Charlieee Posted December 17, 2006 Share Posted December 17, 2006 This is from gURL.com (2014 Mod Edit: New Link) Dear Heather,I have a great relationship with my boyfriend. He respects me and always says the right things...but I'm not physically attracted to him. I don't think kissing him is fun at all. I don't want to lose him, but am I leading him on? How important is physical attraction?Hi.It's hard to place a standard rating on how important physical attraction is in relationships because its importance varies from person to person and situation to situation.There are many ingredients that go into relationships, including shared interests, emotional compatibility, and social aspects, like how well your boyfriend gets along with your friends and parents; physical attraction is a part of this mix.Sometimes people find that the other parts of this mix, taken together, make up for a weak physical attraction, but it doesn't sound like this is the case with you and your boyfriend. It sounds like you would prefer a platonic friendship.If that is the case, it might be best--for both of you--if you were to tell him the truth. Since you really do like his friendship, you might want to emphasize how much you like spending time with him and let him know that you'd like to resume a friendship with him when and if he's ready.He may need some time to adjust to the idea, which means not spending time with you at first, but he may eventually come to accept this idea. Or he may find it too painful to be around you if he continues to have feelings for you. That is the risk you take by leveling with him.However, think of the opportunity you will have to open up your life to new relationships and new people. Now that you know the kinds of traits to look for in a boyfriend, try to find someone who will also make your toes curl when you kiss.Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Parth Posted December 17, 2006 Share Posted December 17, 2006 Yes... they did try, didn't they? :? Link to post Share on other sites
jaybird721 Posted December 17, 2006 Share Posted December 17, 2006 *sigh* People are so... stubborn. Link to post Share on other sites
Charlieee Posted December 17, 2006 Author Share Posted December 17, 2006 "its importance varies from person to person" Doesn't that count? :D Link to post Share on other sites
M51 Posted December 17, 2006 Share Posted December 17, 2006 Yeah go ahead and level with him by telling him he is not physically attractive. I'm sure he will take that well. She needs to be a little clearer with her advice. And, well...maybe this is because I am asexual? But how does someone's looks affect whether or not they are a good kisser? Close your eyes! Link to post Share on other sites
fern Posted December 17, 2006 Share Posted December 17, 2006 However, think of the opportunity you will have to open up your life to new relationships and new people. Now that you know the kinds of traits to look for in a boyfriend, Thought she was redeeming herself here with this last bit. But then... try to find someone who will also make your toes curl when you kiss.Good luck. Yeah, no. :cry: Link to post Share on other sites
LadyPercy Posted December 17, 2006 Share Posted December 17, 2006 Well, considering a lot of people don't know about asexuality and thus might not be able to think of it as an option, I think it's not such bad advice. But it might send the girl going around looking for someone "who makes her toes curl" and never finding them and thinking something is wrong with her. Another reason for AVEN-like advocacy and visibility, no? Link to post Share on other sites
Virgo Posted December 17, 2006 Share Posted December 17, 2006 Oh, boo. If that was a try, then I'm a monkey's a-gendered uncle. Link to post Share on other sites
Charlieee Posted December 19, 2006 Author Share Posted December 19, 2006 Oh, boo. If that was a try, then I'm a monkey's a-gendered uncle. But monkeys are awesome :D Link to post Share on other sites
Virgo Posted December 19, 2006 Share Posted December 19, 2006 Oh, boo. If that was a try, then I'm a monkey's a-gendered uncle. But monkeys are awesome :D I concede that. But my point still stands. :) Link to post Share on other sites
Goonie Posted December 20, 2006 Share Posted December 20, 2006 monkey's have feelings too! Link to post Share on other sites
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