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I’m confused...


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Hi I’m new here and just got into a relationship not too long ago and I’m sort of questioning myself. I don’t know the best way to explain it so I’ll say some background I guess.

When I was about 16, I started questioning myself and why everyone else talked about sex and had sex and would say how great it was, but I never really cared about it and was confused as to why I never felt the want or need to have sex with anyone. I thought that maybe I just needed to have sex to understand everyone, so I did it. I hate it. I thought it was the person that made it feel wrong so i tried with another person and it still didn’t feel.. good? Right? I wasn’t happy.

After that I pushed it to the back of my mind and just never thought about it again. I never tried to actively date some money either because I didn’t care too.

Now I’m 20 and found someone I like and have gone out with them for a bit and I’m happy, but whenever we kiss I feel disgusted with myself and I feel bad for feeling this way because he did nothing wrong but I feel so grossed out to the point where I would break down in my car because I feel so guilty. Holding hands and the occasional hugs are fine, but anything beyond that I just want to curl in on myself and get away.

i really just don’t understand if I’m ace or what. I have no idea what’s going on or how to feel about the whole situation. I’m also scared to label myself as something if I don’t fully understand it

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Hi and welcome!

Aceness is a bit different for everyone and no two people experience it quite the same way. It's defined purely by a lack of sexual attraction to others and thus you can have people who enjoy sex and people who are sex repulsed under the ace umbrella. Sometimes labels help and sometimes they don't. It's up to you whether or not ace is the label you wanna go with but no rush! 

If you want an outsider's opinion, from your description I do think you fall on the asexual spectrum. (You can be ace and chill with romantic cuddles and stuff if that was a worry). It's also something that you should probably discuss with your partner at some point in the future. You don't have to mention asexuality if you don't want to, just talk to them about how certain stuff makes you uncomfortable. Communicating this to them will be good in the long run and will help you figure out your comfort zone with each other. 

You've definitely got people here who relate and can help try to figure stuff out. 

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On 1/12/2018 at 2:56 AM, Sashaye said:

I’m also scared to label myself as something if I don’t fully understand it

Labels for me are like trying in cloths if you like it you keep it if u don’t then return it. You do sound really ace like my species of aceness actually !

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