I don't know why I feel like this

[Butterfly44]

Well,let's see... I'm asexual and I know this isn't related to romantic relationships,but I don't know why it is so hard forme to talk to a guy that I know he likes me. When I know a guy likes me it is automatic I internally go through a kind of "ansiety attack" and I want to stop talking to that person at any cost. It is like i feel bad,gross,sort of ugly and I don't know why is this.  All the time that I knew  a guy liked me or had told me before,I at any cost tried to avoid talking to that guy or not to see him. When I know a person of the oppose sex see me simply as a friend and basically as a sister it is totally fine for me and I feel comfortable,the problem,as I said comes when that person starts feeling something beyond friendship. Right now I am talking to a guy that a couple of years ago thought I was pretty and said he liked me. I hated him,the fact that he was always talking to me and stuff. Years passed and we started to talk again (I lost a lot of friends and my mum almost died and I felt lonely) after a week I noticed he is hitting on me,although he is denying it (because before I treated him bad because I told him I didn't like that) and he keeps talking to me and I feel like I want to cry,I want him to stop talking to me and he doesn't stop. Im 20 and I have never kissed anyone and of course didnt have a boyfriend. I guess if a guy likes me and it's reciprocal I wouldn't feel this way. Sorry for making it too long!

[Marisu]

There's honestly nothing wrong with the way you feel. I don't know exactly how common this reaction is, but I imagine it's frequent enough among asexuals, because I can relate to this as well. I feel the same way when a friend confesses attraction for me or flirts with me when I don't feel the same way toward them and it makes me want to avoid them at all cost because of the anxiety it causes me. I'll express to them that I don't feel that way about them, that I'm demisexual (or asexual because it's more easily understood), and ask them politely not to act that way toward me. Unfortunately, though, once they've confessed their feelings, they usually do not stop even if asked to do so. This leads to relationships often being deteriorated as I tend to avoid them because they make me feel so uncomfortable.

In regards to the way you specifically described your personal experience, though, I actually do not feel 'ugly' in response, as you put it. I'm not sure why you would feel that way, either. For me, it causes me significant anxiety as well and just makes me feel extremely uneasy and uncomfortable. And when a person has confessed feelings toward me of being 'in love,' it makes me feel as if they've placed me upon some sort of pedestal I don't deserve to be on top of; it makes me feel extremely guilty and like I'm a bad person because I am unable to reciprocate the same feelings back to them, as they wish I would.

[Marisu]

However, even though this appears to be an at least somewhat typical response, in order to better yourself it would be best to target your anxiety in general as a whole, and not this individual reaction. Personally, I have gotten better about it than I used to be by treating my anxiety through medication, but it still bothers me.

Sadly, though, the media teaches guys this cultural idea of being able to win over any woman they so desire - all they have to do is put in enough effort to do so. In the media through movies, etc., it is very scarce for a man in love and seeking a relationship to ever be simply told 'no' and leave it at that. In movies, men will go through great lengths to continue to try to persuade woman even after being told no, and end up still winning their love over in the end. Guys often pick up on this idea, as well as thinking if they are rejected then you withheld some sort of reward they felt they inherently deserved, which leads them to often be verbally abusive in response to rejection or worse. Of course, it is obvious ladies can act in the same way as well and far from all men behave in this manner, but in comparison it's something you typically have to deal with more often if you are a lady yourself, as well as being a regular occurrence if you are a woman.