AsexualAnnie93

Tried dating and hated it.

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AsexualAnnie93

I tried to start dating. I went on one date and hated it. I couldn't even hold his hand I felt so weird. I told him I didn't want to have sex but he asked if we could cuddle and I said no. I told him I was Demisexual (he didn't know what that was) when I explained it to him he said he "Didn't want to wait 6 months to cuddle." I don't like dating people who aren't on the aro/ace spectrum. They never seem to understand. I get it's just one person but I can't find anyone who gets it. Dating just makes me uncomfortable in general and I'm not going to do it for a while, until I'm ready, or maybe not ever. I was single for five years and loved it. Anyone else have a weird dating story/experience?

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njosnavelin

I try to “date” at least once a year to make me feel like I held up a social obligation.  I haven’t actually held up that internal commitment for several years now.

 

I never have been forward with someone expressing my desires in sexual relations. I do what I felt is right. I myself am a demi type where I love that bond or connection with the person. It might take me a week a month a year but it is what I am comfortable with. If the world wants to blow by me because the expectation is something else ... by all means.

 

Dating has always made me uncomfortable. Socially I don’t feel equipped for it. I don’t like the superficial judging. I want someone with depth who doesn’t mind driving deep into a conversation with me right off. To keep slowly digging I to the conversation where the nuggets lay. I know you have a heart I know you care. I know you aren’t afraid to share it.  That to me is true beauty in a date.

 

All the best in however you continue on. I am not sure if that was helpful but that is how I have always felt.

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Palovana
2 hours ago, AsexualAnnie93 said:

I told him I was Demisexual (he didn't know what that was) when I explained it to him he said he "Didn't want to wait 6 months to cuddle."

And I hope your reply was something along the lines of "well then you can fuck right off".

 

I think dating is fucking stupid. It seems like sexual people have this thing where they see someone and go "oh, sexy, that means I love this person now". Or something? It doesn't make any sense to me. It takes me a very, very long time to love someone, and typically that someone has to be a very close friend of mine before I could even consider. Which, as a side note, is why I think the entire concept of "the friendzone" is idiotic. I cannot conceive of loving someone who is not also my very dear friend. It's almost the same thing to me. Meanwhile for straight people, friendship and love seem mutually exclusive. Bizarre.

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OldSoul

What a gross reaction. I'm sorry you had to deal with that loser.
His pride was probably hurt. Some people can be so disgusting.
He has no right to expect a damned thing from you.

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borkfork

Yes, the friendzone is a stupid idea that needs to die already. I've seen a lot of couples who started friends get married or move-in together.

 

I didn't really feel comfortable with dating until I got older. I spent a good part of my early 20s trying to figure out what I was doing wrong, and then I gave up for a while... I have a sort of happy ending however, I'm not definitely not demi. :huh:

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Homer
5 hours ago, AsexualAnnie93 said:

I tried to start dating. I went on one date and hated it. I couldn't even hold his hand I felt so weird. I told him I didn't want to have sex but he asked if we could cuddle and I said no. I told him I was Demisexual (he didn't know what that was) when I explained it to him he said he "Didn't want to wait 6 months to cuddle." I don't like dating people who aren't on the aro/ace spectrum. They never seem to understand. I get it's just one person but I can't find anyone who gets it. Dating just makes me uncomfortable in general and I'm not going to do it for a while, until I'm ready, or maybe not ever. I was single for five years and loved it. Anyone else have a weird dating story/experience?

What made you go to this date?

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Ooo

man, that sucks. good for you for sticking by what you were comfortable with tho! - ive let myself be led into more cuddly situations i was comfortable with due to fear of being weird or offending someone - but in retrospect it was always the worst decision i could have made. 

 

out of interest, was this a guy friend or a stranger/? i sort of am curious about trying out a date with someone but i am really scared of messing people around with my uncertainty, but i cant tell whether thats more or less of a problem if you know the person.. :^/

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SilentRose

Yes, good for you for not giving into the pressure to do something you're not ready for, I wish I was always as strong as you were. 

 

Dating can be horrible, I have hetero friends who hate it even... 

 

As for weird dating stories, I have an awkward one, I don't even know...

My first real boyfriend was a complete sexual novice when I met him, and knew nothing about women, and he basically just asked me to take my clothes off as soon as we went back to his place, before I even had a chance to take off my jacket. At the very end of the night he kissed me too, or tried to kiss me...he missed my mouth by a pretty wide margin. I lived 15 minutes away so I ran back to my apartment through the freezing cold holding my hand to my mouth and trying not to barf...I must have been quite the sight!  

 

 

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Just like Jughead

Everyone who has ever dated has had weird dating experiences. Come on, this isn’t something unique to asexuality. 

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Philip027
Quote

Everyone who has ever dated has had weird dating experiences. Come on, this isn’t something unique to asexuality. 

When did the OP ever say this was something unique to asexuality?

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GLRDT
On 1/4/2018 at 9:10 PM, njosnavelin said:

I try to “date” at least once a year to make me feel like I held up a social obligation.  I haven’t actually held up that internal commitment for several years now.

 

I never have been forward with someone expressing my desires in sexual relations. I do what I felt is right. I myself am a demi type where I love that bond or connection with the person. It might take me a week a month a year but it is what I am comfortable with. If the world wants to blow by me because the expectation is something else ... by all means.

 

Dating has always made me uncomfortable. Socially I don’t feel equipped for it. I don’t like the superficial judging. I want someone with depth who doesn’t mind driving deep into a conversation with me right off. To keep slowly digging I to the conversation where the nuggets lay. I know you have a heart I know you care. I know you aren’t afraid to share it.  That to me is true beauty in a date.

 

All the best in however you continue on. I am not sure if that was helpful but that is how I have always felt.

I don't know how I get away with it but I dive right into deep conversation usually within my first time of meeting anyone. I'm very trusting and open which I think makes others more comfortable to discuss things with me.

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Deus Ex Infinity
On 5.1.2018 at 3:59 AM, AsexualAnnie93 said:

I tried to start dating. I went on one date and hated it. I couldn't even hold his hand I felt so weird. I told him I didn't want to have sex but he asked if we could cuddle and I said no. I told him I was Demisexual (he didn't know what that was) when I explained it to him he said he "Didn't want to wait 6 months to cuddle." I don't like dating people who aren't on the aro/ace spectrum. They never seem to understand. I get it's just one person but I can't find anyone who gets it. Dating just makes me uncomfortable in general and I'm not going to do it for a while, until I'm ready, or maybe not ever. I was single for five years and loved it. Anyone else have a weird dating story/experience?

Hell, I know the felling! It can be such an awful experience. Leave it! Don't push yourself into something you don't ever need or want to do.

 

I had a couple a miserable dates in the past. Even those who happened to be good at first, turned into a bloody nightmare afterwards. It was all just about having sex in the long term (just on the first night). So predictable and repellent.

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chandrakirti

I always hated dating because behind every engaging conversation, the subtext was romance and sex, it was like some lurking falsehood I couldn't get round or away from.

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~Lys~

I'm sorry you had to deal with him!

My one and only date wasn't bad, but the pressure was too much. I couldn't handle it. Luckily, it didn't last long!

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njosnavelin
On 1/6/2018 at 7:00 AM, GLRDT said:

I don't know how I get away with it but I dive right into deep conversation usually within my first time of meeting anyone. I'm very trusting and open which I think makes others more comfortable to discuss things with me.

I like you already

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GLRDT
2 hours ago, njosnavelin said:

I like you already

Ha ha thanks! It worked!

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