understated_ Posted July 30, 2006 Share Posted July 30, 2006 I get called a tease ALL THE TIME. This is because when I fancy a boy I am fine with kissing, and sometimes second base, but I don't want it to go any further, but of course by that time, if I say I don't want to have sex with him, he gets angry because he's 'all excited' and I won't allow him to do something I hate, just to make him happy..... What am I supposed to do? Every guy I meet, tell him within a minute of meeting him what I am and aren't comfortable with doing? Advice please! Laura xxxxxxxxxx Link to post Share on other sites
crazyjerseygirl Posted July 30, 2006 Share Posted July 30, 2006 sounds like what you got here is a case of mistaken identity. see, your thinking that these are boys when in fact theyre jerks (i wanted to use another word but i do my best not to curse here) my suggestion, hold out for a higher class of guy. sure you woulnt get as much action, but in our case that isnt much of a problem. Relationships with sexuals will prolly always require some sort of compromise, but not all sexuals are out there just trying to get laid. those are the guys you need to find. best of luck! TTFN Renee' Link to post Share on other sites
cijay Posted July 30, 2006 Share Posted July 30, 2006 Yes, it is a good idea if you're going to proceed with any kind of relationship to let him know. Having never been horny I don't know if this is a fair metaphor but: Say you and a friend have decided to take this wonderful trip together. It's something you have talked about and you bought everything together, even got some matching outfits because it would be fun. You laughed at each others' passport pictures, went to the travel agent and got the tickets and while you were waiting for the passports to process and 'the day' to come, you poured over the maps, planning and re-planning the day trips you were going to do. Then, the day of travel comes and you get to the airport and your friend says, "Y'know what? I really don't want to travel, I'm scared of flying, I don't want to eat wierd foods, I don't speak the language and don't want to look stupid bumbling my way around a country I don't like. I'm not as much into history as you are and I ran out of money paying for the ticket. So I think I'm just going to go home but there's nothing stopping you from going, so go and have a good time, send me a post card." And you're standing on the departure deck as your friend walks away. So, do you go or not? How about a week after you get back and show your pictures to your friend and tell him/her about your experiences and s/he said "I changed my mind. It looks wonderful and I want to go there. Let's go together." So...I don't know if that's EXACTLY what it's like but it'd be better if your friend didn't commit to the whole trip knowing all along that s/he didn't even want to go. Link to post Share on other sites
funaladanaly Posted July 30, 2006 Share Posted July 30, 2006 I don't think you're a tease if you kiss a guy but then say you don't want to go further. If you are developing a relationship with someone though, the earlier you let that person know your limits, the easier it'll be. You can bring it up indirectly, like while you're sharing your religion or morals, be like, "and I don't believe in pre-marital sex." I wouldn't say right out that you will never have sex because one, its impossible to know what you're going to feel two years down the line, and two, if you do choose not to ever have sex then before you drop that on a guy, you need to know him a little better. That's just my two cents anyways :) Link to post Share on other sites
KnightofRoma Posted July 30, 2006 Share Posted July 30, 2006 I agree with Dicerotops; you're not a tease, it's just a case of people having different expectations of a situation. However, in the case of a relationship, then it is indeed best to be fairly straight, rather than say nothing in the hope that it will somehow resolve itself. As Crazyjerseygirl suggests, maybe the best thing to do is to not get as much action, but to wait for someone better; someone who is interested in you for who you are. Best wishes, Daniel. Link to post Share on other sites
eluder Posted July 30, 2006 Share Posted July 30, 2006 hi, I also believe you ain't a tease, jerks like that try to make you feel bad or guilty to either feel better for treatin you bad or put you on a guilt trip so you will do it. Peer pressure, i think it is so stupid. I agree with the others. hold off untill you find someone who will treat you right. Link to post Share on other sites
__AJ__ Posted July 30, 2006 Share Posted July 30, 2006 tell them to shut there mouth and appriciate what they did get. you couldve kicked them in the nuts at first sight, but you didnt Link to post Share on other sites
Jordan Posted July 30, 2006 Share Posted July 30, 2006 You could try the asexual meetup mart thing. Link to post Share on other sites
devoutpower Posted July 31, 2006 Share Posted July 31, 2006 sounds like what you got here is a case of mistaken identity. see, your thinking that these are boys when in fact theyre jerks (i wanted to use another word but i do my best not to curse here)my suggestion, hold out for a higher class of guy. sure you woulnt get as much action, but in our case that isnt much of a problem. Relationships with sexuals will prolly always require some sort of compromise, but not all sexuals are out there just trying to get laid. those are the guys you need to find. best of luck! TTFN Renee' Jerks is a good way to put it lol. Link to post Share on other sites
Fayetje Posted July 31, 2006 Share Posted July 31, 2006 tell them to shut there mouth and appriciate what they did get. you couldve kicked them in the nuts at first sight, but you didnt Absolutely agreeing. :) Link to post Share on other sites
sonofzeal Posted July 31, 2006 Share Posted July 31, 2006 Mmmmm.... I have to say that I'm kind of split on this one. On the one hand, it sounds like they're trying to manipulate you into going farther than you're comfortable going, meaning they're pathetic jerks and if it was me I'd never talk to them again. On the other hand, moving into the physical side of things quickly is totally sending them the wrong signals. You don't owe it to them to do anything you don't want to, but you should be honest with them. And it sounds like you arn't doing that. If you're not going to progress past a certain line with them, tell them BEFORE getting there! Anything else IS being a tease at best, and being fundamentally dishonest at worst. Link to post Share on other sites
Face Posted July 31, 2006 Share Posted July 31, 2006 A while I would have said that you should try to find the nice guys like me but now I realise that most of them maybe expect that little bit more too. I'm still pretty sure they'd be more disappointed than angry though. But I'm not sure I'm such an authority on 'boys' anymore. Link to post Share on other sites
helana12_03 Posted August 1, 2006 Share Posted August 1, 2006 I get called a tease ALL THE TIME. This is because when I fancy a boy I am fine with kissing, and sometimes second base, but I don't want it to go any further, but of course by that time, if I say I don't want to have sex with him, he gets angry because he's 'all excited' and I won't allow him to do something I hate, just to make him happy.....What am I supposed to do? Every guy I meet, tell him within a minute of meeting him what I am and aren't comfortable with doing? Advice please! Laura xxxxxxxxxx Many females stop men at a certain stage they are not comfterble with anymore when making out++, so I dont get why the men you date get so angry. They really are jerks, I guess all they are looking for is sex. Link to post Share on other sites
DannyKitty Posted August 1, 2006 Share Posted August 1, 2006 Well, now not all of us are bad! I've had the same problem with my ex-girlfriend, though, and I am a boy! :lol: Link to post Share on other sites
helana12_03 Posted August 1, 2006 Share Posted August 1, 2006 Well, now not all of us are bad! I've had the same problem with my ex-girlfriend, though, and I am a boy! :lol: Some girls just want sex as well, and some men don't like that, the thing is that most sexual men(as I"ve heard from some of my male friends) will be considered as gays+ hurt her feelings if they don't sleep with a girl who wants to sleep with them, so they "have to" sleep with any girl who wants them even if they don't want her. That is such a stupid social norm! Link to post Share on other sites
gypsylady Posted August 1, 2006 Share Posted August 1, 2006 On the other hand, moving into the physical side of things quickly is totally sending them the wrong signals. understated_: What I got from your post is that you ARE honest with them. But I agree with sonofzeal that, if you're moving too fast (don't know if you are...), that will definitely give them the wrong impression. Many guys (especially young ones who are currently ruled by their hormones) will say they believe you when you tell them your limits, but they don't, not really. They can't imagine your feelings and needs, and they're going to assume that you're just "saying that" to be a good girl or whatever. So, if you don't want to be labeled a tease, slow way down, continue to be honest upfront and every step of the way, and pay attention to your intuition. You really will know if they believe you or are going along with things and hoping to change your mind. And BE CAREFUL! Being perceived as a tease can set a girl up to be date raped. I don't want you to end up there... Link to post Share on other sites
Snax-tan Posted August 2, 2006 Share Posted August 2, 2006 Mmmmm.... I have to say that I'm kind of split on this one. On the one hand, it sounds like they're trying to manipulate you into going farther than you're comfortable going, meaning they're pathetic jerks and if it was me I'd never talk to them again. On the other hand, moving into the physical side of things quickly is totally sending them the wrong signals. You don't owe it to them to do anything you don't want to, but you should be honest with them. And it sounds like you arn't doing that. If you're not going to progress past a certain line with them, tell them BEFORE getting there! Anything else IS being a tease at best, and being fundamentally dishonest at worst. Totally agree here. Yeah, its wrong that some guys assume stuff, but right or wrong they do. You don't have to actively exacerbate the situation :/ Well thats my opinion anyway Link to post Share on other sites
Busrider Posted August 6, 2006 Share Posted August 6, 2006 Comunication between genders is a big problem, especially if a female no is rated "maybe" and a maybe "yes", which seems quite common practice. Like all the others I suggest to make your intentions and limitations clear in the beginning. The moment when you insist on paying your drinks might be right to repeat it. Link to post Share on other sites
DannyKitty Posted August 6, 2006 Share Posted August 6, 2006 Well, now not all of us are bad! I've had the same problem with my ex-girlfriend, though, and I am a boy! :lol: Some girls just want sex as well, and some men don't like that, the thing is that most sexual men(as I"ve heard from some of my male friends) will be considered as gays+ hurt her feelings if they don't sleep with a girl who wants to sleep with them, so they "have to" sleep with any girl who wants them even if they don't want her. That is such a stupid social norm! Totally agreed, which is why I'm proud to be asexual! :) At least I'm not stupid enough to fall for that stupid norm.If a girl is desperate to have sex with me, I think she needs to get a life. :lol: Link to post Share on other sites
tulle Posted August 8, 2006 Share Posted August 8, 2006 Guys (and girls) shouldn't expect anything unless things actually get to something, if that makes any sense. Link to post Share on other sites
smellincoffee Posted August 9, 2006 Share Posted August 9, 2006 I think around second base that you should give them a little warning...so they won't run so fast to get to home base. ;) Link to post Share on other sites
Fel Posted August 10, 2006 Share Posted August 10, 2006 Yeah, honestly, I've always felt girls were the most sexually hyper, although that's probably from my past, bad experiences in relationships. The way I see it, guys are full of talk and bark. But girls, when they're serious about it, they're really serious. Link to post Share on other sites
LilMizSelfdistruct Posted September 6, 2006 Share Posted September 6, 2006 I don't think they understand how anyone could not want sex, being their drive is obviously so high. Maybe you should seek out an asexual like yourself. Don't go after people who you think might want a prize for spending time with you. That should be it's own reward. :) Link to post Share on other sites
wombat Posted September 7, 2006 Share Posted September 7, 2006 Silly Sexuals... Sex is for......well.....you guys i guess. So...just leave me alone...and....uhm....*pulls out asexual mallet of DOOM*...NO ONE GETS HURT! Link to post Share on other sites
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