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The friend I recently told about my asexuality is now kind of skeptical. She’s become kind of worried (thought I’m not sure why), and is mostly being put off because the information she’s reading on asexuals doesn’t have proven “scientific” data or anything like that. I was wondering if there is any out there? Or if anyone knows what I should tell her? I think she’s afraid it’s just some bandwagon thing. She keeps insisting I see a therapist, also. I had one experience with a therapist, and I hated it. I just couldn’t talk to someone I didn’t know, and there were too many uncomfortable silences.

So, can anyone help me?

-Jenny

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It can take a while for people who aren't asexual to get their heads round the concept - maybe your friend will get used to the idea given some time.

Meanwhile, the only scientific research on the subject that's easy to get hold of is the study the Kinsey Institute did recently. A summary poster of their research can be found via a link in:

Announcements>Asexual Kinsey Reports

It's in powerpoint format, but I've summarised it and added some comments of my own, ready to post on my website (when I finally get round to revamping it), which I can send you if you can't view powerpoint files.

As for seeing a therapist, if you are happy being asexual, then there's no need. Being asexual isn't harmful to yourself, people around you, or the environment, neither is it illegal, nor a legally binding vow that you have to stick to for the rest of your life. If you have a problem with being asexual then it is up to you to deal with that, if your friend has a problem with your asexuality, it is up to her to deal with it, and not up to you to change to suit her. Ask her what she would have said if you'd told her you were a lesbian, or bi (I'm assuming she'd thought you were straight)? Would she tell you to see a therapist then? And if not, why is it easier for her to accept that, than that you might not be sexually interested in anyone?

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First off: TGS sig, very awesome. Love it. :D "I met a possum!"

Next...

You need to let your friend know that having a low (or nonexistent) drive to engage in sexual behavior does not pin you as psychologically troubled. The only reason you should have to visit a therapist about your asexuality is if it causes you personal distress to the point of not being able to function well in society.

If you were maladjusted with concern your to sexuality, then I would say, yes, seek out therapy. But not therapy to change your sexuality, therapy to help you COPE with being asexual. Under this condition only should anyone suggest therapy.

You should explain to your friend that she needs to realize only you can truly know who and what you are, no one else. If you say you are asexual, then she ought to trust your judgment in saying so, and support that. She can't know what's best for you. Just because she experiences sexual feelings does not mean she ought to expect the same of you, or of anyone.

What sort of scientific data is she looking for? I can't think of any off the top of my head, perhaps there has been some, though. But ask her why it worries her, particularly considering it's none of her concern. If there are hypersexual people in this world, then why shouldn't there be people who experience very little or no sexual feelings?

You need to be who you are. If she can't recognize that, then all her worrying is in vain, because she obviously doesn't know or care about you enough to let you be yourself.

[/rant]

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Thank you guys for responding and helping. I wrote back to my friend, sent some links and tried to reassure her that there was nothing to worry about and that I am happy the way I am, among some other things. I haven't gotten a respose yet, but I hope it helped.

-Jenny

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Worthless Poster

I have problems even with my friends who WANT to understnad... sometimes they simply just can;t. I suppose that kinda evidences that it's just the way we ARE- people who really ARE sexual can't even understand it.

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Jenny, Julie was right (as usual). Usually to define something as abnormal from a psychological standpoint, it must be deviant, dangerous, dysfunctional, or distressing. I can see maybe deviant, as asexuality doesn't exactly conform to the norms of our particular society, but meh.

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When someone says that they don't believe in something that (or someone who) is standing right in front of them it makes me think of the Native Americans. If when the first pasty, hairy, red haired and blonde people stepped off the boat the sinewy, black haired Native Americans said, 'We don't believe in you, even though you're standing right in front of us, because we've never seen your kind before...' It would be stupid. The settlers would have said, 'Well, you're looking at us now! So *raspberry*.' Just because you've never seen something before doesn't mean it doesn't exist. It just means you haven't seen it.

*once again amazed by the self-centredness of people*

In that case I suppose there are all sorts of islands that don't exist because I've never heard of them.

Cate

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Here is a better example: The scientists that exclaim "This can't be! IT IS IMPOSSIBLE!" at the sight of the living dead staggering towards them.

They'll stand there beleiving that it's impossible while the zombies pound them to death and eat their brains, while any normal person would just run the hell away :roll:

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Gorax, that is simply the best analogy I have ever heard in my whole freaking life.

-Doc

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Here is a better example: The scientists that exclaim "This can't be! IT IS IMPOSSIBLE!" at the sight of the living dead staggering towards them.

They'll stand there beleiving that it's impossible while the zombies pound them to death and eat their brains, while any normal person would just run the hell away :roll:

I've said this before Gorax

but I love the way your mind works XD

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