astackofalpacas Posted January 8, 2018 Share Posted January 8, 2018 Hi everyone, I'm afraid I'm new here, so I'm not 100% if this is in the correct topic - after a cursory perusal around, it appears to be, but if there's a more suitable place I've overlooked, I can only offer my apologies! I'm currently in the process of questioning whether or not I'm asexual (and if I'm not, if I fall on the spectrum at any point). To provide a small degree of context, I'm a 24 year old male, with no romantic or sexual experience whatsoever. Whilst I do have some form of libido, albeit a very low one, I'm aware that having a libido and being asexual is not mutually exclusive. Sexual intimacy isn't something that is of a particular interest to me, but under the right circumstances (ie, relationship with the right person etc) then I'd like to think I'd be more open to the possibility. That said, non-sexual forms of intimacy (cuddling, kissing, etc) seems to be what I'd like, rather than sexual contact. I'm not outright disgusted by sex, but equally I think I could quite easily go without it my entire life. Whilst I do find girls attractive, and can quite easily form crushes, the idea of sexual intimacy with them never seems to cross my mind. I'm not sure if it's romance that I'm more interested in, it feels like I'm just trying to have some degree of intimacy in my life. However, the obvious issue is that most people aren't asexual, so would be expecting sexual contact at some point, and I just don't know if I'd ever be interested in that. If anyone else has experienced/is experiencing similarly conflicting feelings, I'd love to hear from you - it'd be nice to know I'm not the only one confused by everything! In all honesty, my thoughts and feelings are a bit of a tangled web which I'm still trying to navigate, but being able to put the thoughts to paper, so to speak, is rather liberating, so hopefully you'll begrudge me my disjointed post! 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Snao Cone Posted January 8, 2018 Share Posted January 8, 2018 Hi there! There are a few points I'd like to address for you. 20 minutes ago, astackofalpacas said: Sexual intimacy isn't something that is of a particular interest to me, but under the right circumstances (ie, relationship with the right person etc) then I'd like to think I'd be more open to the possibility. It seems like you'd have to live through it to know it. That's not uncommon. You may find that a switch to want sex for intrinsic reasons turns on when you are with the right person with whom you have a close emotional bond. That's demisexuality - but many people who are demisexual didn't know until they were in that situation. You can't really assume this applies to you until it happens. 22 minutes ago, astackofalpacas said: I'm not outright disgusted by sex, but equally I think I could quite easily go without it my entire life. Many asexual people feel this way. Some people, like myself, are sex-indifferent - meaning the idea of sex doesn't repulse them, but gives a definite "meh" feeling. There are some sex-favourable asexuals who will have sex with a partner to meet that partner's needs, but can go their entire lives without it as it's not an intrinsic need of theirs. Like with demisexuality, you might need to go through this experience to really know. AVEN is a great place for you to work through the thoughts you've expressed here. You don't need to know everything about yourself right off the bat. As you go through life, you will have new experiences that might change hoe you view yourself, and we are happy to provide support along the way. 4 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
TheAP Posted January 8, 2018 Share Posted January 8, 2018 Welcome! Yes, this is the right place. If you have no interest in having sex, it sounds like you could be asexual. It's possible for asexuals to be open to the possibility of having sex with the right person - they just don't have any intrinsic desire for it. 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
astackofalpacas Posted January 8, 2018 Author Share Posted January 8, 2018 8 minutes ago, Snao Cone said: Hi there! There are a few points I'd like to address for you. It seems like you'd have to live through it to know it. That's not uncommon. You may find that a switch to want sex for intrinsic reasons turns on when you are with the right person with whom you have a close emotional bond. That's demisexuality - but many people who are demisexual didn't know until they were in that situation. You can't really assume this applies to you until it happens. Many asexual people feel this way. Some people, like myself, are sex-indifferent - meaning the idea of sex doesn't repulse them, but gives a definite "meh" feeling. There are some sex-favourable asexuals who will have sex with a partner to meet that partner's needs, but can go their entire lives without it as it's not an intrinsic need of theirs. Like with demisexuality, you might need to go through this experience to really know. AVEN is a great place for you to work through the thoughts you've expressed here. You don't need to know everything about yourself right off the bat. As you go through life, you will have new experiences that might change hoe you view yourself, and we are happy to provide support along the way. I'd never come across demisexuality before (literally had to google it, that's my level of naivety on the subject!) but it's somehow reassuring to know that there's terminology to better fit how I feel, so thanks for that. Obviously, as you say, I can't classify myself as demisexual until I know how I'd react when the situation presented itself, but it's nice to know that there are people who may be feeling in a similar way. I agree, I probably do need to experience these things to fully understand myself and how I truly feel about everything, and therein lies the problem! I welcome the support on the journey, though, so thank you 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted January 10, 2018 Share Posted January 10, 2018 Hello, astackofalpacas, I am also new around here, although not new to the notion of asexuality. What you describe in your post seems to be very truth for me too (whith the genders reversed). Especially that bit for preferring non-sexual forms of intimacy rather than sexual contact. I really can relate to that. I mostly think of myself as a demisexual. I can't know for sure, but who needs to "know for sure". I hope that I'll be able to have a relationship but I've decided to be very honest from the beginning. It will be hard but vital for both parties. And you're right - writting here is liberating! Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Homer Posted January 10, 2018 Share Posted January 10, 2018 May I just chime in to appreciate your username Welcome to AVEN Quote Link to post Share on other sites
gisiebob Posted January 11, 2018 Share Posted January 11, 2018 On 01/08/2018 at 11:21 AM, astackofalpacas said: I'd never come across demisexuality before (literally had to google it, that's my level of naivety on the subject!) but it's somehow reassuring to know that there's terminology to better fit how I feel, so thanks for that. Obviously, as you say, I can't classify myself as demisexual until I know how I'd react when the situation presented itself, but it's nice to know that there are people who may be feeling in a similar way. I agree, I probably do need to experience these things to fully understand myself and how I truly feel about everything, and therein lies the problem! I welcome the support on the journey, though, so thank you I mean, thats not 100% accurate. having proof is nice for peice of mind, but it's not a requirement. remember, this terminology is there to express how part of the world operates for you to others. it isn't defining your lot in life. find what works best to explain you. for myself, someone who hasn't had romantic or sexual experiences, demisexual is what describes me best. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Aroace...Artimus Posted January 23, 2018 Share Posted January 23, 2018 This is the right place for you. Whether you are asexual, on the gray spectrum, questioning, or even just sexual, this is the right place for you. You’re experiences can add up to being asexual, but, it can also lead up to being sexual. Maybe you’re on the gray spectrum. Who knows?!? You are the person who gets to identify yourself. Just pick a term that feels best and comfortable, or don’t pick a term at all. There are no requirements. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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