Jump to content

Demiromantics/sexuals, how do you meet people?


seall

Recommended Posts

I'm questioning whether I might be demiromantic or demisexual. I'm in my early twenties, have never been sexually attracted to anybody, and just recently developed a crush on a friend (who's in another relationship). When I look back at another recent friendship, it seemed like I may have fallen in love with the person if I had spent more time with them (we worked together for two months at a seasonal job but are no longer in touch and now live in different states).

 

I find myself wanting to date and be in love for the first time in my life. But I have no idea how to find the right person. I don't have many friends my age where I live; it's a smaller city with an older population. I don't like drinking alcohol and making small talk is hard for me, so going to bars is out of the question.

 

If attraction doesn't happen right away for you, how do you decide who to date?

Link to post
Share on other sites
swirl_of_blue

I've never dated anyone I've been attracted to, having gone in to both of my relationships because the other person wanted and I hoped feelings would also appear on my part. It didn't work either time: the first partner turned abusive and the second one and I just didn't have any chemistry and I ended up being miserable and bored. I've now been single for four or five years (I haven't even bothered to count). I have had two crushes, both from among acquaintances from hobbies, of which one has rejected me and the other one is of same sex and as far as I know she is straight, so nothing will come out of it. The only way for me to find dateable people is to start a new hobby and see if I become interested in someone eventually. Of course this is a very slow process (it takes months or even years for me to develop romantic attraction) and there's no guarantee I'll find even one potential person among my new acquaintances. As far as I've tried, just going on dates with "random" people (dates set up by friends or finding people online and chatting for a week or three before actually meeting) has 0% chance of success. So I rely purely on luck and keep hoping, and at the same time try to get comfortable with the thought of spending my whole life alone if (or more likely when) I never manage to find a partner.

Link to post
Share on other sites

I feel like that is the question we all struggle with :P Even "full" sexuals do as they don't just want to have sex/date anyone.

 

I am single and eager to mingle, so obviously I don't know how to find that one best person, but I can echo the advice I have been given...

 

So can go to any demi meet-ups to meet other demi's. A really key thing is actually to engage socially in your interests. If you love animals, volunteer at an animal shelter. If you like sports, join a league. If you like video games, go to a convention. Go to places that are likely to have other people who are like you. Hopefully you will strike up the relationship you hope to find. Perhaps make a friend first then it translates to something more.

 

I know people who are dating who have met in AVEN even. Now, it's not a dating site so one can't hunt for someone, but if there is someone you admire and you strike up a friendship then more, that is great!

 

Hope that helps!

Link to post
Share on other sites

I'm technically demi, I guess. I can't form romantic attraction until I've known someone for a while. I only have had sexual attraction for one person so far in my life (my fiance). 

 

Buuuuuuuuuut, the way I meet people is through mutual hobbies/interests. I met my fiance on AVEN, I met my exes in various chat rooms and games. Form a friendship and after a few months or a year if something develops, one of us confesses and we go from there.

Link to post
Share on other sites
On 12/18/2017 at 9:52 PM, swirl_of_blue said:

The only way for me to find dateable people is to start a new hobby and see if I become interested in someone eventually. Of course this is a very slow process (it takes months or even years for me to develop romantic attraction) and there's no guarantee I'll find even one potential person among my new acquaintances.

And that makes it important to choose hobbies in which one is actually interested, so there is no disappointment if the hobby doesn't lead to dateable acquaintances.

Link to post
Share on other sites

it's pretty lame that there's no asexual/demisexual option in dating apps. I heard once that grindr was going to add some non-binary options, but I don't think we are getting included.

Anyone know of anything, online dating-wise?

Link to post
Share on other sites
Mostly Peaceful Ryan
5 hours ago, Rosol said:

it's pretty lame that there's no asexual/demisexual option in dating apps.I heard once that grindr was going to add some non-binary options, but I don't think we are getting included.

I thought Grindr, like tinder was mostly for hooking up to have sex, at least that is the impression I got from it.

Link to post
Share on other sites
5 hours ago, 🎄Ryan🎄 said:

I thought Grindr, like tinder was mostly for hooking up to have sex, at least that is the impression I got from it.

haha. you make a good point there.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Thanks for the advice you have given me. My life is pretty filled with volunteering and other hobbies. I think it might be a matter of being patient and getting out of my comfort zone a little bit to make friends.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • 2 weeks later...
Guest Deus Ex Infinity
On 18.12.2017 at 9:27 PM, seall said:

If attraction doesn't happen right away for you, how do you decide who to date?

It usually starts out from a very close and deep friendship. Someone who's been around you for a very long time. Trust-worthy, reliable, patient...

Link to post
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

Guest
This topic is now closed to further replies.
×
×
  • Create New...