Zombiekiller23

(Female) Body Dysphoria, PTSD, and hating doctors (advice?)

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Zombiekiller23

Ok, so this is really weird and difficult and I just kind of don’t know where else to go for this question. 

 

I’m ace and genderqueer in the sense that I’m deeply body dysphoric. I hate my breasts, I hate my genitals, I hate my very very femininine form. Recently, a friend of mine underwent a breast reduction. I want to do the same, but I also have tremendous PTSD surrounding having my agency violated by a doctor examining my genitals against my will when I was a child. Going under the knife would help my body dysphoria in one area, but I would have to consent to be naked in front of other humans (including male-bodied humans, and that makes me even more uncomfortable). Also, doctors have been telling me for years that due to a family history of gynecological problems they want me to have a pelvic exam and Pap smear. I would almost rather get shot in the face. I can’t imagine taking my clothes off without panicking, throwing up, or having to take 20 showers afterwards, but I also don’t want to drop dead of ovarian cancer. Has anyone else dealt with this? Is there anything I can do to make it so that I can take care of this body I hate because it’s the only one I have? Anything that helps other body dysphoric females take care of business that might help me not want to spontaneously combust if I see a white lab coat? 

 

Thanks.

 

Also please be kind, I’m super sensitive about this and so many people have already told me that I’m a prude, I’m ashamed, I’m a bad feminist, blah blah blah. I have a hard time and I’ve had to fight to tell myself that my feelings about my body and my negative experience with a doctor are valid and I can hate my body if I want to. I also want to keep it healthy so I can continue to pet cats and eat cake. 

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Dean.

As someone who has PTSD from other circumstances, it can be very hard to get any where close to normal with something involving what caused it, the only thing you really can do is over come your fears, it's much, much easier said then done, but if you could find a doctor you trust or have someone else you trust present, it may go a bit easier. Another thing you could possibly do is be sedated for as much as possible, that way you don't have to be aware of it, although odds are that for a fair amount of it that won't be possible

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Kumoku

I've had a breast reduction and I'm very happy with my results. The reason I had it was because the pain got to a point where I couldn't ignore it anymore. 

 

In regards to you having such a violent, negative reaction, I STRONGLY recommend talking out your feelings with a therapist. They can find ways for you to get to the point where you can at least tolerate it. The only reason girls get a gyno exam once a year is to make sure everything is "Working" as it should with your bits-and-pieces, as well as to screen for cancer. Cervical cancer can potentially be extremely dangerous, but it's also very easy for doctors to "catch" in the early phases. 

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Yato

When you go in for surgery, you wont be naked. You will simply put on one of those gown things, and get and IV. They will make sure you are comfortable (hot blankets are awesome), as they prep for the procedure, then inject the knock out drug into your IV. Next thing you know, your already bandaged up and in recovery struggling to wake up for the next 6 hours. 

 

I had surgery on my ears, where they had to put those tubes in. Was a pretty interesting experience. 

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Nowhere Girl
8 hours ago, Kumoku said:

Cervical cancer can potentially be extremely dangerous, but it's also very easy for doctors to "catch" in the early phases. 

Cervical cancer is practically unheard of in female-bodied persons who have never had sex.

Which may be partially due to the fact that most neoplasms rather affect older patients and older patients are less likely to never have had sex. But still, the risk seems to be very low. I consciously take the risk because I can't even imagine having a g. examination and SURVIVING it.

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Serran
2 hours ago, Nowhere Girl said:

Cervical cancer is practically unheard of in female-bodied persons who have never had sex.

Which may be partially due to the fact that most neoplasms rather affect older patients and older patients are less likely to never have had sex. But still, the risk seems to be very low. I consciously take the risk because I can't even imagine having a g. examination and SURVIVING it.

Cervical cancer risks are lower in virgins, but it's still a risk. If your family has a genetic disposition towards it as the OP says they do, then the risk increases. 

 

11 hours ago, Zombiekiller23 said:

Ok, so this is really weird and difficult and I just kind of don’t know where else to go for this question. 

 

I’m ace and genderqueer in the sense that I’m deeply body dysphoric. I hate my breasts, I hate my genitals, I hate my very very femininine form. Recently, a friend of mine underwent a breast reduction. I want to do the same, but I also have tremendous PTSD surrounding having my agency violated by a doctor examining my genitals against my will when I was a child. Going under the knife would help my body dysphoria in one area, but I would have to consent to be naked in front of other humans (including male-bodied humans, and that makes me even more uncomfortable). Also, doctors have been telling me for years that due to a family history of gynecological problems they want me to have a pelvic exam and Pap smear. I would almost rather get shot in the face. I can’t imagine taking my clothes off without panicking, throwing up, or having to take 20 showers afterwards, but I also don’t want to drop dead of ovarian cancer. Has anyone else dealt with this? Is there anything I can do to make it so that I can take care of this body I hate because it’s the only one I have? Anything that helps other body dysphoric females take care of business that might help me not want to spontaneously combust if I see a white lab coat? 

 

Thanks.

 

Also please be kind, I’m super sensitive about this and so many people have already told me that I’m a prude, I’m ashamed, I’m a bad feminist, blah blah blah. I have a hard time and I’ve had to fight to tell myself that my feelings about my body and my negative experience with a doctor are valid and I can hate my body if I want to. I also want to keep it healthy so I can continue to pet cats and eat cake. 

I would recommend finding a doctor that has experience dealing with trauma victims and going from there. Some of them have a lot of experience with the deep anxiety and panic associated with victims of sexual abuse when it comes to these sorts of things. I've heard from other victims that their doctors offer them sedatives during exams, to help keep them calm and offer a lot of understanding and patience. It's vital to find a good doctor that can put you at least a little at ease. Also, you can request male staff not be around, if they make you uncomfortable... it's actually not that uncommon a request and doctors understand it. 

 

For a gyno exam, you don't have to take your clothes off. You have a gown on and a blanket over you the whole time. For surgery, you will have a surgical gown on and they'll only expose the parts they need to in order to do the surgery. A good doctor will try to respect your privacy as best they can. 

 

If you feel you need to do the surgery for your dysphoria, I would recommend a psychologist to help you work on ways to become more comfortable with it before you try to move forward.  Forcing yourself before you're ready could make it harder. 

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Kumoku

Just pulling from some public health sites:

  • Cervical cancer is the second most common form of cancer for AFAB world wide
  • Mortality rate drops by 90% once caught in a screening and treated
  • It's currently estimated that 30-40% of women will develop cervical cancer at some point in their life

 

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