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What does this mean? Trying to figure out the whole attraction thing...


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So, as of now I consider myself to be asexual, grayromantic. Attraction as a whole is something that is very blurry to me, and I've even considered the fact that I might be quoiromantic (and possibly even quoisexual). There have been a few people that have stood out to me or caught my attention before, and I notice myself feeling different around them (I get kind of weird and nervous, I begin to focus on them and the little things they do, etc.) but I'm not sure what these feelings are and have never recognized them as being tied to anything sexual or romantic because, I don't know, I guess I just never think of things in that way (at least not consciously). 

 

Anyway, the point of this post is that I've been exploring attraction more to find out what my deal is. I've been doing this mental exercise where I try to imagine myself in situations with different people I "like" to see what kinds of things I might potentially do with them (ex: holding hands, kissing, having sex, and so on). When I actively try to imagine doing these things with other people, I can sort of get a feeling for what I would do with them. Like with certain people, when I imagine kissing them, I'm like "ew no way," but with others I'm like "okay, this could happen," even though there's no outward attraction there that I have ever recognized before (other than me feeling drawn to them in some weird kind of way). I've tried this with both boys and girls, and even nonbinary people, and I've come to the conclusion that I am more or less "attracted" (I can see us doing the *activities*) to masculine features, no matter how the person identifies themselves.

 

What does this mean? I mean I can imagine kissing and having sex with a few people that I know, but does this mean that I'm attracted to them? Is there a difference between actually outwardly feeling sexual/romantic attraction to someone, and just imagining doing something with them in your head and getting a feeling like it is something you could see yourself doing in person? Also, since I could see myself doing certain things with both guys and girls (+ nonbinary people), does that mean I'm bi/pan?

 

Sorry if this post is a little disorganized, it's kind of hard to explain my thoughts on this topic since I don't even understand what I'm talking about most of the time lol. If you have any ideas or comments on this, I'd love to hear them. Thanks in advance!

 

 

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Imagining yourself doing something doesn't always mean you'd have any desire to do so if given the opportunity. That's what "sexual attraction" comes down to: given the opportunity, would you want to?

 

The same can be said for romantic attraction. If the opportunity for a romantic relationship (short term or long term) presented itself, would you want to pursue it? Curiosity is one thing; been there, done that. But if you feel compelled to pursue something with a person to obtain a level of fulfillment, that is basically the reason we feel attraction.

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