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Confused, please help


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Hello, I’ve never been on a site like this before but I have looked and can never seem to find anyone who shares my problem. 

So I am in college and have had my first kiss here ( which was a peck) and I didn’t feel anything. I liked the guy I was seeing and felt good around him but never had a sexual drive toward him. One night we were just laying together and I closed my eyes, he turns over and asks for a kiss, what I do is turn the other way and say I’m too tired. This was before our first kiss. When he did kiss me it was very awkward and lasted a second or two. The only thing I could think of is “well at least I got my first kiss over with it has to get better”. A few days later he starts to see someone else. I try to tell myself to get out there and just go for it but it never works. I am a very outgoing person and have many guy friends who are attractive but I can’t see myself with them. I started to see another guy about a month later and the same thing happened, he asked me on a dinner date but I changed it to the movies last minute. The entire night I was dreading having to kiss him and we ended up not doing anything. About 2 months pass and the “farthest” thing we did was sleep in the same bed. When we finally kiss it was so weird and uncomfortable that I barley remember it. I always think about having a boyfriend and getting to the stage in the relationship where things feel normaI, but I can’t actully get there. I want someone to be with me but just to cuddle and be there, I don’t want to kiss or have sex, it actually seems like the last thing in the world I want to do. I am attracted to guys but just because of looks and personality. I don’t know if I’m asexual or just haven’t found the right guy. If you have any ideas as to what this is that would be much appreciated. 

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25 minutes ago, Brightsun said:

I am attracted to guys but just because of looks and personality

This is pretty much exactly how I feel, I've never kissed anyone or been on a date, but I'm platonicly and aesthetically attracted to guys (some girls, but mostly guys).

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To me it sounds like there is a very high possibility that you are asexual. The whole "haven't found the right guy" trope is something that isn't true for everyone. The relationship you are defining as one you hope for is one I can see for myself as well, I think some people call them "platonic" relationships (I might be getting the term wrong, not enough research). The relationship is less romantic in the way of kissing and more focused on being a step above friendship.

 

If you feel comfortable using the term asexual then do so, if something changes and you find something new about yourself there isn't any problem with redefining yourself.

 

Edit: Oh and welcome to AVEN! Have some cake.

Image result for cake

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the stage in a relationship where things feel normal? two strangers ain't ever going to seem normal to each other, mate.

 

I would suggest you go get yerself some cake in the welcome lounge, you'll feel better.

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