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Worst responses to your asexuality


henrik

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On an online chat,

"Lol, Lee =/= a woman."

"Ehm, I have boobs and a vagina, not sure what you think 'woman' means."

"Yea, but you won't use those parts so you're not a real person."

It's stupid of course but damn, I'm less than a human being? I guess all virgins are pseudo-people? What the actual wut >.>

And from my father, "You've made it up in your head that you won't like it. You convinced yourself that sex is bad! I bet you'll go to a bar and have a one night stand just to prove to me you dislike it. You CANNOT be happy in life without sex!"

Thanks for the understanding dad.

Mom wasn't as bad though, she says she refuses to believe me unless I'm still asexual when I'm older. How old that has to be though, no idea.

Mmm, and the last really bad response I've gotten is just being straight up laughed at.

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My best friend told me that she supports me and is glad I found something I can identify with but she went on to say later on that I'm going to have to end up having sex to please my partner even if I don't like it and that it's bullshit that some guys don't desire sex because it's hardwired into their biology. Also that I should talk to someone, as in a therapist, just to work past any issues that I need to. So basically that made me feel like my sexuality or lack of sexuality is invalid and that even though she says she fully supports me she doesn't really think that I'm genuinely disinterested in sex, or that males are disinterested in sex either, which would also invalidate male aces. AND I'm offended that she thinks I need to have sex just because everybody has sex and why the hell should I not have sex, I might like it right? Fucking bullshit but I didn't confront her about it so I'm not quite sure if I should let it lie and bring it up if it gets mentioned again or if I should tell her I have a problem with it. Opinions? Advice?

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^ Go to the Older Asexuals forum, there are quite a few males you can PM for details or just ask in a topic. Just show their public responses and history there in that subforum. Also, there was one asexual married couple, who've never had sex, but sadly I can't remember their names. Also, even if male asexuality is bullshit to her, she has obviously never heard of genital amputations and other medical disorders that make libido impossible for them.

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FindingMe94, I'm sorry about your best friend's lousy reaction - that is a crappy thing to have to deal with. I bet you the topic will come up again, so I'm sure you will have a chance to say something. You might want to prepare some words for the time when it comes up, especially if it's still really bothering you. At the very least, you could let her know that she really hurt your feelings and you felt really invalidated. Good luck!

As for me, I have decided to not come out to anyone, just to avoid all these troubles!

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i've come out to a few people, with their reactions ranging quite a bit. the worst i think is from a guy who i'm still friends with but almost wasn't as a result. this was closer to when i first met him, he had been hanging out with our dnd group for a while and i could tell that he was interested in me, but only because i was female. i thought of it as a "oh hey that girl is cool she plays dnd" type of thing and nothing more. until he walked me home from a DnD session one night and confessed that he was interested in me. it scared that crap out of me but i still tried to be nice and just tell him i wasn't interested. he asked why and i told him about me being asexual because i couldn't think of a lie that he would believe. his reaction was muted, but i could tell he was very put out by it. the next day he called my best friend, who i was hanging out with that day.

his call to her cell was weirdly loud enough for me to overhear, but i just listened and said nothing until she hung up. he called her and basically ranted about my rejection, calling asexuality a bullsh!t excuse to not date him. my friend politely explained to him that asexuality is real, and that i am asexual. at which point he was very perplexed and i think he went to look it up online or something. after that he hasn't asked me about asexuality or anything like that, and we still meet at dnd night with everyone else, and we're still friends. i don't know what he thinks now about it but i'm pretty sure he's still attracted to me, which weirds me out a bit.

the other reaction i had which was bad was a female friend of mine who was asking me something about why i don't date. i explained that i was asexual to her, her reply was that "people only say that to get attention but it's not real." i haven't spoken about it since to her, although i'm still her friend. i will say that i no longer consider her a close friend because of how much that did hurt for her to say that to me.

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Mysterywriter221

"We'll get some blood tests done and then we can start hormone therapy for it." Needless to say I don't go to that ob/gyn anymore.

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