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Anxiety due to Asexuality in Friendships


OHno

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Hello Aven!

 

I've been long discomfored by talking about anything sexual with friends, and for a long time I couldn't figue out why. I get extremely anxious, and I feel significant pain in my chest. 

 

 

 

Does this resonate with anyone?

 

Any advice for a confused, pan-romantic, sex-repulsed asexual?

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4 hours ago, NeonSerenity said:

Today I think I've started to chip into the truth. I think that, because I'm asexual, sex is something I will never want or understand or have. And this means that they want, understand and will experience something that is very foreign to me. I think that is what causes my anxiety? The fact that essentially all of my friends have wanted something/had something that I do not want and will not have? And the idea that my friends are more likely to get what they want because the majority of people are sexual?

Doesn't that cancel itself out? I don't get the idea behind your train of thought here, tbh.

 

Your friends want sex to be part of their lives. They have some (I assume).

You don't want sex to be part of your life. You don't have any.

 

At the end of the day, both "sides" get what they want. Not wanting something in the first place would even make this easier because you (or anyone) not having sex is the default. I don't really understand how being asexual makes it any less likely for you to get what you want (no sex).

 

However I do get where you're coming from explaining your difficulties with understanding this idea that is foreign to you. I have the same with romance; it doesn't make any sense to me at all. Having seen, heard and witnessed a lot of dumb shit people do "in the name of love" makes the whole thing rather scary than anything else.

 

What helped me understand their motivation is to look at the mechanics behind it rather than the actual issue. Break it down. People do something they enjoy, an activity that gives them something no other activity can. Now why is it sex? No idea - but it doesn't matter.

I'd bet you have something similar - some activity that gives you something other activities just can't. I'd almost compare it to pushing a button inside yourself. For me it's football travels. On the other hand, I'll never get how people enjoy cooking. For you, it might be books or movies or crafting or playing with a dog or whatever, but you might never want to freeze your arse off at -10 degrees to watch a bunch of guys kick a ball around.

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