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Queer or Not Queer?


caetxln

Queer or Not Queer?   

102 members have voted

  1. 1. Is it okay to use it/identify as?

    • Yes
      85
    • No
      5
    • Not Sure
      12
  2. 2. Do you identify as queer?

    • Yes
      55
    • No
      47
  3. 3. Is it better the use it the word queer?

    • Yes
      10
    • No
      11
    • Does not make a difference for me.
      81

This poll is closed to new votes


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I found out some people are offended by the word "queer" and I know before people become more accepting to the LGBTQIA+ community it was used as an insult.So I am curious,what is your opinions about the matter? Do you think it is okay to use the term and identify as a queer if you are LGBTQIA+,do you identify as a queer? If it is why if it is not why? Is it better to use it or not,does it makes difference? 

 

 

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Salted Karamel

The only strong feeling I really have on this issue is that if someone identifies as queer, you do not say "they identify as the q-slur." If you want to refer to "queer" as "the Q-slur," that's your choice and I disagree with it but whatever. Maybe the word "queer" IS a slur for you, and that's the personal relationship you have with it in your life. Ok. Your choice and I respect it. But when specifically referring to the identity of someone else who self-identifies as "queer," I find it downright disrespectful to their identity and their right to label themselves to say that their own self-identity is a slur in that context. It is not a slur in the context of someone self-identifying as it, ever.

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5 minutes ago, Salted Karamel said:

The only strong feeling I really have on this issue is that if someone identifies as queer, you do not say "they identify as the q-slur." If you want to refer to "queer" as "the Q-slur," that's your choice and I disagree with it but whatever. Maybe the word "queer" IS a slur for you, and that's the personal relationship you have with it in your life. Ok. Your choice and I respect it. But when specifically referring to the identity of someone else who self-identifies as "queer," I find it downright disrespectful to their identity and their right to label themselves to say that their own self-identity is a slur in that context. It is not a slur in the context of someone self-identifying as it, ever.

I mean I agree,I wasn't quite sure if I should identify as it is.Because you know even self-identifying as queer might be offensive to someone who is not self-identifying as a queer because they have a bad past or whatever about it. But I chose to identify as queer because I don't really want to use any labels when I am identifying myself.

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I'm a little unsure about this LGBTQ|A+ thing. I know this community in the past has resisted the notion of an asexual orientation. I hope things have changed. There seems to be no asexual meet ups where I live but the LGBT community exists. If I attend such a meet up I hope I'm welcomed. I've never liked the term "queer". I live in a rather conservative state and remember this term being synonymous with a viciously derogatory word used to refer to gays. Perhaps someone who lacks sexual attraction to others might be a little strange, but "queer" seems to suggest there is something wrong with it.  

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Salted Karamel
1 minute ago, caetxln said:

I mean I agree,I wasn't quite sure if I should identify as it is.Because you know even self-identifying as queer might be offensive to someone who is not self-identifying as a queer because they have a bad past or whatever about it. But I chose to identify as queer because I don't really want to use any labels when I am identifying myself.

But your own identity is your right. If someone else is offended by the word that's their right too, but I don't think anyone should be referring to anyone else's identity as a slur, specifically in the context of using it as their identity.

 

I think it's a tricky concept because we've become so used to the idea that if something is offensive to one person then it's offensive absolutely and needs to be banned unilaterally. But if it's the word that Person A uses to describe themselves because "queer" has a strong personal meaning to them that they identify with, and then Person B feels offended by the word because it was used a slur against them, then why would Person B get the authority to tell Person A that their identity is Wrong and Offensive and needs to be censored so that people can't hear/read the word?

 

Would it be acceptable to say of a lesbian, "She identifies as the L-slur"? "He identifies as the G-slur"? "They identify as the T-slur"?

 

As the saying goes, "We're here, we're queer; deal with it."

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1 minute ago, Yeast said:

I'm a little unsure about this LGBTQ|A+ thing. I know this community in the past has resisted the notion of an asexual orientation. I hope things have changed. There seems to be no asexual meet ups where I live but the LGBT community exists. If I attend such a meet up I hope I'm welcomed. I've never liked the term "queer". I live in a rather conservative state and remember this term being synonymous with a viciously derogatory word used to refer to gays. Perhaps someone who lacks sexual attraction to others might be a little strange, but "queer" seems to suggest there is something wrong with it.  

I use the term "queer" for myself because I don't like really like labels and also don't have any strong opinion about label.The thing is asexuality is also part of the this community,well it might be seem like they are invisible many people acknowledges it.And also I think asexuality and sexuality should not be apart from each other. There is many people trying to tear down LGBTQIA+ community already but people who is inside of the community should not be doing this to each other.

 

5 minutes ago, Salted Karamel said:

But your own identity is your right. If someone else is offended by the word that's their right too, but I don't think anyone should be referring to anyone else's identity as a slur, specifically in the context of using it as their identity.

 

I think it's a tricky concept because we've become so used to the idea that if something is offensive to one person then it's offensive absolutely and needs to be banned unilaterally. But if it's the word that Person A uses to describe themselves because "queer" has a strong personal meaning to them that they identify with, and then Person B feels offended by the word because it was used a slur against them, then why would Person B get the authority to tell Person A that their identity is Wrong and Offensive and needs to be censored so that people can't hear/read the word?

 

Would it be acceptable to say of a lesbian, "She identifies as the L-slur"? "He identifies as the G-slur"? "They identify as the T-slur"?

 

As the saying goes, "We're here, we're queer; deal with it."

I agree on that comment. But the weird thing is people who get offended by the term queer is generally also someone who is part of the LGBTQIA+ community.Which seems odd to me.Even if you are not using it as a slur some people get it that way and gets offended by your own self-identity.I think nowadays people are just getting offended to be offended.

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55 minutes ago, caetxln said:

But the weird thing is people who get offended by the term queer is generally also someone who is part of the LGBTQIA+ community.Which seems odd to me.

It is because in some countries it was the go-to word used to shame, humiliate and hurt gay people. Where I am from it was just as hateful as f****t.

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I misclicked. I meant to vote "no" on question 1.

(I wouldn't normally make a stink about it but I just noticed this is in the Census forum and that makes it sound important and I want it to be accurate, so.)

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(Disclaimer: as a true Finn, I managed to bring Finnish and Finland into a conversation not in any way related to Finnish or Finland. It's my civil duty, I'm sorry.)

 

English isn't my first language so English words, whether they're used as slurs or not, don't hold the same power for me. But I also don't give that kind of a power to Finnish slurs. Maybe it's because they generally don't hold as much power, but even words that I consider some-what powerful like the word "whore" doesn't really affect me even if it's directed at me. It's just a word.

 

So with that in mind, I can't say I'd consider queer as an offensive word but I know some people are offended by it and maybe even for a reason. I don't use it in vain and I wouldn't call anyone queer, but I agree with iDubbbz on this, holding a word "at such high esteem is just giving it the power that you so desperately want it to not have". If you treat it as just another word it loses its power. So you can choose to be offended by words or you can choose not to be.

 

As for identifying as queer, I don't really know. I don't think I have to be queer or LGBT+ just because I'm not straight. I'm just not straight I'm asexual. I personally don't find identifying as queer or LGBT+ helpful in anyway (or not helpful) so I don't have any need for it. If someone else finds it useful or helpful or anything else then I say go for it.

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Yes, but I don't actually say it really. I completely understand how some people still see it as an insult, a slur, and I don't think those painful memories should be erased. Though, some members of the LGBT+ community have been trying to reclaim the word to mean something positive instead. So it would depend on context.

 

Kind of like how "gay" can be used as an insult, but there are people trying to make it positive instead. Though, I'm not so sure how well that compares to each other, since some words are "worse" than others and can't really be balanced. 

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It's complicated? On paper, everything points to yes, but in practice, I don't tend to call myself queer.

 

I'm neither cisgender or heterosexual, which makes me plenty queer on paper. Heck, I'm still wrestling with the possibility that I experience some kind of (likely platonic) attraction distinct from friendship that only ever seems to be directed at other men, which makes me seem even more queer. I'm even getting involved with a form of advocacy/activism using my job as a researcher/educator to help amplify the voices of trans musicians. I even crack jokes about people "smelling the queer on me" sometimes when I feel like I wouldn't blend in visiting some parts of the world.

 

In the end though, I don't know if I really feel like I can fully claim a queer identity. I'm used to queer being used as more of a sexuality term, and I personally feel like calling myself queer would make people assume that I am open to dating people of the same gender in some capacity, which feels misleading. I can't quite tell how people read me, but I tend to be pretty cis-passing and am fairly gender-conforming in presentation, so I'm certainly not that visibly queer either.

 

Granted, I like to call myself an odd bird, but that has more to do with my personality than my orientation/gender. I'm strange, but I don't think people catch that until after they start talking to me. :P

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17 hours ago, Evil said:

It is because in some countries it was the go-to word used to shame, humiliate and hurt gay people. Where I am from it was just as hateful as f****t.

... and where I live, the word has never had a negative connotation - to my knowledge. It's pretty likely that most people here don't know a thing about the etymology or that it's been used as a slur, that's why it's rather harmless, so to speak. I don't know if I would just as easily identify as queer if I lived in the States, for instance. It's a hypothetical question that I just can't answer.

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It's up to the individual. I avoid this term unless invited to use it, as I've been brought up that it's a homophobic insult, so even then I'm uncomfortable with it 

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This was an interesting topic to talk about and I am glad to hear people's opinion about it.Many people think it is up to personal choice and they don't mind if the person is using as a self-identification.But i am curious that what if the person who using the term "queer" for self-identity is using because they don't want to use the label.Like some people are like "I am gay but I am also identifying as queer." but let's say what if in a case person is saying that they are not labeling themselves other then queer.Does it make the term out of topic? Because in this case person who gets offended would be getting offended the persons own self-identity.Gender or sexuality. 

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i personally love queer as an identifier because it is so nonspecific. i can say "i'm queer" and leave it at that rather than listing all the more specific labels i identify with. this isn't to say i don't like using those more specific labels, just that they're a lot more of a hassle to list (and possibly explain) than they're worth sometimes. plus, there are times when i'm talking to someone that i'm fine coming out as queer to, but don't feel like they need to know the specifics as my identity. for example, if i'm talking about media or politics, etc., i can offer my opinion "as a queer person" without derailing the conversation with a list of labels.

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everywhere and nowhere

"Is it better the use it the word queer?" - to be honest, I can't gramatically understand this question...

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6 hours ago, Nowhere Girl said:

"Is it better the use it the word queer?" - to be honest, I can't gramatically understand this question...

Sorry I might be grammatically didn't slept that night. 

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11 hours ago, Carmilla Karnstein said:

Sorry I might be grammatically didn't slept that night. 

What did you actually mean? I couldn't figure out what you meant either so I just put 'does not make a difference for me'. 

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11 hours ago, Baam said:

What did you actually mean? I couldn't figure out what you meant either so I just put 'does not make a difference for me'. 

I meant "is it better the say you are queer than specify your gender or sexuality. " 

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5 hours ago, Carmilla Karnstein said:

I meant "is it better the say you are queer than specify your gender or sexuality. " 

Ah, okay. Since I didn't answer properly there, I might as well elaborate here. I would personally not tell someone I was queer, as it's a lot more clearer in my case to just say I'm gay. But I would definitely put 'no' here, because although the gay community has reclaimed the word, I think people should be careful in its use in respect for those who it was used against in the past. I in no way mean that as an attack against anyone here.

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Salted Karamel
23 hours ago, Carmilla Karnstein said:

I meant "is it better the say you are queer than specify your gender or sexuality. " 

Not to nitpick your English here, but since it has caused some confusion, I think what you mean to say is:

 

"Is it better to say you are queer than to specify your gender or sexuality?"

 

"To" is the word we use to make infinitives out of our verbs, not "the." (And repeating "to" before the second verb helps make the "better than" comparison clearer.)

 

Ok, carry on. :)

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2 hours ago, Salted Karamel said:

Not to nitpick your English here, but since it has caused some confusion, I think what you mean to say is:

 

"Is it better to say you are queer than to specify your gender or sexuality?"

 

"To" is the word we use to make infinitives out of our verbs, not "the." (And repeating "to" before the second verb helps make the "better than" comparison clearer.)

 

Ok, carry on. :)

Thank you,English is not my first language. 

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  • 1 month later...
Guest Jetsun Milarepa

I guess that from a cis/hetero point of view anyone who isn't cis/hetero is 'queer', but I dislike the term because it was used against gay people in a time when they could be jailed. I know that it has been reclaimed with pride by said group, but as an older person, it makes me squirm a bit.

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Platonic Underdog

For me personally, I use the word queer if I don't feel comfortable saying that I'm ace aro or just as a general statement of my orientations. However, in saying that, I understand people's distaste for the word. It's a personal thing you know? If you hate being called queer, tell me what you prefer and I'll use that term. I'll never force a label on a person just because I use it. That's not fair. But yes, I do use it for myself. I don't mind if more people use it, but I don't think that it's right to try to make the entire lgbtqia+ community to Usenet, especially those who are uncomfortable with being referred to as queer.

 

p.s apologies if I misinterpreted the questions at all or if I came off as insensitive 

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I feel like anyone who is not heterosexual can use the term if they feel comfortable. However, i personally don't because it seems to cause a little confusion for people and its hard enough for a lot of people to grasp what aesexuallity means.

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Vicky Angel

I just don't feel queer. If someone self identifies as queer, then that should be respected.   In most cases if someone self identifies as something it should be respected (the exception here is when able bodied people wear leg braces and use wheelchairs because they self identify as disabled even though there is nothing wrong with their legs or back at all, and things like that). 

 

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  • 10 months later...

@caetxln

 

This poll is being locked and moved to the read only Census archive for it's respective year. As part of ongoing Census organisation, and in an attempt to keep the demographics of the polls current with the active user base at the time, the polls will last for one year from now on. However, members are allowed and even encouraged to restart new polls similar to the archived ones if they like them.

  

iff, Census Forum Moderator

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