dollar movie entitles them to sex, but those don't seem to be the type of guys I deal with. I even tried the Eharmony thing because I am lonely and that claimed I was unmatchable. Imagine that! I don't know if I am doing something wrong or expecting too much. How do you develop a social life, I'm tired of staying home.

[WendyO]

If you like sex so much, why don't you stop bothering me and go fuck yourself.

Im a sexual woman but I found this quote so funny I had to respond!

Its great!

[cait]

So lately I've been like, "self, stop being so hermitish!" In response I have started just meeting strangers and like if they ask me to a movie or something or coffee I go. I consider it just hanging out, and getting to know people. But would these be considered dates? The thing that confuses me is I only do this with males, and not females. It's possible I have no interest in meeting females, and I can't figure out why. Sometimes I think I would really like to have a boyfriend, because it's nice to have someone to share all my time with. But the people I'm meeting, I don't actually have interest in forming romantic relationships with. I just like conversing. Oh, how I like to converse. It's sick. Well anyway ... I hope I'm not causing false expectations in people.

Just for your information, I don't dislike girls or something. I just don't connect well. It kind of worries me. Do I only connect with males because they are attracted to me? Hmm.

[Sally]

Re just liking to converse: I do, too. I find it difficult to "just converse" with females, ironically since I am female and not lesbian, even an asexual lesbian. Females always seem to want to talk about relationship issues: boyfriend, girlfriend, wife, mother, etc. I want to talk about other stuff; events, people, books, ideas. I know this sounds genderist, but I tend to choose the people who DON'T talk about the stuff I don't want to, and I sure don't want to talk about some guy who other woman currently has the hots for. Now if there were some asexual women around where I live, that would be a different story.

[Gary-A]

I have try a couple of personal ads on the internet that started out "So I don't waste anyone time let me make myself prefectly clear - I am looking for a non-sexual friend or companion" Well I received no response at all. I do enjoy the single life but there are moments that it would be nice to have a one on one close friend to do things with. But as far as Dating I have never been on a real so called Date.

Thank You

Gary-A

[phenocryst]

I've been an a few dates when I was younger [i'm 33 now]. They would start out good, intelligent conversation etc etc but got awkward at the end, as I never considered really wanting to see them again unless it was for friendship.

Presently I adore my singleness and all the 'me' time I have. I have two other single friends who are desperate to meet someone but I'm definately not.

[newgirl]

I guess the dating scene is not for the lucky anymore

[bydefault]

post deleted

[berniuk]

No ONE-TO-ONES so obviously no dating. I will go out in a group or solo.

If some one has been in my life many years then we might undertake an activity together like camping……but the thought of a ‘date’ terrifies me.

Don’ get me wrong I find people fascinating particularly those who remarkably have a positive outlook on life what ever quagmire they find themselves i

n. Just too long in the tooth for others who presume another person has the answers to their ……..will continue another night as sleepin pll kiccccccccccking in annnnnf me anf fairy land donrt make sense but a fab wooooosyness to float to bed on x0x0x0x0x0

[jcortese]

Another one who doesn't date -- I just have no interest. I'd be in the middle of making something, reading something, writing something, or learning something and have to put it down and go stare at someone who I didn't know.

If I'm going to spend social time with someone, I'd like it to be a friend, someone whose company I can just enjoy without sitting there wondering what "message" is being sent or what "signals" they think they're getting.

Dating is very much like sex: it's too dull and there's too much that's far more interesting to do for me to waste my time with it. socializing with friends, yes. Dating, no.

[Sally]

"I'd be in the middle of making something, reading something, writing something, or learning something and have to put it down and go stare at someone who I didn't know."

That's a scream. Exactly!

Gary-A, I've put at least 5 ads on my local Craigslist specifying "asexual" in as many ways as I can word it, and have only gotten responses roughly divided into "So, I can CONVERT you to being sexual!" and "Wow, you must be CRAZY!"

I give up.

[Pentachromacy]

I just don't date. The joy of tasking is everything I require.

If it's not sex they want then it will probably be some other self serving need. It is best not to try to satiate either beast. In the end you'll find yourself wishing you weren't curious.

It is true that curiosity killed the cat however discovery brings it back to life. In this perspective you'll find yourself perpetually... what's the word these people use... "torn." I've seen it happen to many people repeatedly.

Why put yourself through the anguish. There is no need and there is no use.

Rely solely on yourself and you'll find the world to be a radically different place than you originally thought.

[Evil Goddess]

I haven't dated in about 4 1/2 years. I've tried the personals sites online, but nothing. Looking back, I wonder why I did it and why I thought I had to find that special someone to "settle down" with. I realized that that this "life script" everyone thinks you need to follow to be normal, just wasn't my "script."

I'm very introverted and find it hard to make and keep friends. I realized within the past couple years, I like being by myself. I don't think I'd be happy sharing my home with another person. Yes, I'd like some friends to hang out with, but even stuff like that tires me out. (as you introverts know).

I'm just glad that I've found forums geared towards people who don't follow the norm or the imaginary "life script". I do find it hard to post and share my thoughts, but they have helped me come to an understanding of why I am the way I am and that there are other people out there like me. :)

[Gatto]

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[ianthine]

I saw this episode of Star Trek Voyager a few weeks ago and it's hilarious.

Here's a clip:

YouTube-Human Dating Rituals

I didn't go through the substandard dating procedure.

Just sorta stumbled into relationships in the past.

Prefer to "hang out" than "go out".

The terminology is frustrating.

Went on EHarmony and OKCupid as a joke and out of morbid curiosity and it matched me with the most unlikely guys I'll ever be near to.

EHarmony stated the most obvious traits that I already knew so it wasn't an eye opener.

OKCupid has neat and funny quizzes but regardless of the "looking for friends" status, it seems to permeate with the dating objective.

Avoid those sites unless you're really bored.

Happily alone now but not lonely.

[Gavroche80]

Another one who doesn't date -- I just have no interest. I'd be in the middle of making something, reading something, writing something, or learning something and have to put it down and go stare at someone who I didn't know.

If I'm going to spend social time with someone, I'd like it to be a friend, someone whose company I can just enjoy without sitting there wondering what "message" is being sent or what "signals" they think they're getting.

Dating is very much like sex: it's too dull and there's too much that's far more interesting to do for me to waste my time with it. socializing with friends, yes. Dating, no.

I feel the same way about dating. If someone I meet through school or where-ever wants to hang out, and we have the same interests, then I wouldn't mind that. I'm not going to strike up conversations with random strangers, though. The thought of having to worry about how I present myself to someone else on a date kind of freaks me out. I've decided to just live my life, and if I happen upon someone who shares my intellectual interests, and we can just be ourselves around each other, then that would be great. Until then, I'm not going to feel bad about not "dating." My interests/obsessions are more than enough to keep my mind busy and happy. :)