Amy94 Posted January 9, 2018 Share Posted January 9, 2018 So, hello I just joined Aven two minutes ago. I'm twenty-three and I'm asexual, but I haven't come out, mainly because I'm worried about having to explain the term and all the confusion in general. Has anyone else been in this situation, and if so, what did you do??? 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
AndrewT Posted January 9, 2018 Share Posted January 9, 2018 Hi, I'm 38 and have yet to tell anyone. Some i will never tell, others probably. I'm still coming to terms with myself and finding where i fit. Granted that is probably of no help to you. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
FerlynnGoldbeard Posted January 9, 2018 Share Posted January 9, 2018 The first thing to remember, you don't have to come out to everyone. It isn't all or nothing. You can choose who you come out to and when you do. To the people who I've come out to, I just said it straight out when there was a lull in the conversation. Patience was key. Most people haven't heard of asexuality outside of biology class. Some of my friends knew what it was and their reaction was, "Oh that actually makes a lot of sense for you." Other people had no idea and had tons of questions, which is where the patience factor comes in. It was easy to get annoyed when they didn't understand it right away or I was explaining the exact same thing ten times to them. If you have trouble explaining it or just don't want to, there are plenty of asexual specific coming out videos on youtube that you could send to people. Here's a link to one of the videos that I've sent to people. The worst people, which are the minority, are the deniers. I've had a few people say that I needed to get my hormones checked or that I was just a confused lesbian. They did mental back flips to try and deny my asexuality. And those are the people that you just have to ignore. Luckily, most of the people that you're probably coming out to won't care or if they do care, care because they care about you and want the best for you. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Amy94 Posted January 9, 2018 Author Share Posted January 9, 2018 I'm not sure if I even need to/ should come out, it never really comes up with family or friends. I'm not sure if any of my relatives (including parents) know the definition of asexual. I was watching Brooklyn nine nine, and in the episode where a character comes out as bisexual (I won't say who, just in case) I watched it with my mum and she said "oh so she's gay" So I'm not sure if telling people will just cause more confusion, so maybe it's better not to say anything??? Quote Link to post Share on other sites
AndrewT Posted January 10, 2018 Share Posted January 10, 2018 59 minutes ago, Amy94 said: So I'm not sure if telling people will just cause more confusion, so maybe it's better not to say anything??? I think only you can answer that; however, I plan on telling other people only when it becomes relevant, needed, or helpful, if that makes sense 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Kylocks Posted January 10, 2018 Share Posted January 10, 2018 I'm pretty out about my aceness and I've noticed a couple things that tend to happen when I tell people. One is that most people don't know what asexuality is so you'll need to explain it, and even after explaining some people still won't get it. I'm pretty certain my parents still don't quite fully get it even though I explained it as best as I could. Sometimes that happens. Sometimes people will ask follow up questions though, or ask if it's a problem with hormones or something. If that happens I try using a comparison to doughnuts*. It's not by any means a perfect comparison, but it usually helps get the point across. Feel free to use it (and substitute other foods and the like) if you feel like it'd help. *Some people like glazed doughnuts (heterosexuals). Some people like chocolate doughnuts(homosexuals). Some people like both(bisexuals). Some people like ALL doughnuts no matter what(pansexuals). Some people might like the doughnut, but ONLY if it's their favorite kind of doughnut in the whole world (demisexuals). Some people might enjoy the doughnut if they take a bite, but never have any cravings whatsoever for doughnuts (asexuals who enjoy sex but don't seek it out or think of it normally). And some people just don't like doughnuts (asexuals who don't like sex). 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
StartedWithAQuestion Posted January 10, 2018 Share Posted January 10, 2018 I haven't come out to anyone yet, and given I have a semi-decently public profile, I'm not sure how comfortable I am coming out to the world, so for me it will probably be moreso to close friends or people who are constantly in my circles. For those who know me, they are aware of how open I am about a lack of desire for sexual relations, or relationships in general, and for me I imagine I can those already known personality traits as a way to explain it. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Chimeric Posted January 10, 2018 Share Posted January 10, 2018 Without invalidating anyone's experience, I've never felt the need to come out to anyone about my sexual orientation (I'm bi) unless it was pertinent to my relationship with them. Who you do or don't sleep with is the business of you and the person you are or aren't sleeping with, in my opinion. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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