MaybeImanAce Posted January 6, 2018 Share Posted January 6, 2018 (tldr: ummmmm I think I'm an ace? Process talk.) Hiya. This is my firs time posting here, or any forum ever for that matter. I'm 30 years old and I think I fall somewhere on this asexual spectrum. I've never met another ace (to my knowledge) and reading around this website and these forums makes me feel like I've finally found words to describe my experience. Starting in puberty and through my late teenage years I had sexual fantasies and experiences, and I had sexual relationships on and off throughout my 20s, but I always felt like something was a little off. For one thing, I've never (or very, very rarely) felt sexual attraction to another person. For me, the attraction that led to sex would always start on an intellectual level, and then the sex would maybe or maybe not follow. While I do have libido, it isn't really triggered by or directed at anyone. I can and have gone several years' at a time without sex, and it doesn't bother me at all. I never really thought either of those things were weird until I would tell a friend and they'd say "OMG you haven't had sex in two years? I would die!" or I would watch others talk about how they found that person sexy or this person sexy and I always felt like there was some memo I hadn't received. It's been on my mind quite a bit lately, so I started doing some research and found this site and forum and things started to make sense. Like the fact that I'm usually always uncomfortable with sex scenes in movies and TV, or the fact that I haven't been able to have sex while sober in over 8 years. If I wasn't drunk, I don't think that I would be able to do it, honestly. I can't say I'm never sexually attracted to people (I can think of 3 people over the last 5-7 years I would say I felt a legit sexual draw to, and I did have sexual experiences with those people), but its very rare and I don't move through life feeling sexually motivated. I'm only just starting to understand how I differ in this way from friends and others in my life. I don't dislike sex -I can actually quite enjoy it once I get into it, I just almost never feel compelled to initiate it of my own accord. I do feel romantically attracted to others and I hope one day to have a strong and long-term intimate relationship, and if sex is part of that, that's cool. I'm still struggling to reconcile my romantic fantasies and wants with this sexuality piece Honestly, I don't know what I am. Demisexual? Graysexual? Both of those terms resonate with me. Obviously my life is not without sex and I do very occasionally experience that attraction. But when it comes to sexual relationships and attraction, I've always felt like I was *missing* something that other people weren't. The more I read up on this, the more I feel both empowered and isolated. Also feeling strangely emotional about this (like I've been crying every so often over the last few days? Is this weird?). I'm not sure if I'm posting this in the right forum, because its not so much an articulated question so much as its a general ..........? on my sexuality. Thanks for reading. I hope I talk to some of ya'll in the future, so I don't feel so isolated. Happy I found these forums. 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
roland.o Posted January 6, 2018 Share Posted January 6, 2018 Hello and welcome to the AVEN forums, MabybeImanAce! I'm glad you found us. Have some cake... As you've been reading around, you probably know that we can't tell you what you are. Your description indeed sounds like gray sexual to me. I consider demisexuality a subcategory of the gray area, so both can apply. But you didn't mention that you require an extraordinarily long time to feel sexually attracted to someone, or a deep emotional bond. There are a bunch of other labels, like sapiosexual, if you want to go into details. But I'm not sure to what degree that might be helpful or not. 10 minutes ago, MaybeImanAce said: I just almost never feel compelled to initiate it of my own accord. That's not necessarily a sexual orientation. It could be responsive sexual desire, which is common for sexuals too. https://www.nytimes.com/2015/02/27/opinion/nothing-is-wrong-with-your-sex-drive.html I hope you'll like it around here. You're welcome to share your thoughts and opinions, as they will be helpful to others, too! Quote Link to post Share on other sites
GLRDT Posted January 6, 2018 Share Posted January 6, 2018 You could potentially be gray asexual. What you've described is exactly me and I identify as sex neutral gray asexual. I don't have time to write out what I usually would here but feel free to see what I've written on other threads through my profile or if it's easier send me a message and I'd love to chat! Welcome! Quote Link to post Share on other sites
awkward_pterodactyl Posted January 8, 2018 Share Posted January 8, 2018 That sounds a lot like what I and others on here feel, and I identify as ace. Like a few others said, only you can know how you feel, but I just wanted to say that labels aren't important. If they help you figure things out, use whichever ones fit until you find a better one or you think you figure it out. People are complex, so I guess.. welcome to AVEN, I hope we can help. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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