How is it like being asexual at holiday family meetups

[The Never One]

This is where you can talk about past experiences at family meetups

 

[WinterWanderer]

I don't like meeting up with family because I usually feel like a third, fifth, or seventh wheel.

 

My distant relatives will usually ask intrusive questions about my love life and why I'm not with anyone.

 

My immediate family members don't ask about it, but they do try to set me up with people. Or they make an effort to spend time with me out of pity, as if I'm lonely and can't fend for myself.

[utca]

I mostly just worry they'll catch onto me when they ask if I'm seeing anyone and the answer is still no. Only one other young person in the family besides me is still unmarried so I am sticking out more and more.

[ShyFeather]

This will be my first Christmas being out so we'll see how it goes. But I'm more anxious about seeing my mother at Christmas since I told her recently I didn't want her in my life with her alcoholism and such. Sucks that I still have to see her in order to be with the rest of the family 

[Ldlelee]

I am really uncomfortable at family events. I am usually ignored by everyone, so I tend to go off and amuse myself. If one of my relatives remembers that I exist, they start asking about college and boyfriends and the like, which makes it even worse. Most of my cousins are in relationships and have been bringing their significant others around for a while, so I'm sure they're all wondering when it's going to be my turn. I hope they're not holding their breath.

[Lord Jade Cross]

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[Guest]

I just went to one a couple days ago with my siblings and their spouses and they all talked about sex way too much..

 

Fortunately I have a family that's pretty open-minded, so it never occurred to them to think there is something wrong with me choosing not to have children and probably never getting married. I am actually predicting that only one (maybe two) out of four of us will have children.

[Guest Jetsun Milarepa]

Fortunately my family only consists of me and my daughter, who is well aware, so it's all good here. Christmas can be such a double edged sword with so many expectations on everyone, so we try to minimise it all.

[coyote55]

Fortunately, my long-term friends and family know me well enough to not ask... they accept me, I get along well with all, and I enjoy making the rounds of holiday get-togethers. They're more concerned that I live alone than anything else. 

 

[The Never One]

19 hours ago, ShyFeather said:

This will be my first Christmas being out so we'll see how it goes. But I'm more anxious about seeing my mother at Christmas since I told her recently I didn't want her in my life with her alcoholism and such. Sucks that I still have to see her in order to be with the rest of the family 

I have only told one person im ace and we are not related. You are brave. My christan grandma would probably probably think it best That I dont go out with boys because she feels im a pure little angel XD My dad would think im gay in denial , my mom would ignore it and my brother wouldent care. 

[wussa]

Its usually pretty fun being with my family. Its only when dating is brought up that I feel uncomfortable because everyone will talk about their relationships and then eventually they all turn to me and the teasing begins (not mean-spirited or anything). I usaully just duck my head and act as awkward as possible and they leave me alone eventually.

[njosnavelin]

2 hours ago, wussa said:

Its usually pretty fun being with my family. Its only when dating is brought up that I feel uncomfortable because everyone will talk about their relationships and then eventually they all turn to me and the teasing begins (not mean-spirited or anything). I usaully just duck my head and act as awkward as possible and they leave me alone eventually.

You got to keep your family in their toes. Let me suggest a phrase like, “I am always looking but I always decline.” As an off comment. You aren’t giving anything further information to your family on how you personally feel. 

[nate-1234]

Nobody in my family ever asks me about whether I have a girlfriend or not. Thankfully they only ask about school.

[nate-1234]

On 12/17/2017 at 9:53 PM, Fioryn said:

I don't like meeting up with family because I usually feel like a third, fifth, or seventh wheel.

 

My distant relatives will usually ask intrusive questions about my love life and why I'm not with anyone.

 

My immediate family members don't ask about it, but they do try to set me up with people. Or they make an effort to spend time with me out of pity, as if I'm lonely and can't fend for myself.

Exactly. Plus I do not really care for my dad's side of the family.

[dawnflower8]

They're awkward, especially since I'm aromantic. I'm technically not out to everyone since I haven't dropped the word "asexual" yet, but I have made it abundantly clear that I have no interest in dating, marriage, children, etc. And I still always get "you'll change your mind," "but you're so pretty," "you haven't found the right person," and the like. I was overjoyed when my grandpa said it was totally okay if I wanted to stay single the last time I saw him. And yeah, Christmas is coming up, and I'm visiting him as well as these cousins I hardly know...

[anlin]

I definitely feel like the fifht wheel sometimes, and that also makes me feel lonely. But my family never asks, and I'm very grateful for that! I haven't told them Im asexual though, but they know and have accepted that I don't ever want to have children.

[everywhere and nowhere]

To be honest, I'm nervous about it. My grandfather is almost dying, this will be his last Christmas, and so my mom and her husband are spending the holiday with him and my uncle (my grandfather and uncle are both emigrants and live in Germany - currently Bavaria, more precisely). And so I will be spending Christmas Eve at my other uncle's home (my father was his brother), which means I will meet some relatives I see once every few years and there is an increased likelihood of personal questions because my cousin has a baby. I'm afraid that they will ask questions such as "And what about you?".

One thing is certain: I won't lie. Never. I consider pretending to live a heteronormative lifestyle something dishonorable for me. But I'm afraid anyway that they will be intolerant or intrusive. I'm already a middle-age woman, it's time they accepted that I won't follow a typical family path and that's final. My close family already knows that and doesn't try to get me to change my mind, but I'm not sure about more distant relatives.

[Yatagarasu]

When I was younger, I they asked me "do you have a partner" very frequently. Now they just want kids from me and I have to constantly remind them that I don't want to reproduce. 

[Éadweard]

I’m usually pitied by family because I’m single and they all think I’m unfortunate. They refuse to believe that maybe I’m still single because I’m simply not attracted to anyone. They find it more plausible to think of me as a loser instead. 

[Gloomy]

Luckily they don't get too intrusive with me. Sometimes they'll ask if I'm a lesbian after I tell them no I don't have a boyfriend, but after I say no to that too they'll usually drop it.

[Zash]

One Christmas a couple years ago, my aunt offered to set me up with one of her coworkers (the coworker was around my age).  I firmly declined and she never brought it up again.  Other than that, nothing really relating to my asexuality has ever really come up.

[LadyPariah]

It's generally alright for me. I just kind of feel left out or odd because all my cousins and family friends have significant others. I thought that this year I would finally not be the odd one out, but the guy I've been seeing decided to lead me on and drop me like a hot potato. This year's probably going to be a little rough on me.

[TheNerdyOne]

It hasn't been awkward at all until now, and it's not even coming from my own family (they know I'm asexual). It's my brother's girlfriend's family. I just feel like a giant third wheel in all of it. Everyone else hits it off with each other pretty well, and I just don't know how to fit in or enjoy myself around them.

But oh my God has it been annoying at times! One of the first dinners our families shared together, the whole topic of children was brought up. I expressed that I didn't want kids and well, you know what the mother said...

"You'll change your mind when you get older."

Screw that shit!

Just experienced a similar moment when some of the family was over tonight. I'm like this close to coming out to them just to get them to shut the eff up about it (although I'm sure that would just start all the usual conversations like "You don't know 'til you've tried" or "You need to find the right person").

[Yamato]

I think a lot of my family used to think I was gay as I never had a boyfriend and I have short hair and dress masculine. It meant I never particularly got asked about dating or whatever because they don't want to know. They would ask my siblings who are the same age as me and sometimes brought their SOs to family gatherings. Unfortunately I have now got a boyfriend and my mum told all my family so I am now dreading it, I don't want to talk about it with them. I don't like my family and they like to talk about sex or other things I have no interest in talking about but there is usually nothing I can do about that. I am one of the youngest and get told off for being rude if I don't talk to them.