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Is He Aromantic? Am I Feeling Unrequited Love?


TaylorPawson

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We were together for 3 and a half months. And now we are broken up but still living together until our lease ends. I'm in love with a guy who might be aromantic and it's killing me inside. 

Ok so flashback to about 2 months ago. He confessed he feels like whenever he becomes friends with someone he is only doing it for personal gain, like he will uplift and support his friends and be super generous and patient but on the inside he feels guilty to expecting anything in return. I told him that's normal, we use each other for socialization, friendship, laughs, etc. and he isn't being selfish. 
Fast forward to about 4 days ago. I playfully ask him what he loves about me, and he completely blanks. He told me he wasn't even sure if he believed in love. I was devastated, and confused. He told me he adored me, loved me, and now I hear this? He explained he watched 2 marriages and several relationships between his mom and men crumble he just thought saying I love you was a means to get sex. 
I texted him today to let him know how I felt about what he said. I poured my heart and soul into it. 
He came home and we talked, and he explained he cared about me and it wasn't just about sex and I wasn't just his friend with benefits to him, it was something more, but he didn't think it was love. I cried for a good long while, then came back to him and we had a second chat. He started to cry and said he doesn't think he loves anyone, not his family or friends. Coming from a guy who has a hard time describing or recognizing his own emotions, I asked him if he felt happy around his close friends and family, if he would do anything for them, etc. He said yes. I asked him if he made them happy and they would do anything for him, etc. The answer was yes. I told him he did love his family and friends, he did care. And he realized I was right and calmed down. I asked him why he didn't think he loved me, and he said he was crazy about me when we were younger (we have known each other since we were 7) but after his stepdad abused him, his fathet ignored him for years and the situation with his mom, he stopped feeling love like he once did towards anyone. I think it he's doing it to himself to avoid being hurt again, and he wants to feel the emotions he did and thats why he tried to be with me. Our mutual friend believes he is aromantic, but I'm not so sure. He wants to feel love towards me, and did once but now he isn't allowing himself to do so. Aren't aromantics like this their entire lives?

We originally were going to sleep in seperate beds, but after the second talk he asked me to share our bed with him. I agreed. Then for some reason we cuddled and flirted and hung out, then we got ready for bed and snuggled up close, and then we started kissing and had sex. Afterwards we asked ourselves how it happened, laughed it off, kissed and he fell asleep. The next day the cycle essentially repeated, we talked and cried and I tried to find a way to get his heart to open up, but nothing came of it and we ended up sleeping with each other again. Why would he and I have sex and cuddle and all that if he really wanted to break up? Is he really aromantic like his friend suspects, or is his heart not letting him feel romantic emotions because of it being hurt so much? 

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Galactic Turtle

It might be the best idea to introduce him to the concept of aromanticism and let him do the research to come to a conclusion himself. Other than that...

 

2 hours ago, TaylorPawson said:

We were together for 3 and a half months.

... despite being childhood friends, three and a half months into something seems a bit early to confess being in love with someone. Not like these things have a time limit or something but since this guy sounds like the type who hasn't been in lots of relationships it might just be a lot happening all at once so he might feel a bit backed into a corner especially if you also live together.

 

I'd suspect he at least values you as an emotional support system and if I felt like I wasn't keeping up my end of the deal as quickly as another person in any type of relationship (romantic or platonic) I'd feel some degree of distress.

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53 minutes ago, Galactic Turtle said:

It might be the best idea to introduce him to the concept of aromanticism and let him do the research to come to a conclusion himself. Other than that...

 

... despite being childhood friends, three and a half months into something seems a bit early to confess being in love with someone. Not like these things have a time limit or something but since this guy sounds like the type who hasn't been in lots of relationships it might just be a lot happening all at once so he might feel a bit backed into a corner especially if you also live together.

 

I'd suspect he at least values you as an emotional support system and if I felt like I wasn't keeping up my end of the deal as quickly as another person in any type of relationship (romantic or platonic) I'd feel some degree of distress.

We both had really deep, loving crushes for years and then we fell out of contact for a couple of years during his hard times. We started talking again in August. He was going at his own pace with this, and he told me he loved me first, suggested moving out together, etc. I want to figure out if there is any hope of him regaining feelings for me at all... 

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