Confused Posted December 22, 2003 Share Posted December 22, 2003 OK, so being asexual means you're not sexually attracted to people i.e you don't have the need/desire to have sex with people.. right? Well, i'm a lesbian and i'd love to have sex with a girl, kiss a girl and touch a girl.. so you're thinking, no way, you're not asexual. Well, the problem is.. i've only ever had a proper crush on 1 person in my whole life (i'm 17). AND having sex with these people at the time didn't cross my mind. Now, when i think back i think, yeah i guess i would like to have sex with them, but at the time i didn't think about having sex with them. I'm getting worried because i never seem to have a crush on anyone even though i'd still like to have sex with other people (i'm attratced to their bodies.. but not them, if that makes sense).. ok, so i probably know i'm not asexual.. what do u guys think? Maybe i just haven't met the right people yet? I don't know any lesbian/bi girls so maybe that's it? I would gretly appreciate your help thanx! Link to post Share on other sites
Confused Posted December 22, 2003 Author Share Posted December 22, 2003 Oh and also.. another thing. I don't feel the need to be in a relationship. If there was no pressure from society i'd be totally fine being friends with people and wouldn't feel the need to be in a relationship (although i'd probably want to have sex). Again, maybe that's to do with my age.. i dunno :S :cry: Link to post Share on other sites
Jayann Posted December 22, 2003 Share Posted December 22, 2003 Huh. That's odd, as a close friend of mine has actually expressed similar thoughts. Especially this bit: I'm getting worried because i never seem to have a crush on anyone even though i'd still like to have sex with other people (i'm attratced to their bodies.. but not them, if that makes sense) Hmmm. *furrows brows as she thinks* Yes, that sentiment makes sense to me in its own right, though I can't say I can relate, per se, as I'm never attracted to someone physically. It's possible you may be semisexual/hyposexual. The thread on this concept may be found at the following url: http://www.asexuality.org/discussion/viewtopic.php?t=1629 I wish I had some other thoughts for you. :? Hope I helped just a little. At any rate, welcome to our little community. Whatever you decide you are, you're more than welcome to stick around and chat with us. Link to post Share on other sites
Confused Posted December 22, 2003 Author Share Posted December 22, 2003 Oh well, least there's someone in this world a little like me (your friend that is).. actually, come to think of it i've had crushes on about 3 people but not the 'omg THEY'RE SOOOOOOO GROGEOUSSSS' crush.. hmph :cry: I just don't seem interested in anyone! Thanx for welcoming me here.. i'm not sure if i belgong here because i definately want to have sex.. but everyone seems really nice! :) I don't think i'm semisexual because i get horny VERY often *blushes*. I'm hoping it's because i haven't met 'my kind of people' lol. I'm attratced to tomboyish looking females.. i don't know many so i hope it's that. I don't mean that in an offensive way.. as in it's bad to be asexual.. it's just that it'll confuse me even more. hehe. Thanx for replying though! :) I appreciate it. Link to post Share on other sites
AVENguy Posted December 22, 2003 Share Posted December 22, 2003 Hmm... What you're describing is interesting, different from asexuality but if definitely deals w/ alot of the same issues. You say that you like people's bodies but aren't attracted to people's bodies but not necessarily to them. I see no reason why you should have to be head over heels in-crush with someone to have your wicked way with them. Why can't you have sex with friends who's bodies you happen to be attracted to? Link to post Share on other sites
Confused Posted December 22, 2003 Author Share Posted December 22, 2003 Hmm...What you're describing is interesting, different from asexuality but if definitely deals w/ alot of the same issues. You say that you like people's bodies but aren't attracted to people's bodies but not necessarily to them. I see no reason why you should have to be head over heels in-crush with someone to have your wicked way with them. Why can't you have sex with friends who's bodies you happen to be attracted to? lol sorry, you've really confused me. Basically what i'm saying is i wold like to have sex with females but i haven't found many people that i would like to be in a relationship with.. or i haven't found hardly any that i have a crush on. What are you asking? *confused* lol Link to post Share on other sites
bard of aven Posted December 22, 2003 Share Posted December 22, 2003 So one area where we see a distinction that most people don't is between romantic/relationship attraction and sexual attraction. There are a lot of people here who feel drawn to other people romanticly/relationally--they want a special someone in their lives to bond with in the most intimate ways--but they are still asexual--the intimacy they desire does not include the intimacy of physical coupling. It is possible to be supremely close to another person and still have no desire interact genitally with them. It unusual to find someone you feel exactly this way about that also feels exactly this way about you, however. So it only stands to reason that the opposite is also possible: To be sexually attracted to people, to have a distinct desire to share genital interactions with specific people, with no or very little desire to be intimate with them in other, nongenital ways. Which sounds like what you are describing. Statistically unusual, perhaps, or perhaps not, I don't know. I'm guessing that there are a lot more people like you out there than there are people like us, a lot more people who are interested in sex without relationships than there are interested in relationships without sex. But hang out if you wnat and let us know how things develop. boa Link to post Share on other sites
Confused Posted December 22, 2003 Author Share Posted December 22, 2003 bard of aven, you've got it spot on. Thanx for that post. Maybe it's an age thing about not wanting to be in a relationship.. *hopes it is*. Come to think of it i suppose having a gf would be nice but i hardly fancy anyone...which i hope is down to not meeting the right people.. Sexuality is so confusing but thanx for your posts so far. :) Link to post Share on other sites
AVENguy Posted December 22, 2003 Share Posted December 22, 2003 lol sorry, you've really confused me. Basically what i'm saying is i wold like to have sex with females but i haven't found many people that i would like to be in a relationship with.. or i haven't found hardly any that i have a crush on. What are you asking? *confused* lol Why do you have to be "in a relationship" with someone to have sex with them? We spend alot of time on this board complaining about how "sex" and "relationship" always seem to be chained at the wrist, and it seems like you're running into a similar problem. When it comes to relationships worry about who your friends are, who you're emotionally compatible with and who you trust. When it comes to sex worry about who you'd have fun with/how you'de have fun and how you can be as safe as possible. If the person you're having sex with happens to also be the person you're extremely intimate with great, if not then why should it be a problem? Link to post Share on other sites
Confused Posted December 22, 2003 Author Share Posted December 22, 2003 Oh right i see what you mean. When i say relationship i mean a romantic relationship.. as in a gf. lol sorry, you've really confused me. Basically what i'm saying is i wold like to have sex with females but i haven't found many people that i would like to be in a relationship with.. or i haven't found hardly any that i have a crush on. What are you asking? *confused* lol Why do you have to be "in a relationship" with someone to have sex with them? We spend alot of time on this board complaining about how "sex" and "relationship" always seem to be chained at the wrist, and it seems like you're running into a similar problem. When it comes to relationships worry about who your friends are, who you're emotionally compatible with and who you trust. When it comes to sex worry about who you'd have fun with/how you'de have fun and how you can be as safe as possible. If the person you're having sex with happens to also be the person you're extremely intimate with great, if not then why should it be a problem? Link to post Share on other sites
cijay Posted December 23, 2003 Share Posted December 23, 2003 I think it sounds to me like you're a 17 year old lesbian. :) I used to hate it when people would say to me 'it's your age' (I'm 41) but you hit it spot on when you said that yourself. Don't be in such a hurry, 17 is not exactly the cusp of senior-citizenship :) Hopefully, you'll met a wonderful lady who is just like you. I don't have the physical feelings you have so I'm probably missing the mark by a thousand miles. I don't know what it's like to crave the sex but not want to share it but I do know that 17 is not an easy age for anyone - heterosexuals, G/L/B, asexuals alike. Link to post Share on other sites
VivreEstEsperer Posted December 23, 2003 Share Posted December 23, 2003 Hey confused, welcome. It sounds to me like you're a lesbian who just hasn't met the right person yet. and i agree with what bard said as well. Kate Link to post Share on other sites
Cate Perfect Posted December 23, 2003 Share Posted December 23, 2003 Yeah, I'm with Kate and Bard. I know it sounds condescending, but you are young. If you feel the urge to have sex, for whatever reason, then you're not asexual, though you certainly may stick around and talk to us. Cate Link to post Share on other sites
Confused Posted December 23, 2003 Author Share Posted December 23, 2003 Thanx everyone. I feel more at ease now. I had just come to terms with being a lesbian and i was getting a little confused.. i'm now reassured. I suppose i can still relate to a lot of people on these forums. I mean, i don't feel the need to be in a relationship..i think i'd prefer being single and i don't have a crush on many people.. so i'm quite alike some people here. I didn't realise there were many people who were asexual. It's certainly opened my eyes. I'm more aware of things now.. how society is all about sex and everything.. hmm. Link to post Share on other sites
cijay Posted December 23, 2003 Share Posted December 23, 2003 Every time someone stumbles in here they're surprised about how many asexuals there are..I know I was! I think there are a lot of sexual people who don't want a relationship and frankly I think people who panic at 17 that they're not IN a relationship are jumping the gun a bit. I think you're going at it the right way (a) you don't want a relationship at all (B) should you ever want one, you'll start checkin' the ladies out and not worrying that so much of the world thinks you should only be with a guy. It's none of their business! Most important thing is to celebrate who you are - to hell with them :) Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted December 23, 2003 Share Posted December 23, 2003 Most important thing is to celebrate who you are - to hell with them :) Hello Confused, I'm Tressa. And I think you should listen to cijay. :D Link to post Share on other sites
Confused Posted December 23, 2003 Author Share Posted December 23, 2003 Hey Tressa. Thanx cijay - you know what you're talking about so i'll take your advice! :D lol.. i was just worried about not having a crush on hardly anyone.. girls or guys.. but i guess i should just go with the flow.. get out and meet people, see what happens. Thanx again everyone 8) Link to post Share on other sites
orderinchaos Posted December 28, 2003 Share Posted December 28, 2003 Welcome to Aven :) And I pretty much echo what the others said. Link to post Share on other sites
Gorax Posted December 29, 2003 Share Posted December 29, 2003 lol sorry, you've really confused me. He does that to me a lot too :lol: Link to post Share on other sites
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