Expressing romantic interest

[Indigohorse]

So, I'm pretty new to this and I'm not sure of where I fit on the spectrum but I do know that I get romantic attraction but I'm not really interested in kissing/sex/anything more than just cuddling. However, I'm not sure how to express this to a date. Like, if the date tries to kiss me, how do I get across the message that I'm attracted to them but just don't want to kiss them? How do I let them know that I don't want to go farther than cuddling (and that that won't change after the second/third/etc date)? Is there any way more suave than just verbally bringing it up as early as possible?

Any advice appreciated!

[NotPhoebe]

From experience trying to be suave about it doesn't help me get out of the situation of furthering the intimacy. I find that if I'm not upfront about my intentions and what I do and don't want to happen than they don't seem to get the hint. Also, you'd be surprised how many people are understanding. Of course it depends on the person, there are some crappy people out there. But if you aren't open and straight forward from the jump than you might get yourself into an uncomfortable position. That's what often would happen with me. 

[Demiheart]

Yeah it can go either way. My experience unfortunately has been telling people results in them not believing, or trying anyway, and not telling means they don't stick around too long. It's your choice, both options have advantages and disadvantages. I guess the people who ignore/disbelieve may not be very respectful anyway, but not telling means explaining yourself in an awkward situation later down the track when they might think you're simply rejecting them! I guess try getting to know the person you're with and make the call depending on how it's going! Good luck

[banoffeepie]

Hi and welcome

 

Whatever you think you're saying it's gonna sound like 'I just wanna be friends' to anyone that doesn't know about the asexual spectrum.

And the best place to learn about that is here, so try to get them to read up a bit first. Then maybe explain where you feel you are now.

 

@Demiheart and @NotPhoebe are both saying be upfront it's better than the pain that awaits if you leave it. I agree. Also, if you tell them you'd better trust them enough to not go around telling everyone if that's not what you want... tricky!

 

You may of course change your boundaries based on the attachment and the person. For example someone who has only ever had superficial relationships won't know they are Demi until they have their first deep emotional attachment.