A_Osmyde Posted January 9, 2018 Share Posted January 9, 2018 So someone was once again making a suggestion to me about someone I should date, and it got me thinking about how frequently I actually like people. I understand that when most sexuals feel attraction, it's not just sexual attraction, and afaik they find people attractive fairly frequently (in my experience, on the order of 1/10 potential suitors they know, and might comment on strangers a couple times a day). I thought that even though I lack sexual attraction, it would still make sense that I would find a similar number of people attractive in some other way--but that couldn't be further from the truth. I only find maybe 1/150 people I know cute or whatever, and maybe one person catches my eye every few months (I'm not very observant about people when walking around). Is that normal for a heteroromantic ace? I'm 21 at this point and have only had two big crushes, and a handful of people I've appreciated the appearance of, but not much more. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted January 9, 2018 Share Posted January 9, 2018 I think that makes us gray-romantic? I'm very, very rarely romantically attracted. I can count the number of times I've had crushes on one hand. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted January 9, 2018 Share Posted January 9, 2018 That's normal, don't worry. Everyone who is romantic does indeed experience romantic attraction. The frequency has nothing to do with whether or not if you're gray-romantic. Gray-romance is more like being within a gray area -- that is to say, being unsure of whether or not you romantically love someone or nah. Link to post Share on other sites
Jordikatte Posted January 9, 2018 Share Posted January 9, 2018 Totally normal. Everyone experiences attraction differently. I think I will find someone that makes me go "hey..." maybe once a month. However, that is probably only for a split second and then I move on. It is more of a, "you're very striking and I recognize something about you that is different and I notice" but isn't really much more than that. If you can call that attraction, then that is my answer. "Cute" is a definition I would use when something is aesthetically pleasing. That could be the same way you find a flower pleasing, though. How often do I find someone attractive? Not often at all. I'm in my 30s and I can count on one hand the number of crushes I have had. I can also count on one hand the number of relationships. 1 of them was just because I thought I had to have a relationship to be "normal" and had nothing to do with attraction. 2 minutes ago, Wish Bear 🌠 said: I think that makes us gray-romantic? I'm very, very rarely romantically attracted. I can count the number of times I've had crushes on one hand. I suppose this depends on if you are trying to assess if you are aromantic or not. Personally, as I said, I can count on one hand the number of crushes I have had, but I don't consider myself a/gray romantic. I have the potential to feel romantic attraction as a biromantic regardless of how frequent/infrequent it is. You are really the only one who can put a label on that. Either way, you're totally "normal". Link to post Share on other sites
lazypanda Posted January 9, 2018 Share Posted January 9, 2018 Way too often for my own good. And they are always directed at fictional guys or celebs,so its never reciprocated and leaves me feeling like a dumbass. Link to post Share on other sites
ben8884 Posted January 9, 2018 Share Posted January 9, 2018 Hmmm how often do I get crushes? Lots. How often have I wanted an actual relationship with anyone? Maybe 3 times in my life and to be honest I dislike feeling that way. Link to post Share on other sites
skyedive Posted January 9, 2018 Share Posted January 9, 2018 I go "oh, hey, that person is cute/hot/attractive." a fair bit. I also go "oh, hey, that tree looks amazing in this light." or "I love the way the fog lies in that valley." a lot. It's pretty much the same thing to me. Every now and then there'll be someone (almost always a fictional character) I'll obsess over a little for a while. I don't really consider those crushes though. And about once every few years I'll meet someone who I really enjoy spending time with and who gives me that fluttery feeling in my stomach when I think about them. That still doesn't mean I'd actually want a relationship with them though. I don't know if there's such a thing as normal, or what normal would look like. But what you describe definitely sounds familiar to me. It's always baffled me how other people seem to crush on someone else every week and change partners more often than I change my toothbrush while the concept of wanting someone was completely alien to me. Link to post Share on other sites
DayDreamer~ Posted January 9, 2018 Share Posted January 9, 2018 I develop small crushes that don't last long, or at least I think it's just aesthetic attraction towards a lot of people. ('Appreciation of beauty' is apparently a trait of mine.) Romantic feelings occur less frequently. I've only had one longer term relationship and one shorter relationship- when the romantic feelings are there though, they're intense. I tend to withhold allowing myself to have romantic feelings towards another person unless I feel there's compatibility for a future there, since I don't just date for the heck of it. Simply put, as far as I can tell I don't experience romantic attraction towards many people- only those I start to become closer to after initial discussions. I develop aesthetic crushes rather frequently, but true attraction comes more rarely. I would definitely consider what you said is normal. I don't think the frequency of attraction makes it any more or less valid. (: Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Deus Ex Infinity Posted January 9, 2018 Share Posted January 9, 2018 Never to very very rarly (demigrey-A). Link to post Share on other sites
Euna Posted January 10, 2018 Share Posted January 10, 2018 I used to have many, many crushes, some pretty serious, some not. Nowadays, just randomly and not that often, but I don't meet many new people. Link to post Share on other sites
Hinabi Posted January 10, 2018 Share Posted January 10, 2018 Mhhh I had maybe 3 real crushes in my life, where I just couldn't stop thinking about the person and how great I thought they were😅 Though I normally just walk around, totally oblivious to "attractive" people, if you know what I mean😅 Those 3 crushes all developed the same way: The guy smiled at me and I was like "darn it, please no"😂 it didn't even mean, that I wanted a relationship with them, but just spending time with them or texting with them already made me absolutely excited. So I think, that your situation is not uncommon Link to post Share on other sites
Bibus Posted January 10, 2018 Share Posted January 10, 2018 Often. Aesthetic attraction. If something is beautiful according to my taste, be it a person, a drawing, or an event in nature it's simply pleasing for my eyes and mind. Attraction of the romantic kind was only ever there when I already knew a person at some point and we've already shared a bit of our lives with each other. Except for two times I believe. There it already started with an undeniable need to get to know them, completely, be close to them, write them stupid songs etc even though I didn't know them at all, I guess it was their vibes, making it easy finding them interesting in a romantic sense without knowing who they are. Link to post Share on other sites
GRexCarolinii Posted January 10, 2018 Share Posted January 10, 2018 romantic attraction? somewhat rarely? Like maybe... once a year, or sometimes even less than that I know I'm also... a bit weird in that it has to be someone new? As in... I can tell very quickly whether I will crush on someone, and once I know I won't, I won't ever crush on them celebs/fictional character crushes are a bit more common; but I find that's a different experience anyway. With them there's just this kinda... impossibility to it so I don't get as invested, but enither do I get as hurt. Tis far more pleasant Link to post Share on other sites
Mirari Posted January 11, 2018 Share Posted January 11, 2018 I do not experience romantic attraction very often, but when I do, it's often really strong and lasts long; my first crush lasted five years, and my second lasted two. My third is one I'm still experiencing I've never had celebrity or fictional crushes, and I've only had three crushes in my entire life. Link to post Share on other sites
lazypanda Posted January 11, 2018 Share Posted January 11, 2018 57 minutes ago, Mirari said: ; my first crush lasted five years, and my second lasted two. My third is one I'm still experiencing Whoaaaaa....thats a long time !!!! My crushes last to a maximum of 18 months. Thats pretty logical actually....given that the honeymoon period ends about that time....and whatever high you experience out of the crush begins to wear off. 59 minutes ago, Mirari said: I've never had celebrity or fictional crushes, Consider yourself lucky !!!! Celeb crushes are torture. You want to be with someone so much but they dont know u exist(or they dont exist,in case of fictional people) . Its terrible and you feel really stupid afterwards. Link to post Share on other sites
lazypanda Posted January 11, 2018 Share Posted January 11, 2018 I see the only people who have fictinal/celeb crushes here seem to be female . Is it that men dont have celeb crushes? Are females so brainwashed with love and "happily ever after" ever since we are kids, that we seek to have a fictional relationship to compensate for our lack of real relationships ? This seems really interesting..... Link to post Share on other sites
Haze. Posted January 11, 2018 Share Posted January 11, 2018 I’ve had only two major crushes, but I consider myself generally normal/healthy in that regard. My first one was five-ish years (we ended up dating for a year before he broke up with me), and the second one is ongoing and started about two years ago. There have been several times that I’ve just thought “I would date them.” *shrug* But I wouldn’t consider those crushes. Link to post Share on other sites
A_Osmyde Posted January 11, 2018 Author Share Posted January 11, 2018 6 hours ago, lazypanda said: I see the only people who have fictinal/celeb crushes here seem to be female . Is it that men dont have celeb crushes? Are females so brainwashed with love and "happily ever after" ever since we are kids, that we seek to have a fictional relationship to compensate for our lack of real relationships ? This seems really interesting..... Guys can have them to. I haven't experienced it, but I know there are guys who daydream about certain swimsuit models or actresses. I guess in that case it's usually more lust than a crush though. But then there's all those who crush on anime characters. Link to post Share on other sites
Nylocke Posted January 16, 2018 Share Posted January 16, 2018 Only twice in my life and those were both after much time has past. Of course that's only in reference for people in real life seeing as to the fact there's a comment about fictional characters right above me (; Link to post Share on other sites
PurpleFlower Posted January 18, 2018 Share Posted January 18, 2018 On 9.1.2018 at 4:13 PM, skyedive said: I go "oh, hey, that person is cute/hot/attractive." a fair bit. I also go "oh, hey, that tree looks amazing in this light." or "I love the way the fog lies in that valley." a lot. It's pretty much the same thing to me. That sounds like me Link to post Share on other sites
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