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Asexuality and men..mmm...really?


lux

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Well,I think that it is strange meeting asexual men,I mean,men are more sexual than women,because of their phisical constitution,mentality,and biology,men,generally think more in sex than women,they masturbate more,and when they see atractive women,they think.....in bed..well,I find strange that there are asexual men,I suposse that they usually are more asexual women than men,because in general,it can be exceptions,but I say, in general women are less sexual than men,when a woman meet a men she generally seeks love,and a man generally seeks sex,so,it is difficult to me to know that can exists asexual men,when men are so sexual,and more young asexual men,when sexual hormons are very strong,yes,I hardly can believe it!!!!. :roll:

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Genetically_Dead

I don't think about others being a gender when it comes to being asexual. Physically I never gave it any thought. I just accepted this is how I am and if I encounter a man that feels the same well that's ok. I stop looking at the package and enjoy the gift of knowing the person.

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littlelisa

I wouldn't say men are more sexual. I would say that society views men as more sexual. Actually I don't think that it's really the case at all that men in general want sex more than women, they're just assumed to.

I don't think that it's rarer to have a male asexual than a female one.

But hey, I could be wrong.

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I would say, as littlelisa has said, that the apparent number of asexual men is probably skewed due to society's double standard. Amongst some men, retaining one's virginity is a negative symbol, and as such, men in such circles are less likely to admit if they are asexual.

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That's the stereotype again. If you are male then you must be sexual.

Why should a man be anymore sexual than a female. I have heard just as many females talk about wanting a baby, needing a baby, just gotta have a baby, as I have males talking about sexing this woman or that woman.

Thats the stereotype that made me feel so wierd and freakish as a boy. I KNEW when I was 12 that I never wanted sex. I had no desire for it and frankly the very thought of sex, disgusted me, then as well as now. But the stereotype was that all young men, or in my case still a boy, wanted, desired and fantasized after women for sex. This made me feel like I must be gay, because i didnt have those desires. Yet I also didnt want sex with guys either. So I led a double life as a teen. I remained a virgin but around friends I talked about how desirious this girl or that girl was. It was self preservation in a very cruel teenagers world.

I have been really blessed with AVEN, and finally coming to terms with who and what I am. I'm not a freak. It is NOT wierd for a male to not want sex.

Don't get me wrong, I think this is a great topic for a thread and I am not mad at anyone. I just wanted to vent and get out one of the male perspectives about the "so called" myth about males always being the sexual predators in society.

Males are no more and no less sexual than females in reality. The preception of the all encompassing sexual male and the passive female is a myth. Don't let yourself get caught up with the stereotype.

Thanks for creating this thread. Maybe a few more males will make comments.

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"That's the stereotype again. If you are male then you must be sexual."

Oh yes, we all know the facts: Men are strong, brave, smart, they have integrity and honesty, and they act logical in all situations... Women, on the other hand, are silly, weak, trivial, scatterbrained and timid. They are all terrified of mice and little tiny bugs, and can't cope with complicated things, like handling money or driving...

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My stereotype is quadraphonic!

A little bit dated, not supported commercially, but far superior to the norm!

*blows raspberry at the world*

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Hallucigenia
My stereotype is quadraphonic!

A little bit dated, not supported commercially, but far superior to the norm!

:D :D :D

Quack!

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My stereotype is quadraphonic!

A little bit dated, not supported commercially, but far superior to the norm!

*blows raspberry at the world*

Me no get it. Even googled quadraphonic :(

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That's the stereotype again. If you are male then you must be sexual.

Why should a man be anymore sexual than a female. I have heard just as many females talk about wanting a baby, needing a baby, just gotta have a baby, as I have males talking about sexing this woman or that woman.

Or like the sterotype that all women want babies, and all men want to hook up with as many women as possible? ;)

Also, though I am asexual AND don't want babies, that's not a causal relationship there either. You could be asexual and want kids, or sexual and not want them.

Just sayin'

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Elizabeth I
My stereotype is quadraphonic!

A little bit dated, not supported commercially, but far superior to the norm!

*blows raspberry at the world*

Me no get it. Even googled quadraphonic :(

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Quadraphonic

:D

Greybird, I always get a kick out of your posts because I can Identify with most of them.....

Quadraphonic isn't something everyone remembers, even if they experenced it . Kinda like the 60's I guess. (or beta video or laserdisc).

I do have a quadraphonic LP though....Mike Oldfield's "Ommadawn"

I just wonder how many "older" asexuals are scratching thier heads right now wondering what the heck I'm talking about.

Peace

Ciao AND

Have a Nice Day!

Lizzie

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Elizabeth I
Why should a man be anymore sexual than a female. I have heard just as many females talk about wanting a baby, needing a baby, just gotta have a baby, as I have males talking about sexing this woman or that woman.

I never thought about it that way but I guess there is nothing MORE sexual than childbirth.

Don't get me wrong, I think this is a great topic for a thread and I am not mad at anyone. I just wanted to vent and get out one of the male perspectives about the "so called" myth about males always being the sexual predators in society.

That's where it gets a bit contrary. The predators ARE almost always men. What surprises me about "Dateline" type stings is that people are so shocked by the fact that they snare rabbis, soldiers, teachers, youth ministers and politicians. These men are willing to risk their families, careers and social standing, just on the outside chance that they will get a chance at removing a bit of young innocence.

Although the intended victims are sometimes boys and sometimes girls, the predators are always men. Are you gonna defend this with "the women are just smarter?"

As a young girl I had several encounters I wish I could forget . Just saying "no" was not an option. I have been cornered and threatened with violence if I did not co-operate many times. I have literally fought off or escaped from two of my high school teachers, a hospital employee (doctor? lab tech?) who thought I was still under anesthesia, a married friend's husband who grabbed me when she went to the kitchen to make snacks, a policeman who stopped me on my motorcycle late at night, and two different immediate supervisors during my 29 year employment with Verizon....All men.

Most of my female friends have had similar experiences at one time or another, but I don't know anyone, male or female who has been sexually assaulted by a woman.

Do you?

Lizzie

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Nico-Nico Friendo

After reading what happened to Elizabeth I, especially with the doctor, I feel sick (and I'm deathly afraid of throwing up). :cry:

I won't be able to sleep tonight thinking about that. Now I can't trust any man, not even my doctors! :cry: :cry: :cry:

I need a hug (and she might want one, too)!

I feel about to cry. I'm really, really scared now . . .

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Most of my female friends have had similar experiences at one time or another, but I don't know anyone, male or female who has been sexually assaulted by a woman.

Do you?

Lizzie

Myra Hindley and Rose West are two "notorious" cases that spring to mind from recent years..

There is a certain mechanical "problem" tha renders it nigh on impossible for a woman to "force" sexual intercourse on a man..but sexual intercourse is not the only form of sexual assault and there are certainly cases where women have been convicted of the "rape" of a man.

Sexual abuse of children in the home is as likely to be from the woman as from the man. My own children were abused in SCHOOL by a female teacher and the form of the abuse was almost certainly sexual in origin. Had it been a male teacher involved no-one would have had any hesitation in throwing all the weight of the law against him but as it was a woman..well the public perception is that women "don't do these things"..but they do!

What is unfortunate though is that because men can (and all too frequently do) get direct "sexual satisfaction" from an unwilling partner it has become the public conception that only men seek this. Penetrative rape being the most physically obvious (and therefore provable) form of sexual assault tends to figure disproportionately greater in court cases..

roddy

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Wow, a lot going on in this thread.

First of all, I think that it is harder for men to identify as asexual because so much emphasis is placed on a man's identity as a sexual being. For someone who is at least indifferent and doesn't mind faking it, a man might just go on acting sexual for a longer time than a similar female would, just to keep up manly appearances.

So I am not sure if there are truly more female asexuals than males, or if the females are just more prepared to accept their asexuality?

Second, I think the entire concept of sex, at least in our culture, is very male-centric. It starts and begins with the man's pleasure. When a man pleasures a woman it is simply a means to get her to let him finish himself, or as a way to advertise his sexual prowess. Very rarely if ever does sex involve focusing on a woman's pleasure to the point where the man is neglected. Very rarely does sex end before the man gets his off. But quite often, sex ends before the woman finishes. Quite often, sex is simply to satisfy the man.

Ironically, two of my friends recently joked about how the best way to pick up a woman was to offer to simply "pleasure her with no strings attached." Meaning, a lot of woman would like to be the center of sexual attention and would be more likely to go home with a man who offered that than a man who offered the standard me-man, me cum version of sex.

So my whole point in that is that maybe society views women as less sexual because society does not actually acknowledge female sexuality except as an accessory to male sexuality.

So again, I don't know that men are truly more sexual than women, or if women are just more likely to get frustrated with a sexual tradition that pretty much leaves them out unless they are extremely aggressive about getting their fair share and risk being labeled as a slut, whore, dominatrix (in a bad way), freak, etc? -Which brings up another point, that men are taught to glorify their sexuality from a young age, whereas women are taught to repress and hide and be ashamed of it. Another reason women may seem less sexual than men.

Finally, sexual assault. And I want to be careful here. Roddy, I am sorry for your experiences and I am not going to say it doesn't happen. But it is very rare. The two cases you cited, Rose and Myra, were both cases of a female falling in love with a man who instigated her to do those things. They were notorious precisely because they were women. Any woman sex offender (who gets caught) is notorious, because it is so rare. The vast majority of sex offenders are male. For every instance of a female sex offender you could cite there are at least ten more male offenders out there. Now this may be because of mechanics. And it may be because of social conditioning that again makes it okay for a man to impose his sexuality on others but not okay for a woman to do the same. So I am not going to say that, given a perfectly equal society, men are more likely to be sex offenders than women. But in the society we have, more than likely if there is a sex offender he will be male.

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For someone who is at least indifferent and doesn't mind faking it, a man might just go on acting sexual for a longer time than a similar female would, just to keep up manly appearances.

.

Hmmm..except that a man cannot "fake" sexual arousal and a woman can..hence the "Is that a gun in your pocket or are you just pleased to see me?" quote.

What is far more likely (to me at least) is that men simply do not talk about sex to any degree at all with perhaps one exception and that being in a male grouping of teenagers/adolescents. Even then there is very little "discussion", just "bragging" . Now maybe there is a difference in culture between UK and US here..never having been to the US when I was a teenager and therefore never having "mixed" with teenagers there I cannot say. But I find it unlikely that there would be a huge difference.

It may well be for strictly practical and physical reasons but girls/women are introduced to sex-talk from an early age and therefore discuss sex with family friends and doctors throughout their lives..men do not. One "birds and bees" talk from Dad is about as far as it goes for most men. Men do not, for instance, have the equivalent of a gynaecologist. They do not attend "Well-man clinics". Look in any sex-shop and work out how many of the "marital aids" there are designed for female use rather than male. (Again..probably a very practicl reason..mother Palm and her 5 daughters are cheaper, more readily available and more effective than any number of "rampant rabbits".

...........

You missed the point I was making, M51, which was not about whether there were more male or female "sexual offenders" but simply that using such a measure was of no value in assessing male or female sexual INTEREST. It is of no value simply because a lot of "sexual offences" go unrecognised therefore unrecorded. If you classify "sexual offence" as something a man does to a woman (and very simplistically society does just that) then yes of course, by definition, female sexual offenders are going to be rare.

roddy

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There is a certain mechanical "problem" tha renders it nigh on impossible for a woman to "force" sexual intercourse on a man..but sexual intercourse is not the only form of sexual assault and there are certainly cases where women have been convicted of the "rape" of a man.

THANK YOU for bringing this point up.

Sexual abuse of children in the home is as likely to be from the woman as from the man.

Especially when it comes to the man doing the deed and the woman knowing about it but doing nothing about it. She's just as guilty.

Hmmm..except that a man cannot "fake" sexual arousal and a woman can..hence the "Is that a gun in your pocket or are you just pleased to see me?" quote.

Maybe he can't 'fake' the arousal but ***EXTREME GRAPHIC POINT TO BE MADE HERE TO ILLUSTRATE THIS...not for the faint of heart** doesn't a man get an erection from anal/prostate stimulation, regardless of his arousal? Just a physical reaction? A sicko woman can mistake this as arousal just like sicko paedophiles do with young boys. They think the boy is 'aroused' when it's just his body responding to trigger points.

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Maybe he can't 'fake' the arousal but ***EXTREME GRAPHIC POINT TO BE MADE HERE TO ILLUSTRATE THIS...not for the faint of heart** doesn't a man get an erection from anal/prostate stimulation, regardless of his arousal? Just a physical reaction? A sicko woman can mistake this as arousal just like sicko paedophiles do with young boys. They think the boy is 'aroused' when it's just his body responding to trigger points.

Technically possible..more so for teenagers "going through the change"..but wholly unpredictable. Arousal requires input from the brain really. Other stimulation can certainly help.. Excitement can cause a semi-erect state..but it is short lived and not "functional".

One of the over-riding bodily reactions is that of fear. You have heard the expression "getting cold feet"? That is not something just dreamt up by a poet once. Under fear/stress the body withdraws blood from the extremities (yes..that extremity as well) to conserve blood and heat in the main organs. Males need to be fairly "relaxed" before they can "perform".

roddy

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There is a certain mechanical "problem" tha renders it nigh on impossible for a woman to "force" sexual intercourse on a man..but sexual intercourse is not the only form of sexual assault and there are certainly cases where women have been convicted of the "rape" of a man.

Here's a slightly graphic and less than legal experiement you can do! Well, you can do this, but I wouldn't recommend it, as you'd get yourself rather arrested.

Go into a hospital and find some dude who is in a coma. Depant him and play with his penis for a bit. It'll become erect.

I don't know actual statistics, but many males, I'd go so far as to say most males, require only physical sensation to become physically aroused.

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Go into a hospital and find some dude who is in a coma. Depant him and play with his penis for a bit. It'll become erect.

I don't know actual statistics, but many males, I'd go so far as to say most males, require only physical sensation to become physically aroused.

Someone wholly unconscious maybe...you will achieve a semi-erection..his subconscious may even respond with a suitable fantasy/dream...after all all males experience "wet dreams".

You believe what you will..but you are incorrect. Don't take my word for it. Ask any genito-urinary consultant physician. Or simply still read the instructions that come with Viagra. It ONLY works if there is sexual desire..not stimulation..desire.

Stimulation can trigger a desire..but it is the desire that triggers the response. Sub-conscious desire perhaps when asleep or in a coma..but while awake it has to be a conscious desire. The smell of good food can be mouth-watering..ie triggers the appetite..IF you are hungry..but if you have just eaten the same smell can even be off-putting..and certainly won't cause salivation.

roddy

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You believe what you will..but you are incorrect. Don't take my word for it. Ask any genito-urinary consultant physician. Or simply still read the instructions that come with Viagra. It ONLY works if there is sexual desire..not stimulation..desire.

how about the classic calculus class erection? I've had a few of those, where'd they come from?

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I don't know actual statistics, but many males, I'd go so far as to say most males, require only physical sensation to become physically aroused.

I don't know about that. I have personally had people play with my penis for awhile and there was extra blood flow not enough for me to "get the job done". I think it was because there was no desire on my part rather it be emotional in physical desire. I was with a friend before who I love dearly but don't find that attactive physically and another time with someone who looked like an angel to me but who acted like an asshole most the time. Same situation.

As for the question of men being more sexual than women I don't think so. I think the sexual desires of men and women on the most part are equal. I don't really talk about sex with other guys much, but girls talk a lot about it. This mostly because most of my friends have always been women. While there probably are more sexual assault causes where the women is the victum, I am sure there are many, many, many unreported cases of where the victum is male. I just don't think it is reported.

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how about the classic calculus class erection? I've had a few of those, where'd they come from?

*sigh"

Ask your Doctor. Adolescent male hormones basically..they do strange things at strange times..but if you paid attention to the maths and not your latest fantasy girl they tend not to happen. I said at the very beginning that teenage/adolescent boys DO have occasional erections for no apparent reason. That is simply a function of growth and bodily change...but they are not predictable (unless you have developed a paraphilia for maths!)

roddy

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You believe what you will..but you are incorrect. Don't take my word for it. Ask any genito-urinary consultant physician. Or simply still read the instructions that come with Viagra. It ONLY works if there is sexual desire..not stimulation..desire.

how about the classic calculus class erection? I've had a few of those, where'd they come from?

The devil :evil:

I used to get those all the time in high school usually right before the bell would ring :x

That is why I would wear baggy t-shirts....

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how about the classic calculus class erection? I've had a few of those, where'd they come from?

*sigh"

Ask your Doctor. Adolescent male hormones basically..they do strange things at strange times..but if you paid attention to the maths and not your latest fantasy girl they tend not to happen. I said at the very beginning that teenage/adolescent boys DO have occasional erections for no apparent reason. That is simply a function of growth and bodily change...but they are not predictable (unless you have developed a paraphilia for maths!)

I got them at 21 while paying attention to the maths.

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I remember once having dinner when my companion admitted to getting a ...yes well, I'll leave that to your imagination. I wasn't doing anything except eating dinner...and he we were both in our 50s at the time. Perhaps it was the carrots... :roll:

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Hmmm..except that a man cannot "fake" sexual arousal and a woman can..hence the "Is that a gun in your pocket or are you just pleased to see me?" quote.

Fair enough, since I have always wondered how asexual men do manage to "compromise"...but some do...how, if they are not faking it?

What is far more likely (to me at least) is that men simply do not talk about sex to any degree at all with perhaps one exception and that being in a male grouping of teenagers/adolescents....

Woa, okay that is not at all my experience. Maybe a cultural difference, but I hear men talking about sex ALL THE TIME. In fact it seems to be their favorite topic. On the flip side, even behind closed locker room doors I rarely hear women talk about sex. At least not to the extent that guys do.

It may well be for strictly practical and physical reasons but girls/women are introduced to sex-talk from an early age and therefore discuss sex with family friends and doctors throughout their lives..men do not. One "birds and bees" talk from Dad is about as far as it goes for most men. Men do not, for instance, have the equivalent of a gynaecologist. They do not attend "Well-man clinics". Look in any sex-shop and work out how many of the "marital aids" there are designed for female use rather than male.

Yes, but all this sex talk is BECAUSE women tend to be more sexually repressed/more sexually uneducated than men precisely BECAUSE men are allowed to openly talk/brag about sex and women are not. And also because the female mechanics are more difficult than the males. Sort of like why there might be more clinical/academic discussion of how to captain a yacht then there is on how to captain an intertube.

You missed the point I was making, M51, which was not about whether there were more male or female "sexual offenders" but simply that using such a measure was of no value in assessing male or female sexual INTEREST.

Ah, I thought you were trying to say that sexual assault was just as likley from a woman, which it is not.

But agreed that level of sexual assault offenses does not at all correlate to level of sexual interest. There are plenty of very horny people out there who would never commit an assault, and there are probably some assaulters who do it for other reasons (power, a sense of dominance...?? whatever) who actually do not have strikingly high sex drives.

It is of no value simply because a lot of "sexual offences" go unrecognised therefore unrecorded. If you classify "sexual offence" as something a man does to a woman (and very simplistically society does just that) then yes of course, by definition, female sexual offenders are going to be rare.

So you are actually suggesting that females commit sexual assault just as much as males, but that it is not reported? I do not believe that.

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Here's a slightly graphic and less than legal experiement you can do! Well, you can do this, but I wouldn't recommend it, as you'd get yourself rather arrested.

Go into a hospital and find some dude who is in a coma. Depant him and play with his penis for a bit. It'll become erect.

Dare I ask how you know this?

I don't know actual statistics, but many males, I'd go so far as to say most males, require only physical sensation to become physically aroused.

I'm talking just erection, not arousal.

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