VConfused94 Posted January 8, 2018 Share Posted January 8, 2018 Is it a physical feeling? (Like being turned on) or CanĀ It just be a thought?? Ā ex: when I see someone I find REALLY attractive, I sometimes think to myself Iād **** him, and given the chance I probably would have sex with said person (the reason why I say probably is because I am very shy)Ā but no physical feeling...is this sexual attraction? Quote Link to post Share on other sites
thissidewaysbox Posted January 8, 2018 Share Posted January 8, 2018 Hey VCon! I think it's different for everyone but if there's absolutely no physical response going on, you might just be experiencing a powerful emotional response to someone you find really aesthetically pleasing. I'm gay as hell but I'll find myself lighting up when I see beautiful people of any gender. Hope this helps!Ā If you experience this feeling again, maybe pay attention to if your face heats up or otherĀ more subtle physical reactions. Either way, good luck! 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
VConfused94 Posted January 8, 2018 Author Share Posted January 8, 2018 14 minutes ago, thissidewaysbox said: Hey VCon! I think it's different for everyone but if there's absolutely no physical response going on, you might just be experiencing a powerful emotional response to someone you find really aesthetically pleasing. I'm gay as hell but I'll find myself lighting up when I see beautiful people of any gender. Hope this helps!Ā If you experience this feeling again, maybe pay attention to if your face heats up or otherĀ more subtle physical reactions. Either way, good luck! Wait so if I get like a nervous feeling that counts as physical attraction? So confused... 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Just Somebody Posted January 8, 2018 Share Posted January 8, 2018 Well. .. Ā Ā Sexual attraction is when, usually other people, trigger the desire that is inside you of having sex, just that. Ā Ā Aesthetic attraction is when you find, usually other people, beautiful, you appreciate looking at them. Ā Ā Sensual attraction is when, usually other people, make you want to touch/hug/kiss/cuddle/pet them. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted January 8, 2018 Share Posted January 8, 2018 There isn't really one way to define sexual attraction as everyone who experiences it defines it differently depending on how it feels for them. Ā It's best to not stress about how sexual attraction feels (as there are many asexual people who believe they do experience it) and look instead at the actual difference between an asexual person and a sexual person. Under certain circumstances a sexual person desires sexual intimacy with certain other people for pleasure. For some sexual people, this is driven by appearance, for others, it can be driven by love, for some, it can literally just be a need for partnered sex without much preference as to who the partner is as long as they're willing.. there are all sorts of different reasons why a sexual person may be motivated to choose one person sexually over another. An asexual person though does not desire to connect sexually with other people for pleasure, regardless of how attractive they find someone or how in love they are or whatever. Ā For me, 'sexual attraction' is just that I'm close enough emotionally to one particular person to know that under the right circumstances I can desire certain sexual acts with him for pleasure. I am unable to desire sexual intimacy with people I do not have an emotional bond with. Ā What you describe sounds like the much more commonly defined experience of sexual attraction, wherein someone see's a particularly attractive person and would actively have sexual intimacy with that person under the right circumstances. It doesn't make much difference whether that's accompanied with a physical feeling or not, because you may be someone who needs to be with that person experiencing slow, sensual foreplay with them, before your body can be aroused enough physically for sex. But what you describe is definitely one type of sexual attraction. Many people think that's the ONLY kind, which causes a lot of arguments here, but that's a different topic. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
awkward_pterodactyl Posted January 8, 2018 Share Posted January 8, 2018 I could easily be wrong, but I think sexual attraction involves the desire to be with someone. You could like someone aesthetically, and find them attractive, or even be willing to have sex with them, but I think sexual attraction is an active desire to want to make that happen. It's probably different for each person, as well.Ā Then again, I don't feel attraction in general, so I'm not an expert. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Squirrel Combat Posted January 8, 2018 Share Posted January 8, 2018 It's when a person of the same sex/gender wishes to have the person you experience this with and your response dials to eleven and you have an immediate urge to take action and destroy the threat lest they have sex or cuddle with them and you don't. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Cobie Posted January 8, 2018 Share Posted January 8, 2018 7 hours ago, VConfused94 said: Wait so if I get like a nervous feeling that counts as physical attraction? So confused... Confused š,Ā yes me too. Ā I donāt think a nervous feeling is sexual attraction. But mostly when I hear the descriptions of sexual attraction,Ā it only sounds the same as what I experience - and others have called that myĀ social anxiety or my cPTSD. š Ā Ā Ā Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Cobie Posted January 8, 2018 Share Posted January 8, 2018 The definition says an asexual does not experience sexualĀ attraction. ButĀ I canāt reallyĀ know what sexual attraction is if I donātĀ experience it.Ā 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Telecaster68 Posted January 8, 2018 Share Posted January 8, 2018 4 hours ago, Thea2 said: The definition says an asexual does not experience sexualĀ attraction. ButĀ I canāt reallyĀ know what sexual attraction is if I donātĀ experience it.Ā If you never think 'yeah, I'd really like toĀ sex with that person', you're not experiencing it.Ā 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Cobie Posted January 8, 2018 Share Posted January 8, 2018 37 minutes ago, Telecaster68 said: If you never think 'yeah, I'd really like toĀ sex with that person', you're not experiencing it.Ā I do think a lotĀ (and sometimes say) 'F*ck off' and 'You go f*ck yourself'; butĀ 'yeah, I'd really like toĀ sex with that person' ... nope, doesn't happen. Ā Nice explaining.Ā Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Telecaster68 Posted January 8, 2018 Share Posted January 8, 2018 1 minute ago, Thea2 said: Nice explaining.Ā I reckon it's made about 28% of AVEN posts redundant... 4 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Homer Posted January 8, 2018 Share Posted January 8, 2018 7 minutes ago, Telecaster68 said: I reckon it's made about 28% of AVEN posts redundant... That's what society wants you to believe Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Telecaster68 Posted January 8, 2018 Share Posted January 8, 2018 You're invalidating me! Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Homer Posted January 8, 2018 Share Posted January 8, 2018 5 hours ago, Thea2 said: ButĀ I canāt reallyĀ know what sexual attraction is if I donātĀ experience it.Ā The main issue is that feelings don't translate well into words. There's also the problem of different "standards" people have - what you consider "a lot" might be "not enough" for the next person. Subjectivity is a big obstacle here. Ā I'd assume that it's one of these "you know it when you feel it" things. Assume someone walked up to you and asked "How do you know that you gotta go pee? How do you know that what you think is the feeling of needing to pee really is exactly that?" Now go ahead and explain it to them it probably won't work. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Cobie Posted January 8, 2018 Share Posted January 8, 2018 2 hours ago, Homer said: ... feelings don't translate well into words... Exactly.Ā Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Always looking for answers Posted January 8, 2018 Share Posted January 8, 2018 Well.... I don't know what it feels like to feel "I want to have sex with that person", but I do know that I never even think about having sex with other people. So if I don't think about it, I don't feel it either. I guess it's how we learn to recognize any feeling or need.Ā For example: I know what hunger feels like because there have been times that I thought "I wish I could eat right now", and that often is combined with some feeling in my stomach. I know what being tired feels likt, because I know I've thought many times "I wish I could sleep" and know the dizzy feeling that goes with that thought. But since I've never thought "I want to have sex" I wouldn't know in what part of my body I should be able to feel anything.Ā 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Telecaster68 Posted January 8, 2018 Share Posted January 8, 2018 You wouldn't necessarily feel it in your body. It's a thought. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
VConfused94 Posted January 8, 2018 Author Share Posted January 8, 2018 20 hours ago, FictoVore. said: There isn't really one way to define sexual attraction as everyone who experiences it defines it differently depending on how it feels for them. Ā It's best to not stress about how sexual attraction feels (as there are many asexual people who believe they do experience it) and look instead at the actual difference between an asexual person and a sexual person. Under certain circumstances a sexual person desires sexual intimacy with certain other people for pleasure. For some sexual people, this is driven by appearance, for others, it can be driven by love, for some, it can literally just be a need for partnered sex without much preference as to who the partner is as long as they're willing.. there are all sorts of different reasons why a sexual person may be motivated to choose one person sexually over another. An asexual person though does not desire to connect sexually with other people for pleasure, regardless of how attractive they find someone or how in love they are or whatever. Ā For me, 'sexual attraction' is just that I'm close enough emotionally to one particular person to know that under the right circumstances I can desire certain sexual acts with him for pleasure. I am unable to desire sexual intimacy with people I do not have an emotional bond with. Ā What you describe sounds like the much more commonly defined experience of sexual attraction, wherein someone see's a particularly attractive person and would actively have sexual intimacy with that person under the right circumstances. It doesn't make much difference whether that's accompanied with a physical feeling or not, because you may be someone who needs to be with that person experiencing slow, sensual foreplay with them, before your body can be aroused enough physically for sex. But what you describe is definitely one type of sexual attraction. Many people think that's the ONLY kind, which causes a lot of arguments here, but that's a different topic. Thank you for this!!!!! I just need to realize that people experience this in different ways 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
everywhere and nowhere Posted January 10, 2018 Share Posted January 10, 2018 I may find someone esthetically attractive and even think that this person is sexy. But the most I can experience is a kind of "vicarious desire" - an urge to include that person in my fantasies, which still never include myself. I literally never think that "I would like to have sex with that person", because I'm simply unable to desire sex. Which is why I continue arguing that at least in my own case my sex aversion makes me effectively asexual. I just can't desire sex. I can't want that to happen to my body. Which, in my opinion, does make me unable to experience sexual attraction, or at least only allows me to experience a small part of it which cannot cross the threshold of desire for actual sexual contact. This sounds kinda negative, as if I was deprived of some feelings, yet I'm glad that I don't experience them. I would never want to because so much of my life is adjusted to my asexuality that an idea of changing it is just scary. Something which Queenie once wrote resonates strongly with my feelings: "If I were not ace, my interactions, perceptions, experiences, and sense of self would be so radically different that I simply cannot imagine a world in which I am not ace and yet am still me". That's it - I feel almost like I wouldn't be myself if I experienced sexual desire. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Cobie Posted January 10, 2018 Share Posted January 10, 2018 On 8-1-2018 at 3:52 PM, Always looking for answers said: Well.... I don't know what it feels like to feel "I want to have sex with that person", but I do know that I never even think about having sex with other people. So if I don't think about it, I don't feel it either. I guess it's how we learn to recognize any feeling or need.Ā For example: I know what hunger feels like because there have been times that I thought "I wish I could eat right now", and that often is combined with some feeling in my stomach. I know what being tired feels likt, because I know I've thought many times "I wish I could sleep" and know the dizzy feeling that goes with that thought. But since I've never thought "I want to have sex" I wouldn't know in what part of my body I should be able to feel anything.Ā @Always looking for answersĀ Hi Alfa, I possibly recognise your irritation with this āsexual attractionā definition. Ā The definition probably works very well for explaining ace to sexuals. Knowing what sexual attraction means, they can just go - ohĀ right,Ā acesĀ donāt have that. Ā But for me the whole thing becomes very circular. If I donāt experience sexual attraction,Ā I don'tĀ know what it feels like; and so cannot say for sure I donāt have it. Result is that I cannot feel confident to self-identifyĀ as an ace.Ā Ā It had me annoyed till I decided to go with @Telecaster68Ā take on it i.e.Ā Ā I.e. if you never think 'yeah, I'd really like to sex with that person', you're not experiencing sexual attraction.Ā It is clear from your post that you never think that (I put that bit in bold in your post), and therefore are not experiencing it. Ā I hope that helps. 3 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
EmFairy Posted January 11, 2018 Share Posted January 11, 2018 I get the feeling people, I do not understand the whole concept of sexual attraction, obsession, or addiction, atĀ all. I see it all over the culture and a lot in the media, but it feels so alien to me. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
VConfused94 Posted January 12, 2018 Author Share Posted January 12, 2018 On 1/10/2018 at 8:49 AM, Thea2 said: @Always looking for answersĀ Hi Alfa, I possibly recognise your irritation with this āsexual attractionā definition. Ā The definition probably works very well for explaining ace to sexuals. Knowing what sexual attraction means, they can just go - ohĀ right,Ā acesĀ donāt have that. Ā But for me the whole thing becomes very circular. If I donāt experience sexual attraction,Ā I don'tĀ know what it feels like; and so cannot say for sure I donāt have it. Result is that I cannot feel confident to self-identifyĀ as an ace.Ā Ā It had me annoyed till I decided to go with @Telecaster68Ā take on it i.e.Ā Ā I.e. if you never think 'yeah, I'd really like to sex with that person', you're not experiencing sexual attraction.Ā It is clear from your post that you never think that (I put that bit in bold in your post), and therefore are not experiencing it. Ā I hope that helps. Was this directed towards me? Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Cobie Posted January 12, 2018 Share Posted January 12, 2018 10 hours ago, VConfused94 said: Was this directed towards me? @VConfused94Ā Sorry š. No, itĀ was directed towards Alfa. Sorry I derailed your topic. Ā People experience thingsĀ in different ways,Ā I think FictoVore gave the right reply for you.Ā Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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