Sexual Privilege: Unpacking the Invisible Knapsack

[yam]

Peggy McIntosh, a former teacher and (I believe) current sociologist at Wellesley, created an article and list about all of the ways in which white people possess privileges that other races do not. In the article “White Privilege: Unpacking the Invisible Knapsack”, she listed roughly 25 privileges which white people have on a daily basis. For several months, I have wanted to modify her list for asexuality. Tonight, I have done just that. Below is my list of privileges that sexuals have compared to asexuals.

As a note, McIntosh defines privilege as a favored state conferred by birth or luck that allows certain groups to systematically overpower other groups simply because of a preference for sex. I think a list is important because in order to overcome oppression, one must be aware of all of the ways in which oppression occurs. One must also know which privileges one desires in order to fight to earn these privileges.

Here is my list.

1. I can if I wish arrange to be in the company of asexual people most of the time.

2. I can be pretty sure that my acquaintances will not presume that my reason for not wanting sex is not based on physical problem, lack of experience, or frigidness.

3. I can go shopping alone most of the time, pretty well assured that I will not be faced with overtly sexual advertisements and products

4. I can turn on the television or open to the front page of the paper and see asexual people widely represented.

5. When I am told about our national heritage or about "civilization," I am shown that asexual people made it what it is.

6. I can be sure that if I am a student I will be given curricular materials that testify to the existence of asexuality.

7. If I want to, I can be pretty sure of finding a publisher for a piece on asexuality.

8. I can arrange to protect myself most of the time from people who might not like me or my asexuality.

9. I can swear, or dress in second hand clothes, or not answer letters, without having people attribute these choices to the bad morals, physical problems, or timidity.

10. I am never asked to speak for all asexual people.

11. I can be pretty sure that people will not assume I prefer to have sex.

12. I can remain oblivious of the language and customs of persons of color who constitute the world's majority without feeling in my culture any penalty for such oblivion.

13. I can criticize our government and industries and talk about how much I fear its policies, behavior, and products without being seen as an outsider.

14. I can be pretty sure that if I ask to talk to "the person in charge," I will be facing an asexual.

15. I can easily buy magazines, books, and movies depicting asexual people.

16. I can go home from most meetings of organizations I belong to feeling somewhat tied in, rather than isolated, out-of-place, out numbered, unheard, held at a distance, or feared.

17. I can be sure that if I need legal or medical help, my asexuality will not work against me.

18. If my day, week, or year is going badly, I need not ask of each negative episode or situation whether it has asexual overtones.

19. I can be in large gatherings and not feel left out, embarrassed, or clueless about jokes by others.

20. I can do a Google search on the web and be sure to find more than a handful of websites about asexuality.

21. I can be pretty sure that others will not ask me why I am not married, dating, or in a relationship if I choose not to be in a relationship with a significant other.

22. I can go to a psychologist, psychiatrist, or other mental health professional without fear that they will think that I suffer from a psychiatric illness.

Please add your own. This list is not meant to be all inconclusive.

[VivreEstEsperer]

I'm confused. Maybe it's just because every time I read those I automatically think to the original statements and their intended meanings, but it seems like you did that the opposite way. Asexuals don't have those rights. Shouldn't you have modified it to talk about the rights that sexuals have over asexuals, and not vice versa?

[yam]

These are privileges that asexuals don't currently posess. A la the Peggy McIntosh article concerning white privilege, she lists the privileges she possesses. So basically, I am trying to list in reverse all of the privileges that we should have (but don't have) because I can't list the privileges of a sexual person (because I'm not). I don't know if that makes sense at all. But her list, modified, makes more sense and there is no list of privileges that exist that sexuals currently have that asexuals don't. Perhaps I need to modify it to point out that these are privileges that we should strive for.

[yam]

Let's try it from the sexual position and maybe this will help. Some of these may only be true for heterosexuality.

1. Sexuals can if they wish arrange to be in the company of sexual people most of the time.

2. Sexuals can be pretty sure that their acquaintances will presume that they want, participate in, and desire sex.

3. Sexuals can go shopping alone most of the time, pretty well assured that I will not be faced with advertisements and products that speak to their choice to have sex.

4. Sexuals can turn on the television or open to the front page of the paper and see sexual people widely represented.

5. When one it told about our national heritage or about "civilization," one is shown that sexual people made it what it is.

6. Sexuals can be sure that if they are students they will be given curricular materials that testify to the existence of sexuality.

7. If sexuals want want to, they can be pretty sure of finding a publisher for a piece on sexuality.

8. Sexuals can arrange to protect themselves most of the time from people who might not like them or their choice to be sexual.

9. Sexuals can swear, or dress in second hand clothes, or not answer letters, without having people attribute these choices to the bad morals, physical problems, or sexuality.

10. They are never asked to speak for all sexual people.

11. Sexuals can be pretty sure that people will assume they will at one point in their lives have sex.

12. Sexuals can remain oblivious of the language and customs of persons of color who constitute the world's majority without feeling in my culture any penalty for such oblivion.

13. Sexuals can criticize our government and industries and talk about how much I fear its policies, behavior, and products without being seen as an outsider.

14. Sexuals can be pretty sure that if I ask to talk to "the person in charge," I will be facing another sexual.

15. Sexuals can easily buy magazines, books, and movies depicting other sexual people.

16. Sexuals can go home from most meetings of organizations they belong to feeling somewhat tied in, rather than isolated, out-of-place, out numbered, unheard, held at a distance, or feared.

17. Sexuals can be sure that if they need legal or medical help, their sexuality will not work against me.

18. If a sexual's day, week, or year is going badly, one need not ask of each negative episode or situation whether it has sexual overtones.

19. Sexuals can be in large gatherings and not feel left out, embarrassed, or clueless about jokes by others.

20. Sexuals can do a Google search on the web and be sure to find more than a handful of websites about the choice to have sex.

21. Sexuals can be pretty sure that others will not ask why one is not married, dating, or in a relationship if I choose not to be in a relationship with a significant other and I will not feel like an outsider because one chooses not to have a sexual relationship.

22. Sexuals can go to a psychologist, psychiatrist, or other mental health professional without fear that the professionals will think that they suffer from a psychiatric illness.

[mcsquared]

Hmm..Well it's an interesting read, thanks for sharing although I think you are off or missing the point on some of them.

2. Sexuals can be pretty sure that their acquaintances will presume that they want, participate in, and desire sex.

disagree strongly! maybe in the context of a relationships but don't think acquaintances will make that assumption(depends on who you're hanging out with)

3. Sexuals can go shopping alone most of the time, pretty well assured that I will not be faced with advertisements and products that speak to their choice to have sex.

disagree--though viagra and condom advertisements are getting more common. what products do you need not to have sex?

8. Sexuals can arrange to protect themselves most of the time from people who might not like them or their choice to be sexual.

Um, I don't think there's any hatred and violence against asexuals so don't think this is applicable...

9. Sexuals can swear, or dress in second hand clothes, or not answer letters, without having people attribute these choices to the bad morals, physical problems, or sexuality.

strongly disagree on this one--women who dress a certain way are always accused of being sluts or asking for it when they get raped. I don't think asexuals are accused of being immoral; usually it's the opposite perception that they're pure and innocent that people complain about.

12. Sexuals can remain oblivious of the language and customs of persons of color who constitute the world's majority without feeling in my culture any penalty for such oblivion.

a lot of asexuals are ignorant of other people's cultures as well...

13. Sexuals can criticize our government and industries and talk about how much I fear its policies, behavior, and products without being seen as an outsider.

are asexuals seen as a political bloc? don't see the relevance--asexuals don't get accused of being terrorists or anti-American

16. Sexuals can go home from most meetings of organizations they belong to feeling somewhat tied in, rather than isolated, out-of-place, out numbered, unheard, held at a distance, or feared.

i don't think asexuals would ever be feared...

17. Sexuals can be sure that if they need legal or medical help, their sexuality will not work against me.

can see where that would be an issue for gays but not for asexuals

18. If a sexual's day, week, or year is going badly, one need not ask of each negative episode or situation whether it has sexual overtones.

um, haven't you heard of sexual harassment? especially true for women.

19. Sexuals can be in large gatherings and not feel left out, embarrassed, or clueless about jokes by others.

uh, again i don't think this is true at all. this depends on your comfortableness with groups (introvert/extrovert)

20. Sexuals can do a Google search on the web and be sure to find more than a handful of websites about the choice to have sex.

well i don't think porn counts--might be a lot harder to find something about sex being a choice.

21. Sexuals can be pretty sure that others will not ask why one is not married, dating, or in a relationship if I choose not to be in a relationship with a significant other and I will not feel like an outsider because one chooses not to have a sexual relationship.

Strongly strongly disagree. Single people get asked that all the time!!!

22. Sexuals can go to a psychologist, psychiatrist, or other mental health professional without fear that the professionals will think that they suffer from a psychiatric illness.

Yikes--well that one's serious and can't be denied.

So anyway, sorry to counterpoint you so much, but if you're feeling oppressed right now, maybe it will make you feel better. I think it's still more applicable to race but it's definitely interesting to see how it applies to other areas.

[Schadenfreude]

5. When one it told about our national heritage or about "civilization," one is shown that sexual people made it what it is.

14. Sexuals can be pretty sure that if I ask to talk to "the person in charge," I will be facing another sexual.

These don't really seem to fit for me... I suppose because I don't see any component of sexuality at all in national heritage or 'the person in charge'. I might feel that sexuals would have privelege in this area if our history books said, "George Washington was the father of our country, and he had a penis and liked to use it!" or if sexual situations regularly arose when a person went somewhere and asked to see the person in charge, but neither is the case. A list about whatever privelege sexuals have won't have exact parallels to a list of white priveleges, simply because skin color is blatantly obvious and asexuality is not.

[JKReagan99]

Please note that when she was writting that list, she was looking for ways she *had* privilege, rather than looking for ways she didn't. It's much easier to see ways you are discriminated against, than ways you have an unearned advantage. While it is important to have goals for what we'd like to have, remember that we are not the only ones discriminated against (by a long shot) and also there are way in which we do have advantages.

[VivreEstEsperer]

Thanks Amy, I think it makes a lot more sense when you look at it from the point of view of what sexuals have.

A lot of those make a lot of sense, particularly the ones about seeing the presence of sexuality confirmed in media, being able to surround yourself with sexual friends, understanding sexual jokes, etc etc.

mcsquared, just keep in mind that she was just playing with the statements. she didnt mean every one to be true, but taken as a general thing its an interesting way to look at sexuality vs asexuality.

[yam]

Hmm..Well it's an interesting read' date=' thanks for sharing although I think you are off or missing the point on some of them.

[/quote']

2. Sexuals can be pretty sure that their acquaintances will presume that they want' date=' participate in, and desire sex.

[/quote']

disagree strongly! maybe in the context of a relationships but don't think acquaintances will make that assumption(depends on who you're hanging out with)

I think society pretty much assumes that people will' date=' at some point, choose to participate in sex -- hetero or any other type. People do not assume that others may be asexual. This is not a privilege we have.

3. Sexuals can go shopping alone most of the time, pretty well assured that I will not be faced with advertisements and products that speak to their choice to have sex.

disagree--though viagra and condom advertisements are getting more common. what products do you need not to have sex?

When you go into a store' date=' most ads are sexually charged. I'm not talking just about the Viagra ads. How many ads show couples holding hands and caressing. Many ads suggest deeper sexual relationships. For example, at the casinos by my house there were ads that featured men and women in beds with ads like 'We are naughty, very naught." Often (and maybe there's a marketing major around) ads tend to be phallic or play towards people sexual desires. That's why they put pretty women in ads, etc.

8. Sexuals can arrange to protect themselves most of the time from people who might not like them or their choice to be sexual.

Um' date=' I don't think there's any hatred and violence against asexuals so don't think this is applicable...

[/quote']

Since the world is pretty much sexual, there is no reason that based on a choice to have sex that they will be feared. Now I'm not saying this works with all types of sexuality so well but for the most part I'm pretty sure that there will be times when asexuals will be feared. Two particular examples are within churches (if the message gets out that no sex might be good that would ruin their entire power structure) and within certain schools (this again would ruin another whole power structure and some people may worry about what an asexual may do to their child).

9. Sexuals can swear' date=' or dress in second hand clothes, or not answer letters, without having people attribute these choices to the bad morals, physical problems, or sexuality.

[/quote']

strongly disagree on this one--women who dress a certain way are always accused of being sluts or asking for it when they get raped. I don't think asexuals are accused of being immoral; usually it's the opposite perception that they're pure and innocent that people complain about.

Actually' date=' I really believe that if we were a big enough group there may be some churches who blame us of 'ruining the family structure' by choosing not to have children through sex, etc. However, like all underrepresented groups, people will at some point try to sterotype us (see Avenguy's discussion of norms), which may or may not be based on truths but if we were all to dress a certain way because we want to, it maybe stereotyped and said that it was based on lack of desire to have sex.

12. Sexuals can remain oblivious of the language and customs of persons of color who constitute the world's majority without feeling in my culture any penalty for such oblivion.

a lot of asexuals are ignorant of other people's cultures as well...

But this oblivion will not be blamed on their choice to have sex. However' date=' if we aren't aware of what all asexuals think then I worry that we can feel guilty about not knowing about all aspects of asexuality. Suppose someone were to walk up to you and ask what type of asexual you were? You need not know it because it's is your choice to possess this knowledge or not but wouldn't you feel guilty for not being able to talk about what is, for the most part, considered a fairly interesting aspect of asexuality.

13. Sexuals can criticize our government and industries and talk about how much I fear its policies, behavior, and products without being seen as an outsider.

are asexuals seen as a political bloc? don't see the relevance--asexuals don't get accused of being terrorists or anti-American

I think to some extent asexuals will be seen as an outsider' date=' most people here have attested to the fact that at some point they felt they were outsiders due to their asexuality. But let's say I was to complain about those overtly sexual ads and others knew I was asexual. Automatically my lack of sexuality would be blamed as the reason that I think those ads should be taken down, not just because they may be distasteful. However, a sexual may not fear this same arguement. He/she may just say they are distasteful without anyone blaming his/her sexuality.

16. Sexuals can go home from most meetings of organizations they belong to feeling somewhat tied in, rather than isolated, out-of-place, out numbered, unheard, held at a distance, or feared.

i don't think asexuals would ever be feared...

See above for part about being feared by churches/schools. As a comment on the isolated bit' date=' I often feel left out at parties because I do not understand jokes about sex nor do I know the lingo for sexual parts. Therefore, due to my lack of sex I am missing an integral knowledge base for jokes.

17. Sexuals can be sure that if they need legal or medical help, their sexuality will not work against me.

can see where that would be an issue for gays but not for asexuals

Try going to a doctor and telling them that you are above the age of 21 and have not had sex. They will be flabbergasted I'm sure. It is unusual' date=' the doctor may not believe you and will probably treat you as though you have had sex. Or they may blame your lack of interest in sex on some past trauma. This is just one way asexuality may work against you. It has also worked against homosexuals but it is not based on a choice to have sex, that discrimination is based on someone's choice to have sex with a certain person (this is also not right, i do not condone this either).

18. If a sexual's day, week, or year is going badly, one need not ask of each negative episode or situation whether it has sexual overtones.

um' date=' haven't you heard of sexual harassment? especially true for women.

[/quote']

But most women don't go around asking, did my day go poorly because I didn't fit in because I engage in sex. However, if an asexual has a bad day there maybe a part of him/her that thinks this is perhaps because of my choice to be asexual (particularly if this person is out of the closet).

19. Sexuals can be in large gatherings and not feel left out' date=' embarrassed, or clueless about jokes by others.

[/quote']

uh' date=' again i don't think this is true at all. this depends on your comfortableness with groups (introvert/extrovert)

[/quote']

See argument about understanding jokes, knowing about sex... I, for example, often feel uncomfortable when I am with my colleagues and they talk about their relationship problems. I also feel left out because I have not had this experience and cannot contribute to the conversation. It is not because I am introvert. I also feel uncomfortable when I have to provide information about sex to my students because I don't have experience with this topic.

20. Sexuals can do a Google search on the web and be sure to find more than a handful of websites about the choice to have sex.

well i don't think porn counts--might be a lot harder to find something about sex being a choice.

There are hundreds of thousands of webpages about sex' date=' how to have it, when to have it, what to do to protect yourself. There are websites about sex; there are websites about improving sex; there are websites about having interesting sex. Or go to a bookstore, this works there. There are whole sections of bookstores devoted to sexuality. To my knowledge, there are no books about asexuality. The websites are able to be counted on one hand. To be able to find websites about asexuality would be a privilege.

21. Sexuals can be pretty sure that others will not ask why one is not married, dating, or in a relationship if I choose not to be in a relationship with a significant other and I will not feel like an outsider because one chooses not to have a sexual relationship.

Strongly strongly disagree. Single people get asked that all the time!!!

But most (not all) will choose to be in a sexual relationship. Presumptions are made that most people' date=' at some time, will engage in sex or a sexual relationship so it is difficult for people to understand that I will never want a sexual relationship.

22. Sexuals can go to a psychologist, psychiatrist, or other mental health professional without fear that the professionals will think that they suffer from a psychiatric illness.

Yikes--well that one's serious and can't be denied.

So anyway' date=' sorry to counterpoint you so much, but if you're feeling oppressed right now, maybe it will make you feel better. I think it's still more applicable to race but it's definitely interesting to see how it applies to other areas.[/quote']

I wish your answers took away that oppression. Imagine being able to tell someone they weren't oppressed.

Truthfully, on a daily basis I do not feel very oppressed but there are nearly invisible privileges that I do not have on a daily basis. After awhile you get used to dealing with them or ignoring your lack of privilege.

I can't claim that these privileges are more dangerous for asexuals than any other group. I don't want to because I see on a daily basis how much more strongly white privilege is than sexual privilege and that white privilege is more sinister and detrimental. However, I think it is good to be aware of what we should be striving for in terms of having equal privileges as sexuals.

[VivreEstEsperer]

Thanks for explaining, yam. :)

[fluffy_hime]

8. Sexuals can arrange to protect themselves most of the time from people who might not like them or their choice to be sexual.

Um, I don't think there's any hatred and violence against asexuals so don't think this is applicable...

http://www.asexuality.org/discussion/viewtopic.php?t=2574

[Cottongrass]

This is an old thread, but I just found it (by googling 'sexual privilege,' while seeking for some lesson plans...), so here goes.

This is a powerful list. Thanks for all the additions and clarifications. Peggy MacIntosh still rules...

My main reaction is that it is completely valid, and the #1 privilege that almost all other marginalized groups have that Asexuals (and even more so, Aros) don't have, is that people realize that women, people of colour, GLBTQ people, etc., is that people KNOW THEY EXIST.

The pain of not even realizing that your own identity IS an identity strikes me as a particularly insidious and terrifying thing, since it leaves you with only the option of feeling there's something wrong with you. I hear that again and again in the posts from younger people.

Therefore, the more the list can be spread around, the better. It may not be perfect but at least it can get people thinking.