elquesogrande Posted May 8, 2007 Share Posted May 8, 2007 It's been awhile since I've been here...How's everyone doing? Well, anyway. I have changed so much over the past 7 months, it's ridiculous. I used to be so sure of my asexuality, but then when I got to college it all got twisted around and i had to work out the kinks. College social life is a game. All the partying I've done this past year has made me realize many things. To make a long story short, not having a sexual orientation has given me the freedom to operate outside normal boundaries. I can kiss girls, I can kiss boys. I can look hot and wear sexy (yet always tasteful) outfits, without actually trying to attract anybody. And it wasn't until two nights ago...Cinco de Mayo...that I realized that I actually am as beautiful and awesome as I think I am and when boys don't call me they're just intimidated because they don't want to mess anything up. Sorry about the ego...I'm trying to keep it under control. I am untouchable. The game has been getting tricky, almost dangerous at times, and I've learned that I need to keep my asexuality under wraps if I want to keep it fun. However, this is a non-issue because I'm not looking for a mate, so no one needs to know really. My friends know, they're cool with it, whatever. My disinterest, or aversion if you will, toward sex has given me some sort of mystique. I know I can have anyone I want anytime. I'm really not trying to sound pretentious here. It's confidence bordering on arrogance, but it's not really arrogance if it's the truth. People are attracted to my personality, they get to look at me as a bonus. Not once does sexuality come into play, because I don't let it get that far. So over the course of the past 7 or 8 months I've gone from a naive, neurotic, self-conscious, questioning asexual to a wise, confident, apathetic, asex goddess. And then I take a look at one of my good friends who is quite the opposite of me, and I hate to say it but she's become somewhat of a slut. I guess it would be okay, because it's what she wants to do...but the major difference between us is that while I'm completely aware of what I'm doing, she has no idea what the consequences of her actions are...shoot first, ask questions later, so to speak. I guess I'm a bit worried about her. She has low self-esteem. Well, this took quite a different turn than what I had originally expected, but it's alright. One of those stream of consciousness deals. Sorry if I came off as conceited...I'm a bit of a narcissist. I acknowledge it, I accept it, I'm trying to keep it under control. But basically, my message to all of you lovely people, is just be confident. Every morning and every night, when you're brushing your teeth or whatever you do, look in the mirror and tell yourself that you are awesome. Or whatever synonymous adjective you choose. Apathy is just another word for freedom. Once you stop caring, good things will happen. No more whining about not being able to find an asexual partner...it'll happen. Just live life to the fullest, occupy yourself with good friends and tons of adventures. Peace. END OF LINE. Link to post Share on other sites
E.winEla Posted May 8, 2007 Share Posted May 8, 2007 The college social scene definitely is an interesting scene for a young asexual to find him or herself in. I started college this past fall and while I have only had one (very brief) romantic encounter, I haven't found it very hard to cope. Back in high school I think I was much less certain of my asexuality, but actually..after having finished my first year of college now I am even more certain of my asexuality. I went to an all-girls high school and I personally didn't have very many male friends. So I didn't come into regular contact with boys my age until I got to college. The experience has just made me more certain and aware of the fact that I am asexual. I am not sure that college has had the same 'asex goddess' effect on me as you claim it has had on you, but I definitely do feel empowered to some extent. Some of my friends are aware of my asexuality and they respect it, even if they don't quite entirely understand it. So I feel empowered in the sense that I am free to not engage in sexual activity and my peers will respect that. While I am not actively seeking out a relationship right now, the only setbacks I would say there are is that it is sometimes annoying when you like someone because chances are that he or she doesn't also identify as asexual. But...oh well, right? :? Link to post Share on other sites
Caseless Posted May 8, 2007 Share Posted May 8, 2007 I love the asex goddess idea! It's perfect for me... I'm too self-conscious about myself and this will help immensely! Very awesome post! :cake: Link to post Share on other sites
jewel_box554 Posted May 8, 2007 Share Posted May 8, 2007 I get what you mean. For a while I wanted to be like that. To make it short, I really like the Victorian era and the fashion back then and I wanted to become a goth-y version (not the trashy, stereotypical kind, but elegant, aloof kind) of what you're describing. I have several problems though: 1)I'm just plain ugly and there's just no remedy for it and 2) that's not me. So in a way I'm content with the unattractive, unlikable, despicable, boring person that I am. I'm a misfit and there's no way around it. Congrats to you though for being able to be so confident. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest kos Posted May 8, 2007 Share Posted May 8, 2007 Hey elquesogrande, moderation is nice too. The higher someone gets the more it aches when s/he falls. The last thing i want to be is preachy but to experience some serious face-slapping is a possibility, so keep a "make me cautious" potion handy. And one more thing...Freedom is a siren! Jewel, please, don't be that harsh to yourself; I don't know you but you sound like you're a direct person and that's precious. Link to post Share on other sites
Melly06 Posted May 8, 2007 Share Posted May 8, 2007 Well, you sound confident and as if you might be happy... My advice would be to try not to hurt anyone's feelings in the process, especially if a lot of people are attracted to you, as you said they are. Link to post Share on other sites
elquesogrande Posted May 8, 2007 Author Share Posted May 8, 2007 Yeah, thanks guys. You know, just some musings. I was just in a really good mood because of that last party...haha. Kos, I know exactly what you mean. I try to have my friends knock me down if my ego gets too inflated. So feel free just to shoot me an insult, I won't hate you for it. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest kos Posted May 9, 2007 Share Posted May 9, 2007 Don't like insults, don't like hatred, take care. Link to post Share on other sites
thylacine Posted May 10, 2007 Share Posted May 10, 2007 "Apathy is just another word for freedom. Once you stop caring, good things will happen. No more whining about not being able to find an asexual partner...it'll happen. Just live life to the fullest, occupy yourself with good friends and tons of adventures. Peace." Yeah... just like that song... "Freedom is just another word for nothing left to lose." Link to post Share on other sites
Snowflower Posted May 10, 2007 Share Posted May 10, 2007 I'm glad college has been a positive experience for you. and it's great that you have found confidence and happiness. (just... as everybody must, also be careful not to lose sight of what's really important. :)) Not everybody has the same experiences - that's always a certainty. I know that, for me, the kind of life college tried to press upon me with all its parties had the opposite effect on me - I found it very intimidating and plain wrong for my character. I'm a shade-flower..... I trust in myself and my gifts and I do know where my beauty lies, I have a quiet confidence but I needed to be somewhere quiet and peaceful where I could bloom in peace. Of course I wasn't the only person who needed this and I gravitated towards people who were more like me. So I have that at last. :) To each their own, I say. There is so much more to confidence than social popularity and display. So yes, confidence is key, I agree, but it comes in many guises :) Well I don't tell myself every morning and evening that I am awesome, but I accept and embrace everything that I am because I am the only person in the world like me. Confidence is honesty and not being afraid to be who you are, whatever that is. Link to post Share on other sites
RomanceIsLost Posted May 10, 2007 Share Posted May 10, 2007 I completely applaud your post. I feel that I'm at the same point in my life. Freedom and independence are the two things that I cherish most and I do feel that asexuality (and apathy) can help. Sometimes I feel that asexuality is almost something transcendent, maybe even a higher spiritual level (even though I'm not religious or spiritual), something that carries people above today's sex-obsessed society...but that's just my view sometimes, not always. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest kos Posted May 11, 2007 Share Posted May 11, 2007 Confidence is honesty and not being afraid to be who you are, whatever that is. Although it is not always easy, to be honest and to be yourself. I could quote the entire post, enjoyed reading it. Link to post Share on other sites
cijay Posted May 12, 2007 Share Posted May 12, 2007 Apathy is just another word for freedom. Once you stop caring, good things will happen. No more whining about not being able to find an asexual partner...it'll happen. Just live life to the fullest, occupy yourself with good friends and tons of adventures. Peace.END OF LINE. I agree totally. I believe apathy not asexuality is another word for freedom. There are plenty of asexuals who are still worrying about not measuring up in society, being left alone at the end of their life, finding another asexual partner...that's not freedom. The apathetics are WAY more free! Link to post Share on other sites
E.winEla Posted May 25, 2007 Share Posted May 25, 2007 Apathy is just another word for freedom. Once you stop caring, good things will happen. No more whining about not being able to find an asexual partner...it'll happen. Just live life to the fullest, occupy yourself with good friends and tons of adventures. Peace. I totally agree as well. The moment you stop caring so much and trying so hard is the moment when you finally see everything as it is, and things just come to you. It's like that whole idea of dancing as if no one were watching. Once you can do that, then people will naturally want to dance with you. Link to post Share on other sites
breakfast.at.tiffanys Posted May 25, 2007 Share Posted May 25, 2007 Apathy is just another word for freedom. Once you stop caring, good things will happen. No more whining about not being able to find an asexual partner...it'll happen. Just live life to the fullest, occupy yourself with good friends and tons of adventures. Peace. Way cool post. I can feel the good mood here. Concerning your friend though, have you tried talking to her about how empowered you feel by not needing anyone around all the time? :? Good luck with her... Mleh, so anyway, I've always thought confidence is never a bad thing, so long as it doesn't hurt anyone else in the making/process. And as far as this mentions, it's not hurting anyone, so it sounds awesome. Nice outlook! :) Link to post Share on other sites
La_Gioconda Posted May 27, 2007 Share Posted May 27, 2007 I think apathy is not the right word here. It makes me think of lethargy, laziness and boredom. Maybe indifference would be better? Other than that, I can relate. Not being desperated to find a partner is empowering. Or even more generally, not being desperated to do/achieve anything specific is empowering, it makes me less prone to being hurted and allows to just enjoy experiences more. I think life is all about experiencing new things, I collect them like precious gems :) Oh, and another thought - this statement sounds like some zen philosophy, the "go-with-the-flow" kind of thing. Nice one. Link to post Share on other sites
scamper Posted May 31, 2007 Share Posted May 31, 2007 I also can't help but feel that apathy is the wrong word. I mean, apathy is like, not caring about anything. An absence of any passion, emotion, interest in stuff. I'm not sure that never getting excited about anything is a form of freedom I would want. I mean, there's the good kind of "not caring" - like, not being hung up on societal expectations, not worrying about what other people think of you or how you're supposed to "fit in", not caring about whether you have a boyfriend/girlfriend or not - that's freedom. But that's not apathy. That's just being a confident, strong, independent person. Link to post Share on other sites
Zealous Posted May 31, 2007 Share Posted May 31, 2007 I suppose I'm an odd man out here. My experiences have been the opposite, though that might be a result of the high school environment. It makes me feel like there's a whole open realm of life that I cannot enjoy. Just as a sweet-toothed person might envy someone who can enjoy bitter tastes, I sometimes feel like I'm bound away from an enjoyable act. That is, I envy those for whom sex is a deeply emotional and romantic act. For whom it is a difference in order of magnitude between a Valentines Day card and sexual intimacy, rather than a difference in the type of feeling. This is not to say that being asexual doesn't have great perks too. I feel like I have a lot more freedom with my thoughts. And I don't think I'd trade to become a sexual person. I see it more as taking my out of a large, dark room and shackling me to a tree. I can see and smell and taste and hear and feel and love the world around me, but I cannot walk, as I see others do. Am I alone in that? Link to post Share on other sites
E.winEla Posted June 1, 2007 Share Posted June 1, 2007 I don't think apathy is always necessarily not caring about anything. It depends on what we're discussing. When it comes to whether or not you attract someone, I think apathy would mean "I don't care if people want to have sex with me or not"...which is basically what she was saying was freeing her. So in this particular sense, I think "apathy" is alright. Link to post Share on other sites
funaladanaly Posted June 4, 2007 Share Posted June 4, 2007 My advice would be to try not to hurt anyone's feelings in the process, especially if a lot of people are attracted to you, as you said they are. I was thinking the same thing reading the post. What I don't understand is why you feel you can't have fun if you reveal you aren't interested in sex. This leads me to believe that you keep it under wraps so that you can still flirt with guys, which in turn would probably think this was getting them somewhere. The post makes you sound like a tease - someone who just likes putting themselves out there and then turn down anyone who approaches them. Rejection can be harsh. Definitely dress to make yourself feel good, but question why you feel you can't tell people you aren't interested in sex. People understand that and can respect it much more than they understand the term asexual. A lot of people here are saying great post, good for you, but I disagree. From what it sounded like to me, you're a tease that enjoys making guys think they can get something that they can't. I don't think that is very nice. Link to post Share on other sites
sunsetboulevard Posted June 11, 2007 Share Posted June 11, 2007 I see it more as taking my out of a large, dark room and shackling me to a tree. I can see and smell and taste and hear and feel and love the world around me, but I cannot walk, as I see others do.Am I alone in that? What a great line. I completely identify with that. I feel a sense of freedom through not wanting a sexual relationship but still want it somehow. But I'm ambivilent about wanting it. I think what's most important is that you become happy with yourself, content with who you are. But that's tough when all the while you have society as a whole (people in the park, soap operas, tv commercials) throwing sexuality in to your face like that is how you ought to live and what you ought to want. But I don't think the feeling of being chained to the tree is necessarily about desire for a sexual relationship and to be like 'everyone else'. I think that metaphor is about the lonliness you feel and that you feel trapped in that you cannot accept yourself perhaps. At least that's my perception of what you wrote. Link to post Share on other sites
komone Posted June 19, 2007 Share Posted June 19, 2007 hmm...I think I'll try that suggestion! I just finished my first year of college, and am now very sure that I'm asexual. All but 3 of my friends are sexually active, so it's hard listening to them tell me about what I'm missing and "when you do finally have sex..." I'm also super self-conscious. I'm glad you're having a great time, and thanks for sharing that advice with us! :D P.S. Have some Link to post Share on other sites
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