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Am I Demisexual?


neonsnail

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I heard of the word demisexual a few weeks ago but recently started doing some research on it and I"m not sure if I'm demisexual.

Recently I have started to question myself because I feel that I'm not normal when it comes my sexuality. I have never been in a relationship, gone on date, kissed anyone, or had sex. I have had crushes on people and do find people or celebrities attractive but I honestly don't think I have ever felt sexual attraction to anyone. I also never have masturbated because I never felt the need to or ever really thought about sex. Also when it comes to talking about sex i tend to act like a little kid and get embarrassed but that might be from my lack of experience but I'm trying to be more open about it because I feel thats the reason why my friends with boyfriends don't talk to me about it. I also never really felt the need to be in a relationship like some people but I'm not oppose to it, there are times where I would like to be in one, but I never felt like it was the most important thing. I'm not sure if the reason why I don't feel any sexual attraction is because I never been in a relationship or if its just me. I also feel the reason I never been in relationship is because i get extremely nervous when I like someone and for some reason i don't want them to know that I like them, which stops me from telling them how i feel. I also was bullied by boys, which I feel is why i have trouble expressing how i feel to guys i like because i feel they might judge me.

Sorry for writing so much I'm having a little trouble expressing myself through words since I never really told anyone any of this before. Since I finally started to really look at my self and pay attention to my non existent "love life" I thought I wasn't normal since I never had sex or felt the need for it. But once I found out about demisexual and others I don't feel like theres something wrong with me. 

 

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Hello neonsnail, welcome to the AVEN forums! Have some cake... :cake:

 

You don't seem to have much data yet to figure out your orientation. But never mind that, if demisexual feels right for you, then go with that. You can always change a label if you find something better :-) I think it's a good sign that you're questioning. I didn't until I was 47, and I'm guessing that you're somewhat younger than me.

 

9 hours ago, neonsnail said:

I'm not sure if the reason why I don't feel any sexual attraction is because I never been in a relationship or if its just me.

Well, there is such a thing as "responsive sexual desire". But don't try to get into a relationship because you hope it will change you. Wait until you find a partner that accepts you as you are. And then, if you want to, and feel comfortable about it, then is the right time.

 

9 hours ago, neonsnail said:

i get extremely nervous when I like someone and for some reason i don't want them to know that I like them

That sounds so familiar :-) Are you afraid of being rejected by someone you like? Do you feel it would make you vulnerable if they knew you like them? That they would be in a position to hurt you deliberately, if you show your feelings?

 

It's taken me decades to really come to terms with myself. And that really is the key: accept who you are, and how you are. Accept that you, like everyone else, are not perfect. Accept that opening up makes you vulnerable, and that somebody you like might turn out to be a stupid or mean person that might try to hurt you. If that happens, you'll have learned something, and can scratch that person from your list of friends. Of course that's a problem if it is a schoolmate or co-worker, who's going to be around for years. That's something you should consider before opening up to someone.

 

Accepting who you are gives you self-esteem, and that's what you need to deal with rejection. As long as your self-esteem depends on the opinion of others, you are vulnerable, and you'll feel insecure. Start with picking good friends, and opening up to them a little. Being accepted by them will raise your self-esteem. And over time, you'll see that you do not depend on others in this respect, that you can find new friends if necessary, that you are worthy. And if you open up to someone who does not appreciate you, it's their loss. Getting there is a journey, and you're well on your way!

 

As @Confused.Kitten puts it, there's nothing wrong with you. I'd even say: You are alright, just as you are. And you'll become even better with time.

 

9 hours ago, neonsnail said:

Also when it comes to talking about sex i tend to act like a little kid and get embarrassed but that might be from my lack of experience but I'm trying to be more open about it

Being more open about talking is fine. Maybe you can find some educational material for reading up on matters? But don't try to fix your "lack of experience" by having sex just for the sake of it. There are people who can do that, but from your description, I suspect you're not one of them. Take your time, and don't rush things until you're really comfortable :-)

 

All the best! :cake:

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23 hours ago, neonsnail said:

Thank you for the replies. It really helped me and got me thinking.

 @roland.o I'm 24

At about that age, a friend lent me Henry Miller's "Opus Pistorum" for reading. When he asked me about it a few days later, I blushed like never before or after. Now I'm almost twice that age, still a virgin, but not bothered by talking about sex anymore. And I even gained some self-esteem last year :-)

As I wrote, take your time. You're way ahead of me in your learning curve! :cake::D

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  • 4 weeks later...
Merry Winchester

Oh dear, this situation looks so much like mine! And guess what? I don't know what I am either, but when I asked; someone told me something that made me feel better, so today I'm gonna tell you the exact same thing: You don't need to decide your sexual orientation right away. Those things can take time and even if you decide to change it afterward it doesn't matter. Just take your time, think about it and don't rush anything. So what if you're not sure? You'll found out eventually. I'm still young and just like you my love life is non-existance, so the only thing I can do is wait. In the mean time, I've considerate myself as a demi-sexual, but I still can't say it outloud for some reason. I always add a ''maybe'' or ''I might''. But I'm sure that one day, I'll know if I'm asexual, demi-sexual or just a late bloomer and I'm sure you'll do too. 

 

Also welcome to the community :cake:

(also also, sorry if there's any spelling error, my first langage isn't english) 

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My sweet angel-face. You don't need to worry about being normal. No one is normal. The biggest weirdos I've ever met thought they were normal. And there's certainly nothing wrong with you. You're different. But perhaps you could be demisexual. If you need that strong emotional bond before feeling sexual attraction, congrats; you're demisexual. But what I'm interested in is your romantic orientation. You sort of sound like a lithromantic. I'm just getting that vibe, so if I'm wrong, call me out. But never doubt that you are valid.

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On 21. 1. 2018 at 10:32 AM, neonsnail said:

I heard of the word demisexual a few weeks ago but recently started doing some research on it and I"m not sure if I'm demisexual.

Recently I have started to question myself because I feel that I'm not normal when it comes my sexuality. I have never been in a relationship, gone on date, kissed anyone, or had sex. I have had crushes on people and do find people or celebrities attractive but I honestly don't think I have ever felt sexual attraction to anyone. I also never have masturbated because I never felt the need to or ever really thought about sex. Also when it comes to talking about sex i tend to act like a little kid and get embarrassed but that might be from my lack of experience but I'm trying to be more open about it because I feel thats the reason why my friends with boyfriends don't talk to me about it. I also never really felt the need to be in a relationship like some people but I'm not oppose to it, there are times where I would like to be in one, but I never felt like it was the most important thing. I'm not sure if the reason why I don't feel any sexual attraction is because I never been in a relationship or if its just me. I also feel the reason I never been in relationship is because i get extremely nervous when I like someone and for some reason i don't want them to know that I like them, which stops me from telling them how i feel. I also was bullied by boys, which I feel is why i have trouble expressing how i feel to guys i like because i feel they might judge me.

Sorry for writing so much I'm having a little trouble expressing myself through words since I never really told anyone any of this before. Since I finally started to really look at my self and pay attention to my non existent "love life" I thought I wasn't normal since I never had sex or felt the need for it. But once I found out about demisexual and others I don't feel like theres something wrong with me. 

Sounds just like me! I'm not really sure either

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