Spite, what do you think of it?

[Yatogami]

I consider spite to be one of the most powerful emotions, and a major driving force in society. Spite gave birth to things like justice, and fairness. Yet it is always considered "shallow" despite being one of the most powerful motivational forces in humans. There are many stories written in mythology, about people fueled by spite. While spite is usually interconnected with hatred, and leading to bad things. Spite is also connected to many good things. I wanted to talk about it, because no one ever does due to the stigma of being seen as shallow and spiteful. It is one of the lesser researched emotions, and one I tend to feel incredibly strongly.

 

I can say most of the sucessful things I've done in life, were entirely fueled by spite. I openly admit to being spiteful towards certain kinds of wrongs people have committed against me. My sense of spite, is also an incredibly strong sense of fairness, and justice. Among these being statements like "You can't do this." "You'll never do that" etc. in demeaning fashions really angered me, and I channeled that into motivation. These statements were often spoken to me as a child, but I was never a "bad" child, and I knew it. I was practically a saint compared to other kids my age. I rarely broke any rules, but my parents always made up new ones for me to break unknowingly. When I realized this unfairness, I became very spiteful. This, overtime, became a core factor of my personality. My parents said I was stupid, I went and got good grades. They said I would never graduate school, I'd go and graduate school. I would do things just to spite them, but in the end I don't think I ever really stood out on top. I got annoyed, because I wanted to piss them off, and didn't get emotional payoff for my efforts. Instead, I got successes in my own life despite not actually careing about them. People would consider this behavior "shallow" and it is, unless you always look at the big picture, where it then becomes a positive force. 

 

Today, I am not as spiteful anymore. My life has become more peaceful and tolerable. The intense anger that I've felt since I was young is still there, but since I no longer channel it through spite as much. It really just boils up, then over once in a while. Which leads me to be incredibly aggressive, and have obsessive and compulsive desires to do things right, fairly, and perfectly. I also despise being wrong, and hate admitting it. When I do realize I'm wrong, I get spiteful, but internally accept it without admittance, then prepare for the next encounter of a battle of whatever with someone. This time, with reinforced beliefs. 

 

What about you guys? Anyone spiteful, or have stories of spite?

[lazypanda]

Maybe that was the idea !!! Maybe your parents were trying to piss u off just to provoke you into doing things they wanted you to do. Its a wierd parenting style....but not too uncommon,atleast among asian parents. 

My parents always criticized me and compared me to other kids,but thats what pushed me to achieve things i would never have otherwise. It completely destroyed me self esteem...and i feel like worthless a lot of times....but they dont understand that. They tell me im being too sensitive. 

[Yatogami]

5 minutes ago, lazypanda said:

Maybe that was the idea !!! Maybe your parents were trying to piss u off just to provoke you into doing things they wanted you to do. Its a wierd parenting style....but not too uncommon,atleast among asian parents. 

My parents always criticized me and compared me to other kids,but thats what pushed me to achieve things i would never have otherwise. It completely destroyed me self esteem...and i feel like worthless a lot of times....but they dont understand that. They tell me im being too sensitive. 

Nah, my parents were just assholes. They legit just made fun of me for no reason. They thought it was funny. There was never comparisons, unless it was between my siblings and I. None of them good. Imagine growing up in Vietnam era boot camp, and you can imagine my childhood. My dad was a Nam vet and that's how he raised us. My mom didnt give a damn, and just told us to go away as she drugs etc. 

 

But as someone who turned bad things, into good things. I feel quiet accomplished.

 

I heard about Asian styles of patenting. I think it was called "Tiger moms" or something. Honestly if I was awarded for my efforts, I would have loved a Tiger mom for a parent. I'm pretty systematic, and compare myself to others all the time. I hate being anything but the best.

[Epitaph]

Never bothered with being spiteful. I personally always found it useless. Waste of energy and time. Clouds your judgement and leaves you open to being manipulated. It can make you stubborn or blind to the point of stupidity and it's got ties to so many other negative emotions that before you know it spite turns into something else and backfires on you. Everybody has their own ways of accomplishing things, but I think some of them just add unneccessary hassle to the process. Plus I have no faith in people and nor will I trust them not to screw up using something like spite productively.

 

It's basic psychology with parents like yours. You either would have ended up taking after their image and turning into a mirrored picture of them, or you would have gone the opposite direction which it sounds like you did. If you didn' have crummy parents, you might not have needed spite to tug you along to get were you are. But people are adaptable. They'll use what they have on hand to manage. Whether or not it's a good thing, only results and time can truly tell.

[Guest Jetsun Milarepa]

I think spite (amongst some other traits) is a blooming waste of energy! Get up, get on and live your life, that's all.