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Why would my ex (now friend) tell me he's sleeping around?


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Poll: He is telling this sexual exploits because: (31 member(s) have cast votes)

  1. He wants you to be jealous (10 votes [32.26%])

    Percentage of vote: 32.26%

  2. Last ditch effort to change your mind and come back to him (2 votes [6.45%])

    Percentage of vote: 6.45%

  3. He is showing off (11 votes [35.48%])

    Percentage of vote: 35.48%

  4. He considers you to be a good friend, and as such wants to share aspects of his life (5 votes [16.13%])

    Percentage of vote: 16.13%

  5. He didn't want you to hear it from someone else (0 votes [0.00%])

    Percentage of vote: 0.00%

  6. Other (please explain) (3 votes [9.68%])

    Percentage of vote: 9.68%

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#1 funaladanaly

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Posted 23 May 2007 - 10:43 PM

I have a funny story for you all. My ex boyfriend and I are great friends. I don't even consider him an ex cause it has such a bad connotation with the name. Long story short on our relationship, we seriously considered marriage until we realized it'd never work since I didn't want to be touched and he's, well, a horndog to the nth degree. He loved me though. So much so in fact that he never pressured me into having sex or even kissing, and that he was willing to wait even up to a couple years until I was comfortable with him touching me. In March though I realized that I'd never be comfortable with touch, and thus we broke off any bf/gf relationship and just remained excellent friends.

So last night he invites me out to dinner. We're both trying the online dating thing. I'm trying asexual sites (to no avail) and he's trying other mainstream ones. Difference though - he's looking for flings.

He went from telling me that he didn't want to have sex that was meaningless anymore because it was purely masturabatory to sleeping with girls he meets on the internet. It seems he changed his mind. He was telling me (yep, he brought it up to tell me) that this girl he met on the internet came to his place, and well there are rooms his roommate wont' go in now. She stayed just about all of Saturday and they just went at it because he had SO much pent up energy from abstaining for a year. By the time she was done, she could hardly walk. (I kinda mumbled here - glad it wasn't me!) Yes, he says, she still writes in her blog how great the sex was. I just don't understand how good he is in bed. Now he says he's talking wtih another girl for fling purposes.

Honestly, I was happy for the guy. I felt like I wasn't holding him back anymore. I wanted him to go and get laid because then he'd get his mind off doing it with me.

Then I started wondering - why did he tell me this? During the relationship he'd mention how big his 3rd leg was. He'd occassionally bring up how he really satisfied the girls he had been with. One particular story that remains with me is how he got a girl to reach her peak 5 times in half an hour. She could hardly breath (he says)!

Is he trying to make me jealous? Is he trying to get me to try sleeping with him so that he can show me just "how great" sex is? Or is it that since his friends knew, and we share the same friends, he'd be worried I'd hear it from someone else?

What do you all think?

#2 Charlieee

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Posted 24 May 2007 - 01:18 AM

:shock: That's kinda strange. If my ex started talking about that to me... I'd try and change the subject or something :lol:

But it sounds like a "This is what you could've had, but gave up. So nyehh" kinda thing.

"Who - is Robbie?"
"He's a robot, Mr. Robot, sir." She stretched to tip-toes. "He's about so high, Mr. Robot, sir, only higher, and he's very nice. He's got a head, you know. I mean you haven't, but he has, Mr. Robot, sir."
The Talking Robot had been left behind, "A - robot?"
"Yes, Mr. Robot, sir. A robot just like you, except he can't talk, of course, and- looks like a real person."
"A - robot - like - me?"
"Yes, Mr. Robot, sir."
To which the Talking Robot's only response was an erratic splutter and an occasional incoherent sound. The radical generalization offered it, i.e., its existence, not as a particular object, but as a member of a general group, was too much for it. Loyally, it tried to encompass the concept and half a dozen coils burnt out. Little warning signals were buzzing.
-"Robbie," from Isaac Asimov's I, Robot

#3 vits3k

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Posted 24 May 2007 - 02:38 AM

Jealous and/or showing off.

And being a dirtbag.

it sounds like a "This is what you could've had, but gave up. So nyehh" kinda thing. [/color]

Word.
Would you call a friend from half across the world?
If you’ll let us have his name and town and state,
You shall see and hear your crackling question hurled
Across the arch of heaven while you wait.
-- Rudyard Kipling, "The Secret of the Machines"


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#4 funaladanaly

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Posted 24 May 2007 - 03:00 AM

Jealous and/or showing off.

And being a dirtbag.


You know he does it in such a nice, friendly, jovial way its hard to tell what his motive, if any, was. Maybe he subconsciously had a motive.

I remember though thinking that it was odd while we were dating how he'd tell me about past girls he slept with. I thought, if we ever did anything and then broke up - he would tell the next girl about me. Glad we never did anything.

#5 vits3k

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Posted 24 May 2007 - 03:04 AM

You know he does it in such a nice, friendly, jovial way its hard to tell what his motive, if any, was.

Eek.

If it's not too OT, may I recommend the following book?

The Sociopath Next Door
Would you call a friend from half across the world?
If you’ll let us have his name and town and state,
You shall see and hear your crackling question hurled
Across the arch of heaven while you wait.
-- Rudyard Kipling, "The Secret of the Machines"


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#6 Zealous

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Posted 24 May 2007 - 03:08 AM

I voted Other. I think that this is the case:

To his mind, he's just sharing his experiences with you, possibly in some way proud.
In fact, the reason is that he's showing off/trying to make you jealous.

#7 Busrider

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Posted 24 May 2007 - 03:25 AM

I'd vote "Practically all at once".
You probably still are attractive in his eyes (reason to show off subconsciously) but you are also a friend to talk to. Just preventing that you hear it from others wouldn't come to my mind...

#8 Loki

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Posted 24 May 2007 - 05:16 AM

I voted for other


it would just probably be that he's so comfortable expressing his thoughts and feelings with a great friend like you said before... and little bit of everything else....

some guys are like that
I hate quotations. Tell me what you know.


Ralph Waldo Emerson

#9 RomanceIsLost

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Posted 24 May 2007 - 07:31 AM

Well, my natural reaction is that he's trying to get you wondering about/interested in sex, and/or he's showing off and being a dirtbag, like vits3k said.

But maybe he's just showing that he sees you as such a close friend that he can tell you anything?

If you don't want to hear it, just tell him. I wouldn't want to hear stuff like that from my male friends.

#10 funaladanaly

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Posted 24 May 2007 - 01:45 PM

If you don't want to hear it, just tell him. I wouldn't want to hear stuff like that from my male friends.


Honestly, it doesn't bother me. If anything it confirms I was right to end the relationship since I really don't want to be having that much sex.

I was just curious as to why he told me. I could ask him, I was just looking for more objective input.

Thanks guys!

#11 M51

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Posted 24 May 2007 - 02:08 PM

I couldn't decide between last ditch effort and showing off (I went with showing off). Clearly, a large part of his ego resides in his penis, its size, and its capabilities.

I am not saying he is not a great guy, nor am I saying he didn't love you. Just that I think your failure to faint in awe at the sight of his man-tool was probably a serious (and continuous) threat to his sense of worth. So now he is going through the process of reassuring himself. Part of this reassurance process is, of course, screwing some random chick and her thinking it was the best sex of her life (see? I'm not a loser!). The other part is coming to terms with the fact that he loves someone who does not think so highly of his prized possession. I think maybe he wants you to acknowledge that he is a fantastic sex partner, since that was a cause of great consternation for him. And I suppose you could congratulate him on his prowess, and tell him that very few women talk about their men the way his internet girl talks about him, and otherwise boost his ego verbally since you failed to do it sexually. (Not that I think you're a failure; I am trying to paint this in his terms, of course...hope you understand)

Sort of like how we feel hurt that it seems we are only loved for our vaginas (or penises, for the guys), and we don't understand how our entire worth can be reduced to a set of funky looking organs, it seems that he has a rough time understanding how you could not appreciate something that is such a huge part of him. And he might still be subconsciously trying to get you to appreciate it.

So he is just coming to terms with the whole situation.

Continue being happy for him; you're a great friend. He is healing.
"Captain, the atmosphere is 21% oxygen, 78% percent nitrogen, and 1% asexual...just like on Earth."
--Mr. Spock

#12 funaladanaly

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Posted 24 May 2007 - 11:40 PM

I am not saying he is not a great guy, nor am I saying he didn't love you. Just that I think your failure to faint in awe at the sight of his man-tool was probably a serious (and continuous) threat to his sense of worth. So now he is going through the process of reassuring himself. Part of this reassurance process is, of course, screwing some random chick and her thinking it was the best sex of her life (see? I'm not a loser!). The other part is coming to terms with the fact that he loves someone who does not think so highly of his prized possession.



I think you hit it right on the nail! I never thought of that, but it makes perfect sense. It explains everything, from why he would brag about his size to the girls he bleeped.

Thanks!

#13 Guest_Heligan_*

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Posted 29 May 2007 - 02:07 PM

Hi,

It's a difficult one. This is how men talk to each other (I think), with a high emphasis on the brag aspect of sex. If you two are giving friendship a go, he maybe hasn't modified his default frienship template enough.

I had an ex who even after he was married used to ring me up on his way home from pub and his opening statements was always overtly sexual.... I dont think he knew any other way to ring and say 'I was just thinking about you how you doing....' (esp surrounded by his mates- they generally left him to it after that- then we had perfectly platonic conversations)

A lot depends on the context of these comments, but whatever that is I'd say you have to respond by acting as if its just a friendship revealing type thing..... To assume anything else, may not be fair to him....and will introduce tension that just ignoring it wont. By ignoring I mean just act like its normal conversation, even ask stuff if you can stomach it. Plus if you ignore it for long enough if his motives are less than pure he will probably stop.

I was friends with my ex for 17 years and a lot of the tension is solvedjust by acting how you want it to be... just friends. And yeah sometimes it is acting, but then it is in every friendship. Theres always something you have to feign interest in, either lovers tiffs or obsessive hobbies etc.




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