I’m (possibly) Ace?

[C.M.Pancake]

Hi, I guess. 

I’m kinda new at this, so bear with me.

 

First of all, my name’s Ciara, I’m a female in my teens. I’ve been wondering if I’m asexual for quite a while at this point, but I’m unsure. 

 

You see, the idea of sex repulses me. It’s just... ew. I don’t feel any desire to go anywhere it and also generally don’t find anyone attractive. Well, I can see the fact that they are absolutely gorgeous, but other than that nothing.

Right, sounds like I’m ace. But...

 

I get these kind of random intrusive thoughts where it’s like “what if I just randomly kissed this person now?” or “what if this person was naked?” when in reality I don’t want to do that.  These confuse me because they sometimes happen around random people in the street and sometimes around my friends. It’s just kind of a random thought and then guilt (and sometimes worry because I have a strange fear of mind-reade) but I’m not sure why I think it. Am I attracted to them? Am I just curious?

 

Also, sometimes I have this weird feeling, and I think “maybe this is attraction?” But I’m alone... In my room... staring at the ceiling... So this feeling thathappens randomly and frequently, and I dont think it’s connected to a person either because I can be doing homework and then woop there it is. I know this much, I’m not sexually attracted to my maths book.  It could just be bladder problems which I should get checked out. 

 

I’m really confused and I’m scared to say I might be ace just in case I’m wrong. Does anyone have any clue? Thanks!

[OpenAce]

Welcome to AVEN  

 

Fellow teen here...

 

yep, I also have absolutely no desire for sex (I'm somewhere between repulsed and averse), though I can appreciate someone aesthetically.

 

I have OCD, and particularly last year, maybe the year before, I had a lot of intrusive thoughts about sexual/romantic things, I realised after a while that it was the OCD, and not me actually saying that. Therefore, I still felt ace- I had no attraction, just intrusive thoughts.

I'm not saying that's what happening to you, but if they're thoughts and still not attraction then you can still be ace.

 

It's fine to be confused, there are still days now where I wake up and feel the need to reevaluate (think about how I feel)  just to make sure i'm still aroace.

If Ace suits you now you can use it. I always say that sexuality is fluid- it can change, if I wake up tomorrow able to experience sexual attraction then I'll change what I identify as- but that doesn't mean that me identifying as ace for the past 8months was wrong.

[Xenobot]

Intrusive thoughts, to a degree, are a normal part of human psychology. They are usually about the thing we least want to do in reality. People who tend to be more anxious may experience intrusive thoughts more frequently. I get intrusive thoughts about hurting my pets, which feels horrible. If you have these sudden random thoughts and afterwards think “no way, I don’t want to do that,” THAT is the genuine feeling, not the intrusive thought.

 

As for suddenly getting a weird, potentially sexual feeling in the middle or math homework and referencing your bladder.... are you perhaps talking about feeling a building pressure in that area? That just sounds like spontaneous arousal, honestly, which is totally normal, especially during teen years when your hormones are going wild. If it’s not directed at anyone, that doesn’t sound like attraction.

 

So, basically what I’m saying is, neither of those things are evidence/proof that you’re not asexual.

[C.M.Pancake]

Quote

7 minutes ago, OpenAce said:

Welcome to AVEN  

 

Fellow teen here...

 

yep, I also have absolutely no desire for sex (I'm somewhere between repulsed and averse), though I can appreciate someone aesthetically.

 

I have OCD, and particularly last year, maybe the year before, I had a lot of intrusive thoughts about sexual/romantic things, I realised after a while that it was the OCD, and not me actually saying that. Therefore, I still felt ace- I had no attraction, just intrusive thoughts.

I'm not saying that's what happening to you, but if they're thoughts and still not attraction then you can still be ace.

 

It's fine to be confused, there are still days now where I wake up and feel the need to reevaluate (think about how I feel)  just to make sure i'm still aroace.

If Ace suits you now you can use it. I always say that sexuality is fluid- it can change, if I wake up tomorrow able to experience sexual attraction then I'll change what I identify as- but that doesn't mean that me identifying as ace for the past 8months was wrong.

Thank you! I sure hope this is how you reply, I hardly ever use forms. Actually, the OCD think makes sense for me because I tend to show a lot of the symptoms (obsessive checking, panic, performing random rituals to prevent the zombie apocalypse, looonnnggg story, etc). I dunno. 🙃

Also the end part was oretty reassuring, so even if I get it wrong it’s not like I’ve been lying to myself this whole time. 

 

[C.M.Pancake]

Quote

8 minutes ago, Xenobot said:

Intrusive thoughts, to a degree, are a normal part of human psychology. They are usually about the thing we least want to do in reality. People who tend to be more anxious may experience intrusive thoughts more frequently. I get intrusive thoughts about hurting my pets, which feels horrible. If you have these sudden random thoughts and afterwards think “no way, I don’t want to do that,” THAT is the genuine feeling, not the intrusive thought.

 

As for suddenly getting a weird, potentially sexual feeling in the middle or math homework and referencing your bladder.... are you perhaps talking about feeling a building pressure in that area? That just sounds like spontaneous arousal, honestly, which is totally normal, especially during teen years when your hormones are going wild. If it’s not directed at anyone, that doesn’t sound like attraction.

 

So, basically what I’m saying is, neither of those things are evidence/proof that you’re not asexual.

Thank you! I love science like that, makes my feel better.

The info on intrusive thoughts was really insightful actually. I never knew they were what we least wanted to do. I just always thought I had a homicidal lil guy living in my brain. And yeah, the feeling is pretty much like that, and I’m glad I can put it down to hormones. Man, those things suck. 

Thanks again and I hope my reply wasn’t annoying or anything!