How Young is Too Young?

[Crazyazelf]

I am a sixteen year old female, and I've identified as asexual (and greyromantic) since I was thirteen.  But I've read so many articles describing late-bloomers, and how some young asexuals are just that, that I don't know if I'm really ace or just a late bloomer.  I don't think I've ever felt sexual atrraction, and when I did have crushes (thrice, latest one was when I was twelve) I never wanted to have sex with them or anything, I just wanted to maybe kiss.  This is the reason I'm afraid to come out to my parents, because they'll dismiss it as a phase, so I'm probably going to wait until after college to tell them.  All my friends are clearly experiencing something, because they're all dating each other, and I had a breakdown because I thought one of my guy friends liked me and I didn't want to ruin our friendship by dating.

So here's the question(s) I'm posing.  Am I too young to be ace?  How old must I be to know for sure?  And what can I do to ease my worrying about it?

[Snao Cone]

21 minutes ago, Crazyazelf said:

Am I too young to be ace?

You can't really be too young to be ace. If all stays the same and you're asexual when you're 26, that pretty much means you were asexual the whole time. The question of what age is appropriate to start to confidently identify as asexual really depends on the individual. It's what you're comfortable with - what you're willing to say to yourself, what you're willing to tell others, and how willing you are to potentially be wrong.

 

 

23 minutes ago, Crazyazelf said:

How old must I be to know for sure?

There isn't exactly a way to establish any "must" or "for sure" with this sort of thing. There are examples of people who didn't find a sense of their sexuality until wellllll into adulthood, even though they were confident for a long time that they were not sexual. Some people have this very strong inner sense of their selves, and can firmly state early on that they're asexual. Other people need to live through a range of experiences before that sense of self settles. It's basically whenever you're convinced about it.

 

 

28 minutes ago, Crazyazelf said:

And what can I do to ease my worrying about it?

Come to places like AVEN to get advice and meet people who have gone through or are going through similar experiences.

 

 

Really, there's no requirement for you to know what you are right now. I didn't realize I was asexual until my early 30s, because I used all sorts of excuses to explain why I wouldn't pursue sexual relationships, and it took going through certain experiences for this part of me to come to light. A lot of people realize things about their a/sexuality well past their teens, and it's okay to change how you identify based on that. It's okay to get it wrong at first. Try not to stress out about the potential of being wrong about this - just live as the person you are now, and don't be afraid to ask questions of yourself or others in the process of finding out just who you are.

[Faceless]

Hey, I had this exact problem when I was your age. I was terrified that one day some switch would be flipped in my brain and I'd suddenly wake up and want sex but it never happened. I don't think there's an age restriction for identifying as asexual because when you think about it, we're all born asexual until we go though puberty! So don't worry about being too young for being asexual.

That being said, sexuality is a very fluid thing (asexuality especially because there are so many different kinds of asexual) so don't be scared about change. At the moment you probably are asexual and probably always will be, by sixteen most of my friends had figured out what they liked; but that doesn't necessarily mean you'll always be asexual and if that's the case, there's nothing wrong with that.

If you don't feel comfortable coming out to people yet then that's fine too. I know it can be difficult to have people assume you're something your not (I haven't come out to everyone yet because I know that's easier than having to explain asexuality to them) and it can feel like there's a lot of pressure to get it out in the open but there's really no rush. You can do this at you're own pace whenever you feel comfortable. It also might be a good idea (when you're ready) to get some practice at coming out with some trusted friends before you try your parent's too? Coming out might clear the air with guy-friends who want to date you.

[Philip027]

If the signs toward there seeming like there is a difference between you and your peers, there probably is one.

 

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This is the reason I'm afraid to come out to my parents

Then don't.  Part of growing up means learning to choose your battles, and if you don't feel like this one would have a worthwhile payoff, then just don't fight it.

 

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I had a breakdown because I thought one of my guy friends liked me and I didn't want to ruin our friendship by dating.

Dating doesn't have to ruin a friendship if that isn't what either of the participants want.  I say this as a demiromantic, who pretty much can't become romantically attached to someone I don't already consider a friend.

[Kururin]

As another sixteen year old cakeirino club member, I say nah. 

 

You're not too young to know if you're ace or not. This doesn't mean you have to fully slap on the label and cement it. Maybe in a few years you won't feel like you're asexual, maybe you still will. I remember seeing a comment around here saying when they came out, they just said "I feel like I am asexual right now". I feel like I am asexual right now, but I might change in a few years. However, I really don't see that happening for me.

 

There is no clear cut way of knowing you're asexual. That's one thing most new people diving into asexuality ask and this is the answer they will always get. The only way to know if you're ace is reflection of one's self. We can help you and guide you on your way, but this is really your own journey. You will have to find out yourself by reflection and thought. 

 

Lastly, don't stress! Don't come out if you feel like you can't at the moment. You will have to one day, but not right now. Take a deep breath and calm down or else you'll start overthinking it. You have found AVEN now, so you have many people who have felt the same way you feel and we can help you woth your troubles. It's a nice little community. I think you will enjoy it! 

[Tabula Rasa]

6 hours ago, Crazyazelf said:

So here's the question(s) I'm posing.  Am I too young to be ace?  How old must I be to know for sure?  And what can I do to ease my worrying about it?

I wouldn't say you're too young to be ace. I knew I was disinterested in sex at age 14, and didn't feel sexual attraction. Now I'm 35, and things are the same.

 

It's really a mixed bag. There are plenty of young teens who say they are asexual, then after some time and experience they discover they're not. But only you know you, and you can get peace from accepting what you know to be true about yourself. Also know that everyone is on their own timeline in life, and as much as some people try to enforce some sort of prescribed timetable for living life, that's just not how life works. Variety is the spice of life as they say!

 

I hope this helps. And welcome to AVEN! 

[awkward_pterodactyl]

As an almost-eighteen year old who just discovered asexuality, I think if you're old enough to notice something's different then you're old enough to identify as asexual. That might change later on, and you could change how you identify yourself then. On the other hand, you might never see that change and be asexual for the rest of your life. In any case, for now, if the shoe fits...

[Squirrel Combat]

I would say that sixteen is decidedly not too young. I wish I had figured it out when I was sixteen.