----------- Posted December 9, 2003 Share Posted December 9, 2003 This has probably been answered before, but can trauma have reason for one being asexual? When I was a lot younger, I did two things-- I walked in on my parents having sex (this was not fun-- I wouldn't touch their bed for a week after this) and I accidentally stumbled upon a sailor moon hentai site (this isn't as big, but I saw a picture of a vagina being fondled up close-- reminded me of an open wound to this day) Is it likely that this caused my negative association to the concept of sex, or did my forthcoming asexuality cause my negative reaction to those occurances? Link to post Share on other sites
JKReagan99 Posted December 9, 2003 Share Posted December 9, 2003 While I'll probably be yelled at for this, anything is possible. I am not of the belief system that sexuality is 100% biological, and that there are other factors, so yeah, that could have had an effect on who you are today. Then again, maybe it didn't have an effect... Link to post Share on other sites
true Posted December 9, 2003 Share Posted December 9, 2003 Possibly. . . then again, I've heard that sexual feelings will take control of your body and stuff like that. . . so if you were sexual you'd probably still have sex despite the bad experiences. . . plenty of sexuals recover from even worse incidents. . . rape, etc. But yeah, it's possible. . .what do you think? Have you ever seen a counselor about this? It could help clear up stuff and let you let go of this. . . Love and Luck!!! True Link to post Share on other sites
cijay Posted December 9, 2003 Share Posted December 9, 2003 I'd say it's very possible because there are different types of asexuals. In my case, I feel it IS biological because I don't get the feelings at all. There are also some women who aren't lesbian but because of trauma they don't entrust their bodies to men so they do turn to other women for stimulation, or become autosexual. It's not that men don't turn her on, it's just the trauma that keeps her from acting on it. So yeah, what you went through could be keeping you turned off as sort of 'involuntary choices' (if that makes sense). the main thing is how you feel about being asexual. If you wish you were sexual then either go to counselling or start reading up on it or figuring out just what it is that's keeping you back. If you don't mind being asexual then I'd say just leave it alone. You're safer from disease, from being used and from a low self-image by feeling you have to 'prostitute' yourself out in order to get friends. Link to post Share on other sites
JKReagan99 Posted December 9, 2003 Share Posted December 9, 2003 Yeah, as long as you're happy with who you are, don't go and try to change yourself. No matter if it did have an effect, asexuality still isn't a choice..., you didn't wake up one morning to say I think I'll be a, you just are. :) Link to post Share on other sites
Jayann Posted December 9, 2003 Share Posted December 9, 2003 Well...I don't know. I tend to say that trauma does not cause asexuality, it's causes sexual repression. Asexuals are not repressed sexuals, they are individuals who have nothing to repress because they just don't experience sexual attraction. Walking in on your parents, by the way, feels like the one of the worst tortures imaginable. I was not a happy camper when I had this experience, and while I was not just a little scarred by it, I don't attribute my asexuality to it at all, because I experiences no anxieties concerning sex, I just have absolutely no interest. I actually think a lot of my (admittedly unfair) resentment toward my parents being sexual beings is rooted in my asexuality, not the other way around. Link to post Share on other sites
JKReagan99 Posted December 9, 2003 Share Posted December 9, 2003 I think that underneath everything, and underneath every label we still are people. If that's all people saw, than the concept of sexuality wouldn't exist. We don't group people over most other things as much as we do over sexuality, mostly because we see other things as not important to being a person. I'm not saying biology has nothing to do with sexuality, I think it does have a lot to do with it, just I think that there is more to the picture. Also, just because something may have changed you, doesn't mean that you are repressing anything either. When people have positive things change themselves, we say they have changed, not that they're repressing something... Link to post Share on other sites
Jayann Posted December 9, 2003 Share Posted December 9, 2003 Of course we're all still just people. Names and titles are ultimately just abstractions. But my point is that I don't think sexuality is something that can be changed. If one day a heterosexual man decides there's a fella that's looking pretty good to him, we wouldn't say he's changed from straight to bi. Rather, he's stumbled across a part of himself that's always been there. The pieces are all there, but it's a matter of whether we're aware of them or not (or make ourselves unaware, as in cases of repression.) I dunno. In the sexuality debate, I'm a "nature" girl, not "nuture." But that's not saying that I'm necessarily right. With sufficient evidence of the socialization of sexuality, I could be convinced otherwise. Link to post Share on other sites
Skiddaloxx Posted December 9, 2003 Share Posted December 9, 2003 Josh, labels just save time. There are more than 6 billion people in the world, and I just don't have the time to analyze every single one and point out the single ingredients in their characters that makes them unique. Everybody is an individual, of course, but there are many many similarities between people. That's why labels are good. And everybody labels people without often being aware of. You can't like or dislike everyone. "Society" is such a big word and everybody points their finger to it and yells: Bad! but what they don't apparently don't see is that they are pointing at themselves. We are society. It's a mental construct, and like any other construct, it is based on different parts that build it up together, groups of people. I think as long as there is things like names, or language in general, there will be labels, but I don't think that's bad. I want to be able to pick what I like and what pleases me, and I demand that right for everybody. It's not labels vs. humans....labels are only a tiny part of humanity that help us co-ordinate our way through things. Link to post Share on other sites
bard of aven Posted December 9, 2003 Share Posted December 9, 2003 Is it likely that this caused my negative association to the concept of sex, or did my forthcoming asexuality cause my negative reaction to those occurances? Which came first, the chicken or the egg? The evolved together. Free advice is usually worth what it costs, and here's mine: Look at the whole spectrum of sexuality as you do and don't experience it. Catalog the things you like and don't, the things you experience involuntarily and don't, the things you enjoy doing and don't, the thing's you want to do and don't want to do. Think about all of this from the perspective of your daily experiences, not some abstract theory. Try to find concepts that define who you experience yourself to be rather than trying to make yourself fit some preexisting concept. If you think these two specific experiences maybe shaping you in a way that they should not, try to find someone you can trust to talk to about it. And give it all some time. If you are as honest with yourself as you can be, it will turn out as it should, whatever that may be. In the end, the only person who can answer your question is you, but honest friends can help you find that answer. boa Link to post Share on other sites
Gorax Posted December 10, 2003 Share Posted December 10, 2003 Drum - I highly doubt it. The very same things happened to me. I had forgotten about them until now, actually . . . Damn you :P Link to post Share on other sites
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